How do you feel about men crying?

caseyann

I was reading an article called boys do cry.
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/features/2011/0124/1224288162070.html


Some of the responses are amazing.
The last time I really cried properly was after my mother’s funeral. I didn’t cry when I heard the news of her death and I didn’t cry during the funeral itself. The tears came later when someone put on one of my Mother’s records, Glen Campbell’s Reason to Believe . That’s when the dam burst and it all came out like a leaking bucket. I didn’t stop until my sister came across to comfort me.

I had another moment a couple of years ago when I saw a very emaciated man in the centre of town. I didn’t stand there bawling, but I felt so bad for him that tears came to my eyes.


How would you feel if your bf or husband cried alot?
Personally i find it quite relieving when i see a man actually cry,it makes me feel like they arent all robotic and dont show emotions.
I also think its very healthy for them to cry and let it out and nothing weak about it,unlike what for some reason the world has convinced them of.
The whole men dont cry thing really annoys me.
And as a man reading this how many times do you cry or do you feel weak by showing you will cry.

Like this admission.Why should he be anyway embarrassed?
I am a northsider. We don’t really cry on the northside. Having said that, recently I enjoyed a milestone birthday – I turned 50 – and at the end of my show, the door to the studio opened to reveal several members of my family who were there to surprise me.

Listening back to the tape of the show, you can hear a kind of involuntary yelp in my voice when I realised what was happening, a bit of a cry. Thank God it wasn’t television so nobody else could see me.

sheep-go-baa

I am such a crier, at least once a week.

If it's ok for me to do it I don't see why guys shouldn't be allowed. We're all human and feel emotions.

squeakyduck

I don't mind boys crying, they need to get emotions out themselves! I like to cry why shouldn't my boyfriend?! Although I don't mind him crying he gets very worked up about it, one of his dogs got ran over yesterday and when I asked him was he ok he welled up and just ran out of the room. He couldn't handle breaking down in front of me, I don't see him cry very often.

If you bottle emotions it's not good. I like having a sensitive boyfriend!

krudler

I was very much a bottle everything and suck it up kind of guy, have never been particularly close to my parents, at least not in a way I'd go to them if something was bugging me.
Anyway, things weren't going well for a long time, I was at a stage where I genuinely thought I had nothing worthwhile in life, I had a job that I hated, was having problems with my girlfriend at the time, who knew something was up, and I had just gotten ill, this was at the stage where they didnt really know what was wrong with me, I was just miserable and in a lot of pain all the time.
So one day I met with my girlfriend and I snapped at her over something stupid, she knew I wasnt in great form but instead of getting mad back at me she just held my hand and asked me to tell her what was bothering me, I'd say I got a a few sentences into what I was trying to say and just broke down, it actually felt like everything had come to a head and I couldnt keep quiet about it anymore, I just put my head in her shoulder and bawled, for the first time in I honesly couldnt tell you, years.
It felt amazing to just let go, and not worry about not looking like a guy who didnt let things bother him. We're not together anymore but its something I'll always be grateful to her for that night. I needed someone there for me and she was in spades.

tldr version, guys, dont bottle things up, friends and family will always be there to listen, whether its over a cup of tea in your parents kitchen or a beer with a friend. and if it means you shed a few, so be it, doesnt make you any less of a man,it probably means the opposite.

caseyann

krudler wrote: »

I was very much a bottle everything and suck it up kind of guy, have never been particularly close to my parents, at least not in a way I'd go to them if something was bugging me.
Anyway, things weren't going well for a long time, I was at a stage where I genuinely thought I had nothing worthwhile in life, I had a job that I hated, was having problems with my girlfriend at the time, who knew something was up, and I had just gotten ill, this was at the stage where they didnt really know what was wrong with me, I was just miserable and in a lot of pain all the time.
So one day I met with my girlfriend and I snapped at her over something stupid, she knew I wasnt in great form but instead of getting mad back at me she just held my hand and asked me to tell her what was bothering me, I'd say I got a a few sentences into what I was trying to say and just broke down, it actually felt like everything had come to a head and I couldnt keep quiet about it anymore, I just put my head in her shoulder and bawled, for the first time in I honesly couldnt tell you, years.
It felt amazing to just let go, and not worry about not looking like a guy who didnt let things bother him. We're not together anymore but its something I'll always be grateful to her for that night. I needed someone there for me and she was in spades.

tldr version, guys, dont bottle things up, friends and family will always be there to listen, whether its over a cup of tea in your parents kitchen or a beer with a friend. and if it means you shed a few, so be it, doesnt make you any less of a man,it probably means the opposite.

It is a message that needs to passed on to all men and boys so they dont feel ashamed of crying ever.If they need to let it out.
Thanks for that story,it was very touching.:)

I agree with you completely being able to show your emotions is very manly.

jellie

No problem with men crying once its something worth crying over. Would much prefer a man who is secure enough to be able to let his emotions out.

If he cries watching bambi or something itd be a bit much :P

x Purple Pawprints x

I say if the guy needs to cry, let him. I never understood this boys don't cry thing. Yes they do. And I'd prefer if they did instead of keeping everything bottled up and ending up lashing out. I actually quite like a sensitive guy.

Acoshla

I agree with jellie on this one, I'm very close minded about it, I apologise, I have no idea why I am!

I have absolutely no problem with men crying over properly emotional things, births, deaths, immense physical or emotional pain, etc, etc. But if a man cries over a movie, or something silly like that I can't stand it. I have a particular loathing for men who cry when they are getting married, I just hate it, to see a man a snivelling wreck at the top of the church, ugh!!

I'm not much of a crier anyway, I can't stand anyone that cries a lot, male or female, so not liking men crying is just an extension of not liking women crying really. My best friend cries like a baby over movies, a few minutes of Up or Wall E and she's off, I find that hilarious though

But yeah, when appropriate, that's grand. Just don't cry when the guy stops drawing Bambi's Mom or when you hurt your finger

krudler

I agree with jellie on this one, I'm very close minded about it, I apologise, I have no idea why I am!

I have absolutely no problem with men crying over properly emotional things, births, deaths, immense physical or emotional pain, etc, etc. But if a man cries over a movie, or something silly like that I can't stand it. I have a particular loathing for men who cry when they are getting married, I just hate it, to see a man a snivelling wreck at the top of the church, ugh!!

I'm not much of a crier anyway, I can't stand anyone that cries a lot, male or female, so not liking men crying is just an extension of not liking women crying really. My best friend cries like a baby over movies, a few minutes of Up or Wall E and she's off, I find that hilarious though

But yeah, when appropriate, that's grand. Just don't cry when the guy stops drawing Bambi's Mom or when you hurt your finger

Here was me thinking getting married is a properly emotional thing.

caseyann

krudler wrote: »

Here was me thinking getting married is a properly emotional thing.

If he didnt i would poke him in eye to make him :mad::D

Acoshla

krudler wrote: »

Here was me thinking getting married is a properly emotional thing.

Yeah I know, but for some reason it doesn't for me fit into the category of things to cry about, there's just something about it that really irritates me, but at the same time brides bawling crying annoys me too, so that's not just a men crying thing for me. It is obviously emotional, by all means wipe a single tear away, it's the red faced near sobbing that annoys me.

solerina

I dont like it when people cry for no good reason, men or women. However when a male friend / partner cries in front of me I take it as a complement of our friendship and how comfortable he feels around me

Ickle Magoo

I'd much rather a guy cried and let out anxieties or emotions than let them build up and cause issues - but as I'm not much of a crier myself; bawling at the drop of a hat would annoy me, regardless of gender.

Dudess

I see absolutely nothing wrong with a man crying - I think it's great actually, because it's not deemed all that acceptable culturally, so it's quite a brave thing to do.
However, I do think there's something really upsetting about it - it's like they couldn't be any more vulnerable, and it's kinda sweet. Makes me want to give them a big huggle.
A male friend of mine who does NOT wear his heart on his sleeve, and over ten years after I became friends with him finally popped his crying cherry - on a night out after he was attacked on the street randomly. He only cried a little bit, and it was after he gave as good back to the guy who attacked him, but it was seriously moving. He nearly had me starting. He was embarrassed about it too - aw, bless...

Spades

squeakyduck wrote: »

I don't mind boys crying, they need to get emotions out themselves! I like to cry why shouldn't my boyfriend?! Although I don't mind him crying he gets very worked up about it, one of his dogs got ran over yesterday and when I asked him was he ok he welled up and just ran out of the room. He couldn't handle breaking down in front of me, I don't see him cry very often.

If you bottle emotions it's not good. I like having a sensitive boyfriend!

Sorry for going off topic,but did the dog survive?

krudler

Dudess wrote: »

I see absolutely nothing wrong with a man crying - I think it's great actually, because it's not deemed all that acceptable culturally, so it's quite a brave thing to do.
However, I do think there's something really upsetting about it - it's like they couldn't be any more vulnerable, and it's kinda sweet. Makes me want to give them a big huggle.

Thats pretty much it, men dont want to be seen as the weaker one emotion wise in a relationship, I've seen exes and female friends cry dozens of times over different emotional states, deaths, births, breakups, movies, moments etc, wouldnt make me think anything less of them.

I remember the day my grandmother died, I was coming out of school and one of my aunts was waiting for me, I knew straight away something was up and she told me, it didnt really hit me until we went to my grandparents house and my grandad, who was from a very different era, worked in a factory all his life, went fishing and hunting, could take anything apart and rebuild it, was devastated. It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry and it was a huge thing to see this man who I'd always seen as unshakeable completely ruined by his wife not being around anymore. Its actually the reason I welled up a little bit at the beginning of Up, as it reminded me so much of that day, I'm sure as hell not going to feel any less manly for it though..

Of course men cry - I don't really cry at movies and things like that, but I do well up on occasion, with the odd tear in my eye. For years I was a bottler and this lead to a near breakdown recently, because I was raised to believe that guys don't open up - by my surroundings and our culture. I'm lucky now in the way that I have friends that will listen to my problems and I'll listen to theirs, where I didn't have this before. One of the most startling things I heard recently is that the West of Ireland has one of the highest suicide rates in Europe!

Sometimes when things are going really tough for me, I might cry and I have to be honest.. I can feel much better afterwards.

Dudess

Yeah, there is a bit of an old-fashioned side to me that sees men as protectors etc - I know it's possibly a bit sexist, but it's more of a deep-down feeling than something I'd apply to everyday life. It's more culturally/societally derived than anything else. And I certainly don't think crying is "emasculation" - the opposite actually.
I think it's the case though, particularly in Irish society, that men are not encouraged to express their emotions fully... and it's not healthy.

Acoshla

Dudess wrote: »

However, I do think there's something really upsetting about it - it's like they couldn't be any more vulnerable, and it's kinda sweet.

That's it, you said it perfectly, I don't like it because it upsets me, because I'm so completely not used to seeing it. If a man cries it means he is genuinely upset and I don't know what to do with him/the situation etc, so I don't like it.

Actually last year my Grandad had his hip done, it went wrong twice, he ended up in hospital on bed rest for 4 weeks, for what should have been a week in hospital. The day his hip popped out for the second time and he was told it had to be redone again he phoned my Mom and he was crying, the second time in her life she'd heard him cry, the other time was when my grandmother died.

It upset us so much to know that he was that upset, until then we all kind of thought he was coping ok but that hit us hard, an old school 78 year old Irish man who was so upset and scared that he couldn't stop crying, not something he would do lightly

Spadina

Spadina wrote: »

That's it, you said it perfectly, I don't like it because it upsets me, because I'm so completely not used to seeing it.

Give him a hug, ask him whats wrong and even if he doesn't answer, tell him everything will be alright. Words like that can mean much more than anything else.

krudler

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah, there is a bit of an old-fashioned side to me that sees men as protectors etc - I know it's possibly a bit sexist, but it's more of a deep-down feeling than something I'd apply to everyday life. It's more culturally/societally derived than anything else. And I certainly don't think crying is "emasculation" - the opposite actually.
I think it's the case though, particularly in Irish society, that men are not encouraged to express their emotions fully... and it's not healthy.

It really isnt, men have just as many emotions as women, I've gotten jealous, upset at someone saying something hurtful to me, etc etc, but as a man you're just expected to not show it. the suicide rate among young males in this country is scary, because they feel they have no outlet until its too late.

Acoshla

Deleted User wrote: »

Give him a hug, ask him whats wrong and even if he doesn't answer, tell him everything will be alright. Words like that can mean much more than anything else.

Ah yeah that's grand if it's my boyfriend but after that...I would just freeze and not know what to do, awful I know.

Spadina

Spadina wrote: »

Ah yeah that's grand if it's my boyfriend but after that...I would just freeze and not know what to do, awful I know.

How would you react if it was a woman?

LambsEye

I don't love it to be honest. I had an ex who would cry at everything. Every fight we had he would cry and it would infuriate me. I felt like I was being emotionally manipulated or something. As in, I wouldn't cry, and he would. It really wrecked my head.

I understand if you're going through a rough time and you break down, or crying at big, emotional moments but crying because we had a little tiff is just plain irritating in my opinion.

Dudess

krudler wrote: »

It really isnt, men have just as many emotions as women, I've gotten jealous, upset at someone saying something hurtful to me, etc etc, but as a man you're just expected to not show it. the suicide rate among young males in this country is scary, because they feel they have no outlet until its too late.

Yeah, that's what I meant - it's not a healthy thing that men are given the message to keep it all inside and put up/shut up.

Acoshla

Deleted User wrote: »

How would you react if it was a woman?

The same.

Dudess

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah, that's what I meant - it's not a healthy thing that men are given the message to keep it all inside and put up/shut up.

Unfortunately it's the way we were raised, especially if you grew up in the country. Any sort of expression of emotion was labeled as being gay or strange, so a lot of friends of mine would turn to drugs or drink, just because they weren't able to deal with their emotions.

@Spadina - sometimes the best thing to do is say nothing at all and just let them finish.

LambsEye

Spadina wrote: »

Ah yeah that's grand if it's my boyfriend but after that...I would just freeze and not know what to do, awful I know.

Man I did the exact same thing. When my boyfriend would cry at things that I thought were totally unnecessary, it would shock and irritate me so much that I would either be mean or totally shut him out.

I know that's mean but it was how I reacted.

--LOS--

OP it seems like you cry weirdly infrequently!

I would hate for any guy to feel like they couldn't cry or come to me with a problem but I knew someone and it became a joke how often they cried and very publicly, really got on my nerves. Sure it's not very healthy to keep stuff bottled up to yourself but there comes a point when the line has definitely been crossed with sharing your problems and offloading them on others to make yourself feel better. I really hate crying in front of people and would have made quite an effort to avoid people that I knew would talk about my grandmother after she died or leave the room if they did and avoid talking about it myself. If I was on my own upset about it and someone came into the room I would have to turn around and pretend to be doing something, silly but it's such an irish thing.

krudler

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah, that's what I meant - it's not a healthy thing that men are given the message to keep it all inside and put up/shut up.

Oh it was the "it isnt healthy"part of your sentence I was agreeing to, I got ya

AnneElizabeth

Wouldn't like it if a guy never cried, like at the death of someone close or something. Some emotion is good.
But I can't stand sensitive men either. The guy needs to be strong and masculine and make you feel protected.