Tell us about them

tbh · 07-07-2010 12:02pm #1

Mods - hope this is ok, feel free to delete/edit if not.

One of the things that bereaved people say a lot is that they feel bad about "boring" their friends with stories about the loved one that they've lost.

So, I propose that we have a thread where you can say as much or as little as you like about that person, and not feel embarrassed about blathering on

I'll thank every post that I can to let you know that someone is listening

The Recliner · 07-07-2010 1:11pm

Stickied as I think this is a good idea and might help a lot of people

Contessa Raven · 07-07-2010 11:46pm

This is a great idea! I was actually responding to another thread in here on Monday and I wrote an essay about my gran. I didn't post it though as I figured no-one would care enough to read it all.

My gran was like a mother to me. When my parents went back to work after I was born, she raised me pretty much! She lived on the same street as us so I saw her everyday. It got to the stage where I lived/stayed with her 5 nights out of 7. I adored her. She was my best friend. I haven't got the best relationship with my mother and so all those mother-daughter bonding things I did with my gran.

When I was 14 she passed away. It was so sudden. She wasn't ill. I stayed with her one Sunday night and left early in the morning without a chance to speak to her. That evening, we got a knock on the door to say she had collapsed at the top of the street. She had suffered a brain haemorrhage.

She was declared brain dead and died on the Thursday. It was so hard. It was like I lost a mother. Even now, 7 years later, I still get a longing ache when I think about her. She was amazing.

I just wanted to write out how I felt about her because I never really told her I loved her. We didn't have that type of relationship. She wasn't a soppy woman. But I know she knew I idolised her and I know she loved me like a daughter.

I love you gran. I miss you so much. Watch over me. X

jellybear · 08-07-2010 1:09am

My Granny died in 2009 and I still find it impossible to talk about it all. She basically became ill very quckly and had to go into hospital, she had an operation and spent a week in ICU and three months in a ward 'recovering'. The whole three months she was in there all she talked about was going home, she loved her home so much. I visited her as much as possible and whenever I would go in the nurses would sy 'Oh your the teacher, she never stops talking about you!'. My granny was so proud of me because I was in my final year of college, about to become a teacher. During her stay in hospital my parents went abroad (it was already planned and she stubbornly told them to go, that she would be fine!). I went in and spent 2hours visiting her one of the nights and it was so lovely, we talked about old times, my plans for the summer, literally everything. Granny loved to know all the news and I was going to a friends party and had gotten a new dress so she made me tell her all about it, like always- she did this if you went out for a meal or went shopping, she wanted to know what you ate,what you bought etc. Granny was doing really well and they kept telling her she was getting stronger and would be going home soon. I saw her on Thursday evening, my dad and I went in for the usual visit. During the usual chat she said she needed to talk to me, she wanted me to be her carer when she went home because she wouldnt be able to look after herself. Me and Dad would look after her and all she kept saying was 'and dont worry Ill pay you and everything!' Of course I would have been her carer, sure we were planning to build a granny flat for her at our house so she could live with the family. We finished our chat and it was time to go, I gave her the usual hug and kiss and told her I would be in to see her as soon as I could but my college finals were starting the week after next so it might be a few days, of course she said not to be worrying and her usual 'please God' when I said I would see her soon. She took a turn for the worst on Friday and I got the most upsetting phonecall I will ever get on the Saturday afternoon, she had died. I will never forget where I was and what I was doing, sitting in the local waiting for a football match to start. Of course I rushed into the hospital to be with my family but mostly my dad. He was Grannys (and grandad who died in 2006) carer for years. He spent at least two hours everyday with her. I was heartbroken, she had been talking to my uncle, asking him what they had for dinner that afternoon and all of a sudden she grabbed her chest and cried out in pain, she had a sudden and completely unexpected heart attack. Later that afternoon the woman in the bed opposite her showed me a picture on her mobile of my granny using the walker to come back into the room that morning after her physio.

The removal and funeral where the next week, Wednesday and Thursday, the week I struggled to study for my college finals. After the removal Daddy gave me a present, Granny's wedding ring, he said 'She loved you and trusted you more than anyone, she would want you to have it.'

I wore it around my neck on a chain for my college finals and got the best results of my time in college. She was definitely looking down on me.

Granny was so proud of me and my one regret is not being able to drive to her house (like I did when I passed my driving test or anything big happened) to tell her I had gotten my first teaching job in a lovely school. She would have loved it and Im so sad I never got to tell her.

I love you Granny, sleep tight.xxx

banie01 · 08-07-2010 2:01am

Tell us about them…..hmmmm
I spent 12 fantastic years with a fantastically beautiful woman. She made me reassess everything I was as a person and made me a better man every second she was with me.
I measured my happiness and my success by the breadth of her smile  When people say ‘Your better half’ I know exactly what they mean…Kate was my conscience, my deep breath before I reacted, my centre and her smile still is my happy place on those dark days.
Its 3yrs since she died and I still wake up and roll over in the morning expecting to see her next to me…..And then I remember what happened that she’s gone and its like being back to the 16th April 2007 all over again!

I’ll give the whole story from start, waaaaaay back in ’96, when she was 15 and was 16!
I asked her out without ever even seeing her!
Me and a group of mates were hanging around outside one of our houses.....and I heard the most beautiful laugh in the world coming from behind a van.
So I sent my friends GF over to find out who laughed...And to ask her to 'go away' with me The innocence of youth! haha!!!
That night after our 1st kiss and cuddle I went back to my bestfriend and told him...I just met the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with'!
2 weeks later I told her I loved her......and I never looked back!
We had our ups and downs thankfully more ups

We travelled a lot, Spent 4 years living in Lanzarote where I fell in love with the Independent, Strong and assertive woman she became all over again!
We moved home to Ireland in 2003 and our son was born in 2004…..The happiest moment of both our lives 
We both got down to working hard towards buying our home in 2006….We went to view a house that I wasn’t sure about…But Kate made me go back for a second viewing and it grew on me…..
Everything that needed doing was cosmetic so I shrugged my shoulders and got down to bidding, when we finally bought the house and contracts were exchanged Kate sat me down and thanked me! She told me that when she was a little girl she useta walk down the avenue on her way back from going to the shop and sit on the wall outside eating ice cream dreaming that one day she’d live there and now she did 
I asked her why didn’t she tell me that when we were bidding…….And she said because I knew you would have paid whatever they wanted to get it for me, and you know me Babe…..I love a bargain!LOL

We were only in our home 9mths when Kate had a massive heart attack while we were waiting for a taxi on a Saturday afternoon……
Truth be told she was gone before the ambulance came  But they fought soooo hard to give her a chance! We got to the hospital and I had to tell her folks what happened…and as a parent myself its news I never ever want to face 
They kept her on life support for 2 more days, which gave us a chance to get our family together and get her sister home to say goodbye.
Even in death Kate’s generosity shone through, we had often talked about organ donation and Kate was adamant that if ever she was in that position that her organs were to be used our she would haunt me!

It made it an easy decision for us as a Family to donate, in fact we approached the Doctors about it.

So I lost her after 12 years that I wouldn't swap for the universe. But I’m lucky our son is here and even though he was only 3 when she died, he still has so many memories that we talk about and keep fresh in his mind aswell as all the stories that family friends have about his mam….

When I told my friend 12 years earlier that I'd spend the rest of my life loving her I meant it....
I just always thought she'd be here with me:) Instead of being my guardian angel!:(

moloko · 09-07-2010 3:12am

This is a great. I've never posted, but have read boards for years. My lil bro died suddenly over 4 years ago and i miss him always, he was the deadliest person i have ever met, handsome, funny, mad brainy and into dinosaurs. I didn't hang around with him, but when he came home at night we would sit in the garden and have the best talks, he brought the best out of me. I am so proud to be his sister, but mostly his friend and I miss him so much but I know we will always be connected and we will meet again.

Bearpup · 09-07-2010 3:30pm

My dad passed away 6 weeks ago after a bravely fought battle with cancer. My relationship with him had always been quite rocky but over the past 4 or 5 years we had been getting on well, like father and daughter should :-). Before he passed he was in a hospice for a short space of time, every evening I would go to visit him, He wasn't really an affectionate type of man.. I used to say oh dad your skin is very dry, Ill put moisturiser on them. It was only an excuse to hold his hand & be close to him. I wish I had of told him I love him.

jellybear · 10-07-2010 1:30am

Bearpup wrote: »

I wish I had of told him I love him.

Bearpup, I know and understand that feeling but honestly he knew you loved him, and that you always will. Sure you said you visited him every night in the hospice, that shows how much you love him. Like they say actions speak louder than words

Bolag_the_2nd · 12-07-2010 2:27pm

My dad passed away after a very long illness, he arranged his own funeral and gave us all very exact instructions, he was a mad hatter and even at the end was joking, He left us all letters telling us what we ment to him as daughters, I will treasure mine as my most worthy possession, we had a 3 day wake where we all shared stories about the great JB. I miss my dad but Im glad he isint suffering anymore.

whitelightrider · 12-07-2010 9:36pm

My dad passed away on the 15th March this year. Dad was always healthy, never sick a day in the 32 years Id known him. Only time he was ever in hospital was to visit other people. My sis asked him to go to the doctor in January as he had lost some weight and she was worried. He went, and was sent for an x-ray. Results came back and there was a shadow there and the doc wanted him to get it checked. Nothing to worry about. I took the time off work and went with Dad to get the tests. I went with him to get the results. I sat at the side of the desk as the doctor told him that there was an abnormality in his lung and it was too large to operate. He was going to arrange for the chemo and radio in the same session. Dad didnt flinch. Barely blinked. I took it all in and crumbled on the inside. We walked out together and sat in the car. I didnt even know what to say to him. And all he wanted to do on the way home was to get dinner for Mam. We walked in the door at home and he broke the news to my mother and my sister and for the first time he broke down. Ill never forget it.
Dad was ready to fight. He was a grandad to his little angel and he wanted to be around for her growing up. I took him to the other tests and it tore me up inside leaving him each time. But I was there again to pick him up. Only time I ever saw him upset was when he realised he couldnt go near his little grand daughter after the CT scan.
Anyway long story short we went for dinner for Mothers Day on the 14th March. It was an amazing day. We had such a laugh. I dropped Mam and Dad home and continued home myself. At 6.50am on Monday morning my mother called and asked me to call in on the way to work. I thought the TV was broke or NTL was down. The usual. When I got there she asked me to check on Dad. I walked into the bedroom and found my father had died in his sleep. I still dont know what I said when I called my brother in law to let my sister know. I dont know how I reacted when I found Dad. But he went on his own terms, asleep beside his wife. I just wanted him to wake up.

Its hard. Dad was my best friend. He spent every evening with me while we built my house. He painted it with me, inside and out. And we shared some amazing times doing it. Walking around the house I can still feel him. I miss him terribly.

Apologies for the long post. Just wanted to get it out there. I love you Dad. You will be forever missed.

alwaysadub · 13-07-2010 5:59pm

My dad died fourteen years ago, when i was 16. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. He'd gone back to work for the 1st time on a Saturday since i was born, cos i was starting to do my own thing by that stage. Me and my mam had gone out to get him a birthday card,cos it was his birthday a few days later, it ended up also being the day he was cremated. He'd had a massive heart attack while out on a delivery in work, died instantly.
I always miss him, but i know he's looking down on us all, and keeping us safe.

I'm really really dreading his anniversary in 2 years-cos then he will be out of my life for as long as he was in it.

Handsome Bob · 13-07-2010 7:33pm

My Godmother died a couple of years ago from cancer. I absolutely loved her to bits and can still vividly remember the moment she pulled back her coat to reveal her baby bump to me, and I'll never forget the day I held her daughter in my arms for the first time.

Before she died I had been lucky (or unlucky, depending on which way you look at it), I never really experienced bereavement from a loved one before she died. However I suppose this made me complacent, I didn't really take in that she was actually dying you know? On the day she died I could have gone up to her house but didn't, I don't know what I was thinking at the time to be honest. As I said, I was complacent, and thought "this isn't the end." Well I was wrong, and spent a good few years destroying myself over that decision I made. I've bounced back now, not completely but I'm forever progressing.

I just had a lot of anger in me, at myself and at the manner in which she died. I don't want to get into specific details but all I can say is that her death could have been avoided but was failed by those who didn't do their job. I had to learn to let go of all that anger though in order to get myself together. There's not a day where I don't think about her, I miss her and will never forget her.

Canard · 13-07-2010 8:25pm

My mam died in November, when I was still 14. My twin sister and I were staying in our aunt's house the way we always did on a Saturday night, so her and my dad could go out with their friends, and so our auntie could see us of course.

At around 6:30am the next day my dad came into the room in a panic. I suppose, looking back on it, I knew something bad had happened to her since she wasnt there. Its hard to actually remember how I felt and acted and even what happened that morning, I didnt know what to do; he told us she and the four others had been hit by a car but that he had gotten out of the way, but she died later.

I miss her so much. Her mother had just died in July suddenly, and in a way I felt as if she had just sort of..run off or something.

I dont really know what to say about her. I used to get frustrated with her as people my age do, but now I really see she definitely had my best interests at heart and there were reasons why she was so strict. I dont see them as silly reasons either, I completely understand and I definitely wish she was still here, because my dad doesnt really do it the same way, although he's doing his best and I know that.

I just can't wait til the day I see her again.

LegacyUser · 13-07-2010 10:26pm

...just want to say, strange and all as it sounds, it's somehow comforting to know that everyone goes through grief....lots of love and hugs to you all..XxX

My Gran died New Days day four years ago when I was 22. She had been ill the previous year, on and off, but had looked to be getting better. I was living away for about 4 years at that time, had been home for a wee while during the time she was sick, but when I left, she seemed to be on the mend, so I wasn't too worried. I last spoke to her Christmas day, and stupid as it sounds, it hurt me so much for a long time afterward that I couldn't remember whether I said I love you when we hung up. I'm sure I probably did, but it's funny the things we cling to after someone's gone.

I find it hard to explain to my friends that I still miss her so much, a lot of people expect me (and my family) to be "over it" by now. She wasn't just "Gran", she was like another mother, but without any of the arguing that I would've had with Mum when I was a teenager-Gran was the mediator, trying to get me to understand that Mum was just looking out for me, not doing things to annoy me. She someone who you could sit in silence with, or laugh with, or cry with when you needed. She was always there for us, even when she was feeling ill-she'd had a minor heart attack the previous Christmas, and didn't want to tell us, incase it ruined Christmas for us!

I miss the little things the most. I still go to ring her to see does she want the local paper each week, or when I see something she'd love from the bakery (she was a wonderful cook, but appreciated other peoples baking too!). But most of all, I miss knowing she's there, that her comforting voice isn't at the other end of the phone, that if I walk out to the house, I won't find her doing the gardening, or insisting that I sit down for a cup of tea and a scone or some toast. I just miss her.

I know she's looking out for me now (I've had several strange experiences since she left, all with major meaning, which has been lovely) but sometimes, I really wish I could just get a hug and a "ahh hello love" from her again, I'd give anything for that...

princess-lala · 14-07-2010 8:15pm

I have two in 3 years

Tony my gorgeous cousin died three years ago in September, his second day back at school. Tony was only 16 when he died in p.e. class.

He was so quiet but when he did speak he always had something funny and witty to say.

His death was massive news so we had TV cameras and newspapers everywhere and we couldn't grieve in peace. Tony died of SADS and ever since all the family and his friends have been raising money to buy defibrillators, it still doesn't bring him back but even if we save one life by raising all this money......

My second was the love of my life John, I met John in June of 07 and fell in love with his personality straight away.

He was my world, so funny, happy, smiley, gorgeous, friendly and he loved me

We got on so well but from early on I noticed he loved a drink.

He gave up the drink alot when we got together and he would only have a drink when we went out. I was out sick after an accident when we met and he got me out walking to get my strength back.

In September Tony died and John was there for me the whole way through, keeping me going.

In October he made me go back to work even though I had been told I would never work again, helped me when I was in pain and made me smile when I said I couldnt go on.

In November he became withdrawn and unhappy but promised me everything would be ok.

In December we went mad shopping for each other for Christmas, he hit the bottle again but did it when I wasn't around.

In January as part of his Christmas present I brought him to see United playing, he was so happy that day to see them beat Newcastle 6-0

We broke up at the start of February because his drinking became too much, I told him he needed help and when he got it we could sort "us" out.

3 weeks later John took his own life. That week he text me so many times to tell me how much he loved me and how sorry he was, I have to live with that for the rest of my days that I wanted him to sort himself out before I would reply to him. He text me 20minutes before he died and I had the reply written for the Guards to find

Handsome Bob · 14-07-2010 8:20pm

That's so tragic lala on both counts, it's a testament to your mental strength that you can survive that much pain though.

Daisies · 14-07-2010 11:46pm

Oh I don't even know where to start, I'm afraid it could be multiple posts for me. Apologies in advance.

I'll start with Michael
Mike is my cousin. He was 3 years older than me and the closest thing to a big brother I ever had. He was outgoing, funny, sporty and the friendliest person you could ever meet. He had time for everyone young and old. We always joked with each other and made fun of each other. H e used to talk about bringing me out to our local nightclub and teased me about fancying his friends.

Michael died when he was 19, I was 16. I remember the day as vividly as it was yesterday. It was the 15th of Feb 2003 and I was on my way to orchestra in Galway. Mam was bringing me to meet my lift and said "Michael's in hospital, he's very sick".

Now at this point I should add, Mike had brain surgery when he was 9 to remove brain aneurysms so I remember him being in hospital a lot as a child. So I said "He'll get better, he always does". I didn't think any more of it all day. Then when I left orchestra and was in my lift on the way home I get a phone call- Mam. They were on the way to the hospital and had passed us on the road. I said to Mam "Tell Michael I said get better", and she broke and said "He' not going to Fiona". I spent the next 30mins crying silently without anyone noticing until I left the car at my house.

Mike died, aged 19 from a massive brain haemorrhage caused by a ruptured aneurysm. He was half way through a college degree he loved, was on the top of his game football wise and had his life to live for. His family donated his organs and 6 pieces of him are living on. As my Mam said "Whoever got his heart, got a big one"- they lucked out.

It was tough because Michael didn't live near me or go to my school so none of my friends knew what happened. I was only off school for 3 days and no-one knew what had happened when I came back. That was the toughest part. I needed to talk to someone but couldn't talk to my family because I was the "sensible one". I minded the kids, made tea, served sandwiches but never got asked how I was.

Michael was the glue that held us all together. He was the family clown and nothing has been the same since. When my Nan died, everyone said that a part of her died with Michael, and to be quite honest I think a bit of all of us did. I still can't believe it's been 7 years and I miss him as much as ever. I still remember the last time I saw him and laugh at the things he said to me.

RIP Michael, the world is truly a poorer place without you x

Kablamo! · 15-07-2010 4:31pm

Can't really face up to a back story type monologue at the moment, but I think this thread is a fabulous idea.

I went to Cork last week, and with the new road the journey from Dublin only took two and a half hours. My heart broke when I remembered that Dad was dead and I couldn't ring him to tell him.
Driving places and trying to get their faster than other people was a great pastime of his. Forever finding new 'shortcuts' and what have you.
As soon as he arrived somewhere, even just to work in Wicklow I'd get a call, "Kablamo! 47 minutes! Tell your Mother!".
Or when we'd go to Clare to visit family, and people would say how was the journey, he'd get excited and start talking about a back road that shaved 7 minutes off the going time.
I miss sharing things with him.

Novella · 15-07-2010 9:27pm

My granny died in 2001, after a short battle with cancer. I was twelve years old.

Every single memory I have as a child, involves my grandparents. I lived with them for many years of my childhood and people always remarked how I had them both wrapped around my little finger. They were (and my grandad still is) wrapped around mine too.

My granny was the most perfect person I have ever met. I was asked recently was it difficult not having a very close bond with my mother, and the answer is no. My mum is a good person, she really is and I do love her, but love doesn't even come close to describing how I felt about nanny.

I miss the way we stayed up really late at the weekends and talked. I've never been able to talk to anyone else in the same way. I miss her smell - talcum powder and warmth. I wish I could see her again, because sometimes I think that maybe I've forgotten her voice, or that maybe when I picture her, I part her hair on the wrong side. It makes me sad when people say that time is a healer. I only feel like we get further and further apart.

If I stayed here writing this for hours and hours, I'd never be able to sum up how glad I am to have had such an amazing grandmother. Twelve years is a short time to have had someone, but I still think I'm lucky. If I'm even a tiny bit like her, that's more than enough for me.

The day she died meant that a gap was created in my life. It was a gap that can never be filled, but I like to think that we had a bond that can never be broken, also. So wherever you are, granny, I hope you know I love you, that I'll always miss you. Oh, and that I'm working on becoming a doctor - just like I told you I would.

x

LegacyUser · 17-07-2010 4:16am

My Grandfather passed away 2 weeks ago to the day. It was sudden. He was in his mid-80s. Words really cannot describe the bond we had. I am 24.

From the age of 3 he took me under his wing. I was his favourite. My sister (one year younger than me) was born with severe disability and as such my parents were quite rightly distracted, devoted and tied to her unlike any other of their children. My Grandad must've recognised that me being a toddler at the time was left out unintentionally and so began the most important relationship of my life.

He took me every weekend, sometimes more and spoiled me. Going with Granda as a child was like going to Disneyland. He educated me, told me about his life, made me laugh and yes, did all the things my parents were unfortunately unable to do properly as they were caring for a sick child. He would marvel at my homework, come to my schoolplays and read my school reports. He drove me to my first day at school and picked me up afterwards. As I grew up he was the with their mates etc. I went to my Grandads. Every Friday I would literally burst with excitement at the thought of the weekend ahead. He encouraged me, instilled confidence in me and always made me smile.

As I became a teenager, nothing changed. I still went every weekend without fail. I honestly treasured him more than anything in the world. At 14, my Grandmother passed away. He was heartbroken and alone, so I moved in with him. I have lived there for the last ten years. He has been there for my Junior, Leaving, College, First Job etc.

He was my mentor, gaurdian and above all else my best friend. I had the best childhood in the world because of him. He worked everyday, drove, was fiercely independent and was always only ever a phonecall away or a conversation away from being there for me. He was the funniest, sharpest and wittiest man and I learned so much from him.

On the day he died, there were many relatives gathered around his bedside. He couldn't speak but I am convinced he could hear. The relatives filled out one by one to get coffee. I asked for some one on one time with him. I told him all of the above. How much I loved him and how he made me who I was today. Tears streamed down his face and mine. Ten minutes after I finished talking, he died in my arms. While heartbroken, I feel comforted knowing I finally got to tell him how much he meant to me. I finally grew up and realised how much this man had done and thankfully got to thank him for it.

I gave a speech at the funeral about how this man devoted his life to me and what he did changed me for the better. He is a testament to the power of love and what it can do. I am now looking forward and hoping to make him proud. I have also realised that the time we give others, the love we share with them, the actions we do rather than the words go a long way towards helping people. I hope to give back to someone some day, be it a child, grandchild, whoever, the love he gave to me because nothing in this world, be it money, possessions etc could ever match the memories, the happiness and the guidance I received from him.

I will never ever forget it, and I will always be grateful right to day I die.

Bolag_the_2nd · 17-07-2010 7:47pm

It was my dad's month's mass today, it was the first time all his girls were together since the funeral, and while we celebrated his life a month ago, today we all cried, after a month without him, it all hit home today, we reconed we were so prepared for his passing, and we were, he made sure of that, but today was a very different affair, a month ago we laughed and the whole family were here to say goodbye, today it was just his daughters, JB was a legend, my sister is expecting a boy, JB jr. he has huge shoes to fill.

Crann na Beatha · 24-07-2010 5:06pm

This post has been deleted.

Alicat · 27-07-2010 3:22am

My grandad passed away in 2007. I'll never forget the long and horrible night he passed. My boyfriend was having a party in his house. I hadn't even gone downstairs to join the party when I noticed a load of missed calls from my parents. Such a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know something bad has happened

Grandad had been deteriorating over the past few years, but this one had hit him hard. This was the call to say it was all about to end. My boyfriend and his dad immediately started the car to drive me the 25 mile trip to the hospital, where my parents were headed. He was already unconscious when we got there, and wouldn't wake up again. The whole family spent the night in between his room and the waiting room, as there wasn't really enough space for us all, but we were told not to go home as this was it. In the final hour, it was absolutely heartbreaking to see my poor Grandma looking desperately at the nurse as he felt Grandad's pulse for the millionth time. The final time, just before 8am, he just nodded at my Grandma and we all fell apart. My uncle arrived from Portugal just over an hour too late.

The only comfort I had at that time was that as soon as he was gone, his face changed. I could see he wasn't there. It wasn't Grandad. I could feel better that he wasn't suffering anymore.

I miss him all the time. I try to see my Grandma as often as possible. Even just nattering for a few hours over a pot of tea. I want her to know that I care about her and love her, because sometimes I think I didn't say it enough to Grandad.

We had our own little ways though. Our hello and goodbye to eachother was always a 'bonk' on the head. It sounds so strange to people outside the family; a gentle touching of foreheads and you always had to say 'bonk'

I always sat beside him at the dinner table every Sunday, to take care of him. He was always dropping his napkin so I used to pin it to the top of his jumper at the start of every meal. And no matter how many lights we had on in the room, he would always say he couldn't see his dinner, so I got him one of the miner's torches that you put on your head. He could always see his dinner then, even if it looked really silly

He'd rub my hand, smile and say "My Al, always looking after me".

His voice is still on the phone message recorder, and still makes us laugh because he has his 'phone voice' on. I think of him every time I see a Fry's Chocolate Cream. Or any time I see a sailing boat, even as a decoration. I don't know what they're called but you know those remembrance bookmark things you can get? With the picture of the person and a prayer? Grandad's sits in the fruit bowl at home, on the dining table, so he's always at dinner.

This has been great to talk about it. I've never felt I could 'bore' people with my little stories of him. Just kind of thought no one would care that much and they'd think I was weird.

Kelda09 · 27-07-2010 4:31pm

Where do I start!! First of all, love the idea of this thread, as other people have said, you feel like your boring people if you talk too much. I've lost too many people that I care about to say everything in one post however, the last few days I've been thinking a lot about a close friend who passed away last year. My friend was one of the nicest, Kindest, most caring people you could ever be lucky to meet, however, he was also a troubled man who was working so hard to get things worked out for himself and was just getting things going the way he wanted them when he was suddenly taken.

I miss his hugs, every time I saw him I got enveloped in a massive bear hug, whatever was going on, those hugs made me feel safe and loved. I miss his smell (I know,its strange!) after every hug, my clothes would smell of his scent for ages after, I used to say to him that I smelled like a bloke cos of him, now I just want that scent back on my clothes. I've never smelled that aftershave since and although he told me loads of times what it was called, I could never remember it

I miss his accent, and the way he spoke, you'd hear him before you'd see him,

This will sound strange but the evening of his burial I rang his voicemail, just to hear him again:o

I feel guilty:( The last proper sit down, long conversation we had was a few days before he died, during this chat I told him I thought a decision he had made was a wrong decision for him at this time. I know it wasn't what he wanted to hear, but we were always honest with each other. I just wish I could go back and just have a fun chat, my last talk with him ended with me pretty much bursting his bubble

Mostly though, I just want him back, I want to get a chance to say goodbye, I want to thank him for everything he did for me, for all the laughs, for the times we were doubled up in tears laughing

For the daftness, and to thank him for letting me be me with him, no judgement, no trying to change me.

I'm so lucky to have had him as a friend for as long as I did, I just wish it could have been longer and I wish I got a chance to say goodbye.

Thanks for letting me 'talk' guys. This thread is great. My thanks to those involved in getting it set up

Im sorry for rambling on so much!

barbiegirl · 27-07-2010 4:35pm

My Daddy passed away June 09 aged 61. It was so unexpected. Perfectly healthy man, we had just been down for fathers day. Then he got a nose bleed, went to A&E, and 6 hours later was dead. We're still waiting on the coroners findings, as it wasn't heart, brain, clot etc. nothing normal. This makes it so hard to move on for everyone especially my mum.

My mum and dad were totally in love. Daddy just adored his family and worked so hard for us all. There are no bad memories of him. The family is just devastated, we're a big, loud family who are very close. My mum is lost, that's the only word. She keeps going on holidays to get away from things but ultimately she's lost her partner, they thought they had years together yet. I don't know what to do to help her, none of us do.

I don't think it really gets better, I'll always miss him, he was my Daddy and you only get one.

Dude111 · 27-07-2010 7:44pm

This is an excellent thread!!!

Both my grandparents have passed awya and its very hard for me.....

The latest is: My grandfather who was 93 just passed last spring. I remember going to the hospital and visiting him;saying goodbye,etc.......

I used to call him ALL THE TIME on the phone and talk to him @ home,he used to say "Everyone would be better off w/o me" It was very sad hearing him say this and i kept telling him THAT WASNT THE CASE!!

Before that HIS WIFE (My grandma) passed away several years ago... I WAS VERY CLOSE TO HER AND LOVED HER LIKE CRAZY!!

Before that my OTHER GRANDMA passed away.. I went to her house and saw her days before it happend,i was glad i did

and the first of my grandparents to pass was my Grandfather on my Dads side...... We used to all go out to eat @ Bonanza for my birthday... AH IT WAS SO GOOD!! One christmas they brought up MORE PRESENTS than i had ever seen

I miss all 4 of my grandparents like crazy but ya know something,its good to have a message base to talk about how much we love them!!

Thank you

LegacyUser · 29-07-2010 2:59pm

Great thread.

My Mum was and still is the love of my life. I know this deep down. As a child, she would take any upset away from me, my haven of happiness. She got a brain tumour when I was 7. From then, I remember so much sadness and even though Mum was the one I would always turn to for comfort, something was different and I began to have troubles. This tumour eventually got her when I was 17 after a long illness towards the end of which there wasn't much of her to recognise. She couldn't be around to help me through the difficult years of growing up. I turned inside myself. I don't have any memories of her before her first illness. But I know deep down how, before that, she was the light in my life and still is. I feel that I haven't put enough effort into reconstructing her in my mind and I must do that through trying to talk to my Dad and to spend more time with her sisters. I think my need to do this is what hurts most.

I just know that my Dad fell in love with her for her energy, positivity, beauty, love of people and the world, soft gentle and big eyes (which I'm so glad I inherited) and wide smile. I want that, too.

I miss you so much and no one can hold a candle to you.

oh well , okay · 29-07-2010 11:08pm

Kinda stumbled across this thread and thought it might help to write down what's happening to me at present .. .

My wife is 16 weeks pregnant with twins and we recently found out that one of the twins will not live longer than a few hours . He/she has a rare genetic disorder that unfortunately is 100% fatal , nothing causes/prevents it it's just one in a thousand . The child is fine while in the womb but won't survive for long outside it .

We are both devastated by the news although we both are getting on with things as best we can , we have a 4 yr old child and that helps us both cope . We tried so hard to get pregnant and have gone through 4 rounds of IVF to get where we are today . We were so thrilled to find out it was twins and to finally feel like we had turned a corner and our luck was changing only to have the rug pulled right out from beneath us .

I'm a 35 yr old man and in 4 weeks I'm supposed to visit my local undertakers and arrange my childs funeral ahead of time , how do you face that ? Nothing to do only get on with it I suppose .

I cry most days , just for a minute or two , usually in private and it's usually unexpected . A phrase in a song or an image in a paper might set me off . My wife cries at night , I often wake at 3 or 4am to find her crying beside me , it breaks my heart to see her like this but all I can do is hold her. It's harder for her I know and yet she carries it better than I do , I really hope that I'll be strong for her when the time comes .

Most people by now have been told the news , it's terrible meeting people every day and telling them but thankfully that is nearly finished now . I still have to tell my 4 yr old but will leave that till closer to the time , he's too young to fully understand but he's cute enough all the same . We've been trying to hide it from him but he still asks why we are so sad . He kisses mammies belly once on each side for each twin every morning and every night . It's actually great to see him so happy about the twins .

I know there's a tsunami of grief heading my way and if I'm honest I just wish it would arrive . My wife is coping better than me at present but I know she's suffering too . We talk a lot about it and we are a very close couple . We are both starting counselling soon , the hospital recommended it and we are happy to go along . We've tough oul skins after 2 yrs of IVF but this is something on a different scale entirely and we will gladly accept any help we can get . Our families and friends have been fantastic as have the hospital staff . My work place has been pretty poor to be honest but what can ye do about that .

I know we will still (please God) have a healthy baby but at the minute this offers little consolation and I feel guilty about that , I know down the line that the healthy child will be a great help but I just don't feel that yet .

We're just in limbo with it at the minute . My wife is still carrying two living , hearts beating , legs kicking happy little children inside of her but we know that one's heart will fade quickly when it leaves her body . The only thing we can do for the twins is try to have a happy pregnancy and that's what we'll do .

One thing that eats me inside is people already discounting the ill child as if it has already died . I know they mean well but would they talk about a terminal illness patient in the past tense ? The child will live if only for a few hours but those hours will be precious to us . He/she will have a birth cert and a death cert , our family will be a family of five .

I know we'll cope and I know we'll be stronger because of it , I wanted to write down how I'm feeling and though I've only scratched the surface it has helped to put it down on paper as such .

Thanks for listening .

Kelda09 · 29-07-2010 11:23pm

Oh Well OK, My heart goes out to you, I cant imagine what your going through, and I know that nothing I say can change things for you, but I just want to say that BOTH your beautiful babies and you four year old are incredibly lucky to have parents like you and your partner. Make the most of whatever time you have with both babies. Whatever length you will be blessed to have with both babies is valid (Not sure if thats phrased rightly) both lives are equally presious and to anyone who make you doubt your feelings by speaking in the past tense, just tell them that. More than likely they are misguidedly trying to help. At the risk of sounding like a mad hippy, I will ask my angels to help keep you and ALL members of your family safe and protected.

Take care of yourself, don't be afraid to cry, your human. Take any help thats offered and lean on friends and family. they may not know exactly what to say or do but they will be there for you in any way they can be.

CathyMoran · 02-08-2010 11:34am

I had multiple miscarriages last year but the baby that we lost in January at 9.5 weeks was the most painful - i never thought that anything could go wrong...when our baby died 14 January 2009 it was one of the most painful things that had ever happened to us...all our hopes and dreams were with our baby. We have subsequently had a wonderful son who is 4 months old today but nothing will take away from the devistation of our loss...mummy and daddy will always miss you and love you. If our baby had lived they would have been about a year old now. RIP.

CathyMoran · 02-08-2010 11:38am

My friend Deirdre died aged 6 on the 7th of August 1980 in a hotel fire...as we were so young I do not remember that much about her but she has always been in my thoughts and I always find around now to be very tough...was fortunate enough to be at the sea in front of where she died on one of the anniversary's and placed a rose there. I do remember that she was a sweet, quiet child and that she was my best friend.

Anna Molly · 03-08-2010 2:29am

2006-2007 were tough years for me on that front.

My uncle by marriage dropped dead at work, leaving behind his wife and teenage son. He wasn't just an inlaw in the family, he was a fully functioning member of the family, whose laugh illuminated the room. It was so sudden, he had a normal day, ate breakfast with his son whilst my aunt was rushing around getting ready for work. Then he just collapsed and had a heart attack.

Then my gran died of cancer, which we all thought she had overcame. It was nice in the sense that it wasn't sudden, and the entire family was around in her last few weeks.

Then the one that I guess affected me most was Simon. Simon was a life long friend who lived next door. Every teenage memory I have involves him. We drifted apart when I changed schools and went to college, but seeing him at home, it was like I'd never left. He died in a horrific car crash in 2007. Luckily, no one else was injured, it was just him. It's funny, you hear about speeding on the roads and young people dying, but you never think it's going to happen to someone you know.
Life is weird without him around. Just this weekend there was a festival on where we are from, all of the old gang were there, but there is that massive void missing.

magicface1 · 03-08-2010 2:49am

Friday the 5th of November 1999 at 1.45pm my mam died from cancer I was 14 at the time... There isnt a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Wish I could have said goodbye. She was the best mother in the world. So much so that my actual family more or less fell apart after it. Been a tough few years for myself to get over it and my dad got remarried within a year and half. Those years were the hardest for me. Now I look back at those years and think if I got through that id get through anything. I have got on with my life now but still miss her like crazy. I recently got engaged and would have loved my mam to have been there when I broke the news. Hit a brick wall the last few days and finding it hard to cope tbh.. But ill be ok just one of those things that will pass hopefully.

Slan...

Scarinae · 10-08-2010 1:20am

I will probably end up posting on this thread several times, but the most raw in my heart is my friend Chelsea. She was the first friend I made when I moved to London last year, I got a job in the same shop that she worked in and we clicked immediately.

Chelsea was honestly one of the most genuine, friendly and vivacious people I have ever met. Even the surliest customer could not resist her good-natured chatter, and she always had me in stitches laughing with her stories. We would sing along to our favourite songs when the shop wasn't busy; she would tease me about being Irish and probably related to Damien Rice and Bono, I would tease her for being born in 1990. I'd sing along to Acceptable in the 80's - 'I've got hugs for you if you were born in the 80's... EXCEPT FOR CHELSEA BECAUSE SHE'S ONLY 19!!'

She introduced me to her favourite bar on the banks of the Thames, and we would sit there with our drinks with blankets draped around our shoulders and tell each other everything about our relationship history and our quirks and our plans for the future. She was teaching herself Spanish, and was saving money so that she could go travelling around South America. She listened to all of my fears about being in a long-distance relationship. She brought me shopping when I urgently needed a dress (the shopping centre still makes me think of her), and tried to persuade me into a red dress from Oasis. We both tried it on, it looked way better on her - red is not a colour that I wear! At our staff Christmas party, we both wrinkled our noses at the vegan meal we were presented with, and giggled about running next door to KFC to get a chicken bucket.

I went back to Ireland for Christmas of course, and I still treasure the text that she sent me on the day. The last message I got from her was on the 30th January, when she posted on my facebook page that she missed me. I was too preoccupied to respond, and now I wish that I had.

She was walking home from a New Years party with four friends, and a car ploughed into them. Two cars had been racing each other (despite the icy conditions), and one of them mounted the pavement and crashed into them. The other car kept going, and the guys in the car that hit them ran away. One of her friends died right there on the road. Chelsea and another one of her friends were unconscious, while the other two had minor injuries.

When I got back to London, my manager told me that Chelsea had had an accident. I assumed it was a broken leg or something, but was filled in on the details the next time I was in. I asked if she had any brain or spinal injuries, but apparently she didn't, so I breathed a sigh of relief and hoped that she would wake up soon.

The days turned into weeks, and Chelsea did not wake up. Her pelvis was shattered, and she needed heart surgery, which was delayed due to a recurring infection. Her injuries were more serious than I had realised. Still, I never doubted that she would wake up, and I thought about the conversations we would have. Would she be surprised that all the snow had gone? She loved the show True Blood, and someone found an energy drink online called Tru Blood - we planned to get her some as a Get Well present when she woke up, imagining how much it would make her laugh.

By the time her 20th birthday came around in March, I thought that it could not be long before she woke up. We all posted messages on her facebook page, knowing that she would be able to read them all when she woke up: "Happy Birthday Sleeping Beauty!"

On the 28th March I heard from my manager that beautiful Chelsea had passed away that afternoon. It hit me like a tonne of bricks, I honestly never ever thought that she would die. My first instinct was to call my mother and bawl down the phone. She must have felt so helpless, I was absolutely devastated and she couldn't even give me a hug.

I had already planned a trip home to Ireland over the Easter holidays, but cut it short so that I could be back in England for the funeral. We all wore red, because it was Chelsea's favourite colour - I think it would have made her laugh that she managed to get me to wear red in the end! The service was lovely, they even played a recording of Chelsea singing with her band, there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

I think it somehow makes it worse that she was so young, and there are so many 'nevers' - she'll never get to meet my boyfriend who she had heard so much about, she'll never get to travel around South America like she had planned, she'll never get to live the whole life that she deserved to. I am still so angry about those fúckers who were racing cars at some ungodly hour of the morning on icy roads - they killed two people, one person is still in a coma, and they have affected so many. All I know about them is that six men in their 30's were arrested in connection with the accident, and their trial was pending for this month. No sentence or fine will ever repair the damage that they have done though.

Chelsea will always be young, always be beautiful, and in my memory she will always be laughing and happy. Though I only knew her a few months, it always felt like longer, like we were old friends. I'm happy that I knew her, even if it was only for a short time.

Some customers still ask about her when they come in: "Does that lovely girl Chelsea still work here?" I just smile and say that no, she doesn't. What am I supposed to say, the truth?

LegacyUser · 12-08-2010 9:17pm

In the summer of 04 I met a beautiful bubbly woman called Orlaigh.

I was normally fairly lucky with the ladies but never fell in love and would move on if things started looking serious. Orlaigh changed all that.

From the first night that I met her and saw her climbing out the sunroof of a car instead of going out the doors I was smitten. Too shy to say anything I went on my way.

OMG, the

that graced my face when she got in touch through a friend to get my number the next day.

She took no crap from me and we really hit if off. Within no time I was seeing her everyday and sneaking off to meet her during my lunchbreak if I could. It didn't take long to realise I was in love. There was nothing we couldn't and didn't talk about. I grew used to falling asleep with her in my arms.

At the start of the winter she started getting the symptoms of kidney infections but was not inclined to go to a doctor. Eventually she gave in and was admitted to the local hospital where they put her on a strong antibiotic and sent her home. Within a day or 2 it was back so I brought her home to her parents and with 2 days she was admitted to Tallaght hospital.

I traveled the length of the country twice a week to see her steadily get worse. Doctors said it was TTP and started treatment.

St Stephens day saw her struggle to put on a brave face and get her pressies in hospital. I traveled home the next day as a friend of mine was killed that night. On my birthday we laid him to rest and went to the pub. I had been talking to Orlaigh on the phone and she sounded very shakey. I made the decision not to drink that day and went home to bed. Her mother rang me a few hours later and told me to get to Dublin fast. God must have been my co-pilot. She went to ICU an hour after I got there. I felt her squeeze my hand that night when I was told I had to leave.

A few days later she was transfered to the Mater. On the 5th of Jan she passed away, 19 yrs old.

I honestly do not know how I made it but I have and know I am stronger for it. She touched me in a way I can only hope someone does again.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long rambling post

Kablamo! · 17-08-2010 11:06am

Miss Lala wrote: »

He was amazing, generous, loyal, supportive and one in a million. It's awful to have lost him and not to experience an adult relationship with him but I'd rather have had him as my Dad for 19 years than anyone else for 50.

I think that is one of the loveliest things I've ever read, and its exactly how I feel about my Daddy

. I had him for 20 years, and I can honestly say I'd move the world even to have another hour with the man.

axel rose · 21-08-2010 1:14am

OK, I think this is the third time I started this post, and if I actually post it, it will be thanks to Obaraten.

I met Seanie 11 years ago. He was was the only bloke in a house of three women. Lets just say that over the months he became my favourite :cool:.

Seriously, the bloke could have done better. Sean was the kindest man alive. I am a cynical b1tch even on my best days. However we bounced well as a couple. For the best part of 2 years he worked in cork while I worked in wicklow, and he drove up every weekend to see me.

He was such a genuine guy, if you became his friend then he would always ensure that he would keep in touch. As his friend then he would do anything for you. There are married couples with families out there thanks to him. He loaned his mate the cash for an engagement ring with a few hours notice. For Christs sake he still was in contact with his friends from primary school!!!! (Yea I met them and they are all sound blokes). At his funeral, my arm was literally sore from all the hand shaking-over two hours!

Seanie had a thing for the high life-He loved the idea of staying in the best hotel, eating in the best restaurant, luxury holidays. My in-laws called us the beckhams!!:D

Sean had gotten word that he had topped his degree, he was made redundant but managed to land a cracking job within weeks (May I add that it was the only job for his qualification in the British Isles-I was very proud). He was on a high when it came to his life. He even met up with some of his best friends a couple of nights before he died.

To celebrate the new job, Sean booked us on a holiday to Barbados.....First Class all the way.......(I did mention the Beckham nickname?) I love that memory of looking at him on the plane, legs stretched out, champagne in hand and the biggest cheesiest smile on his face.

6 weeks after that holiday, Sean collapsed getting ready for work. I realised later that it was his death rattle that woke me. If I'm honest I knew that his brain was dead before he left the house. His life support was switched off two days later. At the time I had no idea what killed him, it was torturous waiting. Sean was killed by blood clots to his lungs despite having a blood clotting disorder. I still don't understand this.

(Even though two days passed before Sean's collapse and his life support being switched off- I refer to the day that Sean collapsed as the day that Sean died).

He was 34, had a 15 month old son he adored and passed an intensive medical 4 weeks before he died. He had everything to live for but didn't have a chance.

Ramette · 22-08-2010 9:34pm

My bestest friend in the world... Helen... she was from Kerry and was 6ft, we met when we both joined the same company a week apart. We were inseperable from the start... we were called the terrible twins (i am 4ft 9!)
we used to go on holidays together... we used to go to the cinema a lot.. she lived in donnybrook and i lived off north circular so we used to go to savoy and both get the no. 10 bus home (obviously in opposite directions) so we would have a competition to see who got their bus first

she had such a hard life but never complained (buried her father, mother and brother before her)
She died 2003 at the age of 35 and i still miss her every day...

Kaaatelyn · 07-09-2010 1:04am

My friend passed away when she was 15. She was one of the most beautiful, talented and bubbly people I've ever known. It's things like remembering she should have been getting her Leaving Cert results this year and getting excited about a college place with the rest of us that make it more difficult even as time goes on. At least she'll never be forgotten because she left such an impact on everyone.

sashafierce · 14-09-2010 5:16pm

This post has been deleted.

ChewChew · 17-09-2010 9:39pm

I am so glad I stumbled upon this, and it couldn't have come at a better time! Lovely to read everyones stories, lovely memories you all have, but I am sorry for each and every one of your losses

Here is my story:

My Dad. my wonderful, bubbly and courageaous Dad. He battled with his illness throughout 2004 and on the 8th March 2005 he slipped away, so peacefully. I was 21, he was 50 and he was the most wonderful person I have ever met. And I doubt I will ever meet anyone like him again.

not a day passes where I dont think of him and with his 56th birthday happening on monday, it just does not feel right buying flowers for a grave.

2005 was a n awful year for our family. My uncle died in January. My father in March and another uncle in December

My dad has missed so much since his passing. Thankfully, he got to walk one of his 3 daughters down the isle and he got to meet one of his grandchildren. He missed the 2nd one by one month.

I try not to get too down when thinking of my Dad. I am very lucky and honoured to have been able to spend 21 years of my life with him. However, selfishly, I would have appreciated a further 21. But he is safe, and no longer sick.

Today, his best friend died. A man whom my Dad was very close too. It is comforting for me to know that now my Dad is not alone... where ever he may be. And I hope... wherever he is... he is watching me... laughing at me because he can see the silly flow of tears leaving my eyes right now but these here are tears of joy for the man I am honoured to call my Daddy

Pembily · 25-09-2010 4:08pm

J -a week before my 22 birthday (Feb 2006) my friend rang me on a Sunday night to say one of my closest friend’s brothers was missing, he was found drowned on the Tuesday morning!!! It was the most heartbreaking thing ever, seeing my best, most dearest friend in the world so so so broken and yet having to be the strong person, her brother made her smile and laugh and he was gone in one split second!!!

A - Sunday 14 September 2008, my mother came home and asked where my dad was and my blood ran cold, I knew someone had died, I thought my 84 year old nana. She told me my cousin (10 months older than me) had taken his own life, I screamed so loudly and just collapsed on the ground, then my big sister instinct kicked in and I went to find my brother. Seeing the pain he was in (they lived together) made my pain worse. For the last two years I have tried to forget Andrew but I can't, it doesn't make the pain go away, I can still hear his voice, but his hugs are gone and he isn't there to tell me what to do, he's not there to get drunk with and give out to me that I smoke when drunk!!! Joseph's sister was there within a few minutes to comfort me once she found out and it was heartbreaking that I know knew how she felt. Andrew was my older brother, and my best friend and he is now my guardian angel but I wish I didn't have to visit him in a grave! He took a part of me and all my family when he left us so unexpectedly!!! On the up side I know he is now happy and no longer in any pain!

RIP Andrew and Joseph - the world is darker as your light isn't shining anymore!

(Thanks to Miss Lala for telling me about this thread)!

bellx1 · 18-10-2010 10:32pm

My dearest friend left me a little while back. One of the things I miss the most is the way she used make me laugh, she was sooo bad!! She was one of the most genuine people you could meet ( and ya that includes cynical and sarcastic when it suited her

:))
But, I miss everthing about her.
Her laugh
Her smile
Her advice
Her voice
And just her.
Thats all
Just her.

JCDUB · 10-11-2010 6:46pm

Nice work, lovely thread.

I just came in here as it was linked from the homepage because somebody had just posted in one of the threads. I've spent a couple of days reading a few threads, dropping in and out when I could.

Well done to all who posted, you have helped me and hopefully yourselves more than you will know.

I don't know if it's coincidence that I was brought here, but the timing is good anyway. My Dad's 2nd anniversary is coming up soon, and I'm going to tell you a little bit about him if that's ok.

He was the most devoted father, husband and grandad I ever knew. He worked 6 days a week for nearly forty years so that him and my mam could give us the best start possible in life. He never once complained about it, because he loved us, and he loved his life.

Like I said, he was a devoted husband, and my parents had the best, most loving and caring relationship that I have ever seen between two people. I can only hope to have something like this in the future. My poor Mam is a bit lost, she has lost her husband of forty years, who did everything, and I mean everything, for her.

He looked after her like a baby, drove her everywhere (even though she can drive and has always had her own car,) and spent his retirement years devoting his time to her. They went on holidays, little weekends away and other little rambles a few times a year throughout his retirement, and they loved it.

He was sick for a long time (6 years with secondary cancer, a miracle by any standards!) and for the first three years of this he bore the burden on his own. He didn't want to upset my Mam or have her worrying about him. Even after he told her, he didn't tell us until a year after that, wanting to save us the worry as we went about our careers and families.

The man was simply a hero, a very dignified man. Even in the severest of pain that I witnessed him suffer, he maintained his composure and dignity for the good of the family and in particular my mother.

Given all his dignity and strength, he was an amazingly kind and loving man. He was very expressive, and loved to have fun with his grandchildren and tell them and us that he loved us all. He always asked us if we were happy, and if we weren't he'd ask why and listen. Then he might advise if he could, or not if he felt he couldn't. Like I said, a really gentle, kind and loving man.

I played a good bit of golf with him over the years. He wasn't the best golfer, and I often got frustrated with him, but he taught me what it was about from the time I was a kid, without ever preaching. I still feel closest to him on the course now.

I've dreamt about him twice, and once we were playing golf in the sunshine, which is a nice comfort to me.

He wasn't young, but he wasn't old either, at 66. I'm thankful that I, the youngest, had spent 30 great years with him before he died, and my siblings more, and my Mam even more again. This will always be a comfort to me, particularly when I read about those of you who have lost loved ones at a young age.

I could go on, and some time soon I might come back and write more, but for now, thank you for listening.

And thank you to all who have shared your experiences, times of difficulty, dreams, hopes, and feelings related to your loved ones with us all. I hope everybody has benefitted from this thread in some way, and the healing process has been made a little easier by it.

I know I have:)

Handsome Bob · 10-11-2010 6:48pm

Your old man sounded like a true hero JCDUB.

Rubberlegs · 16-11-2010 11:48pm

Lost my wonderful Dad 8 days ago on Nov 8th. Am worried because I'm having a really,logical day today, about it all. Dad was the best, he'd walk to the ends of the earth for you. We are a small family and he often said he had all he needed with us. He was a wonderful Grandad to my girls, he adored them. All he ever did was worry about us all, were we happy in life. He had the most amazing big grin and twinkly eyes, his face lit up when he saw us. Dad had the most inappropriate sense of humour, I couldn't even say what he would find amusing!! But he never hurt anyone. Can't believe he's gone. He was never sick a day in his life, until he started to feel unwell in May. Eventually he went into hospital, to have all kinds of tests. It turned out that the in 20years he worked so hard on building sites in London, he'd been breathing in asbestos dust. And he had an incurable type of lung cancer. As if that wasn't bad enough, a few weeks later the tumour pressed on his spine and he lost the use of his legs. He spent best part of 4 months in hospital. He was so brave, he was determined to get well and walk again but this wasn't to be. This last couple of weeks I watched the life slowly drain out of Dad. He was 73 but looked and acted years younger, I'm so angry that he had to suffer so much. The last words he said to us was to ask us were we ok, as we sat around him after getting the call to go into him in the middle of the night. He struggled to say that. Typical Dad:). Just so thankful to have had the chance to sit with him for his last hours, and to hold his hand as he took his last breath. Love you so much Dad, sleep well xx

tbh · 17-11-2010 9:20am

I'm so sorry for your loss 73. Your dad sounds lovely.

deliha · 18-11-2010 5:46pm

had a miscarriage just over 3 weeks ago, coming to terms with it but having a low day today. sad as there's no stories to tell about this life that's gone, just the loss. good to have a place to say this. life moves on so fast. we named the baby Emily Rose, we love you and we'll never forget you. xxx

CathyMoran · 18-11-2010 5:48pm

deliha wrote: »

had a miscarriage just over 3 weeks ago, coming to terms with it but having a low day today. sad as there's no stories to tell about this life that's gone, just the loss. good to have a place to say this. life moves on so fast. we named the baby Emily Rose, we love you and we'll never forget you. xxx

I am very sorry for your loss. You will never forget your baby but you learn to live again...give yourself time. Huge hugs.

deliha · 18-11-2010 6:01pm

thanks cathy

MrsA · 19-11-2010 5:59pm

I only ever had 3 grandparents, my paternal grandfather died a long time before I was born (50 years ago this year to be exact)

I lived to the ripe old age of 35 having all 3, they all got to be at my wedding and I am so grateful for that.

I went to Australia in 2005 and came home in 2008, in September 2007 when I was 5 months pregnant my fantastic grandfather died, I knew he had died before anyone told me. I fainted that morning and had a horrible feeling over me, I know he was telling me he was gone. I never got to say goodbye.

Roll forward to 2010 and I am now in Canada, I have two beautiful children and and a great husband. This year has however sucked so much. On the 29th of January my first grandmother died, it knocked me for six. I am still annoyed that my family thought it was okay to text me with the "news".

On the 16th of March my other grandmother died, I am gutted, she lived beside us all our lives, I really adored her, even though she was tough and not exactly the cuddly type.

I never got to say goodbye to any of them.

I did not get to go to any of their funerals. I miss them all, I wanted to see them dead to believe it.
xxx

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