Bipolar Disorder ask a question/discussion thread

nesf

Pernickity wrote: »

Fair play Nesf for making the thread. It's very generous of you to share your experience like this.

I was just wondering when you said that you were suffering from bipolar for 15 years and treated for 10, what was life like for the other 5 years where you weren't treated or diagnosed? Was the 5 delay in getting treated because the onset of the illness was gradual and was diagnosed late ?

I received treatment early on when I was 17 about the time my illness was seriously disrupting my life and my quality of life was quite poor. For various reasons I didn't continue with treatment and only ended up taking treatment very seriously when I was 21 and had a very severe mania. Prior to this I was having a lot of difficulty with my illness but I was lying to myself about my need to get help.

My symptoms first started (I think) when anxiety started becoming a problem between 13-14. Prior to that there probably were symptoms but my quality of life wasn't being strongly effected so treatment/diagnosis wasn't necessary. The issue was when I was 13/14 I had no idea what anxiety was or that what I was going through wasn't normal. I was convinced that everyone else had the same issues and just dealt with them better for a good number of years.

I was originally diagnosed with depression at 17 and again 21 until I got a referral to a "second line" psychiatrist who corrected the diagnosis to bipolar. Though to be fair this was mostly because I tend towards having dysphoric manias which means my ups tend to feel like lows a lot of the time.

Life off medication for me was very difficult. Mostly because I had no idea what was wrong with me and no idea that I shouldn't automatically trust my instincts/thoughts (i.e. I used to get paranoid and believe it and then in retrospect afterwards not spot that this thinking was aberrant in nature). I only started to make real progress once I accepted that I had a mental illness and that my mind wasn't something solely in my control. This took a long time to really sink in.

_Whimsical_

nesf wrote: »

Life off medication for me was very difficult. Mostly because I had no idea what was wrong with me and no idea that I shouldn't automatically trust my instincts/thoughts (i.e. I used to get paranoid and believe it and then in retrospect afterwards not spot that this thinking was aberrant in nature). I only started to make real progress once I accepted that I had a mental illness and that my mind wasn't something solely in my control. This took a long time to really sink in.

So sorry to hear that you were affected at such a young age.That sounds so awful. I think that in the normal course of life one of the most difficult things is learning that you can't trust all you once held sacred and then learning to rely on your own discernment and instinct to negociate your way through life. Being robbed of 100% trust in your own thoughts and instincts must be absolute hell.

I know someone going through something similar at the moment with a mental illness. Your explanation that I quoted above has definitely given me a deeper insight into what it must be like for him.I didn't understand that aspect of the illness so much so thank you for that.

You are very well able to articulate yourself in a way that lots of people are not. Do you feel that you can explain to friends and family in a way that they can understand what you go through? Do you feel understood?

nesf

Pernickity wrote: »

You are very well able to articulate yourself in a way that lots of people are not. Do you feel that you can explain to friends and family in a way that they can understand what you go through? Do you feel understood?

I can explain it fairly well. Part of that is introspection, part of it is the ability to clearly express complex thoughts from years of study in academics. The only people who truly understand are those who also have a mental illness though. Someone who is used to being around someone with a mental illness has some degree of insight definitely but they don't have the same instant recognition that you'll find in other sufferers.

That said, I've never really yearned for understanding so much as acceptance. I don't really mind if someone can't really grasp what psychosis is like so long as they are able to accept that sometimes I go through it and sometimes you can't take everything I say at face value. My wife doesn't understand what it's like to be depressed but she accepts that sometimes I'm depressed and have little energy and other times I'll be high and have too much energy. That's all I need/want really.

Queen-Mise

nesf wrote: »

That said, I've never really yearned for understanding so much as acceptance. I don't really mind if someone can't really grasp what psychosis is like so long as they are able to accept that sometimes I go through it and sometimes you can't take everything I say at face value. My wife doesn't understand what it's like to be depressed but she accepts that sometimes I'm depressed and have little energy and other times I'll be high and have too much energy. That's all I need/want really.

I couldn't agree more on this. At the moment I am in the height of it - in some ways the illness is still out of control - slowly working on it. I am learning what I can and can't do - and really beginning to learn my limitations.

Because of the depression - my circle of friends is after shrinking a LOT. But most of that is my choice. I have about five people who accept me as I am - good/bad/high/low. When I am in their company - I can name how i am and they accept it. More unusually 3 of them are college students, in their early 20s. The other friend I have has suffered a lot of continuous pain & depression in her life - so she understands me at a fundamental level.

It is really liberating to be able to say how you are - without someone looking at you like a lunatic.

My husband is also incredibly supportive - but in some ways he gets the brunt of it. He is in my company when it is like talking to a wall - when it may take me two or three days to say how I am. When I'm like that - it is like dealing with a chlld. It is a nasty illness - to cope with.

Nesf - any chance would you answer two questions for me. Are you able to work?
did you find counselling or psychotherapy helped at all? Have you ever went for help like that?

nesf

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Nesf - any chance would you answer two questions for me. Are you able to work?
did you find counselling or psychotherapy helped at all? Have you ever went for help like that?

I can work part-time but very irregular hours. I'm a bit of a house husband at the moment though, so that complicates things.

I never found counselling helpful but bipolar is a very different illness than depression when it comes to counselling and many people find it very useful/helpful.

Queen-Mise

nesf wrote: »

I can work part-time but very irregular hours. I'm a bit of a house husband at the moment though, so that complicates things.

I never found counselling helpful but bipolar is a very different illness than depression when it comes to counselling and many people find it very useful/helpful.

What I am after realising recently is that at the moment I am not capable of working - when those bouts of tiredness come on - I HAVE to go to bed for 4/5 hours. If I try to stay going - i could fall asleep at the wheel of the car, I'd fall asleep where I am.

The counselling thing really confused me for a while - cos I thought the depression was related to things in my life - about a year ago it became clear that it was an entity in and of itself.

It is interesting reading your experience - because I have wondered whether I may be bi-polar or if it is depression. Certainly some of things you experienced I have to.


What is an average time length from you to go from a high to low, and then back to high.

sam34

queen-mise,

i know its interesting to hear from a bipolar sufferer such as nesf.

your last statements concern me a little, as i think you may be looking at nesf's history and coming to the conclusion that you may have bipolar yourself.

thats a dodgy road to tread.

by all means, speak to a doctor about all your symptoms and concerns.

the treatment for depression and bipolar overlap a bit, but they also differ a lot.

beat wishes,

sam

Queen-Mise

sam34 wrote: »

queen-mise,

i know its interesting to hear from a bipolar sufferer such as nesf.

your last statements concern me a little, as i think you may be looking at nesf's history and coming to the conclusion that you may have bipolar yourself.

thats a dodgy road to tread.

by all means, speak to a doctor about all your symptoms and concerns.

the treatment for depression and bipolar overlap a bit, but they also differ a lot.

beat wishes,

sam

Oh no - I am not diagnosing myself from nesf - it is something the psychiatrists are considering also at the moment. Nesf is in a very settled (?) place as he knows where he is.

Things for me are a bit more confusing - they haven't nailed down yet what the 'particular' problem is.

Before I ever came across this thread - I was seriously wondering whether I had mild bi-polar rather than depression. But then nevermind all that - my moods have their own issues as well As well as having to deal with depression, I am dealing with moods - I think they are in a parallel universe or something.

In essence - I am really not sure where I stand. It is helpful reading others experiences - as I can see what is similar and what is different.

nesf

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Oh no - I am not diagnosing myself from nesf - it is something the psychiatrists are considering also at the moment. Nesf is in a very settled (?) place as he knows where he is.

Things for me are a bit more confusing - they haven't nailed down yet what the 'particular' problem is.

Before I ever came across this thread - I was seriously wondering whether I had mild bi-polar rather than depression. But then nevermind all that - my moods have their own issues as well As well as having to deal with depression, I am dealing with moods - I think they are in a parallel universe or something.

In essence - I am really not sure where I stand. It is helpful reading others experiences - as I can see what is similar and what is different.

Honestly. Discussions about possible diagnosis is not suitable discussion for this thread. The only person you should bring up your doubts with is your psychiatrist as only they can help you with this.

sam34

Queen-Mise wrote: »

In essence - I am really not sure where I stand. It is helpful reading others experiences - as I can see what is similar and what is different.

ok, but dont interpret too much from here, thats all im saying

nesf

sam34 wrote: »

ok, but dont interpret too much from here, thats all im saying

Exactly. It's far too easy to read about someone's experiences and think "that sounds familiar" and not at all have the same illness as that person. My experiences of paranoia would sound very familiar to someone with schizophrenia but we'd have two extremely different conditions etc.

Queen-Mise

sam34 wrote: »

ok, but dont interpret too much from here, thats all im saying

I know that. You wouldn't credit - how much I know I know about the whole area - I am finding my feet still in this situation.

People's experience is invaluable though - it really helps that you are not alone with the issues.

nesf

So, in an effort to continue the thread and to give some insight into the illness for those who would be interested in learning more:

Today I'm going through dysphoric mania. Or at least that's what I, and a friend who also has bipolar, have independently come to think. Whether this is a true label or not isn't really that important, with mental illness it's all about symptoms and groups of symptoms and these vary between individuals to a rather large extent. I was out and met a load of friends that I don't get to see very often. I just couldn't summon much of a will to enjoy myself. I can crack jokes and smile but don't really feel the humour and just smile etc because I know someone is telling a joke or funny story and that they expect me to smile. I'm having some mild grade psychosis, hearing my voice almost as another person's, thinking that friends don't actually like me and so on but nothing major. Mood wise I'm low yet energetic, agitated yet feel like doing nothing. It's very hard to describe the combination of anxiety and suspicion coupled with agitation and a lack of a will to do anything other than stand and observe others. From the outside I appear (to others) to vary between manic energy and depressed silence and stillness. It feels odd, a friend gave me a good expression for it, there seems to be a sheet of glass separating me from the world. Outside the glass there are emotions, happiness and people interacting but I can only observe not partake in this and they feel somewhat alien to me. The strangest sensation is one of almost feeling like you're watching yourself react to social cues, almost a sense of watching a puppet reacting to its strings being pulled. Not a true out of body experience in the true sense but more of one feeling like I'm inside watching my body doing things for brief periods. Decidedly odd to be honest about it.

From a medical PoV, this is all fine, seeing my psychiatrist soon etc to discuss this stuff but I thought some description of very mild psychosis might prove interesting to people given that the normal examples are of quite severe bizarre psychosis like believing the CIA are spying on you and similar.

MUSEIST

nesf I think this thread is great and its great that you are talking about this.
Can I just ask for you does mania manifest itself as extreme anxiety with you .

nesf

MUSEIST wrote: »

Can I just ask for you does mania manifest itself as extreme anxiety with you .

Anxiety plays a large part in my depressions and dysphoric manias but doesn't play a large part in normal manias. Especially with the latter it manifests as extreme agitation + anxiety which is highly unpleasant. With meds my anxiety isn't as bad, without meds it's crippling really and I couldn't get through a night out without a large amount of alcohol to calm myself down which for obvious reasons isn't a great idea as a habit.

_Whimsical_

Sorry to hear that you are having a lousy day today. It doesn't sound easy at all. I think it's very impressive that you can be so objective about it and recognize your feelings as low grade psychosis rather than fully belief them and give way to them completely. You clearly are very intelligent but you must be extremely strong mentally too to be able to do that. Over the years have you found any techniques that have helped you maintain that strength and objectivity in the face of what you're feeling?

I wondered if you'd ever read An Unquiet Mind by Dr Kay Redfield Jamisson?She suffers from bipolar and is a proffesor of psychiatry at John Hopkins University in the US. The book is her own personal experience of the illness. I wondered if you had read it did you feel it was repressentative of the experience in general of having bi polar? If you have not read it you might like it.

nesf

Pernickity wrote: »

I think it's very impressive that you can be so objective about it and recognize your feelings as low grade psychosis rather than fully belief them and give way to them completely.

Honestly a combination of years of psychosis + medication makes it possible. I'm not sure if I could maintain such a sense of perspective without medication. Plus low-grade psychosis is much easier to keep your head with than full blown psychosis though one could potentially argue that the ability to maintain perspective during mild psychosis helps prevent a fall into full blown psychosis for bipolar patients based on personal past experiences of mild becoming somewhat more serious psychosis in the past (I've no idea about schizophrenia and whether it works like this for sufferers of the illness).

I have that book somewhere, though I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

Flamed Diving

Ok, I was diagnosed with Bipolar exactly two years ago now. I only heard of its existence just two years previous to that, when an ex-girlfriend was diagnosed (I have a 'thing' for girls with mental illness, although this is apparently common). Prior to my diagnosis I was very manic, I was extremely arrogant and ego-centric, cocky and confident. In my mind, there was literally nothing I could not comprehend (thankfully, subsequent years at university taught me otherwise). In these mood states, I can be extremely focused and highly productive. It would not be unusual for me to complete an assignment in one sitting. However, sometimes this energy goes onto the wrong track, and I can become quite irritated and paranoid. I get impatient with people who do not think quickly enough, who get in my way on the street, who look at me the wrong way. Once, while I was at a psychiatrist I was asked whether I believed that cameras followed me. It was in that moment that I began to see that the cameras I always thought were there may not exist. But that was all part of the centric thinking. Everyone was watching me, because I was the centre. But I do not suffer from a paranoid illness. I was merely living on the frontier of mania (without knowing it) for a long time.

I could go on for days about mania, because I experience it, in some form, for about 90% of the year. The rest is depression, which is generally well understood. Anyway, I am medicated now, and although I still get highs and lows, they are well reined in. My life is great.

Feel free to question, I have had to make major changes to 'come down', so I might have some handy tips.

_Whimsical_

nesf wrote: »

I have that book somewhere, though I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

I don't have manic depression so I feel truly foolish recommending a book on the subject to you or anyone here. It's not a self help book or anything just a personal story.I read it because I know someone who has manic depression. I think that it is probably one of the most interesting, inspiring and intelligently observed memoirs I have ever read on any subject. If you have it lying around do give it a read at some point.

MUSEIST

I dont have bipolar but I have been diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety and I did experience hypomania once (hypomania brought on by taking antidepressants). For me hypomania was amazing, i felt pure euphoria at times and i remember thinking I wish i was like this all the time. I can totally see why people who are experiencing mania dont see it as a problem but its the people close to them that suffer from the consequences.
How long would a manic and depressive phase last for?

nesf

MUSEIST wrote: »

How long would a manic and depressive phase last for?

Days, weeks or months depending on the individual. Controversially for some individuals a mania can last hours though this is disputed and not universally accepted as being a proper manic episode.

Daftendirekt

Couple of things I'd like to know about bipolar disorder:


Do you constantly cycle between the high and low phases, or do you ever reach a 'normal' state (even temporarily)?

Is the low similar to or the same as clinical depression, or is it completely different? (Obviously, if you haven't had regular depression you probably can't say!)

Do you feel euphoric when on a high, or is it it just a state of high anxiety/recklessness? Or something else entirely?


Good idea for a thread anyway!

Flamed Diving

Daftendirekt wrote: »

Do you constantly cycle between the high and low phases, or do you ever reach a 'normal' state (even temporarily)?

In my experience I am manic for about 11 months of the year, although it is correct to think of the cycle as 'up and down', I would add that for manias, there are different types, and hence perhaps there is a 'side-to-side' element too. Anyway, I rarely have hit a state where I was neither depressed or manic, and that has only been since taking medication.

Daftendirekt wrote: »

Is the low similar to or the same as clinical depression, or is it completely different? (Obviously, if you haven't had regular depression you probably can't say!)

I'd imagine that it is probably the same, however, Bipolarites can experience 'mixed mood' states, which is both mania and depression, mixed together. This can be an incredibly dangerous phase for a person, as they now (may) have suicidal thoughts coupled with boundless energy.

Daftendirekt wrote: »

Do you feel euphoric when on a high, or is it it just a state of high anxiety/recklessness? Or something else entirely?

It can be either, or both. The euphoria and recklessness go together. The anxiety usually kicks in after a good long euphoric mania leading to the term; dysphoric. If you have ever taken cocaine/speed, and too much of it, you will know what the feeling is like. It is great for a while, but then has a tendency to become quite unpleasant, after a while. Having experience of both drugs and natural mania, I can honestly say that mania is far more potent.

nesf

I'll type a proper reply when I get home an have a proper keyboard instead of an iPhone.

Mania can be very pleasant but it doesn't necessairly stay that way very long for patients. Psychosis can begin quite quickly devolping from minor hallucinations to quite serious paranoia and similar. Anxiety can become very problematic and dominate the highs. It varies person to person, uncomplicated hypomania can be very nice and be very productive making them benficial for someone's quality of life but the is not the case for most with bipolar who have more problematic highs. Good question though!

nesf

Daftendirekt wrote: »

Do you constantly cycle between the high and low phases, or do you ever reach a 'normal' state (even temporarily)?

I cycle constantly with no break of normality. Most bipolar patients don't experience this and have normal mood phases between episodes of mania followed by depression or vice versa. Normal mood might still be unstable etc but there's a marked difference between being in an episode and not being. In terms of numbers some statistics are as follows, most bipolar patients have approximately 0.7 episodes (where mania then depression is counted as one episode) per year, working out at around one every two years in adulthood. Someone with rapid-cycling bipolar has four or more episodes per year. Bear in mind however that such an average number may be misleading since the population from which it is drawn varies from people who have episodes many years apart to those whose episodes might be days apart, if even that. There is a fair amount of variation in this with some patients being perfectly normal except for a very severe mania or depression to rear its head every couple of years.

Daftendirekt wrote: »

Is the low similar to or the same as clinical depression, or is it completely different? (Obviously, if you haven't had regular depression you probably can't say!)

There seems to be some disagreement on this one. Some psychiatrists say they notice a difference between a unipolar low and a bipolar low but the DSM (the official diagnosis manual for psychiatry in the US) lists the same symptoms for both. It's an open question really further complicated by someone with bipolar having different medication to someone with depression and this could mix things up a lot in terms of symptoms. What I've read about potential differences focuses on some unusual aspects of bipolar lows, one psychiatrist reported that his bipolar patients often, while still obviously being depressed, could laugh and joke to some extent whereas this would almost never happen with his unipolar depression patients. It's an interesting topic but it's really something that very little is known about, depression is an extremely broad label really and there is quite a variety of ways it manifests itself in patients.

Daftendirekt wrote: »

Do you feel euphoric when on a high, or is it it just a state of high anxiety/recklessness? Or something else entirely?

I've never "felt" reckless, I just was and didn't notice it. It's hard to explain, it's rather different to a normal person feeling like being reckless, it's more similar to doing something dangerous while drunk and not realising it was dangerous at the time or being convinced of your invincibility etc. You also need to be mindful of psychosis in mania (which in full mania is very common) and the effect this will have on someone's appetite for risk and attitudes towards risk etc.

One thing that my psychiatrist has said to me numerous times is that bipolar is often more of an energy disorder than a mood disorder. It's worth reflecting on that for a bit.

nesf

So, I'm a bit manic at the moment and need a project, and well this doesn't cost any money or negatively affect anyone so eh, will ramble on a bit more about the topic.

Seasonal Components in Bipolar.

You've all probably heard of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) where ordinarily normal people have lows over winter. Nothing that'd land them in front of a psychiatrist in many cases but there's a definite seasonal pattern there. Interestingly the same pattern can influence bipolar. I'm mostly depressed from Oct-Mar and mostly manic from Apr-Sept. There's some variation each year but as long as I can remember I've had this pattern, though it wasn't as pronounced when I was younger. Some stats estimate around 40% of people with bipolar will have a seasonal component of some degree, so it's pretty common. From an intuitive point of view this makes a lot of sense, we all know people who are perfectly healthy mentally who find winter hard going and the lack of light results in an unpleasant few months for them. It's not hard to see why such a thing could be far more pronounced with bipolar with full-on depressions in winter and manias in summer. This proves to be particularly complicated in this country for many young people because our academic calendar is based around holidays in summer. So at the point of "best mood" and highest productivity the person with SAD or bipolar with a seasonal component has little to do and during most of the school or college year they're low and ill-suited to work!

One of the common ways of dealing with SAD, lightboxes, seem initially to be a great idea with bipolar, but there's a serious drawback. Light therapy can induce mania in the same way an antidepressant can, at least this is reported. Whether it can induce rapid cycling, like an antidepressant would, is an open question as far as I know with little evidence either way. Conversely, dawn simulators (which are basically alarm clocks that try to wake you by slowly increasing the light in your bedroom to a high level over a half and hour or so) are reportedly not known to induce mania due apparently to the much lower level of light involved (10,000 lux from a light box versus 1,000 or so iirc from a dawn simulator). The bottom line is if you are considering light therapy, discuss it with your psychiatrist first if you have a history of mania or antidepressant induced mania.

nesf

Still no sleep so...

Acceptance of the Diagnosis: Something as, or even more, important as getting treatment.

On the face of it this might seem odd. It doesn't really matter if you accept you have pneumonia or not, antibiotics will cure you regardless. The thing with mental illness is that it is very different to this. One of the most important steps anyone with bipolar or any other illness must make is accepting that they need professional help. The next most important thing is accepting and understanding the diagnosis and starting to think about how to live with the illness.

Bipolar is different to most illnesses in that it never really goes away. You merely beat the symptoms down enough so you can enjoy a stable mood state for a while. Accepting your diagnosis and learning to spot warning signs of mania, depression or psychosis is a crucial part of having longer stable periods and lessening the damage to your life caused by manias and depressions. Mania doesn't creep up on me any more, I notice certain behaviour patterns and immediately say to my wife that I think I'm becoming manic. Why is this important? It's because my wife then knows to play along with but not commit to financially backing any crazy plan I come up with in the near future. It also gives her advanced warning in case I start convincing myself to stop taking my meds etc. Ditto with psychosis, I start have minor hallucinations and minor paranoia and I note it down and am wary about my thinking from then on. Bizarrely I find depression the hardest thing to spot and have a great deal of difficulty spotting it early but this is something I have to work on.

Learning the warning signs is one step to take. The next is figuring out your triggers. Manic ones can be extremely hard to avoid. Each of my children's births triggered a mania but it's not exactly possible to avoid this! There are things that I know will trigger mania that I try to avoid: Shortened sleep time for example (if I get less than 8 hours I'm almost certainly going to be showing manic symptoms the next day). For depression/anxiety/dysphoric mania: Crowded places like bars. Meeting large groups of friends. Going to pubs/clubs where I won't be able to sit down (for some bizarre reason I find it extremely hard to relax in a pub if I don't have a "seat") and so on.

The final bit is learning to live with the illness and the constraints it places on you. This is the hardest part as it can be extremely hard to come to terms with the lack of normality in your life. I honestly haven't gotten this one figured out yet, I keep palming it off with thoughts of "oh, they'll figure it all out and bring out a drug at some point that gives me a completely normal life." This isn't a good way of looking at things and I should probably work on it a bit to get more perspective.

Anyway, I hope the above helps!

ntlbell

Maybe you could give an insight in to how you deal with work?

How do you deal with moving jobs?

Do you discuss the issue at interview stage?

Has it thrown up any problems with progressing in work?

How do you go about discussing it with work colleagues?

how do they react?

etc etc

nesf

ntlbell wrote: »

Maybe you could give an insight in to how you deal with work?

I work for my father's company these days. I do the admin side of things for him, prepare invoices, quotes for new business, VAT returns and whatnot. It's the kind of work that can be done at any time of day so it suits my disturbed sleeping patterns. In reality, the only kind of regular job I could do would involve night shifts. Which limits me hugely in what options are there and runs completely against my basic nature as someone who wants to be an academic.

ntlbell wrote: »

How do you deal with moving jobs?

Do you discuss the issue at interview stage?

Has it thrown up any problems with progressing in work?

It has. I'm extremely limited due to my sleeping pattern/disorder. I rarely sleep before 6am at night during winter which makes a regular 9-5 not an option. If I try and survive on less than 8/9 hours sleep I go straight into a mania, so waking early is just not an option.

ntlbell wrote: »

How do you go about discussing it with work colleagues?

how do they react?

etc etc

There's a lot of stigma out there. People don't understand the illness and just don't get why you'll be silent one day and very talkative the next. Technically employers can discriminate against you but in reality they will from my experience. I've had many a working relationship/management relationship cool rapidly once my illness became known. Some people are great and very cool with things, but others are just not.

nesf

Oh, and a practical and easy to grasp example of what we mean by abnormal mood.

I'm a bit manic at the moment. I've got a nasty chest infection. A temperature of 39.5 (103), chest pains, aches and pains etc. Yet I'm in great form. I happily ran around town today doing a few errands for my wife. I wanted to do nothing more than get a load of things done. As my GP noted today, if she hadn't checked my temperature and listened to my chest etc she wouldn't have believed I was sick from my chattiness and good mood. My body every so often tries to convince my mind I need bed rest by nearly taking my legs from under me but my mind is having none of it. It's bizarre.