Haven't touched a drop in...

Sigma Force

leinsterdude wrote: »

Cheers, you are very accurate.......day 4 and ok.....just need to manage it.....weekends are the hardest.

Well done, maybe try and make alternative plans for the weekend. Trying to keep occupied may help to distract you. Ask yourself what are you really missing out on, if it takes a drink to enjoy yourself out in the pub it's almost like you're forcing yourself to have fun and why go if you're not comfortable with it in the first place. Of course I know myself it's great to go out, gave a few drinks and enjoy the night but I rarely drink and when I do I don't bother again for a long time because I realise it's not all it's cracked up to be and it's not worth feeling crappy for days afterwards and what have I achieved in the end. I'm not an alcoholic but I live with one..in rehab but coming home soon. And I saw how it got to the point where he was no longer drinking to enjoy himself, he was drinking out of necessity if he didn't he'd be very ill and go through severe withdrawal within an hour it was dreadful to see him go through it and to see him so helpless but wanting it to stop. Sometimes some people have to get to that point before it clicks with them. But you sound like you're already getting in to the right frame of mind, it's hard to change routines especially when sure what else do people do on the weekends, it's difficult to find something that's not pub and drink related. If you did try to go to an AA meeting instead of going to the pub that might help with getting in touch with non drinkers and even if AA isn't your think it might get you started until you're strong enough to find alternative things to fill your time. Keeping yourself super busy during the day will also make you too tired to bother going out. If you have a dog or if you can borrow one maybe start walking in the evenings while they're still bright. Or find something that you enjoy or used to be really in to but had left to one side. I understand it's not easy for you but you have the right attitude and your weekends can be filled with plenty of good times without the drink. Maybe try and find an understand friend you can confide in and that's willing to maybe head off on the weekends during the day doing something different wether it's go karting, clay pidgeon, cinema, hiking, sport etc. These are all just suggestions of course, it's all up to you at the end of the day people can support you and grab that support in whatever way it comes but they can't fix it for you. That's up to you and you sound like you certainly can do it and don't be too hard on yourself nothing happens over night

scriba

330 days. Was tempted over the last few days. There was a bottle of wine in the fridge, and a week full of 'f*ck this, I need a drink' moments. But they all passed, thankfully. I hope all your moments are passing too.

leinsterdude

Well done, thats alot of days.

scriba

leinsterdude wrote: »

Well done, thats alot of days.

Thanks. But it's one day at a time, over and over and over again! The most important day is today.

Having said that, I'm really looking forward to 365!

Sigma Force

scriba wrote: »

330 days. Was tempted over the last few days. There was a bottle of wine in the fridge, and a week full of 'f*ck this, I need a drink' moments. But they all passed, thankfully. I hope all your moments are passing too.

That's fantastic well done! I don't know if it's possible in your living situation but it might be an idea for it to be an alcohol free house at least for a while because it's not really fair when you are still working things out to have to look at bottles in the fridge. I know you can make the choice not to drink but let's face it if any of us are on a diet and someone has a lovely cake in the press or a big bar of choc in the fridge we'd be very tempted. So it's easier for people on diets just not to have tempting foods around them. My mothers on the slimming world buzz so there's be er anything nice in the house anymore lol so maybe have a talk to whoever else is living there and just gently explain that although it's still up to you not to drink that it's would help not to have drink in the house at least until you're feeling stronger. It's a slow process but you're nearly a year through it and that's fantastic you must be so proud of yourself, you should be.

scriba

Sigma Force wrote: »

scriba wrote: »

330 days. Was tempted over the last few days. There was a bottle of wine in the fridge, and a week full of 'f*ck this, I need a drink' moments. But they all passed, thankfully. I hope all your moments are passing too.

That's fantastic well done! I don't know if it's possible in your living situation but it might be an idea for it to be an alcohol free house at least for a while because it's not really fair when you are still working things out to have to look at bottles in the fridge. I know you can make the choice not to drink but let's face it if any of us are on a diet and someone has a lovely cake in the press or a big bar of choc in the fridge we'd be very tempted. So it's easier for people on diets just not to have tempting foods around them. My mothers on the slimming world buzz so there's be er anything nice in the house anymore lol so maybe have a talk to whoever else is living there and just gently explain that although it's still up to you not to drink that it's would help not to have drink in the house at least until you're feeling stronger. It's a slow process but you're nearly a year through it and that's fantastic you must be so proud of yourself, you should be.

That's some good advice, and a good analogy! Wine was removed from the fridge; we get them as gifts from time to time and recycle them as gifts ourselves to whatever event is next up. So back into the cupboard it went. That was one of a few steps taken to make sure the stress of the last few weeks are managed better in future. I've got time to breathe again, thankfully.

Sigma Force

scriba wrote: »

That's some good advice, and a good analogy! Wine was removed from the fridge; we get them as gifts from time to time and recycle them as gifts ourselves to whatever event is next up. So back into the cupboard it went. That was one of a few steps taken to make sure the stress of the last few weeks are managed better in future. I've got time to breathe again, thankfully.

That's great, I'd say it won't always be that way you could get to the point where it doesn't cross your mind but one day at a time, when things are stressful it's more difficult. The fact you recognised the signs is great you must be very chuffed to have gotten through that. Little victories mean a lot.

wally1990

Hey all
Hope all is well
Just looking for some advice and found this thread
Sorry in advance for the lengthy post

Basically , male 26 work FT

I wouldn't 'have considered myself ' having an issue with drink until an argument with the other half recently about how drunk I get when I do drink

Basically I work Monday to Friday and enjoy the Saturday or Friday night outgoings

My problem is very simple in its essence but difficult to control and that's the volume I drink

I never felt I needed a drink or anything of the sort

but when I do go out I've noticed that I can't just stick to 3/4 or whatever and before I know it I am very drunk

I am 92kg and 6'2 but i simply drink way too much and do not know when to stop
I have no willpower to control my drinking when I do

There had been too many nights in recent months when I wake up with no memory of how I got home or the latter parts of the night

I have finally admitted to myself on the night I do drink, I actually do not have control or as I like to call it willpower
I simply do not know when enough is enough or when to head off and call it a night

In addition , there is a history of bad heart problems in my family in conjunction with high blood pressure

So I'm considering giving up the drink for many reasons

1 my lack of will power of controlling my volume when I do drink (e.g. 1 night a week)
2 - financial. It's is a lot of money between taxis food drink etc in fairness and really not worth it
3- health - its not good in the long run as I still over indulge on the particular night and due to family history/ social smoking when drinking too
5 relationship - it's not worth my lack of willpower , being black out drunk and destroying my relationship . Its. Not fair on her


, but I'm worried about how to approach this matter with friends / family outgoings / events(weddings etc) when alcohol is involved

My question is how did you do it ?
What's tips have you got?
How do you handle nights out now?
How do you deal with friends who drink when you stopped?
What can I have willpower to stay off the drink and still socialise ?

Really thinking about it. Alcohol just doesn't seem worth it
Thanks all !

tinpib

I'm going to start rolling out the cliches, because they work. The most important thing is YOU have realised it is an issue/problem. For starters just don't drink today. Then worry about tomorrow in the morning. What will you do instead of drinking? You could do hobbies, go to the cinema etc or in tye early stages I spent a lot of time reading resources.

Read the stickies in this forum, then try the Stopdrinking subreddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/

You are not the first person to ask these questions. From there you will get tons more pointers.

So as I say, just read for now. I found it very comforting to be able to relate to so many people and stories on the subreddit, then take it from there. it is an ongoing process.

Good luck!

tinpib

wally1990 wrote: »

My question is how did you do it ?
What's tips have you got?
How do you handle nights out now?
How do you deal with friends who drink when you stopped?
What can I have willpower to stay off the drink and still socialise ?

Really thinking about it. Alcohol just doesn't seem worth it
Thanks all !

On reconsideration let me answer your questions, but I do think you will gain a lot by reading where I suggested.

1. Have an exit plan for weddings etc, so you can leave at an "appropriate" time, ie.e. when people start getting messy or when you have had enough.
2. Read here
3. Tricky. Maybe don't go out s much. Just go out for a short time and if you are not enjoying it then get de fcuk out of there. If you want to stop drinking then you might have to change your habits. Staying out in bars/nightclubs till 4am sober might not be much fun.
4. If they really are your friends then there won't be a problem, otherwise they might just be drinking buddies. You don't ALWAYS have to meet them for drinks, do something else. Meet for coffee, do another activity.
5. Yes you can socialise sober. But maybe "sober people sober places" might work. Going to a pub might not. I think after 20 months sober I would be comfortable and happy going to pubs now and not sitting there feeling like I am missing out which I would have felt before.

Mearings

Declan Lynch's piece in last Sunday's Independent could prove useful:

http://www.independent.ie/opinion/columnists/declan-lynch/recovery-month-all-month-but-just-one-day-at-a-time-36094659.html

Chopinlist66

Hi All,
A little while since I posted here. 68 days sober (I think!!) now, and here's how it is. Thanks, Mearings for that link, which is exactly how it is. Living one day at a time. I will not drink today, and to think of not drinking for the rest of my life is just too complex. I have hurt myself, my family and I must formally apologise in my own way when the time is right.
I have had moments when I thought I might stop at the garage for a bottle or wine, but I make myself drive on, then the thought is gone. I am now living in the moment, sleeping better, food tastes better, and fatigue/lethargy has disappeared. I have not darkened the door of a pub, don't need to, but feel that I need something new to replace my relationship with alcohol. What that is to be, I cannot say. My levels of stress and anxiety have greatly reduced, and I now feel a calmness and peace that I have not known for many years. So, for now, I am quite content, but know that I must do something else with my life apart from work, but will discover what that it is to be in due course. I am kind to myself, and giving myself the time and space to recover from my addiction. Whatever full recovery is, I don't know if it exists, but if I can make it this far, anyone can. As for weddings, social outings etc., I am enjoying a nice coffee for today every day

scriba

Well done Chopinlist! Enjoy that calmness and peace, you've worked hard to earn it. You deserve it.

Fingers Mcginty

Hit a rough patch 4 months in and succumbed to the demon again.
The day after was a very depressing, black and lonely day.
During the 4 months being off the sauce i've had good and bad days but never that awful heavy feeling. Ah well time to hit the reset button start again. I was doing so feckin' well

realdanbreen

I met a fella in the shopping centre the other day and he complimented me on how 'great' I was to be off the drink so long. He meant well and it was appreciated but while we were chatting a lady passed by pushing her badly disabled son(I presume) in a wheelchair. I said to myself wouldn't I be some bollox to go back to ruining my life and my family's life by boozing when that poor mother would give her right arm to see her son get out of that wheelchair and walk.

Garrett81

Hey fingers,

You don't seem to wallow in self pity and get back on the horse immediately. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that you will get sober, I actually think your at the end of your drinking career, the last few hurdles can drain the life out of you, but that's what it's suppose to do so you come to the point and say enough is enough.

Go back and retrace your steps, look at the minutes leading up to taking the first drink, even look st the previous 24hrs, and ask yourself what was going on in my head and the environment around me. Learn from the mistake and remember relapse is all part of the process for many of us before the penny drops. Keep the chin up, be positive and surround yourself with good people and continue that never give up attitude you have. Take care!

Fingers Mcginty

Cheers Gar!

Jay Pentatonic

Okay, day 1 for me. Time to change.

Chopinlist66

Hello Jay,

If i can do it, I swear that anyone can!! but it wasn't easy, it must be said.
Be nice to yourself. What have you planned to do tonight?
As for me, I am going out for a walk, then will watch cxxp on netflix, followed by sleep-inducing herbal tea, then bed!!
Are you going cold turkey (be very careful!!!) or have you been prescribed something like librium for a few days to help you?
If going cold turkey, monitor yourself carefully, drink lots of water.
PM me or anyone here, all of whom have been so good to me, all the salt of the earth.
Do keep posting here, and read the thread from the start. I have found it a huge help.
C.

Irish_rat

100 days. :-)

Jay Pentatonic

Thank you very much Chopinlist, I appreciate the support.
I'm off work today, but have loads to do so I'll be keeping busy all day.

I work an ungodly amount of hours on Fridays and when I'm done I'm usually wrecked & fed up, so I tend to buy some drinks on the way home to "decompress". I'll need to be mindful of what I'm doing this Friday evening.

A few family get-togethers are coming up between now and Xmas as well as some gigs & birthdays, and I'm feeling very awkward about declining alcohol & explaining why. I'm even considering avoiding going to these entirely.

But hey, for now I'll just focus on a drink free Friday. No point worrying about what may or may not happen.

Also, well done Irish_rat! 100 days is some milestone!

Chopinlist66

Jay, that's it. Work towards Friday, know exactly how it is. So easy to buy that bottle of wine.
In my case I would drink the bottle, then fetch another somehow. Would not drink all of the second, but was heading in that general direction. Not good. I have a trip coming up to Europe with a gang of old friends. I think I will stick to alcohol free beer. That should keep 'em all off my back a bit!!
Irish -rat.. brilliant!! I am catching up on you!! How you feeling now?

Sigma Force

I think in early recovery it's a bad idea to go to places involving drinking you just put yourself under pressure which you don't need to do. The reality is not drinking will effect your social life hugely at first but it takes time to become strong enough to enjoy yourself without drinking so putting extra pressure on yourself by trying to do everything you used to do can cause problems. Giving up alcohol is t just about stopping drinking it sometimes has to be a whole new life style change and that can mean distancing yourself from drinking buddies and that whole atmosphere. Like why go to a bakery if you're on a strict diet. It's just tempting fate. Not saying you can't have a great social life but in the early days and the first couple of years why add that pressure, I know it's hard to find other things to keep busy with but that can be set as a new goal and a new challenge. Personally I believe drinking alcohol free beer and staying in that atmosphere can be a risk not worth taking. There are small amounts of alcohol is some af beers. But it also depends on the individual. You might find after a few hours when everyone else is pie eyed that you get fed up and just head home but it can go the other way too. It's just something to be mindful of. Everyone's is different though so how one person feels in a night out not drinking can be the complete opposite to another. As a general rule in rehab etc. They don't recommend it though.

Funny how?

So for the last five years or so I've probably been drinking 50 pints a week or more. Friday 12, Saturday 14 (all day drinking) and usually Sunday eight so I could sleep that night and for the cure. Monday around 5 so i could sleep and for the cure, again Wednesday around 5. Also smoking cigarettes. Spending around 1300 a month to feed my habit. In a good paying job with no kids or wife. I'm 28

The main reason been terrible anxiety and a bit of depression. I could barely string a sentence together in work and was panicking about everything and asking stupid questions to the point my boss called me into a meeting and said your very panicky and seem to be worrying about everything and pacing around. My anxiety was out of control and getting depressed because of this. I was using alcohol to self medicate. I was making lists of everything and panicking at the smallest things and having digestive problems because of the anxiety. I was getting worse every year. I was making 10 lists a day to deal with things. The beer was making my anxiety worse to the point I could not sit at home without pacing around or making lists and only thing I knew what to do was go to the pub

I am now 40 days off the beer and guess what was causing my anxiety, the ****ing beer.
My anxiety is almost gone, probably 10% of what it was while I was drinking. I am calm in work and not panicking about anything, no more tiredness and feeling like **** all week, no more straight to the pub for the cure. No more lying in bed till four on a Saturday and sunday dying. I can now sit at home in front of the TV without anxiety kicking in and watch tv instead of going to the pub trying to cure it.

I feel like a million dollars. It is safe to say I will never get to that rut again. Was in the pub last weekend and had a good time with just a lucozade. I never realized how much money I was wasting on booze and fags. I now smoke a ecigarete and plan on giving that soon.

I also joined the gym and now mass cook healthy meals for the week instead of take aways because I was always too tired to cook or too hungover.

F*U*C*K ALCOHOL.

Garrett81

Brilliant to read such a positive outcome. Well done! I haven't drank in a few years but I know I could be drinking in 10min, never underestimate the lure of alcohol, it's always lurking around the corner waiting for the moment you drop your guard.Sobriety should be seen as something precious but fragile and one could lose it at any given moment, and might never get it back. These are the dangers of hanging around pubs. one drink and everything falls apart again.

leinsterdude

yes great post, very heavy drinking though, but you are right, it does add to anxiety.

Jay Pentatonic

On my 6th day now. After a mad day at work yesterday I didn't even think of buying alcohol on the way home. Just went home. Suprised myself.
Woke up clear headed, shame free & ran 5k with a friend this morning.

Don't know what's exactly happening, but feels like something's clicked. Suppose I've just decided to get my act together. Feeling proud.

Sigma Force

Funny how? wrote: »

So for the last five years or so I've probably been drinking 50 pints a week or more. Friday 12, Saturday 14 (all day drinking) and usually Sunday eight so I could sleep that night and for the cure. Monday around 5 so i could sleep and for the cure, again Wednesday around 5. Also smoking cigarettes. Spending around 1300 a month to feed my habit. In a good paying job with no kids or wife. I'm 28

The main reason been terrible anxiety and a bit of depression. I could barely string a sentence together in work and was panicking about everything and asking stupid questions to the point my boss called me into a meeting and said your very panicky and seem to be worrying about everything and pacing around. My anxiety was out of control and getting depressed because of this. I was using alcohol to self medicate. I was making lists of everything and panicking at the smallest things and having digestive problems because of the anxiety. I was getting worse every year. I was making 10 lists a day to deal with things. The beer was making my anxiety worse to the point I could not sit at home without pacing around or making lists and only thing I knew what to do was go to the pub

I am now 40 days off the beer and guess what was causing my anxiety, the ****ing beer.
My anxiety is almost gone, probably 10% of what it was while I was drinking. I am calm in work and not panicking about anything, no more tiredness and feeling like **** all week, no more straight to the pub for the cure. No more lying in bed till four on a Saturday and sunday dying. I can now sit at home in front of the TV without anxiety kicking in and watch tv instead of going to the pub trying to cure it.

I feel like a million dollars. It is safe to say I will never get to that rut again. Was in the pub last weekend and had a good time with just a lucozade. I never realized how much money I was wasting on booze and fags. I now smoke a ecigarete and plan on giving that soon.

I also joined the gym and now mass cook healthy meals for the week instead of take aways because I was always too tired to cook or too hungover.

F*U*C*K ALCOHOL.

That's so great to hear, did you get help or go cold turkey on your own? Either way that's an amazing turn around. My OH was in the same position his anxiety was made worse by drinking and depression and anxiety go hand in hand. He's off it now for three months in rehab and about two weeks at home, his anxiety has decreased hugely but it's still there so he just has to mind himself and he's getting help from the gp, it's so nice to hear an upbeat story. Gives hope to everyone else. Well done u!

bikubesong

Funny how? wrote: »

I am now 40 days off the beer and guess what was causing my anxiety, the ****ing beer.
My anxiety is almost gone, probably 10% of what it was while I was drinking. I am calm in work and not panicking about anything, no more tiredness and feeling like **** all week, no more straight to the pub for the cure. No more lying in bed till four on a Saturday and sunday dying. I can now sit at home in front of the TV without anxiety kicking in and watch tv instead of going to the pub trying to cure it.

Great post and it's heartening to hear someone doing so well.

I'm sober 362 days, Wednesday will make it a year! I'm so so delighted. I never could have imagined that my life would have turned around the way it has. I could write a massive post here but I won't bore anyone with the details. Suffice to say, for the first time in my life I'm actually happy in myself. At rock bottom last year I truly believed my life was over at age 25 - I wasn't even living, just barely getting through a miserable existence. I hated myself so much it made my skin crawl. My every thought and action was a the mercy of anxiety, depression and drink.

Jayziz, can't put into words what a turnaround it's been! It's the hardest thing I've ever done but also the greatest gift I've ever given myself. Just off to have a little proud cry now... :pac:

AidanadiA

18 December 2015.