The Funny Side of Religion

stevoslice

<snip>
shenanigans i say.

The Mad Hatter

Posting here because it almost immediately got buried under crap in the OSN thread.

Pygmalion

Coriolanus

Star_Cow

What I don't understand is why people have wars over religion

Coriolanus

AhSureTisGrand

Hilarious article from the Onion on the institution of marriage under threat from homosexuals

http://www.theonion.com/articles/marauding-gay-hordes-drag-thousands-of-helpless-ci,19325/?mobile=false

Turtwig

AhSureTisGrand wrote: »

Hilarious article from the Onion on the institution of marriage under threat from homosexuals

http://www.theonion.com/articles/marauding-gay-hordes-drag-thousands-of-helpless-ci,19325/?mobile=false

Nasa Killed God.:D

According to officials, God was killed this morning on the moon by a highly trained team of seven astronauts. He was reportedly lured into a trap after coming into contact with the Voyager 2 probe, which was transmitting a false message that NASA wanted to broker a truce with God on "neutral ground."

AhSureTisGrand

_GOD_ wrote: »

JC this is your father. I have told you time and time again not to go on the earth internet and embarass your family by spouting such nonsense. You are not allowed to come down to earth to play with your friends before asking me first. For the love of me I am still cleaning up the mess you left after the last time. Why can't you just use the internet to look at porn like a normal boy?

Win.

vibe666

jobee

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, this isn't what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledygook is this for God's sake?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting "England " past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it full speed ahead.."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history.. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy.."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier- free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under- represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir.. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me - Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe the Pope has made it legal, sir."
Nelson: "In that case..................... kiss me, Hardy."

AhSureTisGrand

Good example of Poe's law here

stevoslice

Tempted to post this in the other thread.

strobe

So I was looking for a video of Terry Phelan running really fast (as he does). As you know when on youtube once your clip is over you sometimes click the related videos, then another, then another and who knows where you will end up. This video was only about 12 degrees of separation from Terry Phelan.

Anyways, there is no Terry Phelan being fast in this video but I thought it was good for the lols.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8gsIuEvEs0

Galvasean

In before someone says they hate Ricky Gervais

strobe

Galvasean wrote: »

In before someone says they hate Ricky Gervais

Well I'm sure Merchant wrote that bit for him. So it's ok.

recedite

vibe666 wrote: »

FYI; (interesting trivia)
A version of the pagan type totem in the top pic was often carried by European armies as a musical instrument, the Jingling Johnny. Germans took them everywhere in WW11, along with the Christian icons. No harm in hedging your bets.

Galvasean

Keylem

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The Mad Hatter

Galvasean wrote: »

Meet me at the corner of Church and Gay...

Queen-Mise

http://guyism.com/humor/the-10-best-stand-up-comedians-of-all-time.html

There are dark comedians and then in a league all by himself is George Carlin. He looked like a hippie nobody, but he spoke like the scholarly prophet of a doomed future. Carlin was brilliant at picking up on the little things in our lives and how those supposed “little things” would end up coming back to destroy civilization. Wars were killing people for no good reason. Religion was decaying society. Death was always right around the corner. He was an eternal pessimist, but that seemed to stem from some deeper understanding of the darker side of humanity he seemed to posses. He was like that weird psychology teacher that you had in college, who was always hilarious, but you just knew he was going to snap under the strain of society one day. And on that day you knew you’d probably hear all seven of the dirty words and a few gunshots. Let’s hope it’s peaceful wherever he ended up. He deserved some downtime.

robindch

Florida church sends out all the wrong kinds of signals:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1363082/Scumbags-welcome--Churchs-controversial-billboard-attracting-criticism.html

Penn

Stolen from YLYL

Galvasean

robindch wrote: »

Florida church sends out all the wrong kinds of signals:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1363082/Scumbags-welcome--Churchs-controversial-billboard-attracting-criticism.html

"Controversial: Pastor Moses Robbins has defended the sign saying he hopes that it will attract more people to his Saturday Night Live church"

Saturday Night Live church? Sounds to me like this whole fiasco is some sort of elaborate SNL sketch.

pljudge321

Coriolanus

Queen-Mise

I know it is a fictional character - but I still want to marry him and have his babies :o:o

vibe666

AhSureTisGrand wrote: »

Good example of Poe's law here

the only thing missing from that was a mention of that Austrian fella* who caused all that bother in germany in the first half of the 20th century. :pac:

* who shall remain nameless for the sake of the sanity of the thread.

Links234

GLaDOS

Bit low brow, but amusing none the less