Why don't men approach women?

Jigsaw · 13-05-2009 2:28am

I got approached recently in a bar but the girl in question had an arse like two pillows in a bin bag and she was quite clearly a boyfriend hunter. I'm no oil painting but what is the point in pursuing anything in that situation? There has to be some sort of sexual attraction. I could've went home and rid the hole clean off her but then I would've been asked to go for coffee and curtain shopping the next day. Not cool.

LegacyUser · 13-05-2009 2:57am

Becuase we live in a feminist society in which females are repugnant in character and males have been programmed to be sexually passive.

Feminist: "Gender roles are entirely cultural."

No kidding, now welcome to the feminist order. And don't complain about it, cause you asked for it!

LegacyUser · 13-05-2009 8:41am

Maybe you're looking in the wrong places for men.

Complaining you can't find a gentleman/soberman in a bar/nightclub is akin to complaining you can't find a straight guy in The George.

MIN2511 · 13-05-2009 8:50am

LuckyLloyd wrote: »

Yup. There are always exceptions on either side of the coin, but the generalizations in this thread about Irish men lacking the mental fortitude and Irish women lacking the basic politeness are applicable to the majority of people I know / have come across.

As for why this is, well it probably has a huge amount to do with the culture around how kids and teenagers are brought up and schooled in this country.

I understand most of this but at the end of the day i don't see why it is still an issue. There are loads of single, nice, easy going people who just want to have fun, live and let live. It's not like it's Rock science or anything...

Jigsaw wrote: »

I got approached recently in a bar but the girl in question had an arse like two pillows in a bin bag and she was quite clearly a boyfriend hunter.

God love the girl for coming up to you!
What's the 'boyfreind' hunter?

I'm no oil painting but what is the point in pursuing anything in that situation?

At least you know that you are 'no oil painting' but does a guy have to be an oil painting for a girl to chat him up?
Pursuing anything? This sounds like low self esteem to me, fair enough if you are not looking to meet someone or score someone on a night out but not everyone goes out with that plan in mind. If she was your 'stereotypical' girl would you have been impressed?

There has to be some sort of sexual attraction. I could've went home and rid the hole clean off her but then I would've been asked to go for coffee and curtain shopping the next day. Not cool.

Lucky her then!! Imagine if she took you home and the 'roide' was appalling:eek:
btw, what's it with men who think all women want to do is go for coffee/curtain shopping(not like there is anything wrong with that) but most men assume we want diamond rings etc

Dude, i am not picking on you per se. I am picking on your attitude, it's situations like this that also put women down...

Life is a biatch! The earlier we cop on that its not about Romeo and Juliet, the better we will be at accepting who we are

gimme5minutes · 13-05-2009 9:18am

As everyone else has said, its because Irish women are renowned for having a very high opinion of themselves and won't even be civil to a guy that approaches them if they are not interested. Alot of it is down to materialistic vibe that came with the Celtic Tiger.

It's ironic because if you go abroad and see the quality of the women on the continent who are in great shape and beautiful and yet they don't think they are better than anyone else and will happily chat away even if they are not interested. Where here in Ireland where we have drawn the short-straw looks-wise with the women, with the average irish women these days carrying a fair few extra pounds and caked in too much make-up, yet they think they are god's gift to men and are above 95% of men that approach them. The top 5% of women-looks wise in Ireland would just be the average on the continent.

enda1 · 13-05-2009 9:26am

veryangryman wrote: »

+1

Was going to post pretty much exact same thing.

I think the most fearful thing men have of splitting up with someone is the fear of having to go through all that god forsaken effort just to find someone who wont put you down when you approach them. Its why girls enjoy the singles life more. Just sit back, look pretty, have a cocktail and the guys will flock over in time. If they dont, just give a subtle hint and theyll still flock over.

On the other hand...

I think that the satisfaction of the chase/catch which men get is far more of a thrill than for the woman who knows whether this is all going to lead somewhere because (lets face it), she decided how far it goes from the nightclub to the nookie. Which leads them to feel as inadequate as a bunch of Millwall fans girlfriends

Millwall, Millwall, you're all really dreadful, and all your girlfriends are unfulfilled and alienated.

If I could give you 2 thumbs up I would and both would be for the Black Books quote !!

LegacyUser · 13-05-2009 9:30am

gimme5minutes wrote: »

Where here in Ireland where we have drawn the short-straw looks-wise with the women, with the average irish women these days carrying a fair few extra pounds and caked in too much make-up, yet they think they are god's gift to men and are above 95% of men that approach them. The top 5% of women-looks wise in Ireland would just be the average on the continent.

Funny attitudes on this thread. Men complain that Irish women are too judgemental, shallow and ignorant. And then turn men around and behave in the same way towards Irish women.

Many would say that in Ireland we've draw short-straw looks-wise with the men too. But it doesnt seem to stop them thinking they are god's gift either.

Jigsaw wrote: »

I got approached recently in a bar but the girl in question had an arse like two pillows in a bin bag and she was quite clearly a boyfriend hunter.

Sadly it seems that it isnt just Irish women who have a high opinion of themselves.

RossFixxxed · 13-05-2009 9:31am

Maybe they:

Aren't attracted to you
Are shy
Are already taken
Are not on the pull that night

But look I think guys are getting sick of an increasing attitude in relationships. I remember asking for a light one night (and I wasn't on the pull, I'm taken thanks) and got a filthy look up and down. Light my smoke and said 'thanks, enjoy your night'. And left, as I'm walking away I get 'well it will be now that you're gone. pathetic.' I mean if I was single that'd be a fair stab. There is a real attitude problem emerging and I think guys are turning the tide a bit. It's like the 'I hate everyone' thread. If you act like that you're gonna be single and us guys are not gonna bother.

Go say hi yourself, if you like someone don't sit there staring psychically willing them over. And do it before everyone gets drunk and disgruntled!
R

lisamuire · 13-05-2009 10:08am

i don't think all irish women r judgemental, if i go to a bar or club, nd a guy comes over to me, i'd talk to him watever he luked like, just because u get involved in a conversation don't mean u av 2 sleep wit the guy......

Porkpie · 13-05-2009 11:41am

Why don't men approach women? Maybe it's because we're tired of getting shot down most of the time. And not only are we getting rejected, but we often have to deal with insulting behaviour too. My mate was telling me recently that this girl was giving him the eye all night, when he went over to say hello she just turned away from him and completely ignored him! It's behaviour like this that makes it so difficult for us to differentiate between the nice girls and the b!tches.

Why don't women approach men? It's 2009 isn't it? Women seem to have the upper hand in this game after all. Yes, some guys are idiots, but I guarantee most will be at least polite and courteous if you are.

TheInquisitor · 13-05-2009 1:11pm

sparkplug82 wrote: »

Ok, I am in a serious relationship so to be honest I am more asking this question on friends behalf - was out in town with 2 single friends on sat nite and NOT ONE guy approached any of us - ok correction, some did but they were either really drunk or just rude/not gentlemanly.

Now I know what ye are thinking - eh you girls are obviously total mingers and thats why no one tried to chat your mates up. But i am being genuinely unbiased here when i say that my friends are really pretty, normal, well dressed (not slutty or nerdy - just nice!) and more importantly, really nice girls who would not be b*tchy to a guy even if they were approached.

can anyone shed any light on this? what is it with men that they will not walk up to a girl and be like "hi, im john, what is your name" in a really genuine way? i know it must be intimidating for a guy but come on, a girl would so admire someone who did that.....any info/revelations would be hugely appreciated - i think my friends have vowed never to venture into town ever again!

Well i am the shyest man ever. I only feel comfortable talking to female friends of mine. Also why didn't your friends go up to any guys???

Lu Tze · 13-05-2009 1:49pm

MIN2511 wrote: »

It's not like it's Rock science or anything...

Thats called Geology

On topic though, as everybody has pretty much said, its not exactly encouraging in being shot down in an abusive manner, for either gender, there is only a certain amount of times before you stop trying altogther

coadyj · 13-05-2009 2:15pm

Ill tell you exactly why, well from my experience.

Im in a club and I see a pretty girl or a group of girl who I think are pretty. To be honest Im deadly at this, I go straight over and chat up the whole group and then focus my attention on the one I like, now of course sometimes I get shot down, and sometimes the boyfriend card gets played, but 80% of the time I act very nice and gentlemanly and everything works great, only problem is, nowadays the gentleman get put in the potential boyfriend category in the woman's mind, so I would ask for a number, next thing you know Im on a date, have a lovely meal but I kinda realise that I'm not as attracted to the woman as I might have though, but Ive think, well Ive come this far, I might as well get a bit of sex out of the it. So date 2 or 3 comes along and you have sex. Now the woman thinks wow, Im sorted I basically have a new bf, the problem is Im not thinking like this way, a month or so passes and now its time to have the break up chat, this is when the venom comes out from the woman, how can you do this to me etc. all this from trying to chat up a woman in a gentlemanly manner.

Now consider the guy who just goes up to women, act slightly arrogant, but kinda sexy too, well he get to go home with the woman on the first night does the dirty deed and never has to deal with them again. If women were more interested in having a little fun and not trying to get into a relationship then maybe guys wouldn't have such approach anxiety.

And at all they guy here who say women should approach men, ehh why dont you go to legs or lillys, both of these clubs are full of women who approach me, but they all try to bat way out of their league

Rics · 13-05-2009 2:27pm

I've not been single too long, not long out of a 7 year relationship.
I think that Irish girls are in general less approachable than most others.
Then again, it could be the language barrier that allows me to chat more freely to foreign women haha!
I think it's because sometimes you might go to talk to an Irish girl and they unleash the attitude on you. I don't understand why so many are like this?!
I think it makes the likes of myself nervous to talk to them again if you know what I mean.

speedboatchase · 13-05-2009 2:45pm

I think irish blokes should adapt and change their approach, if she doesnt wanna give you the time of day HER loss, don't sweat it. Also change up how you approach, if you present yourself in the exact same way as everyone else you'll get that same response. I do hate that attitude regarding simple things though like asking about cocktails, nearby bars, a light etc - inexcusable

luckat · 13-05-2009 4:03pm

The idea that men don't approach women makes me gawp. Try going out in the street with the slightest whiff of oestregen off you and you'll have to beat the effers off you with a stick.

Eve_Dublin · 13-05-2009 4:16pm

Perhaps the reason that foreign women are more receptive to Irish men's advances are because they're either here on their holidays or else they haven't been here long enough to become jaded and bored by the drunken, messy approach ALOT of Irish men use or perhaps you're still a novelty to them...plus you can get away with the sh**te talk and they'll find it more charming whereas we can see right through it. We're more wisened up to you at this stage, lads. Us women can smell desperation and there's nothing attractive about a man who has to get completely baloobas before he approaches a girl or the last minute scramble for a bit of how's your father at the end of the night. Put yourself in our shoes...we've had a whole adulthood of this type of approach and it's getting old. Can you imagine having to put up with this again and again and again every bloody weekend? A little tip for Irish men: go easy on the gargle before you chat up a girl in a pub, it's quite simple really.

Saying all that, i'm sorry some of you have had such terrible experiences with Irish women but where in God's name are you drinking? I never come across people like that where I frequent. Nobody has a right to treat anyone that way and myself and any female friends would never treat a man like that, even if we weren't interested. These women are not worth your time but they don't make up the majority, I promise.

LegacyUser · 13-05-2009 4:31pm

I saw this thread and I was shocked to find out it wasn't just me who thought perhaps everyman in Dublin had stopped hitting on women. I'm glad to find out it isn't just me. I'm not completely unattractive, and I understand after being insulted/belittled by a women would put you off starting a conversation. but please keep in mind thats all it is, a conversation!

So men please be a lil braver and say hi.. most of us aren't ball-breakers, well not unless you ask nicely

.

Overheal · 13-05-2009 5:00pm

Pubs and Clubs are Dead imo. Youll meet the same fecking attitudes in there. Even if the right attitude is there, theres too much noise and not enough signal. A minefield of put-downs. Thats right, I lost my emotive right-leg in 'Nam (also known as Rag Week '09).

Speed dating. I have to try speed dating sometime. At least on dating sites and at speed dating places you get rid of the group mentality (crowd of girls looking to gang up on us brave soldiers) and the Sorry Im Takens.

irish_bob · 13-05-2009 5:13pm

some have commented that irish women have a very high opinion of themselves , im not sure this is true , in fact i think the opposite is the case and a lot of them are very insecure which might explain why so many of them are so hostile to recieving compliments , when overseas if you pay a woman a compliment , the reaction is in my experience always possitive , with irish women , the reaction is usally one of , this guy is a sleaze or a sap

AARRRGH · 13-05-2009 5:42pm

irish_bob wrote: »

some have commented that irish women have a very high opinion of themselves , im not sure this is true , in fact i think the opposite is the case and a lot of them are very insecure which might explain why so many of them are so hostile to recieving compliments

I agree completely.

A truely happy person who liked themselves would not get nasty simply because someone wants to speak to them. Or at least 'someone not good enough for them' wants to speak to them.

lifelonglufc · 13-05-2009 5:47pm

The success rate of a nice fella approaching a nice girl and she being welcoming is probably quite low in my opinion!

Now, why I say this is because of a number of reasons;

1) It's hard to find nice girls that sit together and would admire a fella for approaching them! (that's not me saying all girls are b**ches, most girls tend to regard themselves so highly that they get a kick out of rejecting a fella around their friends)

2) Most fellas would find it very hard to approach any girl because of they're fear of rejection, that would be a male problem!

3) The reason this fear is there is because of previous occasions where a guy has approached a girl but has been cruelly rejected.

4) Fellas don't seem to pick up on signals and all that too well so wouldn't be bothered approaching a girl if he felt she wouldn't be interested.

5) Most Irish girls tend to play the boyfriend card, or some other useless card to get out of talking to the guy that would have the courage to approach her, if shes not interested. So why if a fella has the balls to approach a girl and trying to being genuine and nice, can a girl not be honest and says what she thinks or feels or just be nice?!

All, those points may seem quite anti-feminist but I think I'm just drawing on experience, so forgive me if I seem over the top! I just think most guys are discouraged from previous experiences and then give up the randomly approaching a girl thing! However I'm still only 20 with a lot to learn, i like to think and hope that I'm seen as a genuine nice guy, have had one serious relationship, and enjoyed the single life, but now I think I've found how to approach a girl in my own little way that I feel comfortable with, and that seems to work too cos I got a date this weekend!!

Wagon · 13-05-2009 5:47pm

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Perhaps the reason that foreign women are more receptive to Irish men's advances are because they're either here on their holidays or else they haven't been here long enough to become jaded and bored by the drunken, messy approach ALOT of Irish men use or perhaps you're still a novelty to them...plus you can get away with the sh**te talk and they'll find it more charming whereas we can see right through it.

But in my experience, you all just seem to assume it's going to be ****e talk before we even open our mouths. for example, in one of my rare ventures into a club i went out of a smoke and was missing a lighter. I walked over to two random girls and said "excuse me, sorry to bother you but have you got a lighter i could borrow?" They looked at me and told me to **** off. Then she called me a **** and put her lighter back into her bag.

Another time a girl walked over to me and asked for a lighter. I said yep and held it out for her after i was done with it. She snorted and said "eh, Im not a whore!" and snatched it off, lit it herself and gave it back to me with a half arsed "thanks" with her back to me. And that's just examples of what can happen in the smoking garden. Woe begone the poor ****er who tries to buy himself a drink at the bar when "the girls" are standing in the way.

We're more wisened up to you at this stage, lads. Us women can smell desperation and there's nothing attractive about a man who has to get completely baloobas before he approaches a girl or the last minute scramble for a bit of how's your father at the end of the night.

Why do you always assume that every man is just wanting to have sex? And is desperate? Is it possible that theres a lot of lads who just want to have a chat? I've heard it happen before.

Put yourself in our shoes...we've had a whole adulthood of this type of approach and it's getting old. Can you imagine having to put up with this again and again and again every bloody weekend? A little tip for Irish men: go easy on the gargle before you chat up a girl in a pub, it's quite simple really.

I'm almost always sober and always only looking for a chat. So are quite a lot of men. But after being told to fornicate yourself with the barge pole for the 12th time you just sort of give up trying and when you realise that you can enjoy nights out again you never bother going back to it.

Saying all that, i'm sorry some of you have had such terrible experiences with Irish women but where in God's name are you drinking? I never come across people like that where I frequent. Nobody has a right to treat anyone that way and myself and any female friends would never treat a man like that, even if we weren't interested. These women are not worth your time but they don't make up the majority, I promise.

I'm willing to bet that isn't true. If you say you're nice to people who approach you then i believe you, but unfortunately the majority of the time you nearly get pissed on. There's certainly nice Irish girls out there but they aren't the majority.

Another thing too, women get pissed on nights out as well. It's not always lads who are the drunken retards. How about the two sexes meet 50/50? Lads won't drink as much and will approach sober. Women won't drink as much and might actually be nice.

coadyj · 13-05-2009 5:52pm

Because beautiful polish and Asian women have moved to ireland, who haven't got bmi's of 27-30 and are actualy friendly

Wagon · 13-05-2009 5:54pm

coadyj wrote: »

Because beautiful polish and Asian women have moved to ireland, who haven't got bmi's of 27-30 and are actualy friendly

Don't forget the Italians! Lovely! :cool:

LegacyUser · 13-05-2009 6:52pm

it's great to see a lot of lads here have the same experiences as me!!! i had a feeling i wasn't the only one....starting to completely give up on irish women....there seems to be more bad ones then good ones. i usually try it on with one or 2 girls on a nite out but i more often then not get a rude reception. Funny cos i'm actually considered a good looking bloke so i really am confused on what the hell is going on. it seems like u just can't win!!!

One of my mates pulls nearly every nite!!! .....his secret is to chat up 30-40 women, usually targeting the most drunkest until he scores one....don't want to go down that road though...far too proud....might start checking out some polish bars!

bogzilla · 13-05-2009 7:09pm

coadyj wrote: »

Because beautiful polish and Asian women have moved to ireland, who haven't got bmi's of 27-30 and are actualy friendly

hilarious.

factual.

great news!

Mighty_Mouse · 13-05-2009 7:19pm

Cattle-mart disco bars are a lunatic mix of red-bullnvodka crazies.
Single women indiscreetly, obviously not being obvious "Hunting".
Eager-eyed, over-interested, oompa-loompa tanned, luminous-blonde radioactive-heads who's main aim is to judge your shoes, get the girlie-friends positive eyeballs n gigles and then get the conversation round to job,car, "prospects"....................all within a rapid-fire attack lasting anywhere from 30secs or until she runs out of crazysteam and a naturalish conversation can commence!

Micro-waveable relationships dont exist and if even get started are built on "person-fit", "match", ie tolerability!!! Imo they soon die when the rented BMW loses its charm.

The mistake I reckon most women make for some god unknowable reason is they dont treat blokes as if they would their best male friend or brother or whatever ie normal humanoids.
The art of casual unpaced flirting has been replaced with indiscreet mining for information.
Fock me, strike some sort of empathy with the bloke before asking how many credit cards he owns. I mean rapport seems to be a dead trait to look for in a guy these days.

With a lot of the women I meet out, I leave thinkin in a few years when they start producing good looking man-drones with perfect preselected sperm, single men 27-35 will become redundant.
Outside that braket women seem to get their sanity back.

Wibbs · 13-05-2009 7:40pm

Maybe it's me or the places I'm going or the women I'm meeting, but I really don't get this kinda thing to nearly the same degree others seem to. OK you get the odd fcukwit, but that's life. I've never had a woman give me grief like say Wagon got with the whole smoking section lighter thing. Quite teh opposite for the most part, I find in general women easy enough to talk to, drunk or sober. Then again I'm an older bloke so maybe that's it? The ones my age are chilled out and the young ones are afraid of their dads and that passes on to me or I look easy to beat up(which I am):D

The way I look at it is, I'm gonna be me regardless of someone being an arse to me. I don't even register it for the most part and I would very very rarely rise to it. If someone doesn't like me for whatever reason, well then that's their prerogative and good luck to them. If someone likes me well then great, but it doesn't make me change who I am for the most part. I say take that attitude. If you offer a light to some lassie outside and she reacts aggressively well just smile at her and walk away. Maybe I'm weirdo but there ya have it.

LegacyUser · 13-05-2009 7:42pm

WARNING : A sense of humour required/advised to appreciate the following :

Ok, I agree that Irish people in general do have low confidence and don't take compliments well, admittedly esp. women. But I think this could be a good discussion thread, I know it's something that I'm very curious about.

Also on the looks front, yes Ireland is not known for its amazingly hot population, we're not lets all move on!(And yes I do know they're some ridiculously attractive people in this country). We are what we are, and a woman who has a higher bmi may be more attractive than one with a smaller bmi, lets be honest we all understand the phrase "but-her face". Sexual attractiveness comes in every shape and size, as in just because you think she/he resembles a swamp creature doesn't mean every one does, or maybe he/she will meet another swamp creature and go into the sunset and produce swamp creature children.

SO moving back to topic, why don't we "hit" on each other at all. To be honest I think it goes further than hitting on, what's wrong with saying hello and talking to people, esp. if they are a cute member of the opposite sex. I am a single female, I am not completely unattractive, and I am nice to men approach me. I am polite and friendly, and I do like, all people have the capacity to insult or belittle people. And I do on occassion do it BUT only to men who cross the line, and not simply offend or drunkingly "over friendly".

So please why san't we all just be nice, swallow our insecurities and say hello!! Then at least you'll know them so have a legimate reason to belittle/insult them!

Why don't men approach women?

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