Originally Posted by helimachoptor
Op, kudos for coming on and sharing what you're doing, but tbh you are pretty manipulative.
2) Basically using the cheating to get her to bang other guys, do you want her to be a hotwife or something?
3) Think of your kids, this will all come out sooner or later, how can you expect them to respect/love you when you're doing all this ****
4) You're wife deserves better.
I've struggled with who I am, especially as I've learned more of myself. I've always been self contained, which lead to me being secretive by nature. The cheating lead exacerbated those tendencies. I haven't looked to manipulated my wife or the other woman, with respect to our relationship. I mostly just say nothing and try to continue as best I can.
I don't want my kids to hate, obviously, but I'm more concerned with giving them a stable life. It would be easy in one sense to leave my wife. It would certainly lift a greater tension from my chest, as it were, but the reality of what comes next would likely pretty ****. As much as I seek to be present as a co-parent, the majority of the burden would then fall on my wife. I'd probably at best be living a room in someone else's house, so would not likely be easily able to have the kids with me. It would be extremely difficult financially. My wife just recently began working again, and isn't really making much money. I've been the sole contributor since my first child was born, and that money would be stretched even tighter if moved out.
It's a selfish viewpoint in some respects, I'll readily admit, but not quite so straightforward.
Edit to add: I did/ do have an interest in the hotwife, swinger type fantasy. We tried exploring it, but she wasn't really drawn to it, in part because I went about it in a way that undermined the trust between us.