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How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

12357…22

Comments

  • #202
    John DoeReMi
    Registered Users Posts: 102 ✭✭John DoeReMi


    Meetup.com Best site ever. Loads of meetups going on all over the country. You might have to travel a bit to find one near you but if you put the effort in you can't fail. Worked for me and plenty of other guys I know.


  • #203
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    John DoeReMi wrote: »
    Meetup.com Best site ever. Loads of meetups going on all over the country. You might have to travel a bit to find one near you but if you put the effort in you can't fail. Worked for me and plenty of other guys I know.

    Yup, have always meant to go to one but never got a chance, must give it a go sometime.


  • #204
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    Instead of playing games, if you were out in the real world meeting people... can you agree your chance of meeting women would be significantly higher?

    That depends on what and where in the real world you find interesting.

    I imagine that the OP does spend a fair amount of time in the real world for work other engagements etc, we all have to, I highly doubt the man is a recluse.

    You can go along to any amount of gaming conventions and meetups/events with like minded people if you wish in real time; you went along to one yourself.

    Again at the end of the day, it boils down to what your interested in. We can look at people who game like they are in a petri dish all day if we want but folk like what they like.

    The issue I see with gaming (when it comes to dating) is the following:

    Most gamers I know don't limit it to 2 or 3 hours a week. (I would consider this sort of casual gaming to have zero impact on your dating life).

    Instead they tend to spend entire evenings or days playing them. Obviously this time could be better spent improving themselves and trying to meet a partner.


  • #205
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    But I think a lot of guys who like soccer watch it in the pub so they have a chance to socialise with women. I also think liking soccer is not seen as nerdy.
    Ah, but you see that's changing the whole environment. The OP's question relates to people (like me) who live outside a "normal" social circle - i.e. in the countryside. If someone has the chance (and interest) to watch soccer in a pub with loads of women in it, then that's obviously a situation that's almost guaranteed to put "compatible" singles together. On the other hand, if you don't like soccer, and you don't like drinking ... you're fecked. Again.
    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    Would you agree this is fair:
    Instead of playing games, if you were out in the real world meeting people... can you agree your chance of meeting women would be significantly higher?
    Not necessarily. Simply going out into the real world doesn't mean you'll meet people. When I'm at home, I can be outside for a week at a time and not see another human because of where I live; when I'm at work, I have a parade of people passing in front of me, but for professional and practical reasons, the chance of being able to take it further is about zero.

    Give me a computer, though, and I can meet other people, have a meaningful conversation with them and, occasionally, get to know them sufficiently well to consider them "friends" in the old-fashioned sense of the word. My email and WhatsApp inboxes are populated by approximately equal numbers people I met for the first time in the real-world and online.

    When it comes to online dating, the biggest problem for us rural dwellers is that the sites are full of city-folk who want a quick fix and someone within spitting distance. That's where the numbers are all messed up. It's all very well being a 93% match, but if yer wan has her filter set to a maximum 10km, I'll never appear on her radar no matter how perfect we might be for each other.

    PS - going by all the fantasies expressed in this thread, I'm a great catch. Just sayin' :cool:


  • #206
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    Ah if you live in the middle of nowhere and it's difficult to meet anyone at all, that's a separate problem.

    I am talking about city folk.

    I have my from Dublin glasses on.


  • #207
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    The issue I see with gaming (when it comes to dating) is the following:

    Most gamers I know don't limit it to 2 or 3 hours a week. (I would consider this sort of casual gaming to have zero impact on your dating life).

    Instead they tend to spend entire evenings or days playing them. Obviously this time could be better spent improving themselves and trying to meet a partner.

    Do you understand how social modern gaming is? What's the difference between me spending six hours dancing with my friends on a Saturday night and my son spending six hours playing with his friends on a Saturday night? Other than the fact that I'm getting hot and sweaty, and he's talking to people on four different continents?


  • #208
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    Ah if you live in the middle of nowhere and it's difficult to meet anyone at all, that's a separate problem.

    I am talking about city folk.

    I have my from Dublin glasses on.

    Ahhhh. That explains it. :P The OP lives in the countryside - you need to be aruging your case on the Escaping to the countryside thread! :pac:


  • #209
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    The issue I see with gaming (when it comes to dating) is the following:

    Most gamers I know don't limit it to 2 or 3 hours a week. (I would consider this sort of casual gaming to have zero impact on your dating life).

    Instead they tend to spend entire evenings or days playing them. Obviously this time could be better spent improving themselves and trying to meet a partner.

    Again it depends.

    If you are spending every waking hour gaming then you probably have a problem.

    Spending entire evenings or weekend days playing games? so what? plenty people spend the day in the pub of a weekend or veg out watching TV of an evening eating crap.

    Neither of the above will get you a lady either. And for all anyone knows, they could still be doing things to improve themselves on the side.


  • #210
    Strazdas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,154 ✭✭✭✭Strazdas


    Richard Hillman wrote: »
    A key skill in life is to always know when to give up. Late 30s, nothing happening romantically, it's time to call it a day on the ladies front.

    I think male suicide is so high because there are males that are just completely unacceptant that they will fail to do their one duty on the planet, reproducing. We are not all supposed to reproduce. If we did, then we would have died out centuries ago.

    Just find stuff that you love doing and keep on with it. If people are spending their time failing at reproducing, they are going to end up being miserable and suicidal.

    Acceptance is key. Knowing that the game is lost but you may as well have a bit of fun while you're here anyway. Stop looking and you'll find happiness.

    I would disagree here. I was watching an episode of First Dates UK recently and there was a 43 year old guy on it who had slumped into a negative mindset like you're suggesting and given up on ever meeting anyone. But he eventually had a rethink and said to himself 'there is someone for everyone out there' (and did meet a nice woman on the show).It's impossible to meet anyone if you have already given up......you're self sabotaging by doing this.


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  • #211
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    CelticRambler wrote: »
    Do you understand how social modern gaming is? What's the difference between me spending six hours dancing with my friends on a Saturday night and my son spending six hours playing with his friends on a Saturday night? Other than the fact that I'm getting hot and sweaty, and he's talking to people on four different continents?
    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    Again it depends.

    If you are spending every waking hour gaming then you probably have a problem.

    Spending entire evenings or weekend days playing games? so what? plenty people spend the day in the pub of a weekend or veg out watching TV of an evening eating crap.

    Neither of the above will get you a lady either. And for all anyone knows, they could still be doing things to improve themselves on the side.

    This is going to be my last comment on this, as I can see both of you have your mind made up on this and aren't willing to compromise.

    Do you understand how social modern gaming is?

    Chatting to (mostly) other men online is far inferior to other social events like going to a pub, going to a dance class, going to an art class, etc.

    Even on a simple level: the ratio of men to women.

    What's the difference between me spending six hours dancing with my friends on a Saturday night and my son spending six hours playing with his friends on a Saturday night?

    I'm not sure how to answer this.

    Nearly everything?

    Spending entire evenings or weekend days playing games? so what? plenty people spend the day in the pub of a weekend or veg out watching TV of an evening eating crap.

    In the pub you can meet real females.

    I agree sitting at home all the time watching TV and eating crap isn't going to help you meet women.

    To meet women you need to get outside and meet them. Yes we all know someone who met a woman online and they're now in a long distance relationship. But if you want to have a higher chance of getting a partner, you need to go outside and meet them.

    My final point:

    A woman asks: What do you do for fun?

    Guy 1 says: I go to the gym, play soccer on a Saturday morning with my friends, I like art and dancing...

    Guy 2 says: I like to play online games. I like anime.

    I hope you can admit Guy 1 is going to appeal to significantly more women.

    OK, that's it.


  • #212
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    My final point:

    A woman asks: What do you do for fun?

    Guy 1 says: I go to the gym, play soccer on a Saturday morning with my friends, I like art and dancing...

    Guy 2 says: I like to play online games. I like anime.

    I hope you can admit Guy 1 is going to appeal to significantly more women.

    Stacking the deck, a bit, aren't you? :D

    Guy 1 says: I go to the gym, play online games, I like art and dancing...

    Guy 2 says: I like to watch soccer and read anime.

    I'm not really into guys, but I'd pick No.1 of those two.

    Anyway, like yourself, I'm off out into the real world for a bit, now that temperature has dropped below 30°C ... :cool:


  • #213
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    This is going to be my last comment on this, as I can see both of you have your mind made up on this and aren't willing to compromise.

    Do you understand how social modern gaming is?

    Chatting to (mostly) other men online is far inferior to other social events like going to a pub, going to a dance class, going to an art class, etc.

    Even on a simple level: the ratio of men to women.

    What's the difference between me spending six hours dancing with my friends on a Saturday night and my son spending six hours playing with his friends on a Saturday night?

    I'm not sure how to answer this.

    Nearly everything?

    Spending entire evenings or weekend days playing games? so what? plenty people spend the day in the pub of a weekend or veg out watching TV of an evening eating crap.

    In the pub you can meet real females.

    I agree sitting at home all the time watching TV and eating crap isn't going to help you meet women.

    To meet women you need to get outside and meet them. Yes we all know someone who met a woman online and they're now in a long distance relationship. But if you want to have a higher chance of getting a partner, you need to go outside and meet them.

    My final point:

    A woman asks: What do you do for fun?

    Guy 1 says: I go to the gym, play soccer on a Saturday morning with my friends, I like art and dancing...

    Guy 2 says: I like to play online games. I like anime.

    I hope you can admit Guy 1 is going to appeal to significantly more women.

    OK, that's it.

    I can think of a least half a dozen places that are better than the pub for men to meet women.

    But sure it's Ireland, so the pub it must be.

    As for the other examples; Loads of women like anime too.

    People tend to go for, and are attracted to, people that are like them in any event, so a conversation such as the above never happens in real life anyways.

    Honestly I think there is a generational gap at play here.


  • #214
    Richard Hillman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,033 ✭✭✭✭Richard Hillman


    Strazdas wrote: »
    I would disagree here. I was watching an episode of First Dates UK recently and there was a 43 year old guy on it who had slumped into a negative mindset like you're suggesting and given up on ever meeting anyone. But he eventually had a rethink and said to himself 'there is someone for everyone out there' (and did meet a nice woman on the show).It's impossible to meet anyone if you have already given up......you're self sabotaging by doing this.

    He'll be a right mess if/when she dumps him.

    The "someone for everyone" theory is very dangerous for young men. It's filling a false narrative. We're not penguins. And even then, not all penguins get to mate.

    Men have to accept, it's a battleground out there. Women don't have the same martial expectations set upon them anymore. They are not getting desperate in their late 20s, early 30s anymore and settling down with anything remotely suitable, like the olden days. If you were a single lady aged 30-40 in the 70s, 80s even 90s, you'd be married off to any old pisshead. It's a different game now. And there really isn't somebody for everybody. There are many people (and an increasing number) that will have to go without.


  • #215
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Richard Hillman wrote: »
    He'll be a right mess if/when she dumps him.

    The "someone for everyone" theory is very dangerous for young men. It's filling a false narrative. We're not penguins. And even then, not all penguins get to mate.

    Men have to accept, it's a battleground out there. Women don't have the same martial expectations set upon them anymore. They are not getting desperate in their late 20s, early 30s anymore and settling down with anything remotely suitable, like the olden days. If you were a single lady aged 30-40 in the 70s, 80s even 90s, you'd be married off to any old pisshead. It's a different game now. And there really isn't somebody for everybody. There are many people (and an increasing number) that will have to go without.

    Best put your best foot forward then and stop whinging about it.

    If you go about your business, concentrate first and foremost on yourself and have the impression that you could care less about all the other stuff (because really why would you?) then things will work out just fine on nearly every other front and that includes the fairer sex.


  • #216
    Strazdas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,154 ✭✭✭✭Strazdas


    Richard Hillman wrote: »
    He'll be a right mess if/when she dumps him.

    The "someone for everyone" theory is very dangerous for young men. It's filling a false narrative. We're not penguins. And even then, not all penguins get to mate.

    Men have to accept, it's a battleground out there. Women don't have the same martial expectations set upon them anymore. They are not getting desperate in their late 20s, early 30s anymore and settling down with anything remotely suitable, like the olden days. If you were a single lady aged 30-40 in the 70s, 80s even 90s, you'd be married off to any old pisshead. It's a different game now. And there really isn't somebody for everybody. There are many people (and an increasing number) that will have to go without.

    I'm not suggesting it's easy for a moment for older people to meet someone. The odds are definitely stacked against them and their options are not as good. But just to give up and "accept" your fate is totally self defeating. It almost sounds like a cop out.


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  • #217
    silverharp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,666 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    from a guys perspective its all about self improvement, the more you improve yourself, at a minimum the gals will meet you half way. the guys that are going to have the most problems are ones that end up in some version of failure to launch or do absolutely nothing to make themselves stand out.

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



  • #218
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    silverharp wrote: »
    from a guys perspective its all about self improvement, the more you improve yourself, at a minimum the gals will meet you half way. the guys that are going to have the most problems are ones that end up in some version of failure to launch or do absolutely nothing to make themselves stand out.

    Or are angry and bitter about that one gal that got away don't you know and don't have the balls to go out and do something about whatever predicament is making them feel ****ty.


  • #219
    Strazdas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,154 ✭✭✭✭Strazdas


    silverharp wrote: »
    from a guys perspective its all about self improvement, the more you improve yourself, at a minimum the gals will meet you half way. the guys that are going to have the most problems are ones that end up in some version of failure to launch or do absolutely nothing to make themselves stand out.

    I would also say being too needy or desperate is an attraction killer. If you're trying too hard, then you're already losing. If you come across as normal and relaxed and not desperate to be with someone, you're already dong well.


  • #220
    Hedgelayer
    Registered Users Posts: 530 ✭✭✭Hedgelayer


    I'm in the opposite scale of the OP I don't need a partner, don't want a partner and quite content that way.

    My life is pretty much complete apart from a few tweaks here and there,add some self motivation now and again....

    The freedom of not being compelled to want a man or a woman in my life or feeling inadequate because I'm single is great.

    I don't think I'm gay straight bi or A sexual, It's just a time in my life where sorting out vegetable seeds and chopping timber is more challenging...

    Zero motivation to get laid or have a partner....

    This new way of living creeped up on me in the early 40's

    It's like a new emotion.


  • #221
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    Richard Hillman wrote: »
    Men have to accept, it's a battleground out there. Women don't have the same martial expectations set upon them anymore.

    That's true. My son was raised to think that hitting girls was not a good thing ... which was a real handicap for him when he was up against one in jujitsu, getting the sh1te bate out of him. :D









    Oh ... did you mean marital expectations .... :pac:


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  • #222
    pauliebdub
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭pauliebdub


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    Loads of women are into gaming, granted I'm not but I remember chatting to a girl online a while back and she was big into it.

    Very very few I would say. In fact it's a typical trait of the man child that a lot of women would actively avoid: a lad in their late 20s wearing a super Mario Bros t-shirt sitting at home playing video games all night.


  • #223
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    pauliebdub wrote: »
    Very very few I would say. In fact it's a typical trait of the man child that a lot of women would actively avoid: a lad in their late 20s wearing a super Mario Bros t-shirt sitting at home playing video games all night.

    If he has all the qualities that a woman is after it won't matter a single jot.

    What's the difference between that and some pot bellied lad in a jersey shouted at a match on a TV screen?

    The difference? sport is slightly more mainstream.


  • #224
    Nobelium
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,093 ✭✭✭Nobelium


    Zorya wrote: »
    I think you can decide to be content. But happiness does to a certain extent depend on other people and external things so it is much more fragile than contentment.
    If your other half or your child or a close loved one/friend starts being really mean, or cheats on you, or gets really sick, maybe gets schizophrenia, and becomes someone completely different than you counted on, or if you got run over and lost limbs or a million other possible external things you might not feel happy. In fact you mightvery naturally feel inclined to be miserable.

    Given how unstable life actually is, it is probably better to try cultivate some kind of stoic middle way called contentment. And endurance for the crap times. Of course one might be occasionally happy even in the most gruelling circumstances. And occasionally one might even be miserable when everything is going very well. But contentment and endurance is more sustainable than striving for happiness.

    If you continually decide to make your happiness dependent on other people and external things that in reality you have no control of, you'll never be happy.


  • #225
    cian68
    Registered Users Posts: 894 ✭✭✭cian68


    I'm no gamer but it's wild how judgmental people are of it. It seems so normal to me. My two friends who would be the most in to it also do great with women because women in their 20s realise it's a completely normal, average healthy hobby.


  • #226
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Nobelium wrote: »
    If you continually decide to make your happiness dependent on other people and external things that in reality you have no control of, you'll never be happy.

    if you continually pretend that externalities have zero impact the same result will occur

    its almost as if theres a middle ground


  • #227
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    for what its worth op, out of the list posted a few pages back you can skip the bits about going to the gym and not w*nking to manga

    im living proof (hi ladies)


  • #228
    Nobelium
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,093 ✭✭✭Nobelium


    Deleted User wrote: »
    if you continually pretend that externalities have zero impact the same result will occur

    its almost as if theres a middle ground

    There's no pretending . . if you are resilient enough to handle any external event. Handing over control of your happiness to other people, and making it dependent on what they do, material items, and on other external events you have no control over, isn't the path to happiness.


  • #229
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Nobelium wrote: »
    There's no pretending . . if you are resilient enough to handle any external event. Handing over control of your happiness to other people, and making it dependent on what they do, material items, and on other external events you have no control over, isn't the path to happiness.

    sounds a lot more like fear than resilience to me

    i wish you luck in the approach. i couldnt say it sounds like good advice to the OP or anybody else


  • #230
    Greyfox
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,915 ✭✭✭Greyfox


    cian68 wrote: »
    I'm no gamer but it's wild how judgmental people are of it. It seems so normal to me

    The fact is there's loads of married men and men in long term relationships who regularly play computer games, the vast majority of gamers don't let it impact there life. Unfortunately putting gaming as a hobby on your tinder profile is not a good idea so men are better off putting in hobbies they do a few times a year instead. Getting a girlfriend requires a considerable effort and an acceptance of rejection but guys also have to make sure they don't completely neglect the hobbies they most enjoy


  • #231
    Nobelium
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,093 ✭✭✭Nobelium


    Deleted User wrote: »
    sounds a lot more like fear than resilience to me

    i wish you luck in the approach. i couldnt say it sounds like good advice to the OP or anybody else

    No bother, I don't rely on luck, but if you think resilience is fear, you have no concept of it, and if you make your happiness dependent on other people and external factors you have no control of, you're in for a disappointing time. I certainly wouldn't advise making you happiness dependent on same.


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  • #232
    glimmering
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭glimmering


    I highly recommend going to Youtube and looking up a guy called 'Corey Wayne'. He has tons of videos about dating/women, how to get what you want out of life etc. Also read his book: 'How to be a 3% man'.


  • #233
    Mongfinder General
    Registered Users Posts: 1,992 ✭✭✭Mongfinder General


    Wibbs wrote: »
    The very first sentence in the blurb: American society has become anti-male. America. Ireland is not America. We have a much lower divorce rate for a start. For all the young wans sounding like valley girls, it's a very different culture.

    What's your point? Divorce rates are lower because of different rules in each jurisdiction. The op seems disheartened because he hasn't yet settled down. No sane person would get married if they knew what goes into making a marriage work and raising a family.


  • #234
    Zorya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭Zorya


    Nobelium wrote: »
    There's no pretending . . if you are resilient enough to handle any external event. Handing over control of your happiness to other people, and making it dependent on what they do, material items, and on other external events you have no control over, isn't the path to happiness.

    I think you are talking about contentment. Happiness, ie existing in some kind of constant state of joy, is not possible because suffering exists. Being joyful in extremity is the preserve of the very very few. But being stoic, enduring, being patient, resilient, maintaining equanimity, this can be cultivated. And indeed only in the context of self reliance. I honestly don't think we are disagreeing, just think the definition of terms is different


  • #235
    Nobelium
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,093 ✭✭✭Nobelium


    Zorya wrote: »
    I think you are talking about contentment. Happiness, ie existing in some kind of constant state of joy, is not possible because suffering exists. Being joyful in extremity is the preserve of the very very few. But being stoic, enduring, being patient, resilient, maintaining equanimity, this can be cultivated. And indeed only in the context of self reliance. I honestly don't think we are disagreeing, just think the definition of terms is different

    I've never used the word joy, and then if changing it to joy wasn't enough, you jumped it to "joyful in the extremity." Nope, just nice simple happiness. "being stoic, enduring, being patient, resilient, maintaining equanimity" are stepping stones that underpin happiness, and guess what, as I've explained these are all internal, and about not making your happiness dependent on uncontrollable externals such as people and events (which you dispute : "happiness does to a certain extent depend on other people and external things" - no it doesn't, quite the opposite.


  • #236
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    Seeing as there's no word for "happy" in the Irish language, those of us that are pure-blooded Irish are at a distinct disadvantage as it was obviously not in written into our ancestors' DNA. :(

    Can't say I'd find either side of the argument great as a chat-up line, though. :p


  • #237
    Nobelium
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,093 ✭✭✭Nobelium


    CelticRambler wrote: »
    Seeing as there's no word for "happy" in the Irish language, those of us that are pure-blooded Irish are at a distinct disadvantage as it was obviously not in written into our ancestors' DNA. :(

    I can trace my ancestry on both sides of my family to at least 6th century Ireland, so that's a bit of a self limiting myth you've invented for yourself i'm afraid.


  • #238
    Zorya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭Zorya


    Nobelium wrote: »
    I've never used the word joy, and then if changing it to joy wasn't enough, you jumped it to "joyful in the extremity." Nope, just nice simple happiness. "being stoic, enduring, being patient, resilient, maintaining equanimity" are stepping stones that underpin happiness, and guess what, as I've explained these are all internal, and about not making your happiness dependent on uncontrollable externals such as people and events (which you dispute : "happiness does to a certain extent depend on other people and external things" - no it doesn't, quite the opposite.

    Joyful in extremity is not the same as joyful in the extremity


  • #239
    Ally Dick
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,715 ✭✭✭✭Ally Dick


    I'd pay a matchmaking site like Elite. Don't go for the free stuff. It's all full of messers


  • #240
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Mongfinder General wrote: »
    What's your point?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p5QiOPtX14

    Divorce rates are lower because of different rules in each jurisdiction.
    No, divorce rates are lower because Ireland is a different culture and one where the divorce rates are around four times lower than the US. That stat that no doubt you've read on your interwebs travels of nearly 50%? It doesn't even apply to America and certainly doesn't apply here. I do wish people, particularly men and young men and particularly who for whatever reason have ended up isolated, would stop absorbing the Yank nonsense on the internet, of which there is much. On all sides. All this MGTOW, Red Pill, radical feminism, retarded political viewpoints bollocks.
    The op seems disheartened because he hasn't yet settled down. No sane person would get married if they knew what goes into making a marriage work and raising a family.
    And yet the vast majority of us have come from a long line of "insane" people and "insane" people are still getting married and raising families(or no, as the individual cases may be) on a very regular basis. The fact is the average and normal - and yep I said normal - route for the majority of folks in Ireland today is to get loved up, get hitched, or live together indefinitely and raise little copies of themselves. Sure, it can require effort, all worthwhile endeavours do. We don't get medals in life for just showing up and breathing.

    And for the record: I'm not married, nor do I have kids. I have a fair few long and short term relationships under my belt and while some of those women were utter bloody head melts and heart scalds who rarely stopped bloody whinging about some trivia or other, there were others, most actually, who were sound and didn't. I'm not hitched because of circumstances, timing and yep I'm not really suited to long termers in a few ways, but guess what, that makes me abnormal(which I'm fine with BTW. it is what it is). The vast majority of normal people can and do do it.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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  • #241
    riclad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,184 ✭✭✭riclad


    Before consoles were invented ,people would watch tv.
    i do,nt think theres a big stigma now about adult males playing pc or console games .
    theres some articles in newspapers that say 40 per cent of gamers are women .
    IF you make a profile on a dating website put in lots of info,
    what book,s ,music , tv programs you like .
    do you drink or smoke .are you a big fan of football,rugby, gaa etc
    most males over 20 play games on pc or console, I don,t think women
    will be put off by that as long as you are friendly, and a have a sense of humour , and a good personality.


  • #242
    Rikand
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,421 ✭✭✭✭Rikand


    @op

    Do you have any female friends or family members who could set you up with one of their friends ?

    Women talk.

    My sister introduced me to the women who is now my wife. My wife and my sister were friends and my wife said to my sister : I just want to meet a nice guy who's taller than me (or something to that effect). And my sister said, I have a brother..... And she rang me to come meet them.

    I'm on the average scale in the looks department but the wife is a stunner and we just hit it off straight away.

    If you have a sister or female cousin, see if she'll keep an eye out for you ? If not, talk to your female friends or work colleagues. Someone is going to know someone who's looking for a guy just like you


    -edit- I'm also a hardcore gamer, PC games mostly. The missus is not. She tried it and it wasn't for her. Though she'd still play the Wii Sports or Wii Play if we stuck it on :) the night I got the call from sister I was playing CS and reluctant to leave my room but I was feckin glad I did in the end lol


  • #243
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I dunno R, I would bet the farm stating you're a gamer will reduce the potential pool. Depends on how it's framed too I suppose. EG I do a bit of flyfishing and I might mention that, but I wouldn't say I'm a fisherman, if you know what I mean? One suggests a hobby, the other suggests she might never see me when the fishing season is on. Listing playing games among other pursuits grand, describing oneself as a gamer, not so much.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #244
    vargoo
    Registered Users Posts: 737 ✭✭✭vargoo


    John DoeReMi wrote: »
    Meetup.com Best site ever. Loads of meetups going on all over the country. You might have to travel a bit to find one near you but if you put the effort in you can't fail. Worked for me and plenty of other guys I know.

    I set it to 70 km one night and only 1 event on it and only person going was organiser.

    More city/built up areas thing.


  • #245
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Wibbs wrote: »
    I dunno R, I would bet the farm stating you're a gamer will reduce the potential pool. Depends on how it's framed too I suppose. EG I do a bit of flyfishing and I might mention that, but I wouldn't say I'm a fisherman, if you know what I mean? One suggests a hobby, the other suggests she might never see me when the fishing season is on. Listing playing games among other pursuits grand, describing oneself as a gamer, not so much.

    The woman I was chatting to that I mentioned way back described herself as a Gamer in her personality whatever section.

    Believe me I was all kinds of interested and I don't even game or have any real interest in it.

    Honestly I think there's way too much stereotyping going on here regarding people who play games.


  • #246
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    Surely if op lowered his standards enough...


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  • #247
    kowloon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,507 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    Honestly I think there's way too much stereotyping going on here regarding people who play games.

    It's a generational thing in a lot of cases. When this site was a Quake forum games were pretty much a lads only club. These days people meet their partners in World of Warcraft and the likes.


  • #248
    eurozonelady
    Registered Users Posts: 44 ✭eurozonelady


    Like others have said join clubs, but to enjoy your hobbies and try a few new things that might be on your bucket list. Try to enjoy the freedom of being single and get to know yourself more and the people around you. Definitely don´t do everything with an aura of hunting out a mate about yourself.

    Do risk humiliation and rejection. It´s better to know than wonder, don´t let anybody string you along and don´t be anybody´s maybe or option. That said be sure to walk away if your love interest is being half-arsed.

    Love and etc may be one goal, keep it on the back burner and pursue all the other goals in the meantime. It will happen when it happens. Good luck!


  • #249
    Zorya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭Zorya


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    The woman I was chatting to that I mentioned way back described herself as a Gamer in her personality whatever section.

    Believe me I was all kinds of interested and I don't even game or have any real interest in it.

    Honestly I think there's way too much stereotyping going on here regarding people who play games.

    The gaming thing is an odd one, for sure it is a generational thing, and attitudes are changing. I would find gaming beyond boring, but can understand the attraction to it as I have an addictive streak myself. And I think it is with respect to addiction that gaming raises questions. From what my husband's workmates tell him a good few of them would stay up into the very late hours gaming and be tired next morning for work, plus they would spend whole weekends immersed in games. They are normal chaps, nice guys, but they definitely have an addiction.

    I saw something of the addictive nature of it first hand recently when I went to visit a young couple who have a very small baby. This baby is one of the cutest babies I have ever met - you'd want to be cuddling it all day! - and yet he was set up in a high chair angled so he could see his father, who was sitting - rooted! - in a big armchair, with the curtains drawn at midday, playing with a device in his hand that was attached to a huge screen. From the set up, food and drink close by on table, the angles of furniture etc., it was obvious this was his thing. His preoccupation. The babies interaction with Daddy was to laugh and coo about Daddy's facial reactions and body movements and occasional words directed to the game. There was something very poignant about the scene. Babyhood lasts so short a time and this is what this young father was letting distract him.
    The same could be said for drink, drugs, porn. Over a certain amount it fecks with your life, and gaming is addictive.

    Having said that we all tolerate a certain amount of darkness in our loved ones. We choose our poison, so to speak. Himself has certain behaviours that I know most would not tolerate but I find it balanced by other more important goodness, and he has to tolerate levels of oddness in me that I cannot imagine anyone else entertaining. Shrugs. Maybe younger guys and gals tolerate gaming addiction better than I would?


  • #250
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    the term "Gamer" dosnt conjure up an image of an emotionally mature person who has their sh1t together. Obviously this is a generalisation but thats how generalisations work - obviously there are gamers who are not obsessed, have other interests, are not on the specteum and are not locked into a virtual world to escape real life....but there are an awful lot who are.


  • #251
    FTA69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,252 ✭✭✭FTA69


    Jesus Christ this thread is hard reading. Women are “money grabbing wh*res”, “there’s no good women left”, “a woman will simply marry you and take half of your stuff”, “women can’t hold a conversation” etc etc etc.

    Mother of God is it any wonder that women don’t want anything to do with these sort of fellas? There’s some people on this thread just give off a hum of seething resentment and dislike of women in general, why the f*ck would anyone be attracted to that?

    Women aren’t these malicious creatures out to do over ‘decent guys’ (many of the people commenting here sound far from decent) like. Honestly, if you’re that much of an angry bitter loser you’re better off being single.

    Also MGTOW? Avoid getting sucked down that rabbit hole, absolutely mental carry on.


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