Depression

Novella

midlandsmissus wrote: »

In fairness though you just cant expect anyone who hasnt been through it to understand it. They just can't. To go and help a homeless person when even washing your hair is a mount everest to climb.
To not feed yourself because even having the will and interest to lift the spoon to your mouth is an unimaginable feat. That is depression.

I don't expect people to just understand. I expect people to be open to trying to learn though. That's all.

bayern282

This sort of response has probably already been given, but what makes ''The Black Dog'' so unique is that no two human beings depressions are the same, it's such a subjective thing.

Like compare Stan Collymore, Ian Curtis and Ernest Hemingway who all had it.It's all based upon a compendium of life experience, genetics, DNA, upbringing, environment, the list goes on.

Still think though that the worst case scenario of Suicide is residual in certain individuals and not in others.

If anyone's going through a bad time out there don't shut yourself off, get amongst friends and family who KNOW you and don't bother your head with people who don't.

shannon_tek

I dunno if im in a state of depression but i hate you all and just want to be alone and if you say anything i just wish you would blow to a million little pieces so i can sit on my own by a beach listening to the waves in the sun by my house on my deak chair admiring my beautiful green plants and the sound of nothing bar the waves and air. seriously i am just sick of life and i would be a suicider but i cant do it 99% or the time and that one time i want to my angel watches me and distracts me by working and getting family involved. Plus i think im slightly fearful of death although

i speak about it everyday and make remakes about how im going to die and how people are looking forward to my death . i think its going to have more of an effect on them if i said that one morning walked out the door and got smacked by a car. chances are pretty high out side my house see nas there have been many car crashes someday i see one coming at the speed of light loosing control fliping over and crushing me. Joy. Night time is not a safe time. And depression is a BIGGGGG thing. but i have learned to push it aside. LC has been a fall and August will be another fall but i will come to Boards CRY out my pain with words. Randomly text friends asking them stupid questions just to occupy my mind. and then i will push it along and live on. wish people though like me to be stong and realise Death is not and option. You have to walk the path. its like train tracks one way. straight line. and you can never go back. NEVER. just keep going.

I dunno is it safer to believe in a God or not. Im going with not cause thats the way i stand. I believe my mother is by my ever second side. which i suppose helps me to go on knowing that no matter what i do she will slap me across the head till i do whats right. they say its good to have something to fall back on eg god just to give you that little bit of sanity that you know there is someone watching your every move. i would say that there are no consequences and that you can rely on them to save you. but there a guide. They cant save you . you have to save yourself and then cry to them at the end. your in a house fire. you cry for help to who ever. you can just sit there or you can find away out. then curse them when you survive but they will show they were there for you . showing that you have lived and you haave gained you have become a little stronger till the next time. I would really love to know why so many kill themselves .

most are my age and older. 18 is though. years a head are tougher . but that is mass life . pulling a puzzle toghether to help you through. as the question goes who do you save 1 Child or 4 Adults. most of you will say the child. and so would i. as i got given outta by other that i hate to see children die. its my biggest weakness. and i could consider myself a child and this world is just too much for me at the moment. i need time and i say thats the biggest key problem with thousand of teens that . we are expected into this world to catch up ASAP. im sorry but the mental mind is just not able to develop that long it takes you 18 years to get you are were you are now its going to take another number of years to get you used to the big bad world. Going back to my point on why i hate to see children die more than someone my age or older i cant explain but i feel that adults have lived a bit of life. ok may not seen the world but got to understand there surroundings. a child you may as well be talking double deutsch. wise they may be just havent lived. If i were to die in the morning i wouldnt mind. I have lived a bit. and thats all that matters.

Im Not in favour of suiside and wont extend my arm to a victim of suicide. (if close) you have killed a part of me as well as yourself. Its not right. your time will come its not upto you to say goodbye. Times like this you wish you had someone to goto . many of you probably do and remembering today is Fathers day. for me i have to be my own father someday. till then i'll keep my head up high. and i will take everyday with a grain of salt and walk my path to somewhere. Im not religous and i dont try to bring it into life. sometimes using god as an excuse on people can mentally break them. were thought heaven and hell. na not in my book theres only one place where everyone goes and thats all you need to know there is no jury to decide. live life everyday

Be you, Be Different, Be MENTAL

chucken1

Hi Shannon Tek.

I suppose I cant say "do you want to talk'?

chucken1

chucken1 wrote: »

Hi Shannon Tek.

I suppose I cant say "do you want to talk'?

Jesus H I just saw what I wrote.. Sorry I actually mean it, Im only over the road from you and we post in midwest forum.:)

Napper Hawkins

"Everyday is exactly the same." - Trent Reznor,

Nine Inch Nails.

Never a truer word said to be honest.

Keep going folks.

goodomens

Come from a dysfunctional family, and still have all the scars of that today, as much as I try to get over myself, it keeps coming back. Low self esteem is a big isue, now every other insecure person who has some sort of power over me, just bulllies, Really fed up with them.

I didn't get help for a long time because in the past people felt bothered I told them, felt I was venting on them, and pretty much told me to get over myself. Which was no help at all. Family members still do that. Now I can understand why there is so much suicide, people go on as if they're all understanding and caring,

but when they actually come across someone with depression, they just blame them, tell them to get over themselves or simply avoid. House sharing with people has shown this over and over again. This young generation is suffering, but this young generation is also so concerned about their image and them having fun, they avoid or ignore anyone who is ill. It doesn't help.

biko

Just a note for anyone who feels depressed, it might seem dark now but there is help.
Please read the sticky here if you haven't already or speak to a medical professional.

shannon_tek

chucken1 wrote: »

Jesus H I just saw what I wrote.. Sorry I actually mean it, Im only over the road from you and we post in midwest forum.:)

Thanks. Always nice to know there are people out there willing to listen.

7sr2z3fely84g5

Letter in todays sindo- http://www.independent.ie/opinion/letters/listen-to-teenagers-2800076.html

outofsteam

bayern282 wrote: »

This sort of response has probably already been given, but what makes ''The Black Dog'' so unique is that no two human beings depressions are the same, it's such a subjective thing.

Like compare Stan Collymore, Ian Curtis and Ernest Hemingway who all had it.It's all based upon a compendium of life experience, genetics, DNA, upbringing, environment, the list goes on.

Still think though that the worst case scenario of Suicide is residual in certain individuals and not in others.

If anyone's going through a bad time out there don't shut yourself off, get amongst friends and family who KNOW you and don't bother your head with people who don't.

That is so hard to do when you're in the hole... You can't see a way out...
Friends and family are all very well but in my experience 99% of people are fair weather friends... "friends" tell everyone of what martyrs they are, of how they've really tried to help...
The only positive thing to come from depression is that it keeps people away which means you can be alone for days on end without having spoken to one person. Nobody will think anything of it because nobody wants to know

yermandan

As someone who has gone through various bouts of depression, the news of Gary Speed (Wales Football Manager) taking his own life has upset me greatly.

I have found this thread to be a revelation in terms of support and as an effort to reduce the stigma around the issue of depression/suicide.

So apologies for the zombie thread bump but maybe someone who had not read it before will find comfort in it at a time when this man's death will be top news for a while right now.

Dont suffer alone. There is always someone to talk to.

Samaratins - 1850 60 90 90

Latchy

Gary Speed (Wales Football Manager) takes own life

Jesus ...first I heard of it

Jen Pigs Fly

I was in a car crash there in June - broke my sternum, had internal bleeding of the stomach, bruised my hip bone, had superficial cuts all down my neck, severe whiplash, etc. If I didn't have my seat belt on I'd have been much worse.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and every month at around the same time I get a 'low' where anything will set me off, either in a fit of tears, anger or I just don't want to talk to anyone. I'm trying to think more positive about it though, I've gotten that low already It normally escalated from nothing - this month is was because I never got a phone call I was waiting for, last month my horse needed an operation (which went grand, it was only minor to get some teeth removed), it's silly little things like that, that just sets me off,things that at any other time of the month I would just shrug it off and just get on with it.

But certain people can always bring me out of it, I'm thankful that my mam and sister have prefercted their technique to get me out of it. They'll just sit with me and start to tell jokes or remind me of something funny, it's all I need sometimes really. My GP wants me to go to councelling and I agree, I'm getting intense physio on my neck (I've been suffering a constant headache from the crash, I can't work due to the broke bone, I can't lift anything, I'm constantly tired, etc), and going through surgical consults, my GP is a registered psychiatrist so he's helping me a lot - he's my family GP so I'm happy that all I need to do sometimes is call the surgery and he'll give me a minute or two of his time if I'm really bad.

Granted I consider this a mild version of depression compared to what some people do go through, but during my low stages I physically can't do anything, all I want to do is lie in bed and cry, pretty much anything and everything sets me off I just feel whats the point in trying. I'm confident I will get better - it doesn't nearly take as long anymore to get me out of it for which I'm happy. I have found exercise helps, I will just go for a walk late at night and if I want to cry, then whatever, it's night no one will see or hear, and I always feel better.

iguana

Wurly wrote: »

Crying for no reason, a horrible sadness that follows you around 24/7, life seeming hopeless, feeling like you're worthless, contemplating suicide, no motivation to do anything, not getting happy or excited even when good things happen.

Trust me, you know.

I'd honestly suggest that anyone who is feeling like this goes to their doctor and gets a physical check-up first and foremost. I was feeling like this for several months over the summer. Along with being constantly exhausted and sleeping for 12-14 hours a day at times, also depression symptoms. I figured I was suffering from a type of post traumatic stress depression due to how the last few years had been.

I went to the doctor for an unrelated issue and he did a general batch of tests and it turned out I was anaemic. All of the depression I was experiencing had a very fixable physical cause as within a few weeks of taking an iron supplement I was back to normal.

I know most people with those symptoms won't be so lucky but it's worth ruling out physical problems first, just in case.

Gingervitis

Only yesterday in the Irish Times, very good article. This stuff needs to be at the forefront of the public consciousness:

She radiated talent, energy, beauty. She took her own life at the age of 25.

WoollyRedHat

Gingervitis wrote: »

Only yesterday in the Irish Times, very good article. This stuff needs to be at the forefront of the public consciousness:

She radiated talent, energy, beauty. She took her own life at the age of 25.

It's a very poignant article, just stumbled upon it a while ago. Yes, it is very important that the media and politicians and such aren't afraid to speak pubically and openly about this... until understanding and an open and frank debate is considered normal about depression, until then those who have it will continue to feel hopeless about it, and that needs to be eradicated.

Articles like those are crucial as it raises public conciousness as you say and gives people an insight into depression, and goes to show you how hard it is to spot, and that anybody, at any given time, could be going through it, doesn't matter who you are, where you live or how much you earn.

Things like PTSD aren't really given the attention it deserves either and it's symptoms are often dismissed for something else, which in can turn can make the person more upset frustrated and hopeless.In such cases there is no rationality, only a deep and dark place that you can feel trapped in
We need to be open minded about all these issues, and take it seriously. I hope you feel better soon Jenny, I went through PTSD, but I never got diagnosed, or listened to fully, which made it worse.. sometimes it helps so much when you feel like someone is listening to you and gets it, rather than laughing it off and looking at you like you're crazy

Ainekav

I went through a rough time in 2nd year in college for various reasons that were greater than the sum of their parts - still don't know whether or not I was actually depressed but I was definitely struggling an awful lot to cope.

Counselling helped me a lot. Counsellor wasn't especially good but she was there to listen. Talking to friends (especially those who had gone to counsellor aswell) helped a great deal, to know there are others in the same boat, or have been in the same boat at some stage in their lives.

Posting on PI helped too in a different way - taking control of your feelings and empowering yourself to change. This is what makes me think it wasn't depression because, thank God, It's never reoccured and I seem to have been able to change things, which I know is not really possible with deep depression.

Still get overwhelmed with minor issues sometimes, particularly if I'm having a bad few weeks anyway, but I think at this stage that's just a personality quirk of mine and something that I have to keep in check - remembering theres lots out there worse off than me.

Read that article yesterday - v tragic, poor girl.
Agree wholeheartedly that mental health needs to be opened up to more dialogue in Ireland.

gandhi123

From Stan Collymore's twitter ;

It's 4:48am in the morning(Sat 26th Nov 2011),and i'm wide awake.

I decided to tweet my own personal experience of my latest bout of Depression yesterday,and firstly wanted to thank the hundreds of messages from friends,journalists,mental health workers,doctors,and sufferers,as well as well wishers.It's very humbling to read the stories of fellow sufferers,links to blogs,and general experiences of this awful illness.

I want to elaborate on what Depression is for me,as the illness has so many facets,and varies from bout to bout ,that it can be hard to explain to a fellow sufferer,never mind someone fortunate enough to have never been afflicted!


I've spent so much time with Depression sufferers who have anxiety,irrational fear,too much sleep,not enough,that it's hard to pinpoint one "thing" that Depression is or isn't.All i know is that depending on the severity of the bout,it can be made of mainly one or all of these things,so i'll explain this latest bout,and what it's effect is.

I keep myself in really good nick,i run 10k every week day,and only not go to the gym or exercise at weekends,when i commentate on football for talkSPORT.The running i find really has helped massively,as i'm sure you guys that suffer who exercise find,the tangible release of calm,and "being on top of things" powers your internal dynamo,and keeps the black dog from the door.


Around 10 days ago however,i started to feel anxiety,which grew into irrational fear,which in turn turned into insomnia for 3 days(little sleep,and an incredibly active,negative mind),that in turn over last weekend(Swansea v Man United) into Hypersomnia,whereby my energy levels dipped to zero,and my sleep went from 8 to 18 hours overnight.


So i went from last Saturday at the gym,running 10k as i normally do,looking forward to working,to Tuesday morning being unable to lift my head from the pillow, feeling like my body had been drained of any life,my brain "full" and foggy,and a body that felt like it was carrying an anvil around.

So fit and healthy one day,mind,body and soul withering and dying the next.This to me is the most frightening of experiences,and one fellow suffers i'm sure will agree is the "thud" that sets the Depression rolling.

Once it hits,then cause and effect start to kick in.I sleep 18 hours a day,so i don't see sunlight over sometime a period of a week(my worst ever bout,i spent a month in bed),which i'm sure a doctor then would tell me makes the body shut down even further.My personal world grows smaller,i detach from friends and family,partly out of self preservation,partly not wanting them to see the man bounding around days ago,now looks visibly older,weaker and pathetic.


I eat less,my personal space gets smaller,none of the vain grooming of days before,as bathing,washing,and even going to the loo seem almost impossible.So its me,pyjamas,bed and increasingly despairing thoughts of how long this one will last,a tired,desperately tired but wildly active mind burns through its own blue touch paper until the paper ends,and there is simply nothing left.


That's the point when the practicality sets in,and not a nice one(and incredible to think when you finally get well).

Suicidal thoughts.


Thankfully i've not got to that part yet,and in my last 10 years only once or twice has this practical reality entered my head,and practicality its is,unpalatable the thought may be to many.

Why a practicality? Well,if your mind is empty,your brain ceases to function,your body is pinned to the bed,the future is a dark room,with no light,and this is your reality,it takes a massive leap of faith to know that this time next week,life could be running again,smiling,my world big and my brain back as it should be.So what do some do? They don't take the leap of faith,they address a practical problem with a practical solution to them,and that is taking their own life.And sadly,too many take that route out of this hell.


I'm typing and my brain is full,cloudy and detached but i know i need to elaborate on what i'm going through because there are so many going through this that need to know it's an illness,just an illness.Not bad,mad,crazy or weak,just ill,and that with this particular illness,for its sufferers,for family and friends who are there but feel they can't help,you can!

Patience,time,kindness and support.That's all we need.No "pull your socks up",no "get out of bed you lazy git",just acknowledge the feedback the sufferer gives,get them to go to the GP asap,and help them do the little things bit by bit.

That may seem simple but in my experience,and currently as we speak,having a bath,walking for 5 minutes in the fresh air,making a meal,all things that days before were the norm,seem alien,so friends and family can help ,just by being non judgemental,and helping in the background to get the sufferer literally back on their feet.

I hope that if you are suffering,or know someone that does,that a little insight into someone elses experiences might resonate with one or two and give them the comfort of knowing that there are millions out there like us that deal with this reality in our lives.

We contribute like everyone else,so treat us like everyone else.

You are not alone,there are millions of us.


http://www.mind.org.uk

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Helplines.aspx

http://www.depressionalliance.org

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_health/mental_health/

http://www.sane.org.uk/






Stan Collymore

Some scary in dept stuff... some good advice too for suffers as well as friends/family

Benny_Cake

iguana wrote: »

I'd honestly suggest that anyone who is feeling like this goes to their doctor and gets a physical check-up first and foremost. I was feeling like this for several months over the summer. Along with being constantly exhausted and sleeping for 12-14 hours a day at times, also depression symptoms. I figured I was suffering from a type of post traumatic stress depression due to how the last few years had been.

I went to the doctor for an unrelated issue and he did a general batch of tests and it turned out I was anaemic. All of the depression I was experiencing had a very fixable physical cause as within a few weeks of taking an iron supplement I was back to normal.

I know most people with those symptoms won't be so lucky but it's worth ruling out physical problems first, just in case.

I'd second that,it can be worth getting your thyroid checked once you're at the doctors as well as an over/under active thyroid can have an effect.

But above all,go to a doctor and talk to someone.Depression and anxiety are struggles I've had off and on over the years.I'm doing ok at the moment but I'm always aware of it.It can be helped!

Latchy

Depression is such a minefield that's it can be sometimes hard to fathom what's going on in the persons head and they can feel alone and isolated in their thinking while sometimes conveying a normal appearence on the outside with not wanting to burden family and friends .

If I was to generalise about one type of depression ( and I am only generalising becaause I know it covers a wide range of feelings and emotions ....or lack off from person to person ) you can look at the world around us today and become very despondent with all the financial worrys that people have ,the contionious wars and upheaval in some countrys and when you read of the crime and the terrible things that people are capable of doing to others with no remorse ,the whole rights of criminals before the victims culture which exists were the criminal attains a sometimes 'celb type 'status while the victims are the forgotten people ...the list goes on but that's an external type of depression and a big difference to what an individual person might be expierencing in their own lives as I stated with generalising.

I will refrain from sharing my own periods of depression in my own life if only because it's to complex for me to explain and it involve others who without any exaggeration , suffered more physically and emotionaly than I ever have or will .

From another angle , I remember feeling really down when the riots in London, Manchester and other parts of UK kicked off a few months ago,thinking that 'nothing makes sense any more ' and you can see why some people get to the point with thinking '' what's the point of it all '' and you can quickly realise that people from all walks of life, be they policemen/women ,nurses ,doctors ,soldiers ...people in construction ,IT ,factory workers , anybody , anywhere ...all can suffer with depression and as mentioned in the thread today , people like Gary Speed , who must have reached a point that suicide seemed like the only option .

While many of us will thankfully never reach that low point and at least we are aware now , more open to the subject of depression and those that suffer from it ....more than ever .

ilovesleep

I was mind raped during the summer from a selfish, inconsiderate pr1ck and it all came down in september. The maggot and what he did is still playing on my mind. How someone can take it upon themselves to forcefully enter my mind with an empty promise and followed by lies. I was far too trusting and honest. Brought up the issue with him to me met with ignorance and more lies.

I fell into a depression or I think it is. Shutting myself off from the world and just wanting to sleep. Crying. A lot. Extremely agitated with mental anguish. A lot of stress and tension building in the back and body aches and pains too.

guitarzero

The dilemma for me is what to do.

Ive been to a lot of counselling and found it very useless. Its clear they simply hadnt a clue what to do but were prepared to take you cash regardless, very bewildering.

I play sports and do exercise and dont subscribe to this "brain release of serotonin etc", its not always the case. I've actually felt worse after doing training.

Medication. From my own research it seems like a good route, but, when I read one of the side effects can be a complete loss of libido I quickly lost interest. Also, they dont fully know what other side effects there may be.

Family. From my own experience my family havent been too sympathetic and grow bit aloof. When the issue is brought up I'm met with the same crap of "get a job, but you dont do anything, believe in god" or just general aloofness and much hypocrisy. Generally, they dont wanna know.

Friends. I dont actually like many of my friends. Where I grow up there seems to a delayed adolescence, an arrested development where I still feel as though Im talking with 16 year olds. They give me a slight sense that I matter, thats about it.

Relationships. From my experience here in Dublin, it doesnt matter what you look like or how much you earn, if you are of a depressed/introverted/shy type then best of luck.

Diet. I havent fully implemented a diet as when you suffer of major depression its hard enough to even bother making a meal.

Ambition. 0.

Beliefs. 0.

Energy. 0.

I dont vibe well with people, never really did. I've always seen/felt things differently and it never really felt natural in the company of most people. I've read about BPD's and would tick some of the boxes but to what extent is hard to say. Because of my introspective nature I've found people a little bland in their company unless they're funny. Dilemma with major depression is you can end up losing your own sense of humour, your interests in things that once made you tick. This in turn can make you into a pretty uninteresting fellah. It can become a spiral - you dont remember things as well, you become slower, less spontaneous, your thoughts become fuzzy and unclear, you begin to doubt and hesitate as you fear coming up looking dim. You begin to realize that you sap other people of their energy too.

So what does one do? I've been told to change my attitude which is a bit rich coming from folks who never had to do it themselves. What people seem to forget is that how we experience life is so subjective despite similar location and biology.

I can see how some people can feel so cut off from life that they do drastic things.

Andy!!

It's hard ilovesleep, I know. Very ****ing hard.

Trust me though, someone special will come out of completely left-field and make everything all right for you; you'll be fixed up in no time. Just gotta keep the faith. You aren't gonna meet him in your bedroom though! Get out there, hiding in your room is only making your problem a lot worse believe me.

robman60

Thanks for bumping this thread.

For me, all these things started at age twelve. I don't want to get into the details but two events, the exact same, but yet entirely different, nine days apart. I had never even spoken to the two people at the centre, and at the time I didn't even realise that my whole life would pretty much change because of them. Externally, things were exactly the same. I didn't even know these people, why would it affect me this way?

The next eight months or so were horrible. I was skipping days of school and I wasn't even finished Primary School. What was the point? I felt as if, at some stage, sooner or later, I was pretty much bound to end my life. This might seem bizarre that someone so young felt this way, but I guess there's no age too young, I had a means to do it.

After that, things were all okay, and I thought it was maybe something I'd just feel because of the events, and given my age, that everything would pass of as quickly as it began. Things were fairly rosy for the next while, but the relief was pretty brief.

Age fourteen, second year, skipping school on a daily basis (literally). I'd come in for a couple of classes, feel overwhelmed (although I was still one of the top students academically) and just leave. I didn't even know where I was going, anywhere to get away I guess.

I was keeping all this worry and anxiety bottled up, I didn't know how long I could last. At one stage I wanted to die in a flamboyant way, you know, kind of grab attention, but know I just wanted to just go, just disappear without anyone even noticing, anything to get away. Eventually I kind of "spilled" it to a teacher, who in turn was obliged to inform my parents. I was so worried when my mother was coming home that day, I didn't even know what to say. She didn't either. I (stupidly) shot down her offers for professional help. I didn't want anyone knowing I was suicidal. I felt so ashamed. I felt so selfish. I was worried I'd be seen as unappreciative for all I have. That whole year was absolute hell. Things deteriorated even more, but eventually around June things picked up slightly, but only slightly. I couldn't enjoy anything. I remember laying awake, crying, while on holidays. Fearful I'd be heard by my parents who were in the same room. Things were pretty ****ty.

By around October (a little into third year) things started to get better again. The whole of third year was my best year of secondary school so far, but by mid May of this year things suddenly started going down hill - rapidly.

I remember the day I finished the Junior Cert. I'd been looking forward to the day for months, it was set to be among the best days of my life. It didn't transpire that way. I went to bed really early and just cried. I didn't know what about, and I really didn't know why. I felt so lost, isolated, as if no one felt quite how I felt, even though I know this couldn't be further from the truth.

The next month was horrific - possibly the worst ever. I allowed myself to fall deeper into the downward spiral. All my friends had gone away for the summer, and I pretty much stayed at home every day, only leaving to help my dad with things. One day after a particularly bad day I made my mind up. It ends tonight. The pain and confusion ends tonight. I didn't know what awaited, and frankly, I didn't even care. Surely anything would be better. When I got home I cut a piece of wire-centred closeline and just left. I walked to a wood located nearby, got everything in order, even fitting the noose I'd made for size. I decided to light up a cigarette, I might as well, I thought, I had mere minutes left. Fortunately for me, in the time I was smoking it, I got some form of rationality. From where, I don't really know. I decided to postpone killing myself for the time being, at least.

Things remained pretty ****ty for the next month, and I was really vulnerable. So vulnerable that I started having dark fantasies, things I won't even go into here.

By late September of this year, I started to feel better again. Again, no real explanation as to why I felt better, but I was glad I did.

I'm sixteen now, and currently, I'm pretty good. The way depression can seemingly re-appear at your most vulnerable moments is something that still troubles me though. I can feel fine one day, and literally as if I'm living some sort of half-life the next, and for no apparent reason.

To anyone in a dark place at the moment, remember you're not alone. When I'm in the middle of the worst days I try to fight for the better days, even if I think I'll never experience one again. They can often be few and far between, but just try to keep rational and try to communicate with those closest to you.

To all those working with young people, I ask you to be conscious of how you think a teen is feeling.

For me, I mitched a lot when I felt my worst. I just felt the need to get away from everything, and it became almost a compulsive escape.

This is the first time I've ever made a timeline of events like this, and it's kind of relieving to do it.

Probably not worth reading and incoherent in places, but I guess it's good to write down my things.

Remember, Suicide is a permanent solution to a short-term problem.


-R

Mars Bar

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

I was in a car crash there in June - broke my sternum, had internal bleeding of the stomach, bruised my hip bone, had superficial cuts all down my neck, severe whiplash, etc. If I didn't have my seat belt on I'd have been much worse.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and every month at around the same time I get a 'low' where anything will set me off, either in a fit of tears, anger or I just don't want to talk to anyone. I'm trying to think more positive about it though, I've gotten that low already It normally escalated from nothing - this month is was because I never got a phone call I was waiting for, last month my horse needed an operation (which went grand, it was only minor to get some teeth removed), it's silly little things like that, that just sets me off,things that at any other time of the month I would just shrug it off and just get on with it.

But certain people can always bring me out of it, I'm thankful that my mam and sister have prefercted their technique to get me out of it. They'll just sit with me and start to tell jokes or remind me of something funny, it's all I need sometimes really. My GP wants me to go to councelling and I agree, I'm getting intense physio on my neck (I've been suffering a constant headache from the crash, I can't work due to the broke bone, I can't lift anything, I'm constantly tired, etc), and going through surgical consults, my GP is a registered psychiatrist so he's helping me a lot - he's my family GP so I'm happy that all I need to do sometimes is call the surgery and he'll give me a minute or two of his time if I'm really bad.

Granted I consider this a mild version of depression compared to what some people do go through, but during my low stages I physically can't do anything, all I want to do is lie in bed and cry, pretty much anything and everything sets me off I just feel whats the point in trying. I'm confident I will get better - it doesn't nearly take as long anymore to get me out of it for which I'm happy. I have found exercise helps, I will just go for a walk late at night and if I want to cry, then whatever, it's night no one will see or hear, and I always feel better.

Your story is kinda like mine only I had less physical injuries, it was a bus crash and the bus driver died. It happened on the way to college so lucky for us, the college was aware and offered the counseling service. They actually made one visit compulsory. At first it was PTSD and then as I fell behind with college work (it was my final year), it got worse and worse and I ended up on medication.

I have anxiety issues now though. I found out on Friday that my blood pressure is high because of the anxiety and it's a year and one month since the crash. It takes ages to go away.

EDIT: You know what's freaky? I have chosen the "never have suffered from depression" option. That was when I was at my worst but didn't want to admit it. It was like this thread was trying to tell me something!

Lady Chatterton

I suffered from reactive depression and severe panic disorder after sustaining injuries in a road traffic accident a few years ago. Thankfully, I have made a full recovery but I continue to suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The following books really helped me through a very difficult time in my life. I hope one of these books might help someone else, they should be available in most libraries.

Panic Attacks: What they are, why they happen, and what you can do about them: by Christine Ingham.

This is a brilliant book, it definitely gave me back my life as it helped me to manage my panic attacks so I could get back into a car again after my accident.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Panic-Attacks-happen-about-Happen/dp/0007106904/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322430452&sr=8-1

Depression: The Common Sense Approach by Tony Bates.

This is a very helpful and easy to read book for someone with depression or for a family member of someone with the condition.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depression-Common-Approach-Tony-Bates/dp/0717128601/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322430565&sr=1-1

A Day Called Hope: A Personal Journey Beyond Depression by Gareth O'Callaghan.

This is definitely the best book I've ever read on the subject of depression. Gareth describes how during his depression, he could summon up enough energy to go to work in RTE and do his radio show but as soon as he arrived home each day, he would retreat to his bedroom and would collapse back into bed. He describes it as almost like he was living a double life, his listeners and colleagues weren't aware of his depression but at home he was very withdrawn and he almost completely removed himself from family life. Gareth recovered and went on to become a Clinical Psychotherapist.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Day-Called-Hope-Personal-Depression/dp/0340826487/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1322430678&sr=8-2

Halfshaft

Wurly wrote: »

Believe me mate, when you have depression, you bloody know about it.

Crying for no reason, a horrible sadness that follows you around 24/7, life seeming hopeless, feeling like you're worthless, contemplating suicide, no motivation to do anything, not getting happy or excited even when good things happen.

Trust me, you know.

That could'nt describe me lately any better...... Even the things you used to look foward to at the end of the week don't even matter anymore.

Halfshaft

ilovesleep wrote: »

I was mind raped during the summer from a selfish, inconsiderate pr1ck and it all came down in september. The maggot and what he did is still playing on my mind. How someone can take it upon themselves to forcefully enter my mind with an empty promise and followed by lies. I was far too trusting and honest. Brought up the issue with him to me met with ignorance and more lies.

I fell into a depression or I think it is. Shutting myself off from the world and just wanting to sleep. Crying. A lot. Extremely agitated with mental anguish. A lot of stress and tension building in the back and body aches and pains too.

I have just got out of a relationship with a woman that we were in for 6 years, to use the word mind rape would be an understatment to describe the last 2 years of it. Mental bloody hell it was. We also have a 3 year old son together that she used as leverage most of the time and still does to this day and it is absolutly heartbreaking. I some times wonder was she human at all. The sheer lack of emotion and remorse that she has shown for some of the things she has done has left me lost for words..... I have never raised a hand to a woman in my life but the morning she punched me square in the face as my son was holding my hand as i took him to playschool was the final straw. Somehow i held back, just laughed at her and walked away and that was the end. I walked away and left everything. I'm 28 and she's 31.

Lone Stone

Funny how it takes a high profile suicide to stir up a conversation about depression, some one jumped in front of the fast train at the dart station near my house the other week and wasnt even a peep on the radio.

But anyway i get depressed a lot of the time, took a few years to get over PTS and panic disorder but i have been ok the past year or two. And most definitly found myself thinking about suicide at that time, your mind goes to strange places when your depressed.Its a hard thing to talk about with people when your in that place, But even then i never felt that talking to friends or family about it helped, because i knew they didnt understand. Some time's its best to talk to a stranger ( councillor etc).

I know people are like talk to friends or family and thats fine just so you let them know, but its always going to be down to you to try and help yourself, Well maybe that was just me im sure its different for everyone. It's good to talk!