Anti-jokes

Penn

I went to the doctors the other day. When the doctor came in to examine me, he was dressed like a clown. When I didn't laugh, he told me I broke my funny bone. I had to wear a sling for a month.

sitout

lebron james wrote: »

Q; What happened to the winner of the hot dog challenge?

A; He went home and texted a friend and told him that earlier that day he had entered a hot dog competition and had won by eating eighteen hot dogs.

Q; What did the friend say when he received the text from his friend saying that earlier that day he had entered and won a hot dog competition by eating eighteen hot dogs?

A; Nothing as he texted his uncle by mistake, the same uncle who once felt his privates and told him not to tell any one and he would buy him a hot dog.

Q; What did the uncle say to his nephew, when he received the text that told of his triumph in the hot dog competition earlier that day, even though that text was not meant for him but intended for his friend?

A; Who's this?

i wet myself at this.

HighMan

I hate anti jokes

bblueblood

Whats brown and sticky?


A stick!

Porkpie

Guy goes to the bar, orders a Guinness.

Bartender:"I don't think I should serve you a Guinness"
Patron: "Why"
Bartender: "Because if you drink Guinness here, three ninjas will come along and kick the sh1t out of you".
Patron "Ridiculous!" Pour me a pint now!
Bartender: "Very well, then"

Bartender pours him a drink. The guy finishes his pint, asks for another.

Bartender: "I'm really not comfortable with this"
Patron: "Come off it will you, just give me another pint"

Pours him a second drink. Some time later the guy orders a third pint. He and the bartender engage in some small talk.


20 minutes later he leaves the pub. Walks outside and 3 ninjas kick the sh1t out of him.

admiralofthefleet

A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks.
Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.

fikay

bblueblood wrote: »

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

dunno if these are anti jokes but:

whats brown and rhymes with snoop?



pharrell williams

lebron james

A black man, a Jew and a fundamentalist israeli walk into a bar, the bartender Say's, get the fcuk out!

stevedublin

lebron james wrote: »

A black man, a Jew and a fundamentalist israeli walk into a bar, the bartender Say's, get the fcuk out!

why did you put the fundamentalist israeli last?

Penn

Why did the homeless guy kill himself?

He didn't. But nobody cared about him anyway

Capt'n Midnight

stevedublin wrote: »

why did you put the fundamentalist israeli last?

it was the sabath so he walked instead of getting the bus :rolleyes:

Porkpie

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?




One

not bakunin

knock knock

who's there?

the police. we have a warrant to search your house for evidence linking you to the child pornography industry.

GenghisCon

There once was a man from nantucket,
Who was average in every anatomical facet,
He said with a sigh,
As he looked past his thigh.
"if only I had an exceptionally long penis and a better of grasp of the anapaestic metre I might be able to compose a rude limerick about myself. Aw well, countdown is on in a few minutes, I think ill have a cup of tea."

powerzjim

lol at these

powerzjim

The Pope walks into a bar. The bartender says, what'll ya have, Pope? But the Pope's grasp of English is tenuous at best, so he mumbles something in Latin. The bartender doesn't know any Latin. The Pope gets frustrated and leaves.

itsallaboutheL

...

Porkpie

How do penguins make pancakes?






With their flippers!

civic_4_sale

Ash people while there eating
`Whats brown and sticky??`
`A STICK`!!

no??? anyone??

Porkpie

....tumbleweed.....

bonkers

Yesterday I walked into the bakers.

I said 'alright mate, have you got any white loaves'

He said 'No sorry i've sold out, Ive only got brown loaves left'

'It's alright' I said ' I've got my bike outside'

admiralofthefleet

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, the same as any other nationality.



A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"

The horse says nothing, because horses lack the intellectual capacity for speech.

Capt'n Midnight

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman ?

none.

komodosp

You've all heard it but it must be the original anti-joke:

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side.

alias141282

Why did the Irishman emigrate?

Because the Irish economy was undergoing a severe downward correction in the aftermath of the celtic tiger property bubble and employment prospects were almost nil.

antodeco

What do you call a girl with no legs, trying to run through a field of strawberries?

A Jammy Cnut

Iron Hide

Whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff
Whats blue and fluffy? pink fluff holding its breath
Whats white and fluffy? Papa smurf's nuts

Trashbat

Why did the chicken cross the road?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because Chickens are simple minded creatures and tend to wander.

fitzgooble

best spent 20 minutes i spent all day spenteded...

there was an oul woman who lived in a shoe, she'd so many children her uterus fell out.

fitzgooble

What did the dog say to the other dog when it jumped into a river?

It barked.