One-Liner Jokes

MidnightQueen · 15-11-2005 2:37pm

Well yer all thick if ya cant get this one.

What is the hottest part of the sun?
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Page 3.

NikNik · 17-11-2005 1:24pm

How does the man on the moon cut his hair ?
Eclipse it

2 snakes walking along. One asks the other: "Are we poisonous?". Second snake says: "I don't know, why?" The first replies: "I just bit my tongue."

A woodworm walks into a bar: "Is the bartender here?"

What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?
Baboom !

Giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender:"Sorry we don't serve long-necks in here."

Why did the blonde have lipstick on her steering wheel ?
She was trying to blow the horn

Man goes to the doctor. Doc says:"I have bad news for you. You have cancer and Alzheimer's desiese." The man replies: "Well thank God I don't have cancer!"

Mary had a little lamb. The doctor fainted.

Winnie the Pooh asked his mum: "Why have I got such a sh!t name ?"

Brenner · 18-11-2005 6:49pm

Just remember that yesterday was the tomorrow you worried about the day before yesterday...:)

**Emo!!** · 18-11-2005 11:49pm

Jesus said to Peter "Come forth and you shall have everlasting life"

Peter came fifth and won a toaster!!!:D

Brenner · 21-11-2005 3:45pm

George Bush standing in the shower, drops his soap and says...
"I'm gonna get a rack for that" [American Accent Required]

GLaDOS · 27-11-2005 2:57pm

Sleipnir wrote:

In response to Raz's "what's pink and fluffy" joke

What's pink and fluffy?
pink fluff

what's blue and fluffy?
blue fluff?

what's white and fluffy?
white fluff?
no, cotten wool.............dumbass.

Whats pink and fluffy?
Pink Fluff

Whats blue and fluffy?
Cold Pink fluff

Whats green and fluffy?
Sick pink fluff

Whats brown and sticky?
A stick!

meldrew · 27-11-2005 7:33pm

I hear they're not putting up Christmas lights in Vietnam this year .

They're hanging glitter instead

mchurl · 02-12-2005 3:17pm

Did you hear about the family who lived in a tyre?
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They couldnt find a pump so now they're living in a flat!!!!

They couldnt find a pump so now they're living in a flat!!!!

mchurl · 02-12-2005 3:19pm

Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to death by a firing sqaud. They asked him has he any last requests.

He said "Yes, can Peter Crouch do the firing?"

:v:

thehurricane · 02-12-2005 4:30pm

what do puppies and gynecologists have in common?

they both have wet noses

thehurricane · 02-12-2005 5:00pm

What do you get if you turn a blonde upside down?
A brunette with bad breath![/QUOTE]

hehe

Brenner · 05-12-2005 12:47pm

How do you distract a fat person?

Its a piece of cake.

Rnger · 09-12-2005 7:05pm

where does saddam hussain keep his CD's?

in iraq (iraq sounds similar to a rack)

.......... must be told in person really

Fuzzy_Dunlop · 12-12-2005 8:43pm

fairly american joke from Rich Hall-
"whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?"

"Beer nuts are around 2.50, deer nuts are usually under a buck"

Soby · 16-12-2005 11:11pm

Jermey Dixon jokes from FM104

*What have a dog and a mobile phone got in common?? Collar ID!!!

*Jeremy once dated a girl who worked at the carousel at Dublin Airport arrivals hall... They broke up though... she had too much baggage!!

*Man walks into bar with piece of concrete under his arm... "I'll have a pint of beer and one for the road"!!!

*Why was the newspaper reporter queuing up outside the ice cream van?? He was waiting for a scoop!!!

*Why are pirate movies scary?? They just AAARRRRRR!

*What do you call a Mexican man with a rubber toe?? Roberto!!

*Why did the office worker throw his clock out the window?? He wanted to see time fly!!

*Three legged dog hops into a Saloon in the Wild West, jumps up on the bar counter and says to the barman - "who shot my paw"!!!!

*A Sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink... Barman replies "Sorry, we don’t serve drink here"!!!

....If you want to hear more crap jokes like this make sure you're listening to get it off your chest... there are plenty more believe us!

Victor · 16-12-2005 11:17pm

Soby wrote:

*A Sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink... Barman replies "Sorry, we don’t serve drink here"!!!

Eh, did you get this one right?

tintinr35 · 19-12-2005 3:34am

Soby wrote:

*A Sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink... Barman replies "Sorry, we don’t serve drink here"!!!

we dont serve food in here!!!!!

muffin_man · 19-12-2005 7:57pm

My girlfriend asked me to tease her! I said, "alrite fatty!"

irishunion.com · 24-12-2005 4:30pm

muffin_man wrote:

My girlfriend asked me to tease her! I said, "alrite fatty!"

Mine asked me to talk dirty to her! I said, "ok you hairy bytch"

irishunion.com · 24-12-2005 4:35pm

Why Albanian submarines surface every 3 minutes?
Rowers need air.

Why Albania lost the war?
Archer got sick.

How do you annihilate an Albanian tank?
Shoot the ppl who push the tank

Hagar · 01-01-2006 11:44am

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ... or something like that.

Doctor: "I've got very bad news - you've got cancer and Alzheimer's"
Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer"

Beauty is only a light switch away.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

Hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to........ SANTA!

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent... Wedding cake!

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

Make love, not war. - Hell, do both, get married!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.