Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

Ihatecuddles

Dont ask why Im on a Nigerian sex therapy facebook page.

The way Some ladies dey sit down eh I tire ooo, some ladies no sabi sitdon at all, You go see as mature woman go sitdon for public come open legs like say she wan make breeze enter her inner chambers but the one wey dey vex me pass be say if You see the kind color of pants wey dem wear eh na die, e don change from white to "It was White" ... Why na? Naso I dey bank one day , this woman sat directly opposite to me come open her legs sote I see all her Tv stations free including her pant, conji nearly hold me oooo I no go lie....! Some even do it intentionally to confuse some thirsty men... Its not cool at all I must confess...

Learn to discipline yourself when You are in public, like some ladies even if dem wear the shortest skirt for this life, if You like stretch your neck You no go see anything why because she knows how to sit properly! ladies abeg learn to sit properly to avoid stories that touch ... If You know say your cloth short and You no fit sit don with your legs tightly closed kindly use handkerchief cover am and even if them take am swear for You say your legs must alway dey open at least try and wear a clean pant nobi pant wey person go see begin vomit for road!

BNMC

skirtgirl wrote: »

"See if ur sister was meeting a fella for a good while and the fella started feeling her up in front of ya and tried to go off with ur sisters best friend within a hour of each other. Wat would ya do? Fill me in"

Why would anyone even post this?!

This.

skirtgirl

BNMC wrote: »

This.

unfortunately the replies range from
"box da head of him hahah"

To
"go physico"

To

"take a selphie"

And op again

"Believe me i do have smile on my face he fell up d road so i dunno it wasn me anyways wat ever happened him. Still n all ur best friend shouldn have ya charged for something wen he in the wrong and still shouldn anyways bloods ticker than water"

thesandeman

mauzo! wrote: »

Dont ask why Im on a Nigerian sex therapy facebook page.

In fairness it is a lot easier to read than the Lanzarote guy.

PopePalpatine

Beejeez wrote: »

From what I gather, word on the grapevine is that this is completely made up for attention and/or in defense of himself (a straight guy) having a jaunt on the wild side with another gay guy.

Definitely not for facebook though!

Especially if this guy wants to avoid a lawsuit. :eek:

Paddy Cow

mauzo! wrote: »

Dont ask why Im on a Nigerian sex therapy facebook page.

If I'm getting the general gist of this right, it's that ladies who wear skirts should keep their legs closed to preserve their dignity?

mrsbyrne

Paddy Cow wrote: »

If I'm getting the general gist of this right, it's that ladies who wear skirts should keep their legs closed to preserve their dignity?

"See all her TV stations" this just made my day! Pmsl

PizzamanIRL

some sick people in carlow (graigue) pacifically , the youngones get big mouths when there pregnant but always remeber girls its only a nine month period youll be got , funny how they all got pregant together

Pacifically :pac:

Ihatecuddles

Paddy Cow wrote: »

If I'm getting the general gist of this right, it's that ladies who wear skirts should keep their legs closed to preserve their dignity?

Or at least wear clean jocks

MrStuffins

See that Paddy Power at the Cardiff il burn the place down with all them fat gee bags in it and that skinny old queer of a granda il smash his head in I jogged up the road got there at 5:54 and some fat gee bag junkie bastard standing there at the door with the door still open saying all the tele's are off and I said ye it's not 6 o clock let me in and take me bet the girl behind the counter shouts down all the tills are shut ****ing little sham I despise everyone of them little fat gee bags il
Blaze the place to the ground only have one bet for the match now gutted like...

Classy!

FurBabyMomma

neveah wrote: »

This is pretty funny though:

Please copy and paste this as your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone. If you don't know anyone, or even if you've heard of anyone who doesn't know anyone, then do still copy this. It's important to spread the message even if no one knows anything about anyone. Oh, and the hearts. ♥ ♥ ♥ For Christ's sake, don't forget the fe****g hearts. ♥ ♥ ♥

This made me laugh so hard I just had to post it as a status update!

Tetra

"So I have made a conscious decision. I am done looking for anyone to date. Done with POF, OkCupid, Match.com and all other similar sites. There is just no point.

I've sent messages that are short, and some that are long. I've send detailed ones, and general "hellos". I've sent hundreds of messages over the last 2 years and have only received a rough handful of replies, and quite frankly, all it has done is lower my self confidence and my optimism in finding someone. So instead, I am doing the exact opposite.

I am declaring myself single with no plans to change it. I will not search, I will not try, and just downright I will not care. Why? Too much work, and no visible reward in far too long. And even if I do find someone, there is no guarantee that it will work out. I would have to go through that same process all over again of getting to know each other and learn about each other's good and bad sides and accepting them, and quite frankly, I don't enjoy that anymore. If the right girl comes along, great, but she is going to have to be really damn amazing, and she is going to have to be the one to try to snag me, because otherwise, I straight don't care and I am done putting forth all the heart and not getting it back."

shruikan2553

Someone I know is saying on facebook that they are hardly on facebook. Nearly 30 statuses or shares in the past 24 hours....

El Weirdo

Tetra wrote: »

"So I have made a conscious decision. I am done looking for anyone to date. Done with POF, OkCupid, Match.com and all other similar sites. There is just no point.

I've sent messages that are short, and some that are long. I've send detailed ones, and general "hellos". I've sent hundreds of messages over the last 2 years and have only received a rough handful of replies, and quite frankly, all it has done is lower my self confidence and my optimism in finding someone. So instead, I am doing the exact opposite.

I am declaring myself single with no plans to change it. I will not search, I will not try, and just downright I will not care. Why? Too much work, and no visible reward in far too long. And even if I do find someone, there is no guarantee that it will work out. I would have to go through that same process all over again of getting to know each other and learn about each other's good and bad sides and accepting them, and quite frankly, I don't enjoy that anymore. If the right girl comes along, great, but she is going to have to be really damn amazing, and she is going to have to be the one to try to snag me, because otherwise, I straight don't care and I am done putting forth all the heart and not getting it back."

Jesus, I thought that was a woman until the last couple of lines.

/sexist

HeidiHeidi

El Weirdo wrote: »

Jesus, I thought that was a woman until the last couple of lines.

/sexist

So did I!

ivytwine

MrStuffins wrote: »

Classy!

As a former employee of a betting shop I really hope he gets struck by lightning, repeatedly.

EoghanIRL

Just one €7000 on a scratch card.

GenieOz

EoghanIRL wrote: »

Just one €7000 on a scratch card.

Ah, one of those stupid status' that's raising awareness about cancer apparently.

coolhull

GenieOz wrote: »

Ah, one of those stupid status' that's raising awareness about cancer apparently.

Cancer? Sorry, that's a new word to me, but thank God those wonderful posters on Facebook are making us all aware of a rare condition that very few people in Ireland have ever heard of :rolleyes:

FurBabyMomma

EoghanIRL wrote: »

Just one €7000 on a scratch card.

Someone I thought was a sensible woman posted that yesterday and I was genuinely happy for her. Until I got the PM saying it was a stupid hoax. Then I was genuinely annoyed and disappointed with her. WTF it has to do with the fight against cancer of dunno, how about you go donate instead?

EoghanIRL

It's the fact she spelt won wrong I thought was funny

burnhardlanger

El Weirdo wrote: »

Jesus, I thought that was a woman until the last couple of lines.

/sexist

Might be a lesbian :pac:

Michael D Not Higgins

#nomakeupselfie

Oh, so that black outline around the eyes is natural for you then?

Tetra

Same guy keeps ranting on about being single/relationships:

"So sick of being single, and being looked over by the ones that I really want to be with who can't see what is right here in front of them. Why do you always have to look for "better"? Why am I not "good enough" just the way I am? /rant off"

And

"What I really want is someone who will love me for me, and not complain about things that I need to change. Someone who is dedicated and loyal, and who doesn't still look for something better. Someone who enjoys cuddling, and talking, and just adventuring together. She has to be willing to work through problems. To communicate. And also be a bit curious about the world, the universe, and what we can do to make it better. Attractiveness matters, of course, but I am more for that "cute girl next door" look. I don't go for the overly sexy strong types, or for larger girls. It's just my preference."

And:

" There is a time when the amount that someone needs to be improved or the areas which need improvement are far beyond what would make someone undesirable for dating. That's just crap. I've seen complete morons, who are abusive and jobless, who are disrespectful and immature, land gorgeous and wonderful girlfriends, yet guys like me who have all the other (and honestly, the important) traits, have to sit idly by in the friendzone because we aren't 6 foot tall with gorgeous hair and 6 pack abs."

And:

"Thing is, I don't think I need much improving to be desirable enough to be in a relationship with. I am pretty sure that I am freaking awesome just how I am. That is what is bothering me. Because I am a great person with a great heart, a great job, and a great mind... and yet, still single and second to the loser guys with less, but who are "Sexier". Eff that."

And:

"You know I was just thinking... if you have feelings for someone, go with the flow! Don't resist and friend-zone someone that you want to be with. If cuddling with that person, kissing them, having sex with them.. if that all feels good and comfortable, do it! And if it doesn't feel good and comfortable, don't try to make feelings develop that don't exist. You either feel comfortable with a person or you don't"

And:
So I got some really honest and good advice tonight from a friend who I know has my best interest in mind. As sad as it is for me to say it, and hard as it is for me to admit, there is nothing that I can ever say, do or change that will ever make her fall in love with me again since she has already fallen out of love.

Maybe she is just older, or maybe what she is attracted to has changed; the point is that she is not who she once was, and I am the same. This is what happens when you find yourself trying to get in a committed relationship with someone significantly younger than you. I guess this is my lesson learned.

My friends warned me of the possibility, and I always tried to hope for the best, but in the back of my mind I always knew it could happen this way, and so it has. Now I have to face the cold hard facts and learn to get over her. And so to all of those friends, I apologize for my ignorance.

Now I have to force my heart to let go of the dreams that I had that involved her. And since she is my best friend, and I will not stop loving her wholeheartedly, I have to help her to be as happy as she can in life, and guide her to find the right man for her, who will love her, appreciate her, and treat her the way I always did. As long as I can do that, I can still find happiness in her. I love you girl. I'm here for you, forever".

ivytwine

Tetra wrote: »

Same guy keeps ranting on about being single/relationships

No wonder he's single!


On that topic, rather good status from a car-obsessed Facebook friend of mine...

Romance is a waste of money that could be spent on car

kunst nugget

Tetra wrote: »

Same guy keeps ranting on about being single/relationships:

Wow, that guy has a terminal case of nice guy syndrome…

December2012

kunst nugget wrote: »

Wow, that guy has a terminal case of nice guy syndrome…

And possibly a madonna / whore complex

El Weirdo

kunst nugget wrote: »

Wow, that guy has a terminal case of nice guy syndrome…

December2012 wrote: »

And possibly a madonna / whore complex

Sounds like the kind of guy that could very easily turn into a stalker.

FurBabyMomma

kunst nugget wrote: »

Wow, that guy has a terminal case of nice guy syndrome…

Sounds like your classic narcissist to me. He is perfect, it's just everyone else who has the problem.

kunst nugget

FurBabyMomma wrote: »

Sounds like your classic narcissist to me. He is perfect, it's just everyone else who has the problem.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nice%20guy%20syndrome

The first definition is totally the same as facebook guy...