Anti-jokes

JordanRHughes

Some of these are great. Thanks

TokenWhite

Wouldn't really be a big fan of jokes, most of the ones I hear, you can see the punchline coming from 20 miles away, others are just sexual inneundo punchlines and taboo broachers, so I just end up feeling obliged to give a pity laugh, but some of those were genuinely hilarious.
Here's a few others I have seen, most of the good ones have been posted already though.




"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"There were obstacles surrounding it on three sides, and the farmer was slowly nudging the chicken from behind. Thus, due to natural instincts, the chicken crosses the road.




A black guy walks into a bar. He paid his tab and couldn't have been more polite.




"Knock Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"GESTAPO."



Three men walk into a bar. Two go and find a seat while the other heads to the bar to buy the first round. As he approaches the barman, the barman can't help but notice how well-to-do this man looks. He is covered head to toe in the finest garments and jewelry, he is even wearing a crown, a monocle, and carrying a scepter. In short, all the trappings of a cartoon billionaire.

As the bar man is pulling the pints he remarks to the gentleman: "I hope you don't think I'm prying, but, I couldn't help but notice you seem pretty well off. How, may I ask did you come into such a fortune?"

The man replies: "Well, me and my friends over there found a genie in a beer bottle outside, and he granted us each a wish."

Barman: "So, I take it you wished to be the richest man in the world."

The man puts one finger on his nose, and points at the barman with the other hand, as you would in a game of charades.

Barman: "Not a bad choice at all if I do say so."

The man nods politely, pays for the round and goes over to his friends.

After a while, the second man goes up to the bar. This man is notable only insofar as he can barely be seen for all the beautiful women draped around him, seemingly caressing every available inch of his body.

He orders another round, which the barman dutifully pulls. As he finishes off the last pint he can't help but comment: "I hope you don't mind me asking but, you are a friend of that wealthy gentlemen over there aren't you?"

"I am indeed," murmurs the man from beneath the pile of beauties.

"And you wished to be the most attractive man in the world?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Excellent choice sir, enjoy your round," says the barman with the kind of knowing smile you tend to see on people vicariously appreciating the implied sexual exploits of a stranger.

So he shuffles back to the table and he and his friends have their drinks. Not long later the third man approaches the bar and asks for another round. The barman cannot help but notice this man has an orange for a head. But he carries on pulling the pints in silence, until he cannot contain himself any longer and asks:

"You found the genie too, right?"

"That's correct," replies the man with an orange for a head.

"And what did you wish for, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I wished to have an orange for a head."

admiralofthefleet

fitzgooble wrote: »

best spent 20 minutes i spent all day spenteded...

there was an oul woman who lived in a shoe, she'd so many children her uterus fell out.

i heard a different version of that but its not for this humour forum

Queen-Mise

A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired" Everyone laughed. The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.

Why cant Michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? -It's near impossible for any human to draw a perfect circle asshole.