How do you feel about men crying?

Fluorescence

I'm uncomfortable around anyone who's crying, truth be told. I'm an emote-o-phobe :pac: I just can't deal with upset people, I don't know how. I don't think any less of them, in fact I'm a bit too self-occupied (HOW THE HELL DO I RESPOND TO THIS? AAAAAAAH!) to be judging anyone else :P

In some respects, I'm rather mannish. I normally never cry in public, but recently after the death of a cousin I was in tears a lot, even around people (in front of friends, family, on the bus...). I think my sudden teary-eyedness took a lot of people close to me by surprise too, because I think I come across rather emotionally distant and aloof. I can't begin to explain how naked and vulnerable I felt showing my emotions like that, so I guess I can empathise with men; it must be very difficult for them to open up and allow themselves to cry.

Don't get me wrong, when I'm alone I'm a crybaby (I sob at books, movies, ads on tv :rolleyes:) but around people it's just... I dunno. A mental block. So yeah, I understand how men would find it alien to open up but I also think it's very important. What was vital for me to realise was that no-one was judging me for being upset and having a good cry. They just wanted to help.

Jenneke87

I don't like it when a man cries in front of me, it makes me feel like Im the reason that they are crying. It also annoyes me a bit truth be told. My ex-boyfriend cried when he came to pick me up from my place after him being away for the weekend without me. He tearfully dropped himself into my arms and I thought: My God man up, it's only been 48h, stop acting like a baby....

krudler

Malari wrote: »

I don't need to think about it. Ovbiously it's not trivial to him, but as long as I consider it to be trivial then I don't like to see him cry. The thread asked "how you feel" and that's how I feel when I see someone cry over a movie or whatever. I don't like it.

movies can move people, so can songs,doesnt make them trivial. When i saw the grand canyon a few people on my tour cried, not openly weeping but definitely a few tears shed. to some people its just a big hole in the ground, to others its an awe inspiring sight. you can trivialise anything but it doesnt make people in the wrong for feeling something.

Ickle Magoo

I don't think anyone's suggesting it's "wrong" to cry - I would think most people have a limit as to how emotional and how quick to cry they find attractive in a partner/friend/etc or unattractive as the case may be. If someone wants to cry every time they see a photo of their mate, grand - but I don't have to find that attractive.

I can understand getting teary about kids, or certain moving experiences, I do that myself - whether that be travel or film or literature - but there does come a point, for me at least, when crying at everything and anything becomes quite wearing. I've had friends that are like that - and the odd boyfriend and I'd have to say I don't find it an attractive quality. Talking about emotion and being emotionally clued in with the occasional good cry/moist eye - wonderful...crying at every argument, every sunset and every cutesy moment - just not for me.

who what when

LambsEye wrote: »

Man I did the exact same thing. When my boyfriend would cry at things that I thought were totally unnecessary, it would shock and irritate me so much that I would either be mean or totally shut him out.

I know that's mean but it was how I reacted.

Thats pretty much how men feel when their wives/girlfriends cry over little things. Very infuriating but you're the worst in the world if you say anything!

Malari

krudler wrote: »

movies can move people, so can songs,doesnt make them trivial. When i saw the grand canyon a few people on my tour cried, not openly weeping but definitely a few tears shed. to some people its just a big hole in the ground, to others its an awe inspiring sight. you can trivialise anything but it doesnt make people in the wrong for feeling something.

But I'm talking about something *I* consider trivial!! I'm not declaring these incidents trivial in all cases, that's my opinion. I find it unattractive if guys cry over stuff *I* consider trivial. I'm not even judging these people, I just don't like it. I'm not saying anyone should hide their emotions, but I find it unattractive and am more likely to be drawn to men who cry as little as I do.

liah

Personally I don't like criers whether they are male or female, except in the context of a genuinely life-impacting situation (grief, breakups, weddings, childbirth, serious injury, depression, job loss) or dog movies.

I'm not much of a crier myself, outside of those situations and sometimes when my hormones wreak havoc and coincide with my depression and in that situation I genuinely have no control over it at all, but I don't like people seeing me in that state anyway because it's irrational.

Might sound cruel but I just don't have much tolerance for it.

Lynnsie

Men crying doesn't bother me at all. I'd usually be attracted to very masculine "manly" men, but it still wouldn't bother me because I don't think it's fair to equate crying to lack of masculinity. I'd prefer a man to cry than to do the stereotypical "man" thing and bottle everything up.

That said, if a guy cried at the drop of a hat for very little reason it would annoy me, but no more than it would if it was a girl

Gunslinger92

I have no problem with it. My boyfriend cries sometimes, if he's genuinely upset, and the only problem I have is that I never know what to say or do to try and make him feel better

In a way, I kind of like that he does cry. I don't like it when he does, because it means he's upset, but I like the fact that he's sensitive and doesn't try to be a robot.

cdaly_

Gunslinger92 wrote: »

I have no problem with it. My boyfriend cries sometimes, if he's genuinely upset, and the only problem I have is that I never know what to say or do to try and make him feel better

Don't try to make him feel better, just be with him. A hug or a hand to hold may be just the thing.

Novella

I feel the same about men crying as I do about women - I just wanna make 'em feel better.

beks101

I'll be honest, it freaks me out. I guess because I'm totally unused to it - grew up with a very traditionally Irish, stoic, silent Dad and I've always been a bit of a 'bottler-upper' myself over the years, though have become more relaxed about being expressive and emotional in public in recent years.

Obviously in general men crying is more of a social taboo, and I think in Ireland it's nearly unmentionable. Then you look at the depression and suicide rates among young men and have to wonder.

Personally I've caused myself a lot of untoward pain and grief over the years by not expressing what I'm feeling and dealing with it in destructive ways, so I can only imagine what a lifetime of this would do to me.

Up-n-atom!

+1, I have no problem with men crying and I think it should be put out there more that it's okay to do this, as well as being able to discuss any problems instead of bottling them up too. I was just trying to think when the last time I saw a man cry...apart from funerals it was probably when my parents' house was being burgled and my brother woke up to my screams, thinking I was being murdered! And that was years ago...

Frequent/casual criers, male or female, do annoy me though, but as someone else pointed out, while something trivial may have triggered the crying, something bigger could be behind it - it's something to think about. I'm not much of a crier (apart from sappy animated films!) and I really hate crying in front of people - if people see me upset they get upset and that upsets me more! Same for me, if I see someone genuinely upset I start to tear up as well...so much for comforting them!

merlie

I do love to see a man cry, to me, it signals he is in touch with his emotions and has deep feelings. Like another poster said, we are all human!

annetted

i don't think there is any harm in a man crying - we all have feelings and if you are upset, its good to have a little cry. followed by a cuddle..

starlit

I have no problems with a grown man crying when its a genuine emotion he is feeling. Men can get upset and cry like anyone else maybe not sobbing like a woman but would be equally be upset especially in a life changing event or changes in life etc. Its only natural and its a way of letting out all that emotion and stress out. The person will be relieved happier for releasing all that emotion out of them such as getting it out of their system. It be a weight off their shoulders I'm sure.

Men should be able to cry just because they want to be man enough not to shouldn't mean they should bottle it up, its amazing that crying can work wonders. Its when crying becomes excessive it would be something to keep an eye on. I cry quiet often whether its joy, happiness, sadness or stress related but often cry for no reason and can't see why that should be considered an issue if its like everyday over nothing then its something worry about.

stovelid

In the last 10 years or so, I cried when my friend killed himself - also over the suicide of my brother-in-law. Also at the birth of both my kids. Have even got a bit teary (if not actually cried) once or twice at things I've read or seen on the TV, especially things to do with kids dying or being mistreated.

Couldn't care less if my partner - or any other man or woman - didn't like it or considered me less manly, tbh.

LighterGuy

There is nothing wrong with a man crying when something hurtful has happened. Weather it be from emotional or physical pain. I dont care if he is the hardest guy in the world I would not loose one inch of respect for a man who had a family member died, in serious pain, cheated on ... sadly the list goes on and on

However, if a guy starts crying over a tiny little scratch on his arm. yeah he is not a man.

Azureus

Big boys do cry! Takes more of a man to be able to deal with emotions than to hide behind a tough-guy image. Obviously I wouldnt like a bloke who gets weepy over everything, but I wouldnt like a girl-mate who blubbered at me all the time either.

Everything in moderation folks

A Very Pointy Stick

I think I would feel quite weird about it to be honest. If a man started crying in front of me I wouldn't judge him for it (I like a good cry sometimes too!) but I wouldn't know how to react. I can comfort my girl friends when they cry but I don't think a man would appreciate that kind of attention. I've known my boyfriend to cry once and when I tried to comfort him he freaked out because he felt so humiliated even though he couldn't stop himself.

Until men learn to accept that they can cry without feeling bad about it I don't think I can truly accept them crying. It's just too awkward.

SparkyTech

I think its endering and lovley for men to shed a few tears and show emotion at important times to let it all out - so long as its in moderation and not over a papercut or something really trivial.

caseyann

SparkyTech wrote: »

I think its endering and lovley for men to shed a few tears and show emotion at important times to let it all out - so long as its in moderation and not over a papercut or something really trivial.

With men who bottle it up wouldnt surprise me in slightest if a paper cut could open up a whole load of tears and emotions.For the mere fact men dont let it out or get aggressive instead.The paper cut is merely the pin popping the balloon after long line of bottling.
How do you go about getting men to realize this.I think most men should go to some seminars to train to let it out.
Now with younger kids tell them its ok to cry so these issues will be a thing of the past.
I recall men for slagging their mates just as bad,your gay you are a wuss or how ever many different names they call them,to keep them in the cycle of men dont cry.
Maybe if men started telling their mates they have cried other would feel ok with it,pointless a woman telling men that.

curlzy

I see absolutely nothing wrong with men crying. I think the culture of "Real men don't cry" has a hell of alot of do with the outrageous amount of suicide in young males. Being told continuously to toughen up and not to show emotion must be horrific, I think in some ways men have it harder than women. At least we're allowed to show weakness and emotion, if guys do that they risk being called a pussy or a cissy, it must be really **** to have to hide your emotions when you feel bad. It's also much harder for a man to "admit" they need councelling or have depression. Being told continuously that "real" men don't need other people, that they're tough, that they're violent etc really sets up men to only behave in a particular way and in my opinion it's unhealthy. I think the last thing you should do if a man cries is look the other way or snigger, I think you should give him a hug and tell him it's ok to let it all out. I think it takes a really strong and brave man to stand up to the hegemonic ideology that "real men don't cry" and say "you know what? I'm a real man and I'm going to cry because I need to. And I'm not going to apologise for it."

EDIT: I watched a fascinating documentary on this exact subject not too long ago, it's called "Tough guise", I recommend watching it to get some insight into the world of men and how they're trained from birth to view masculinity.

pow wow

Crying with happiness makes me feel uncomfortable (my ex fiance used to do it - anytime, anywhere!) - sort of like Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch level of discomfort :rolleyes:. I don't really know why, maybe because I don't do it myself I can't relate to it.

Crying due to sadness/stubbed toes etc. doesn't carry the same creepiness for me - I don't think they're less of a man or anything. I made one guy I cared about cry once and it near broke my own heart so I do my best not to cause any tears these days

Count Duckula

Hi ladies, new poster here. I think as a man I'm allowed to post (constructively) in this forum, but if not feel free to tell me to feck off!

Crying for me is a weird one. I don't do it very often; in fact, in the past ten years I can think of only one time when I have cried - immediately after my mother's funeral, as I left the crematorium. I didn't cry when we found out her cancer was terminal, I didn't cry when she died, but as I left the crematorium and the sheer finality of it all finally struck me I just let it out.

I point out the above to show that, really, we blokes do cry sometimes. The reason I don't cry often is because I don't feel like it. It's not that I'm bottling it up inside, it's simply because I don't want to. Don't get me wrong, I still feel sadness, but that doesn't result in tears except in the very worst of situations. The point I'm striving for is that there is often just as great a discrepancy - as to how often a person cries - among men as among women, even if most men feel that they can't show it. That One Time, I cried in front of everyone, and I didn't care. If more men were willing to do that then I think they'd find something very therapeutic in it.

I find that it's men putting pressure on other men not to cry that's the problem; every woman I've spoken to on the topic says it would bother them no more or less than seeing a woman cry. This thread seems to back that up.

Sorry if this post is either off-topic or unwanted. I shall hasten to delete if that's the case.

Count Duckula

Oh, but I should point out that I do well up uncontrollably in moments of extreme happiness. I don't cry per se, but my eyes get very watery. I can't help it - I've inherited it from my dad. At least my girlfriend simply thinks it's cute, especially when it's my love for her that normally causes it!

smallgarden

Count Duckula wrote: »

Oh, but I should point out that I do well up uncontrollably in moments of extreme happiness. I don't cry per se, but my eyes get very watery. I can't help it - I've inherited it from my dad. At least my girlfriend simply thinks it's cute, especially when it's my love for her that normally causes it!

aww!

cdaly_

Count Duckula wrote: »

The reason I don't cry often is because I don't feel like it. It's not that I'm bottling it up inside, it's simply because I don't want to.

This is an interesting point. 'because I don't want to' could be simply that or it could be that we've been trained from childhood that boys don't cry so crying becomes no longer an option as we grow. Once it's no longer an option, we never 'want to'.

OTOH, if it was expected that boys cry as much as girls, we would have the option and therefore might want to...

That doesn't necessarily mean we will bottle it up but we have to find some other means of venting.

Aisling(",)

I'm a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to men crying.
If its in something tv or in a film or even if its a lad im not close to I think it can be sweet and cute but when it comes to my boyfriend of any family member crying I hate it.

I have seen my boyfriend cry and despite it being endearing on one hand I just dont like it.I'm a bit of a crier sometimes but I dont like it and if my family ever cried I'd hate it too but thankfully I've never seen or heard anyone in my family cry apart from my bratty niece.

I know I probably seem harsh by saying this because I know I shouldnt feel this way but a lad who is very in touch with his emotions just seems to kind of wind me up or something.

caseyann

Count Duckula wrote: »

Hi ladies, new poster here. I think as a man I'm allowed to post (constructively) in this forum, but if not feel free to tell me to feck off!

Crying for me is a weird one. I don't do it very often; in fact, in the past ten years I can think of only one time when I have cried - immediately after my mother's funeral, as I left the crematorium. I didn't cry when we found out her cancer was terminal, I didn't cry when she died, but as I left the crematorium and the sheer finality of it all finally struck me I just let it out.

I point out the above to show that, really, we blokes do cry sometimes. The reason I don't cry often is because I don't feel like it. It's not that I'm bottling it up inside, it's simply because I don't want to. Don't get me wrong, I still feel sadness, but that doesn't result in tears except in the very worst of situations. The point I'm striving for is that there is often just as great a discrepancy - as to how often a person cries - among men as among women, even if most men feel that they can't show it. That One Time, I cried in front of everyone, and I didn't care. If more men were willing to do that then I think they'd find something very therapeutic in it.

I find that it's men putting pressure on other men not to cry that's the problem; every woman I've spoken to on the topic says it would bother them no more or less than seeing a woman cry. This thread seems to back that up.

Sorry if this post is either off-topic or unwanted. I shall hasten to delete if that's the case.

Thank for your post Count Duckula,Ofc it is welcome and on topic.Like Krudler with his lovely post,yours is to very heart felt.And appreciated.
It is the truth most women would rather have their bf,husband,brother,father,friend feel able to cry and not ashamed to.Freedom of expression.:)