The Funny Side of Religion

krudler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atTFxvs5Zp8

genius

vibe666

GLaDOS

Turtwig

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUlxzgRaR-g

Doc_Savage

Overheal

http://www.stonemakerargument.com/1.html

Coriolanus

Sorry if repost.

Kepti

I thought i'd crosspost this from reddit since I see the 'atheists eat babies' accusation frequently mocked around here.

Galvasean

Malty_T wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUlxzgRaR-g

:eek:

Galvasean

From comedian Gerry McBride:

Atheists and Non-Believers who are giving up something for Lent... Lent is a CHRISTIAN festival. You can't just pick which of our traditions suits you. If you want to join us during our yearly celebration of Depriving oneself of some enjoyable and perfectly harmless facet of life for an arbitrary period of time, then you're going to have to be prepared to be with us during the bad times too.
....
REALLY? Lent? You don't subscribe to anything else we believe but you partake in Lent? The lamest of all our traditions?

Bog

seamus

I was musing on religion the other night and it seemed to me that computing has imitated life when it comes to religion, if you consider people to be the hardware, OSes to be religions and programs to be ideas;

All of the major OSes run on identical hardware, and they're installed after the computer is built.

The Abrahamic religions are like MS/Windows:

- A new version comes out every so often, which is only slightly different from the previous one, and all versions are recognisable as being related.

- People using a new version can't understand why anyone would use the old version and people using the old version don't see why you would switch to the new version.

- Every new version spawns even more "flavours" which only differ in terms of what programs are and aren't included in the package.

- Those who use windows are the primary target of criminals and paedophiles

- Only the creator can make changes (patches) to the core operating system, which are released every time a major flaw is discovered in the OS.

- Many users are fervent about how the version they're using is the best, but they have a grudging respect for other Windows users. Unix/Linux users are considered niche psychos who hate windows. Mac users are ignored.

- Most windows users don't even think about their OS or how it got there and simply stick with the one that was installed on the computer, until the end of its life.


Atheists are like Unix/Linux users

- It's the oldest of all operating systems still in common use

- It's rarely the original OS installed on the machine

- Most new users will dualboot with Windows for a while just to make sure that it does all the same stuff

- They'll often avoid letting other non-Linux users near their computer because they'd have to answer a million questions about it

- There are thousands of flavours, all running on pretty much the same tiny core program (kernel) and outside of that, users are free to modify and use the OS as they see fit.

- Windows users are considered child-like sheep who just have to be introduced to Linux to accept its greatness.

- Your average Linux user knows more about how Windows works and about windows' history than your average windows user.

- Fervent linux users often forget that Windows does many things just as well as Linux does and instead write off the whole OS as junk.


Buddhists are the Mac users:

- Money is of no concern to them


(long, and maybe not funny. Just needed to write it down )

Delirium

Spotted this today

Praise the Lord! He has shown me how to prove scientifically that the sun is no more than 500 miles overhead.

Here is the proof:

To start off with, the sun is hot enough to glow yellow, so we can use Wein's Displacement Law to determine the temperature.

Wein's Displacement Law:
Peak Wavelength in meters = displacement constant / temperature in Kelvin

Yellow light has a wavelength between 570nm and 580nm, so we'll solve for 575nm. Since we are working with nanometers rather than meters, we'll simplify the math by multiplying the displacement constant by 10^9.

575 = 2897768.5/T
575 * T = 2897768.5
T = 2897768.5/575
T = 5039.6° K (8611.6° F)

So the sun is about 5039.6° Kelvin.

Now, the average temperature of the earth is 59° F, or about 288° K. The mean temperature gradient of the troposphere is 6° K/km, so let's solve for the distance.

d = (5039.6 - 288)/6
d = 791.9 km (491.1 miles)

There you have it. The sun is roughly 491.1 miles overhead. Depending on the exact shade of yellow (whether it's closer to 570nm or 580nm), this figure could be off by as much as 5 miles. However, I don't have a spectrometer handy, and I'm willing to live with an uncertainty of ±5 miles. It's not like I'm planning to visit anytime soon -- my shoes would melt .

The LORD is so good to me. Praise the sweet name of Jesus.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

Link to source thread

What I'd love to hear him explain is how people survive the cold weather of the night?

Seeing as the would essentially have moved over 10 times the daytime distance away from the sun.

Half the world would experience an Ice Age approximately every 12 hours:D

Pompey Magnus

koth wrote: »

Spotted this today

What I'd love to hear him explain is how people survive the cold weather of the night?

Seeing as the would essentially have moved over 10 times the daytime distance away from the sun.

Half the world would experience an Ice Age approximately every 12 hours:D

The website is a satirical site, as hinted by the name of the author of the piece, Pastor Billy-Reuben (Bilirubin is the main colouring agent in faeces as I discovered from Silence of the Lambs )

mikhail

seamus wrote: »

All of the major OSes run on identical hardware, and they're installed after the computer is built.

Actually, Apple's OSX is traditionally run on different hardware (the mac), though it's also been ported to IBM clones for at least the past few years.

A few more points though:

• OSX, like Linux, is derived from UNIX. Similarly, Buddhists are atheist.
• Mac users do insist that they've reached enlightenment.
• The Zen is manufactured by Creative though, not Apple.

seamus

mikhail wrote: »

Actually, Apple's OSX is traditionally run on different hardware (the mac), though it's also been ported to IBM clones for at least the past few years.

All Apple Mac moved to "IBM" architecture a couple of years back. No new macs run on different architecture anymore, that's why my post now works.

mikhail

seamus wrote: »

All Apple Mac moved to "IBM" architecture a couple of years back. No new macs run on different architecture anymore, that's why my post now works.

And like Limbo (or that war with Oceana), it has now always been so.

Busi_Girl08

mikhail wrote: »

And like Limbo (or that war with Oceana), it has now always been so.

There has never been a war with Oceania.

THOUGHT CRIMINAL!!!!!!

mikhail

This fits in rather well with a certain view of religion as a tool of control I read here regularly.
http://www.cracked.com/article_19104_why-humanity-cant-get-past-7-deadly-sins.html

Cool Mo D

seamus wrote: »

All Apple Mac moved to "IBM" architecture a couple of years back. No new macs run on different architecture anymore, that's why my post now works.

Interestingly (or not!) the mac USED to run on IBM processors, but now it runs on Intel processors. So to use standard "IBM compatible PC" hardware, they stopped using IBM hardware.

smokingman

Cool Mo D wrote: »

Interestingly (or not!) the mac USED to run on IBM processors, but now it runs on Intel processors. So to use standard "IBM compatible PC" hardware, they stopped using IBM hardware.

...and also, system 5 (SysV - original unix) concepts were robbed by Windows 7 to make it more stable...a lot like our pagan festivals were...

Turtwig

OMG I'm surrounded by Nerds!!!:D

sensibleken

Way to over analyse a joke to the point where its not funny anymore lads

mikhail

sensibleken wrote: »

Way to over analyse a joke to the point where its not funny anymore lads

Any and more are separate words. Also, funny is subjective.

Stercus Accidit

sensibleken wrote: »

Way to over analyse a joke to the point where its not funny anymore lads

welcome to the internet

Galvasean

However shall we get this thread back on track?
By stealing from YLYL!

Links234

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuMfEAp31HE

strobe

Links234 wrote: »

EuMfEAp31HE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPsRN9cR_9E

Penn

Little joke I came up with:

What's the first sign of homosexuality in the Bible? Leviticus 18:22 (or whatever it is)

What's the second sign of homosexuality in the Bible? Thomas the Doubter sticking his finger in Jesus' hole.

Genghiz Cohen

Forget the paradoxical questions (Rock so big even he can't lift it) about gods power.