Advertisement
We've partnered up with Nixers.com to offer a space where you can talk directly to Peter from Nixers.com and get an exclusive Boards.ie discount code for a free job listing. If you are recruiting or know anyone else who is please check out the forum here.
If you have a new account but can't post, please email Niamh on [email protected] for help to verify your email address. Thanks :)

Depression

145791039

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,096 Wurly


    Eh... I for one am not convinced that Star Bingo is trolling. I think he/she may well be genuine.
    I never said he was trolling, I said I found his blatant ignorance depressing. That's my opinion, opinion guy.;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,420 ✭✭✭ Dionysus


    Star Bingo wrote: »
    so who'd like to take a stab at defining depression then?

    Those "dark clouds" (for want of a better description) that consume one's entire mind with a travesty of bleakness, despair, aimlessness and hopelessness? And when you hit this 'dark clouds' period you know you've gone beyond 'sad' or merely 'feeling under the weather'. You've passed a threshold somewhere. It's a good while since I've been there - and fortunately I've been there only twice in my life - but when I arrived there I can say without fear of contradiction that I knew it was very different to anything I had ever experienced. Somebody who has been there much more recently will remember the details of their 'dark clouds' better than I now remember mine, or want to.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,671 Wolfe Tone


    Well, often times the things at the root of these feelings are the very things we don't want to think about. You think ?
    Perhaps, I honestly cant think of a reason why I feel the way I do though.

    Thats why Im not to keen to discuss it with family, it would be like this:

    "Ive been feeling really really down and sad"

    "Why?"

    "Eh, I dunno"

    "Well try to snap out of it, go do some sport or something"


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,764 ✭✭✭✭ stupidusername


    ^^^ that attitude is what stops people talking about it.

    how are people so ignorant? I mean if I don't know anything about a condition I don't assume it's not serious or difficult.

    My family wouldn't even get that far :rolleyes: if I said I was feeling low all I'd get is a 'mmmm' from my dad, possibly a question as to whether or not should go to the doctor. that'd be the end of it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭ opinion guy


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Perhaps, I honestly cant think of a reason why I feel the way I do though.

    Thats why Im not to keen to discuss it with family, it would be like this:

    "Ive been feeling really really down and sad"

    "Why?"

    "Eh, I dunno"

    "Well try to snap out of it, go do some sport or something"

    Well the family might just surprise you you know. But taking this as you expect - well see that maybe cause your family don't know how to deal with these things ? If you and I were having that conversation I'd ask you more questions or try to get to the root of it some other way. But then I'm used to this kind of stuff. Back when I wasn't used to this stuff I probably would say the same as your folks. So maybe your family aren't the best people to bring it up with ? Especially if there is some tension in the family or anything ??
    Anyone else you're close to ?


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 26,961 ✭✭✭✭ boneyarsebogman


    Unfortunately there are people who are ignorant to depression, or still live with the guilt of expressing one's feelings, which is a hand-me-down from the previous generation, I feel. However I think this is slowly changing and hopefully this thread can be a small stepping stone to awareness and acknowledgement of depression being a reality.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,671 Wolfe Tone


    I think with my parents it would be "ah you are just a bit down, you will be grand!" The subliminal thought would be "my son couldn't possibly be fecked up in the head"


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,533 ✭✭✭✭ Sardonicat


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Perhaps, I honestly cant think of a reason why I feel the way I do though.

    Thats why Im not to keen to discuss it with family, it would be like this:

    "Ive been feeling really really down and sad"

    "Why?"

    "Eh, I dunno"

    "Well try to snap out of it, go do some sport or something"
    Sorry to hear about that. I think we all can identify with it. But no-one here has said that to you, have they? And there are people in the real world (not that I don't exist in the real world or anything) who will be able to let you talk this out. The trick is finding them. You are at university, yes? There are peopleyou can talk to there through student services. In my experience, the person who helped me the most was the college chaplain (and I'm not religious at all). Don't rule out people whose job it is to support people through difficult times. This may not be the route for you, but there are a number of options, all you can do is try them out.The LOngterm Illness thread on depression and anxiety is a great place on boards for a bit of moral support and practical tips. Whatever is available to you, try it. anyone not giving constructive support try to ignore. Tough when it's your family though, I know that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,185 ✭✭✭ Tchaikovsky


    Oranage2 wrote: »
    I still amazed people with jobs, boy/girl friends, people with college etc... can suffer, so this thread has made me less ignorant and more aware.
    Well you just have to look at the long list of famous sufferers of depression to see that that isn't the case; Kurt Cobain being a case in point. He was doing what he loved, rich, famous, married with a baby but deep down he was seriously depressed.

    I've had it for over half of my life, but a good chunk of that I spent without talking to anyone or actually realising that I was depressed.

    It's hard for me being in Ireland though- I'm sure it's the case for many in similar positions- I've been on anti-depressants for over 4 years now with no chance of talking to a psychiatrist due to the HSE rectruitment ban. It makes those ads they have on tv even more infuriating.
    Counsellors and medication cost too much, although I did talk to the campus counsellors when I was a student.
    I feel that I'm basically on my own in trying to tackle this now and I'm coming off the anti-depressants. I go through good and bad spells and I'm focusing of pinpointing the onset of my bad spell and doing things to eradicate it as soon as possible.


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,961 ✭✭✭✭ boneyarsebogman


    Well you just have to look at the long list of famous sufferers of depression to see that that isn't the case; Kurt Cobain being a case in point. He was doing what he loved, rich, famous, married with a baby but deep down he was seriously depressed.

    I've had it for over half of my life, but a good chunk of that I spent without talking to anyone or actually realising that I was depressed.

    It's hard for me being in Ireland though- I'm sure it's the case for many in similar positions- I've been on anti-depressants for over 4 years now with no chance of talking to a psychiatrist due to the HSE rectruitment ban. It makes those ads they have on tv even more infuriating.
    Counsellors and medication cost too much, although I did talk to the campus counsellors when I was a student.
    I feel that I'm basically on my own in trying to tackle this now and I'm coming off the anti-depressants. I go through good and bad spells and I'm focusing of pinpointing the onset of my bad spell and doing things to eradicate it as soon as possible.

    This is why I'm glad that there is the personal issues forum where you can openly discuss your problems and get constructive criticism back. You can also post anonymously if some issues are too private.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 5,692 ✭✭✭ fonecrusher1


    I think excessive alcohol consumption can play a big part in triggering or contributing to someone being depressed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,671 Wolfe Tone


    Well the family might just surprise you you know. But taking this as you expect - well see that maybe cause your family don't know how to deal with these things ? If you and I were having that conversation I'd ask you more questions or try to get to the root of it some other way. But then I'm used to this kind of stuff. Back when I wasn't used to this stuff I probably would say the same as your folks. So maybe your family aren't the best people to bring it up with ? Especially if there is some tension in the family or anything ??
    Anyone else you're close to ?
    Theres a lot of tension between me and my Dad, we would have a very old fashioned relationship, Im close with my mother, although if I told her, or if I was prescribed something, or went to counselling she would be devastated and blame herself, and treat me completely differently, and I don't want that. Ive often heard her say things like "he must have had a terrible time at home", or "must have had a tragic upbringing" when she hears of people topping themselves. That makes her sound bad, but she is great really. Im sure many people would be just like her.

    No, Im not really close to anyone else. I mean I have friends and all, but feelings and such aren't exactly what we would talk about. I wouldnt imagine many groups of 19 year olds would. Truth be told I would be terrified of breaking down in front of them or anyone even, and humiliating myself.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,982 ✭✭✭✭ fryup


    wellboy76 wrote: »
    How do you know you have depression?

    well the acid test for me is........how do feel when you first wake up in the morning?

    do you feel refreshed & positive ready for the new day ahead or do you feel wretched not wanting to leave your bedroom and face the world

    depressed people usually feel dreadful during first few hours of the day and if that the way you are.. then you need help, and don't put it on the long finger


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 360 ✭✭ greenmachine88


    I've never been depressed and don't think I ever will, I am quite cynical though, but that's mostly by choice


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,961 ✭✭✭✭ boneyarsebogman


    I've never been depressed and don't think I ever will, I am quite cynical though, but that's mostly by choice

    Then this is your own opinion and you are extremely lucky, trust me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,533 ✭✭✭✭ Sardonicat


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Theres a lot of tension between me and my Dad, we would have a very old fashioned relationship, Im close with my mother, although if I told her, or if I was prescribed something, or went to counselling she would be devastated and blame herself, and treat me completely differently, and I don't want that. Ive often heard her say things like "he must have had a terrible time at home", or "must have had a tragic upbringing" when she hears of people topping themselves. That makes her sound bad, but she is great really. Im sure many people would be just like her.

    No, Im not really close to anyone else. I mean I have friends and all, but feelings and such aren't exactly what we would talk about. I wouldnt imagine many groups of 19 year olds would. Truth be told I would be terrified of breaking down in front of them or anyone even, and humiliating myself.

    Your Mam sounds great, actually. I and can guarentee you that she already knows things aren't great with you and probably wants to approach you and doesn't know how. She would be devestated to think that her son was keeping this from her for fear of hurting her. She is you mother and will always want to be the parent to you, not vice-versa.

    You sound like a really decent, caring lad. I so wish you could see how evident that is from your posts and you could cut yourself a little slack.


  • Registered Users Posts: 852 PrincessLola


    I think you know you have depression when you feel bleak about the future. Apathetic towards everything, even activities you once enjoyed like going out with friends or playing sports. You just want to curl up in a ball and be alone, but of course that response will only make things worse in the long term.

    Its so hard to tell anyone because you feel like you're being a burden on them. Then there are the people who deny there is such a thing as 'depression' because it doesn't fit in with their cosy world view that people can be unhappy over long periods of time, often with no reason.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,976 profitius


    Positive thinking has always worked for me. Depression seems to come from negative thoughts that you can't get rid of although everybody is in control of what they think so thats the good news!

    People also hype up situations in their mind into something they're not. For instance we can look back now about things in our teenage years and laugh but at the time they were a big deal.

    No doubt mental health is more important as physical health but like physical health mental health needs looking after too ie be more aware of negative thoughts.


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,961 ✭✭✭✭ boneyarsebogman


    I have updated the first post on this thread with some useful phone numbers and websites.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,809 ✭✭✭ Stained Class


    ^^^ that attitude is what stops people talking about it.

    how are people so ignorant? I mean if I don't know anything about a condition I don't assume it's not serious or difficult.

    My family wouldn't even get that far :rolleyes: if I said I was feeling low all I'd get is a 'mmmm' from my dad, possibly a question as to whether or not should go to the doctor. that'd be the end of it.

    It's not ignorance. It's fear.

    My earlier post shows my position.

    It's funny, but people who know me ask me about Mental Illness sometimes. It's cos my family has 'form' on that score.

    I don't myself, but paid the price by being tarred with the same brush.

    The damage that does is very hard to describe.

    I spent many years wondering about my own sanity & lost a good portion of my life as a result.

    I have kids now & think they're well & sane, touch wood.

    Anybody think I'd like the idea of one of them gettin married to someone with MI issues?

    That's why the stigma will never go away.

    Sorry, but that's the way I feel about it.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,671 Wolfe Tone


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    Your Mam sounds great, actually. I and can guarentee you that she already knows things aren't great with you and probably wants to approach you and doesn't know how. She would be devestated to think that her son was keeping this from her for fear of hurting her. She is you mother and will always want to be the parent to you, not vice-versa.
    I would bet a significant amount of money that she has no idea, would most probably think Im being a "moody teenager" at most. To be honest I think it would make me feel worse having her upset and fussing all over me.
    You sound like a really decent, caring lad. I so wish you could see how evident that is from your posts and you could cut yourself a little slack.
    Thanks :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 606 ✭✭✭ t0mm13b


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    I think with my parents it would be "ah you are just a bit down, you will be grand!" The subliminal thought would be "my son couldn't possibly be fecked up in the head"

    That's the trouble with the older generation - coming back to a family member who I mentioned about on a couple of posts back, that family member has a sibling who has been in and out of psychiatric unit and have problems.... well my family member espouts on about the treatment of electric shock that their sibling underwent and also, the same family member claims to have gone through it (which is B.S) and so on to my face, am there like "WTF, you insensitive tactless fcuker!!!!!"
    I think excessive alcohol consumption can play a big part in triggering or contributing to someone being depressed.

    Alcohol is a well known depressant - that's fact!
    fryup wrote: »
    well the acid test for me is........how do feel when you first wake up in the morning?

    do you feel refreshed & positive ready for the new day ahead or do you feel wretched not wanting to leave your bedroom and face the world

    depressed people usually feel dreadful during first few hours of the day and if that the way you are.. then you need help, and don't put it on the long finger

    That's not an easy thing to say... have adopted a mental attitude that is "Each day is a new beginning" and not dwell on things that I fcuked up on, at the time of depression, I'd constantly dwell on things I've said, things I've done to a point it actually overwhelms me in such a way.... its' like how I described the four walls closing in on you...

    the dwelling on past things (could be from what situation that happened 5 minutes ago, a few hours ago, even yesterday) made me feel worse about myself and beat myself up in the head and was crashing downwards...

    For my sanity, I either read some boardsie threads to make me laugh and to see other postings, or go on to bash.org/fmylife.com and read them and laugh... now after taking effexor for nearly a year, I have learnt to let go instead of hanging on to bad feelings/negativities and cut all ties with people that are negative/energy sapping/draining types....

    It is here on this thread that I've been fully open about this.... bluddy hard to do and get a twinge of sadness in how those past 9 years as I would call "a waste of living in the limbo/drifting like deadwood" but I have to focus by moving on and looking to the future with hope, a lot more laughing and smiling... it's still hard to do... though....


  • Registered Users Posts: 444 ✭✭ schween


    I've never been depressed and don't think I ever will, I am quite cynical though, but that's mostly by choice

    This is what I used to think. Then one normal night, something happened that devastated my life. Thankfully I am much better now. One of the things that made it so much more difficult to deal with was that "It'll never happen to me" and "Sure why would I be depressed" thinking.
    IMO, it can happen to anyone, cos you never know what's coming at you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,533 ✭✭✭✭ Sardonicat


    It's not ignorance. It's fear.

    My earlier post shows my position.

    It's funny, but people who know me ask me about Mental Illness sometimes. It's cos my family has 'form' on that score.

    I don't myself, but paid the price by being tarred with the same brush.

    The damage that does is very hard to describe.

    I spent many years wondering about my own sanity & lost a good portion of my life as a result.

    I have kids now & think they're well & sane, touch wood.

    Anybody think I'd like the idea of one of them gettin married to someone with MI issues?

    That's why the stigma will never go away.

    Sorry, but that's the way I feel about it.

    Whoa! While I can appreciate and empathise (my own mother was a very messed up woman, never diagnosed but am quite certain it was more complex then depression and the damage she did to us is still being felt) that's a hell of a statement to make. Mental Health Issues can mean anything from mild depression (which really has no impact on anyone other than the sufferer) to someone with a serious personality disorder. To tar everyone with the same brush is exactly what you are doing here. People with a whole range of mental illnesses can and do make perfectly good spouses and parents.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭ opinion guy


    fryup wrote: »
    well the acid test for me is........how do feel when you first wake up in the morning?

    do you feel refreshed & positive ready for the new day ahead or do you feel wretched not wanting to leave your bedroom and face the world

    depressed people usually feel dreadful during first few hours of the day and if that the way you are.. then you need help, and don't put it on the long finger

    lol. Well I feel like the dirt death scraped off his boot in the morning....but thats nothing to do with depression - its just my body clock - I'm a night person - I am far more clearheaded from 5-11pm than I am in the morning


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Theres a lot of tension between me and my Dad, we would have a very old fashioned relationship, Im close with my mother, although if I told her, or if I was prescribed something, or went to counselling she would be devastated and blame herself, and treat me completely differently, and I don't want that.

    Ok well see here is something then isn't it ? This stuff you might think is ok day by day but this kind of stuff can really affect our mood in itself. You know in my own case alot of what was affecting my mood was due to stuff that happened between me and my folks when I was quite young - say 8 or 9. I didn't have the developed emotions to deal with things so my subconsious mind did something to protect me. It disassociated my feelings about the whole thing from the events. So the emotions became free floating "depression" apparently not connected to any event, and the events themselves I could think about without emotion. It took along time for me to realise this - but when I did it made a huge difference.

    The second point is this - your mothers expectations are just that - HER expectations. But if you feel you need councilling then you need to do it for youself. You don't need to tell your mum about it even. But you need to understand, and please do not take offence - but your mum's attitude to this is her deficiency, not yours. There is nothing wrong with you for having these feelings.
    Ive often heard her say things like "he must have had a terrible time at home", or "must have had a tragic upbringing" when she hears of people topping themselves. That makes her sound bad, but she is great really. Im sure many people would be just like her.

    Many people would. But remember your mum comes from a different generation - and not to open a can of worms, but a generation marked by serious repression and abuse scandals etc. Point being - clearly the generation your mum came from got some stuff seriously wrong. And your mum's attitude here is something symptomatic of that cultural background. Is that making sense? Your mum, no doubt did her best, but times were different. Guilt was pounded into you back then in a way young people today don't get. It shaped the way people viewed things and that is still manifest in attitude such as your mum shows in that reaction. So I'm not criticising your mum, but the culture in which she learned these things.
    No, Im not really close to anyone else. I mean I have friends and all, but feelings and such aren't exactly what we would talk about. I wouldnt imagine many groups of 19 year olds would. Truth be told I would be terrified of breaking down in front of them or anyone even, and humiliating myself.
    Hmmm so diversify. Develop a new interest. Take up a new hobby/sport/pastime. Learn a language, take yoga, whatever. Just avoid anything drink associated. Point is find an hour or two a week where you can mix with different people than you are used to. You may find someone you can open up to. If you keep doing the same things you will only meet the same type of people over and over again. And hell if not at least you will learn something new/fun/different.

    And think again about the councillor. You don't have to tell your mum. Or you can tell her another time. Mind yourself - not your mum's or dad's expectations!

    Anyhow - I hope thats someways helpful.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,312 ✭✭✭ Limerick Dude


    First of all I would just like to thank the OP for setting up this thread and it's great to see the amount of positive replies to this thread and for people taking this seriously, especially in After Hours.

    Well I'm a 21 year old male, currently in my final year of college.

    I think I've always known I've had some level of depression throughout my life, I can't remember anytime when I was happy with life or happy being me. I've always had a serious lack of confidence throughout my life and it's something I still have. I was bullied a lot at primary and secondary school, my mother past away when i was 9 years old and I found out when I was a teenager that I'm actually adopted, my biological mother has sent me birthday cards throughout a lot of my life. I say some of these factors have had an affect on me.

    I'm currently receiving counselling in my University. I have had 2 sessions so far, and my counseller says that the most important thing right now is to try and get myself through the final year of college. So a lot of my "therapy" seems to be little things like getting more exercise, better diet and doing a lot of cognitive therapy, so writing out thought records and learning how it is negative thoughts which cause negative feelings and to try and identify the distortion which occurs.

    What really put me over the edge to receive counselling was my recent break up with my girlfriend. I'm still nowhere near over her, and the crippling sense of lonliness, isolation and hopelessness which I have been experiencing have been indescribable. I have had thoughts of suicide, but I honestly don't think I could ever carry out such an attempt or even begin to plan something, I love my Dad too much to do that to him and he has had a tough enough life as it is.

    My counseller reckons i suffer from both depression and anxiety. I was a bit dissapointed when she told me that we wont focus as much on my adoption, death of my mother etc but rather on the cognitive therapy and getting myself through my final semester. Should I mention my scepticism to her?

    Can someone also tell me how they found cognitive therapy? You know such as writing out journal entries, thought records and all that sort of stuff. I sort of feel it's not going to have a great effect on me and I have only found it to be slightly beneficial to me so far.

    Again, well done to the OP, this is a great thread and hopefully it could even be stickied.

    LD


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,903 Star Bingo


    well.. readin back n maybe my goth self just sees all the symptoms of depression as qualities in a person and i have learnt to embrace em, in time. aside from one or two extremes.. agitated, aching and what not - apologies for the percieved harsh view btw; just don't trust the authorites on such matters, bad experience n i see some of you got upset at my words, n thanked for it - but still believe only you can rectify it only yourself.


  • Registered Users Posts: 321 ✭✭ Little A


    profitius wrote: »
    Positive thinking has always worked for me. Depression seems to come from negative thoughts that you can't get rid of although everybody is in control of what they think so thats the good news!

    People also hype up situations in their mind into something they're not. For instance we can look back now about things in our teenage years and laugh but at the time they were a big deal.

    No doubt mental health is more important as physical health but like physical health mental health needs looking after too ie be more aware of negative thoughts.


    I have always been a very positive person & I would have thought I would not be a likely person to suffer from depression, but I did go through a spell of it about 6 years ago.....this horrible spirialling blackness, hopelessness, crying for no reason.....a general horrible nasty place to be.

    But there was a rational part of my brain realised I had nothing to be depressed about (i had no health/money/family etc issues....which made it harder to deal with)....this just made me cry more!!

    I didn't go to the doctor (maybe I should) as I wanted to avoid going on pills but I did talk to some friends.

    The best thing I did was fight it - i got as busy as I could every time I felt bad - especially in the garden 'cos I could be busy & cry in private. My garden was great that year. Or i'd walk....anywhere, I'd feel a wave coming on in the car & pull over and walk as fast as I could for an hour. Busy, busy - try to avoid that "sit & ponder" stance at all cost.

    I'm happy to say my garden looks rubbish now, but I feel great


  • Registered Users Posts: 940 ✭✭✭ pheasant tail


    My GP told me that depression,,if not treated will still go totally away in time,,is this true????
    Can i also ask has anyone ever suffered depression due to roaccutane and if so how did it end up???


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 11,533 ✭✭✭✭ Sardonicat


    Star Bingo wrote: »
    well.. readin back n maybe my goth self just sees all the symptoms of depression as qualities in a person and i have learnt to embrace em, in time. aside from one or two extremes.. agitated, aching and what not - apologies for the percieved harsh view btw; just don't trust the authorites on such matters, bad experience n i see some of you got upset at my words, n thanked for it - but still believe only you can rectify it only yourself.
    Actually, Star, your opinion is considered quite a legitimate one in some cirlcles. There may have been issues with how you phrased your posts, though. Bare in mind that while most would agree (myself included) that the only person who can rectify the situation is yourself some people need a little support getting to that point from various sources.I'm sorry your experiences with the "authorities" where so negative, it's not surprising your opinion of them is what it is.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement