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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • Site Banned Posts: 1,734 ✭✭✭Second Toughest in_the Freshers


    While health freaks join their sister-organisation, The K-K-Kale...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 12,928 ✭✭✭✭Dtp1979


    K-K-Krap


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 21,981 ✭✭✭✭Hanley


    Did you hear about the magic tractor?

    It turned into a field.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 21,981 ✭✭✭✭Hanley


    This may have been done... but it's my favourite joke ever so here goes:

    What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

    I can marmalade my dick up your hole.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Comer1


    Hanley wrote: »
    This may have been done...

    With such diversity in people's sexual activities these days, I'm sure it has.


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  • Site Banned Posts: 1,734 ✭✭✭Second Toughest in_the Freshers


    Whats the difference between an apple and an orange?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 490 ✭✭Rob Thomas


    What was Mozarts favourite fruit ?

    A Ban ana na


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 992 ✭✭✭Eglinton


    Rob Thomas wrote: »
    What was Mozarts favourite fruit ?

    A Ban ana na

    Eh, Beethoven, I think :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 12,928 ✭✭✭✭Dtp1979


    Whats the difference between an apple and an orange?

    ?


  • Site Banned Posts: 1,734 ✭✭✭Second Toughest in_the Freshers


    You can't have an apple parade,

    (or something like that...)


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭pebbles21


    My girlfriend told me she has an obession with The Monkees

    I tought she was taking the piss..But then i saw her face!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 490 ✭✭Rob Thomas


    Eglinton wrote: »
    Eh, Beethoven, I think :)

    A 5 year old told me. I'll let her off .


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,654 ✭✭✭Gamer Bhoy 89


    One night I had a dream that I was eating a big marshmallow.

    I woke up and realized my pillow was missing.

    :pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,107 ✭✭✭donegal_man


    My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2 petziem


    I accidently came across this site this morning. Would like to browse fora while


    Anne


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,847 ✭✭✭✭Shannon757


    petziem wrote: »
    I accidently came across this site this morning. Would like to browse fora while


    Anne

    Good to know.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,073 ✭✭✭Xenophile


    What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
    It gets toad away.

    The Forum on Spirituality has been closed for years. Please bring it back, there are lots of Spiritual people in Ireland and elsewhere.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,073 ✭✭✭Xenophile


    I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

    The Forum on Spirituality has been closed for years. Please bring it back, there are lots of Spiritual people in Ireland and elsewhere.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,073 ✭✭✭Xenophile


    Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
    A: "Put it on my bill."

    The Forum on Spirituality has been closed for years. Please bring it back, there are lots of Spiritual people in Ireland and elsewhere.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,073 ✭✭✭Xenophile


    Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
    A: Because it was soda pressing

    The Forum on Spirituality has been closed for years. Please bring it back, there are lots of Spiritual people in Ireland and elsewhere.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,073 ✭✭✭Xenophile


    Q: Why do Chinese people have Chinese babies?
    A: Because two Wongs don't make a white.

    The Forum on Spirituality has been closed for years. Please bring it back, there are lots of Spiritual people in Ireland and elsewhere.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,073 ✭✭✭Xenophile


    I am so ugly when I tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

    The Forum on Spirituality has been closed for years. Please bring it back, there are lots of Spiritual people in Ireland and elsewhere.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33 Gerard3003


    My wife wanted a dog but I didn't so we compromised.
    We now have a dog.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,935 ✭✭✭Worztron


    Why doesn't Jesus play first-person shooter games?

    It takes him 3 days to respawn.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,935 ✭✭✭Worztron


    Why was the feminist picnic canceled?

    Because nobody made sandwiches.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,565 ✭✭✭✭gammygils


    Did you ever see the film "Tractor"

    No but I saw a trailer for it! :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,073 ✭✭✭Xenophile


    Ronnie Corbett RIP, his death was announced today.

    For me here is one of his best one liners...........

    It was revealed in a government survey published today that the prime minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy.


    Thanks for the laughs Ronnie !

    The Forum on Spirituality has been closed for years. Please bring it back, there are lots of Spiritual people in Ireland and elsewhere.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,672 ✭✭✭Oblomov


    Four Candles

    Mastermond

    Classic C and B


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,087 ✭✭✭byrner88


    Xenophile wrote: »
    What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
    It gets toad away.

    "What did the horny frog say?"

    "Rub-it" "Rub-it"


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,073 ✭✭✭Xenophile


    A teenager walked up to my girlfriend and said " your legs are a lovely colour, where did you get it " ?

    The Forum on Spirituality has been closed for years. Please bring it back, there are lots of Spiritual people in Ireland and elsewhere.



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