How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

OMM 0000

I'm married to a very lovely woman (also beautiful) and had a lot of success over the years. YET I'M JUST AVERAGE LOOKING. This is what worked for me. It will work for you.

Women are attracted to men who appear to have their **** together, will probably be good providers in the future, and who look OK.

I'm aware some of the advice below is ridiculous.

1. You need good hygiene. Shower every day. Wear deodorant. Make sure your feet and shoes do not smell. If your shoes smell, throw them away. Floss every night. Brush your teeth morning and night. If you have bad breath, find out what's causing it. It's probably from your stomach. Caffeine / spices / alcohol are the usual culprits.

2. Go to the dentist twice a year. Get your haircut every month or two. You don't need a fancy haircut. Remember your goal is to look "OK".

3. Ask a female friend to help you buy clothes. You don't need expensive clothes. You need clothes which fit you, so get them fitted if necessary. Wearing classic clothes is a safe bet. By this is don't mean a fedora. I mean clothes which are plain and use dark colours. Also make sure you wear decent shoes. These can be boots, brogues or anything your female friend thinks looks sophisticated. Stop wearing trainers.

4. Stand straight. It will make you look confident.

5. Lose weight and gain some muscle. I'm not talking about being a bodybuilder. I'm talking about the kind of shape you can get into after 6 months in the gym. This is enough for women to think you look good. You will probably need to change your diet. Look into ketogenic. Your workout routine should be the one body part per week routine. For example, legs on Sunday, chest on Monday, back on Tuesday, shoulders on Thursday, arms on Friday. This is generally considered the best workout routine for gaining mass and recovery time.

6. Stop playing video games. Stop **** to anime. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Very few women are attracted to men whose idea of a good Friday night is sitting at home playing games online and then jerking off to Samurai Pizza Cats.

7. Learn how to be a good conversationalist. That means being a good listener. Show interest in people. Ask them questions about what they're talking about. Actually listen. Make some jokes.

8. Have some ambition. Have a goal. Work towards it. You don't need to become rich but you do need to be aiming for the sort of things women find attractive - owning a home, stable income, enough to support a family, enough to make her feel her man is a good man. This doesn't mean she's a gold digger. Women want stability. They want to be married to a man, not a man-child.

9. Get out there and get talking to women.

None of the above are difficult.

suicide_circus

some absolute pony being peddled here about happiness.

happiness is fleeting. you can be contented but trying to be happy is a mugs game.

Nobelium

suicide_circus wrote: »

some absolute pony being peddled here about happiness.

happiness is fleeting. you can be contented but trying to be happy is a mugs game.

you can literally be as happy or as miserable as you decide to be, happiness does not depend on external things or other people, the sooner people work that out the happier they will be.

Nikki Sixx

This thread has gone very dark and depressing.

Zorya

Nobelium wrote: »

you can literally be as happy or as miserable as you decide to be, happiness does not depend on external things or other people, the sooner people work that out the happier they will be.

I think you can decide to be content. But happiness does to a certain extent depend on other people and external things so it is much more fragile than contentment.
If your other half or your child or a close loved one/friend starts being really mean, or cheats on you, or gets really sick, maybe gets schizophrenia, and becomes someone completely different than you counted on, or if you got run over and lost limbs or a million other possible external things you might not feel happy. In fact you mightvery naturally feel inclined to be miserable.

Given how unstable life actually is, it is probably better to try cultivate some kind of stoic middle way called contentment. And endurance for the crap times. Of course one might be occasionally happy even in the most gruelling circumstances. And occasionally one might even be miserable when everything is going very well. But contentment and endurance is more sustainable than striving for happiness.

CelticRambler

Dancing is a great way to meet people, but you'll meet an awful lot of women who have a man at home who'd rather stay at home watching re-runs of some soccer match (or is a new one ... dunno, they all seem the same, stupid game ... ) If you're lucky, she might let you know early on in the night, but many's the time I've met someone "really great" only for her to announce at the end of the night that she's staying faithful to her man.

But if there are any single wimmin reading this, in their late thirties and gettin' desperate for a daycent fella, I have road frontage, most of my teeth, some of my hair and a great crop of spuds in the garden. Try before you buy - I'll be dancing to the strains of Valsaviris (great group) in Condat-sur-Vienne on Saturday night! :pac:

suicide_circus

Nobelium wrote: »

you can literally be as happy or as miserable as you decide to be, happiness does not depend on external things or other people, the sooner people work that out the happier they will be.

snake oil

OMM 0000

CelticRambler wrote: »

Dancing is a great way to meet people

Absolutely true.

When I was a single lad in my 20s, one of my friends would just dance on the dance floor and it worked well. He was a good dancer and confident. I'd say 80%+ of the women he met were through dancing.

It's a great technique because you get to break the ice and create a spark at the same time.

Church on Tuesday

OMM 0000 wrote: »

I'm married to a very lovely woman (also beautiful) and had a lot of success over the years. YET I'M JUST AVERAGE LOOKING. This is what worked for me. It will work for you.

Women are attracted to men who appear to have their **** together, will probably be good providers in the future, and who look OK.

I'm aware some of the advice below is ridiculous.

1. You need good hygiene. Shower every day. Wear deodorant. Make sure your feet and shoes do not smell. If your shoes smell, throw them away. Floss every night. Brush your teeth morning and night. If you have bad breath, find out what's causing it. It's probably from your stomach. Caffeine / spices / alcohol are the usual culprits.

2. Go to the dentist twice a year. Get your haircut every month or two. You don't need a fancy haircut. Remember your goal is to look "OK".

3. Ask a female friend to help you buy clothes. You don't need expensive clothes. You need clothes which fit you, so get them fitted if necessary. Wearing classic clothes is a safe bet. By this is don't mean a fedora. I mean clothes which are plain and use dark colours. Also make sure you wear decent shoes. These can be boots, brogues or anything your female friend thinks looks sophisticated. Stop wearing trainers.

4. Stand straight. It will make you look confident.

5. Lose weight and gain some muscle. I'm not talking about being a bodybuilder. I'm talking about the kind of shape you can get into after 6 months in the gym. This is enough for women to think you look good. You will probably need to change your diet. Look into ketogenic. Your workout routine should be the one body part per week routine. For example, legs on Sunday, chest on Monday, back on Tuesday, shoulders on Thursday, arms on Friday. This is generally considered the best workout routine for gaining mass and recovery time.

6. Stop playing video games. Stop **** to anime. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Very few women are attracted to men whose idea of a good Friday night is sitting at home playing games online and then jerking off to Samurai Pizza Cats.

7. Learn how to be a good conversationalist. That means being a good listener. Show interest in people. Ask them questions about what they're talking about. Actually listen. Make some jokes.

8. Have some ambition. Have a goal. Work towards it. You don't need to become rich but you do need to be aiming for the sort of things women find attractive - owning a home, stable income, enough to support a family, enough to make her feel her man is a good man. This doesn't mean she's a gold digger. Women want stability. They want to be married to a man, not a man-child.

9. Get out there and get talking to women.

None of the above are difficult.

Loads of women are into gaming, granted I'm not but I remember chatting to a girl online a while back and she was big into it.

Good looking too.

It's one of OP's hobbies. Worst things he could be doing like throwing a load of drink down his throat like nearly everybody else over the generic weekend.

OMM 0000

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Loads of women are into gaming, granted I'm not but I remember chatting to a girl online a while back and she was big into it.

Good looking too.

It's one of OP's hobbies. Worst things he could be doing like throwing a load of drink down his throat like nearly everybody else over the generic weekend.

Ah come on now, that's not true.

For every 100 women, if you're lucky 1 of them is into gaming.

By gaming I am assuming you mean on a PC. Not sometimes on their phone as they wait for their bus.

If you're not good looking, meeting women is a numbers game.

So if you're limiting yourself to 1 in 100 women, you're going to have a hard time.

CelticRambler

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Loads of women are into gaming, granted I'm not but I remember chatting to a girl online a while back and she was big into it.

Good looking too.

On a train in the States last year, I met a girl from New Hampshire who had literally packed up all her belongings into four suitcases that morning and was heading off to meet a guy from Kentucky who she'd been playing video games with for the previous four years, but never met in real life.

My son's flatmate (fine young woman, wears sensible shoes) also plays a lot of video games (and writes them, and plays classical violin ... )

Nothing wrong with gaming as a hobby or a career.

OMM 0000

CelticRambler wrote: »

On a train in the States last year, I met a girl from New Hampshire who had literally packed up all her belongings into four suitcases that morning and was heading off to meet a guy from Kentucky who she'd been playing video games with for the previous four years, but never met in real life.

My son's flatmate (fine young woman, wears sensible shoes) also plays a lot of video games (and writes them, and plays classical violin ... )

Nothing wrong with gaming as a hobby or a career.

Now how many women do you know who are not gamers and not really attracted to gamers?

Pretty sure it's a long list...

I'm not trying to argue. I just want to emphasise how it's a numbers game...

Church on Tuesday

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Ah come on now, that's not true.

For every 100 women, if you're lucky 1 of them is into gaming.

By gaming I am assuming you mean on a PC. Not sometimes on their phone as they wait for their bus.

If you're not good looking, meeting women is a numbers game.

So if you're limiting yourself to 1 in 100 women, you're going to have a hard time.

You do realize that gaming is extremely popular with both sexes under the age of 35 right?

If you're not objectionably good looking then certainly it's a numbers game.

But it also helps if you identify hobbies you have that other women will also find interesting.

I've had women come up to me and message me on dating sites and after some polite conversation I just killed the conversation; we had no mutual interests, therefore there was no point continuing. Been done to me too.

It stands to reason if you can find common ground with a woman, your chances greatly improve, that and good grooming dress sense/confidence.

Go to places you find interesting where women will be too and strike up a conversation.

Everyone has different interests at the end of the day.

Nobelium

suicide_circus wrote: »

snake oil

nope just the truth, the sooner you stop making your happiness dependent on others and external things you have no control over, the happier you'll be. Alternatively you can sit in a puddle of your own mind piss.

OMM 0000

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

You do realize that gaming is extremely popular with both sexes under the age of 35 right?

Let me try a different angle.

For every 1 female gamer, how many male gamers are there?

100? 200?

Perhaps this is a bad comparison, but a workmate asked me to go to a "Magic The Gathering" event. There was 1 female there. Perhaps 80 - 100 guys.

Even if you try to think of all the women you've ever known (mother, sister, work mate, college friends etc.), honestly what percentage of them were into gaming?

Not many, right?

Continue playing your games, but it's not going to help your love life. Even if we use this logic:

Instead of playing games, if you were out in the real world meeting people... can you agree your chance of meeting women would be significantly higher?

CelticRambler

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Now how many women do you know who are not gamers and not really attracted to gamers?

Fewer than the number of women I know who aren't the least bit attracted to guys who like soccer!

Neither of my sisters would be bothered with playing video games, but my daughters and all of my nieces would fight each other for a place on the sofa, "accidentally" elbowing their brothers in balls if necessary!

As far as they're concerned, it's no different a hobby to playing music or reading books or picking flowers. Times have changed!

In the end, the "numbers" only matter if they're the right ones. 90% of events organised for "singles" are based around going out for a drink. So if you don't drink, you're fecked. On the other hand, some of the dances I'd go to would have hardly anyone at them and yet there'd be one interesting girl there that I mightn't have noticed at all if the place had been packed.

OMM 0000

CelticRambler wrote: »

Fewer than the number of women I know who aren't the least bit attracted to guys who like soccer!

Neither of my sisters would be bothered with playing video games, but my daughters and all of my nieces would fight each other for a place on the sofa, "accidentally" elbowing their brothers in balls if necessary!

As far as they're concerned, it's no different a hobby to playing music or reading books or picking flowers. Times have changed!

In the end, the "numbers" only matter if they're the right ones. 90% of events organised for "singles" are based around going out for a drink. So if you don't drink, you're fecked. On the other hand, some of the dances I'd go to would have hardly anyone at them and yet there'd be one interesting girl there that I mightn't have noticed at all if the place had been packed.

I think that's fair. But I think a lot of guys who like soccer watch it in the pub so they have a chance to socialise with women. I also think liking soccer is not seen as nerdy.

Would you agree this is fair:

Instead of playing games, if you were out in the real world meeting people... can you agree your chance of meeting women would be significantly higher?

Church on Tuesday

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Let me try a different angle.

For every 1 female gamer, how many male gamers are there?

100? 200?

Perhaps this is a bad comparison, but a workmate asked me to go to a "Magic The Gathering" event. There was 1 female there. Perhaps 80 - 100 guys.

Even if you try to think of all the women you've ever known (mother, sister, work mate, college friends etc.), honestly what percentage of them were into gaming?

Not many, right?

Continue playing your games, but it's not going to help your love life. Even if we use this logic:

Instead of playing games, if you were out in the real world meeting people... can you agree your chance of meeting women would be significantly higher?

Firstly I don't play games myself; like I said only a few posts back I was chatting to a woman recently who gamed and apart from some good banter it ultimately went no where because her interests where different to mine; the gaming culture is a sub culture I'm just not interested in myself but I bet if OP was talking to her, they'd have met for a coffee.

What was the age profile of the event your workmate asked you along to if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 31. Loads of my mates GF/Wives are into gaming, be that causal gaming (not on a phone) or serious levels of gaming.

In other words, most have a console or some other device that they use in their downtime.

The OP would have plenty in common with them even on a basic level.

And yes, there are loads of women that are not into gaming, just like loads of women hate sport or hate jazz or museums or art galleries, the pub etc.

I think your ratio of gaming women to men may be a bit off and if anything fits into a certain stereotype of the typical gamer in times past.

OMM 0000

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Firstly I don't play games myself; like I said only a few posts back I was chatting to a woman recently who gamed and apart from some good banter it ultimately went no where because her interests where different to mine; the gaming culture is a sub culture I'm just not interested in myself but I bet if OP was talking to her, they'd have met for a coffee.

What was the age profile of the event your workmate asked you along to if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 31. Loads of my mates GF/Wives are into gaming, be that causal gaming (not on a phone) or serious levels of gaming.

In other words, most have a console or some other device that they use in their downtime.

The OP would have plenty in common with them even on a basic level.

And yes, there are loads of women that are not into gaming, just like loads of women hate sport or hate jazz or museums or art galleries, the pub etc.

I think your ratio of gaming women to men may be a bit off and if anything fits into a certain stereotype of the typical gamer in times past.

Would you agree with this at least:

Instead of playing games, if you were out in the real world meeting people... can you agree your chance of meeting women would be significantly higher?

Church on Tuesday

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Would you agree with this at least:

Instead of playing games, if you were out in the real world meeting people... can you agree your chance of meeting women would be significantly higher?

That depends on what and where in the real world you find interesting.

I imagine that the OP does spend a fair amount of time in the real world for work other engagements etc, we all have to, I highly doubt the man is a recluse.

You can go along to any amount of gaming conventions and meetups/events with like minded people if you wish in real time; you went along to one yourself.

Again at the end of the day, it boils down to what your interested in. We can look at people who game like they are in a petri dish all day if we want but folk like what they like.

John DoeReMi

Meetup.com Best site ever. Loads of meetups going on all over the country. You might have to travel a bit to find one near you but if you put the effort in you can't fail. Worked for me and plenty of other guys I know.

Church on Tuesday

John DoeReMi wrote: »

Meetup.com Best site ever. Loads of meetups going on all over the country. You might have to travel a bit to find one near you but if you put the effort in you can't fail. Worked for me and plenty of other guys I know.

Yup, have always meant to go to one but never got a chance, must give it a go sometime.

OMM 0000

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Instead of playing games, if you were out in the real world meeting people... can you agree your chance of meeting women would be significantly higher?

That depends on what and where in the real world you find interesting.

I imagine that the OP does spend a fair amount of time in the real world for work other engagements etc, we all have to, I highly doubt the man is a recluse.

You can go along to any amount of gaming conventions and meetups/events with like minded people if you wish in real time; you went along to one yourself.

Again at the end of the day, it boils down to what your interested in. We can look at people who game like they are in a petri dish all day if we want but folk like what they like.

The issue I see with gaming (when it comes to dating) is the following:

Most gamers I know don't limit it to 2 or 3 hours a week. (I would consider this sort of casual gaming to have zero impact on your dating life).

Instead they tend to spend entire evenings or days playing them. Obviously this time could be better spent improving themselves and trying to meet a partner.

CelticRambler

OMM 0000 wrote: »

But I think a lot of guys who like soccer watch it in the pub so they have a chance to socialise with women. I also think liking soccer is not seen as nerdy.

Ah, but you see that's changing the whole environment. The OP's question relates to people (like me) who live outside a "normal" social circle - i.e. in the countryside. If someone has the chance (and interest) to watch soccer in a pub with loads of women in it, then that's obviously a situation that's almost guaranteed to put "compatible" singles together. On the other hand, if you don't like soccer, and you don't like drinking ... you're fecked. Again.

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Would you agree this is fair:

Instead of playing games, if you were out in the real world meeting people... can you agree your chance of meeting women would be significantly higher?

Not necessarily. Simply going out into the real world doesn't mean you'll meet people. When I'm at home, I can be outside for a week at a time and not see another human because of where I live; when I'm at work, I have a parade of people passing in front of me, but for professional and practical reasons, the chance of being able to take it further is about zero.

Give me a computer, though, and I can meet other people, have a meaningful conversation with them and, occasionally, get to know them sufficiently well to consider them "friends" in the old-fashioned sense of the word. My email and WhatsApp inboxes are populated by approximately equal numbers people I met for the first time in the real-world and online.

When it comes to online dating, the biggest problem for us rural dwellers is that the sites are full of city-folk who want a quick fix and someone within spitting distance. That's where the numbers are all messed up. It's all very well being a 93% match, but if yer wan has her filter set to a maximum 10km, I'll never appear on her radar no matter how perfect we might be for each other.

PS - going by all the fantasies expressed in this thread, I'm a great catch. Just sayin' :cool:

OMM 0000

Ah if you live in the middle of nowhere and it's difficult to meet anyone at all, that's a separate problem.

I am talking about city folk.

I have my from Dublin glasses on.

CelticRambler

OMM 0000 wrote: »

The issue I see with gaming (when it comes to dating) is the following:

Most gamers I know don't limit it to 2 or 3 hours a week. (I would consider this sort of casual gaming to have zero impact on your dating life).

Instead they tend to spend entire evenings or days playing them. Obviously this time could be better spent improving themselves and trying to meet a partner.

Do you understand how social modern gaming is? What's the difference between me spending six hours dancing with my friends on a Saturday night and my son spending six hours playing with his friends on a Saturday night? Other than the fact that I'm getting hot and sweaty, and he's talking to people on four different continents?

CelticRambler

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Ah if you live in the middle of nowhere and it's difficult to meet anyone at all, that's a separate problem.

I am talking about city folk.

I have my from Dublin glasses on.

Ahhhh. That explains it. :P The OP lives in the countryside - you need to be aruging your case on the Escaping to the countryside thread! :pac:

Church on Tuesday

OMM 0000 wrote: »

The issue I see with gaming (when it comes to dating) is the following:

Most gamers I know don't limit it to 2 or 3 hours a week. (I would consider this sort of casual gaming to have zero impact on your dating life).

Instead they tend to spend entire evenings or days playing them. Obviously this time could be better spent improving themselves and trying to meet a partner.

Again it depends.

If you are spending every waking hour gaming then you probably have a problem.

Spending entire evenings or weekend days playing games? so what? plenty people spend the day in the pub of a weekend or veg out watching TV of an evening eating crap.

Neither of the above will get you a lady either. And for all anyone knows, they could still be doing things to improve themselves on the side.

Strazdas

Richard Hillman wrote: »

A key skill in life is to always know when to give up. Late 30s, nothing happening romantically, it's time to call it a day on the ladies front.

I think male suicide is so high because there are males that are just completely unacceptant that they will fail to do their one duty on the planet, reproducing. We are not all supposed to reproduce. If we did, then we would have died out centuries ago.

Just find stuff that you love doing and keep on with it. If people are spending their time failing at reproducing, they are going to end up being miserable and suicidal.

Acceptance is key. Knowing that the game is lost but you may as well have a bit of fun while you're here anyway. Stop looking and you'll find happiness.

I would disagree here. I was watching an episode of First Dates UK recently and there was a 43 year old guy on it who had slumped into a negative mindset like you're suggesting and given up on ever meeting anyone. But he eventually had a rethink and said to himself 'there is someone for everyone out there' (and did meet a nice woman on the show).It's impossible to meet anyone if you have already given up......you're self sabotaging by doing this.

OMM 0000

CelticRambler wrote: »

Do you understand how social modern gaming is? What's the difference between me spending six hours dancing with my friends on a Saturday night and my son spending six hours playing with his friends on a Saturday night? Other than the fact that I'm getting hot and sweaty, and he's talking to people on four different continents?

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Again it depends.

If you are spending every waking hour gaming then you probably have a problem.

Spending entire evenings or weekend days playing games? so what? plenty people spend the day in the pub of a weekend or veg out watching TV of an evening eating crap.

Neither of the above will get you a lady either. And for all anyone knows, they could still be doing things to improve themselves on the side.

This is going to be my last comment on this, as I can see both of you have your mind made up on this and aren't willing to compromise.

Do you understand how social modern gaming is?

Chatting to (mostly) other men online is far inferior to other social events like going to a pub, going to a dance class, going to an art class, etc.

Even on a simple level: the ratio of men to women.

What's the difference between me spending six hours dancing with my friends on a Saturday night and my son spending six hours playing with his friends on a Saturday night?

I'm not sure how to answer this.

Nearly everything?

Spending entire evenings or weekend days playing games? so what? plenty people spend the day in the pub of a weekend or veg out watching TV of an evening eating crap.

In the pub you can meet real females.

I agree sitting at home all the time watching TV and eating crap isn't going to help you meet women.

To meet women you need to get outside and meet them. Yes we all know someone who met a woman online and they're now in a long distance relationship. But if you want to have a higher chance of getting a partner, you need to go outside and meet them.

My final point:

A woman asks: What do you do for fun?

Guy 1 says: I go to the gym, play soccer on a Saturday morning with my friends, I like art and dancing...

Guy 2 says: I like to play online games. I like anime.

I hope you can admit Guy 1 is going to appeal to significantly more women.

OK, that's it.