Anyone else enjoy being single?

Tell me how · 12-04-2019 1:06pm

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

So who’s out tonight on dublins northside ?

Anybody about around phibsboro for a few scoops ?

Northside?

That doesn't fit with how my see myself and so I am going to disregard this potential opportunity immediately and permanently.

Welcome to online dating. :pac:

Eircom_Sucks · 12-04-2019 2:56pm

Tell me how wrote: »

Northside?

That doesn't fit with how my see myself and so I am going to disregard this potential opportunity immediately and permanently.

Welcome to online dating. :pac:

Wasnt into you anyway ha ha

Grayson · 12-04-2019 3:07pm

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

In relation to people who are just shagging shagging shagging one person after another after another, just flitting from person to person on a constant frequent basis - why are they so desperate to move on move on move on all the time?
.

Why not?

Sex is fun. Sex with loads of people is fun. Sex in a committed relationship is fun. It's just sex.

Grayson · 12-04-2019 3:08pm

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

So who’s out tonight on dublins northside ?

Anybody about around phibsboro for a few scoops ?

I'm heading out in smithfield after work. I may fall asleep halfway through the first pint.

Eircom_Sucks · 12-04-2019 3:24pm

Grayson wrote: »

I'm heading out in smithfield after work. I may fall asleep halfway through the first pint.

I’ll be in “ The Bald Eagle “ tonight in phibsboro if anybody fancies a few pints and banter

wyf437gn6btzue · 12-04-2019 7:59pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

the relationship issues on boards is full of threads about couples not having sex at all for years after maybe 5 to 10 years of marriage, apparently its a very common thing.

I much prefer being single, no drama, my money is my own, im a workaholic so a partner would just be nagging me about that most likely. no fear she will cheat on me or divorce me taking half my wealth. no listening about her problems with her friends, boss, parents etc zzzzzzzzzz

accurate

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 8:10pm

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Not healthy imo. As said, it's the most intimate thing you can do - if someone wanted to go to the cinema regularly with a different stranger each time, they'd be considered a right weirdo. But the most intimate thing you can do? That's totally the norm according to our culture which has done a 180-degrees swing since the sexual repression times. Neither situation is healthy imo. Both are repressed. There's a middle ground.

In your opinion I think is the important part of the above post.

Sex is not that big a deal to some people and is not an intimate act to some.

It's like having a drink or smoke, it's a pleasure that some people enjoy, some don't. Some do it once every once in a while, some do it every day. It's just a pleasure.

Your posts are coming across as quite judgy. IMO of course.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 8:18pm

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Oh I think whether a person is male or female, if they are going around shagging multiple strangers like an alley cat, it seems like they have issues (and I despise when men say stuff like "I cut contact when she put out" even though he also put out; and as for that flipping lock and key thing...) You said you didn't think sex was the most intimate thing a person can do, but it is definitely the most physically intimate thing a person can do.

Absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex whatsoever - of course. It's perfectly natural and healthy. And nothing wrong with casual sex now and again either, but shag shag shag, different person or people every week, that is destructive behaviour in my opinion.

It really isn't the most physically intimate thing a person can do Gimme, think about giving birth in front of someone, ****ting yourself in front of someone, dying from cancer in front of someone.

Sex seems suddenly a trivial act in comparison.

Jester232 · 12-04-2019 8:25pm

I think most people like to be in a relationship as it's the "normal" thing to do, it shows someone wants you etc. too.

But for me, and maybe it's committment issues or other problems, but the minute someone gets attached I immediately think I'll be with them forever, then I think of things I want to do like travel the world eventually or maybe move jobs or country and how that wouldn't be possible, or at least very difficult.

I love not having to worry about anyone else. I don't have to be home at a certain time to make dinner or agree to plans they make. My time is my own. I can get up whatever time I want tomorrow, I can go for a walk and a breakfast roll if I want without having to think of anyone else.

Of course being single has it's drawbacks too, no one to support you to make life easier, do tasks for you you might need help with etc.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 8:25pm

Someone once said to me if everyone genuinely does have a soulmate what are the chances that that soulmate lives within 20kms of them? And yet most married couples come from the same area?

Made complete sense to me. People marry out of convenience because they find someone who lives close by, comes from the same background etc. etc. And I say that as someone who was once married so I know what I'm talking about.

There's a whole wide world out there. No way is your soulmate just going to fall in your lap.

12-04-2019 8:44pm

Isnt this abit like the Mgtow movement where its suppose to be about going your own way but ends up talking about the opposite sex incessantly

ginandtonicsky · 12-04-2019 8:47pm

BBFAN wrote: »

Someone once said to me if everyone genuinely does have a soulmate what are the chances that that soulmate lives within 20kms of them? And yet most married couples come from the same area?

Made complete sense to me. People marry out of convenience because they find someone who lives close by, comes from the same background etc. etc. And I say that as someone who was once married so I know what I'm talking about.

There's a whole wide world out there. No way is your soulmate just going to fall in your lap.

People usually settle with people of similar backgrounds, similar cultural reference points, similar views, similar values. It’s no surprise those people are often from the same neighbourhood, county or country.

I live abroad and always find myself drawn to Irish men for all of those reasons (god love me!!!) if I met and fell for a west of Ireland lad I wouldn’t think “sure I’m only settling for him out of convenience”, there’d be genuine attraction there based on being “wired the same way” as my mam would say.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 8:51pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

People usually settle with people of similar backgrounds, similar cultural reference points, similar views, similar values. It’s no surprise those people are often from the same neighbourhood, county or country.

I live abroad and always find myself drawn to Irish men for all of those reasons (god love me!!!) if I met and fell for a west of Ireland lad I wouldn’t think “sure I’m only settling for him out of convenience”, there’d be genuine attraction there based on being “wired the same way” as my mam would say.

No, it is genuinely a surprise. If we all only have one true soulmate, the chances that they are from the same neighbourhood are MINUTE.

Yes, we tend to go towards what we find familiar. Does not mean that's what our destiny is or what is best for us. It's like we go toward a fry up for breakfast, it's what we're used to. Doesn't mean it's good for us.

ginandtonicsky · 12-04-2019 9:05pm

BBFAN wrote: »

No, it is genuinely a surprise. If we all only have one true soulmate, the chances that they are from the same neighbourhood are MINUTE.

Yes, we tend to go towards what we find familiar. Does not mean that's what our destiny is or what is best for us. It's like we go toward a fry up for breakfast, it's what we're used to. Doesn't mean it's good for us.

Who said anything about one true soul mate? Most people aren’t walking around with fairytale notions of one Prince Charming. Most people have multiple relationships throughout their lives and come to a point where they want to settle down and have found someone they love who wants the same things.

Sometimes that lasts, sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t see how it’s somehow an offensive notion that most people’s lives follow this pattern

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 9:12pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Who said anything about one true soul mate? Most people aren’t walking around with fairytale notions of one Prince Charming. Most people have multiple relationships throughout their lives and come to a point where they want to settle down and have found someone they love who wants the same things.

Sometimes that lasts, sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t see how it’s somehow an offensive notion that most people’s lives follow this pattern

Never said it was an offensive notion, just that it was a defective one.

The fact that you say settle says it all though.

ginandtonicsky · 12-04-2019 9:15pm

BBFAN wrote: »

Never said it was an offensive notion, just that it was a defective one.

The fact that you say settle says it all though.

“Settle down” is a fairly common, well understood term, don’t know why you’re reading negatively into that. Most adults want to settle down eventually.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 9:35pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

“Settle down” is a fairly common, well understood term, don’t know why you’re reading negatively into that. Most adults want to settle down eventually.

And that's exactly why so many people end up unhappy.

ginandtonicsky · 12-04-2019 9:59pm

BBFAN wrote: »

And that's exactly why so many people end up unhappy.

According to who? You? Based on what?

xi5yvm0owc1s2b · 12-04-2019 10:04pm

BBFAN wrote: »

And that's exactly why so many people end up unhappy.

Exactly the opposite is true, in fact. Marriage is correlated with many economic, physical, and social benefits. Married people report higher levels of happiness and satisfaction, and married men live longer on average than men who are single or divorced.

Eircom_Sucks · 12-04-2019 10:09pm

Anybody out ?

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 10:13pm

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

Exactly the opposite is true, in fact. Marriage is correlated with many economic, physical, and social benefits. Married people report higher levels of happiness and satisfaction, and married men live longer on average than men who are single or divorced.

Where did I say the majority??

Think you're jumping on the defensive there for your own reasons.

I said so many end up unhappy, I didn't say the majority.

Interesting though that you mention the statistics for men and not women.

:D:D:D:D

Talk about bias.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b · 12-04-2019 10:22pm

BBFAN wrote: »

Where did I say the majority??

Think you're jumping on the defensive there for your own reasons.

I said so many end up unhappy, I didn't say the majority.

Interesting though that you mention the statistics for men and not women. :D:D:D:D

Talk about bias.

I didn't say anything about "the majority."

The benefits and advantages of marriage are confirmed in many studies.

There's also no bias. There are just no observed health and longevity benefits for married women over single women, but there are for married men over single men.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 10:29pm

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

I didn't say anything about "the majority."

The benefits and advantages of marriage are confirmed in many studies.

There's also no bias. There are just no observed health and longevity benefits for married women over single women, but there are for married men over single men.

So you can't deny my assertion that so many end up unhappy then? Fair enough, what was your point. You used your statistics as a contradiction of my point which it certainly wasn't. Are we agreed there are still a lot of unhappy married people?

The fact that there are no observed health and longevity benefits for married women over single women versus married men over single men would surely suggest that one party benefits more than the other no?

Or do you not agree with the statistics all of a sudden?

This is it · 12-04-2019 10:34pm

It's hardly a ground breaking revelation that some married people are unhappy, I'm lost as to what point, if any, is being made or you're just stating something obvious.

I don't believe in a "soulmate" for what it's worth. I do believe you can meet someone who's perfect for you though, and that there can be multiple perfect people out there, be it the girl next door or half the world away.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b · 12-04-2019 10:41pm

BBFAN wrote: »

So you can't deny my assertion that so many end up unhappy then? Fair enough, what was your point. You used your statistics as a contradiction of my point which it certainly wasn't. Are we agreed there are still a lot of unhappy married people?

Another poster stated that "Most adults want to settle down eventually" and you responded: "And that's exactly why so many people end up unhappy."

In short, you suggested a correlation between marriage and unhappiness.

Most studies, however, find that married people on average report higher levels of happiness and satisfaction, showing that the correlation runs opposite to what you suggested.

Naturally, that does not mean that all married people are happy or that all single people are unhappy.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 10:51pm

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

Another poster stated that "Most adults want to settle down eventually" and you responded: "And that's exactly why so many people end up unhappy."

In short, you suggested a correlation between marriage and unhappiness.

Most studies, however, find that married people on average report higher levels of happiness and satisfaction, showing that the correlation runs opposite to what you suggested.

Naturally, that does not mean that all married people are happy or that all single people are unhappy.

Settle was the crucial word I highlighted. That was my point, I'm not sure why that's so hard to understand. I never said the majority and I never quoted statistics. I just said that lots of people are unhappy which is a fact we can all agree on.

You seem determined to prove otherwise for your own personal reasons I presume.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b · 12-04-2019 10:59pm

BBFAN wrote: »

Settle was the crucial word I highlighted. That was my point, I'm not sure why that's so hard to understand. I never said the majority and I never quoted statistics. I just said that lots of people are unhappy which is a fact we can all agree on.

The dictionary definition of "settle down" is "to begin to live a quiet and steady life by getting a regular job, getting married, etc."

Settling down is generally understood to encompass marriage.

Lots of people may be unhappy, but married people have a higher chance of being happy than single or divorced people.

You seem determined to prove otherwise for your own personal reasons I presume.

I'm not determined to prove anything. I'm just stating facts.

This is it · 12-04-2019 11:00pm

Settling in relationship and settling down, which was the phrase used, are not the same thing.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 11:02pm

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

The dictionary definition of "settle down" is "to begin to live a quiet and steady life by getting a regular job, getting married, etc."

Settling down is generally understood to encompass marriage.

Lots of people may be unhappy, but married people have a higher chance of being happy than single or divorced people.

I'm not determined to prove anything. I'm just stating facts.

Okay.................................................................

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 11:08pm

settle in. — phrasal verb with settle us /ˈset̬· əl/ verb. to arrange yourself and the things you own so you feel more comfortable in a new place

See, we can all find a definition of settle that's a fact.

To me, what it now means after having a lot of life experience is to put up with what's most comfortable.

But of course that's only my opinion. If statistics say married people are happier jaysus I'd better get married again. :rolleyes:

This is it · 12-04-2019 11:12pm

"Settle in" wasn't used, "settle down" was.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 11:18pm

This is it wrote: »

"Settle in" wasn't used, "settle down" was.

I specifically mentioned settle, never put any word after it? Posters after me decided to go looking for definitions so as to justify their life choices?

12-04-2019 11:23pm

To use the word 'settle' on it's own in reference to who you are in a relationship with implies that you are just, well settling. Another way of putting it is that you could do better.
Now the phrase 'settle down' when referring to a relationship means that you've decided to build a life with another person, find a steady income, a home, maybe children.

That is how I see those words anyways.

mvl · 13-04-2019 3:48pm

BBFAN wrote: »

It really isn't the most physically intimate thing a person can do Gimme, think about giving birth in front of someone, ****ting yourself in front of someone, dying from cancer in front of someone.

Sex seems suddenly a trivial act in comparison.

Of course it can be, when the sacral chakra is balanced and there is flow. Not thinking short lived sexual encounters would give you that though.
- I would compare trivial sex with having junk food; some are happy with junk food, but the real thing is fine dining.
Then, not getting the comparison with giving birth in front of someone, for sure the doctors/nurses are there by default - what is intimate about that ? doesn't matter who's there imo, the only intimate connection is between mother and child.

PS: my comment is based on my experience.

Gimme A Pound · 13-04-2019 4:06pm

Settling *for* someone is totally different to settling down with someone. Nobody suggested settling for someone is something to resort to (although a lot of people do it, but Ginandtonicsky's posts indicate there is no way she would be so inclined).

Grayson wrote: »

Why not?

Sex is fun. Sex with loads of people is fun. Sex in a committed relationship is fun. It's just sex

That doesn't say anything Grayson - it's pretty inane to be frank. "It's just sex" - if sex was something to be so blase about, there wouldn't be laws around it when it comes to consent, age and incest

Getting naked with someone and actually being as one physically - of course this is a major thing to do with a stranger. People have become so conditioned for fear of looking prudish or whatever nonsense, that they block out the reality that this is no trivial thing.

Doing something far less intimate with a stranger would be seen as weird.

kowloon · 13-04-2019 5:30pm

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

Researchers also find that people who frequently engage in casual sex have lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of depression and anxiety.

There are anti-depressants for that, and for everything else there's Mastercard.

I wonder how these people stack up vs. long term singletons who don't do sex on people and relationships that are the same. I'm guessing the happy relationships skew the baseline.

dd973 wrote: »

Statistically there probably is 'someone for everyone' yet this overlooks the real chance that this person is in Chile or New Zealand or even just 150 miles away and you're never going to meet them.

I'm lucky in that respect, all the hot women live in my local area.

Widdershins · 13-04-2019 6:15pm

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Settling *for* someone is totally different to settling down with someone. Nobody suggested settling for someone is something to resort to (although a lot of people do it, but Ginandtonicsky's posts indicate there is no way she would be so inclined).

That doesn't say anything Grayson - it's pretty inane to be frank. "It's just sex" - if sex was something to be so blase about, there wouldn't be laws around it when it comes to consent, age and incest

Getting naked with someone and actually being as one physically - of course this is a major thing to do with a stranger. People have become so conditioned for fear of looking prudish or whatever nonsense, that they block out the reality that this is no trivial thing.

Doing something far less intimate with a stranger would be seen as weird.

Best post I've read in a very long time . Well said

Tbh I regret not realising this sooner .

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 13-04-2019 6:16pm

Lads, what about settling up?! :eek:

lainey_d_123 · 13-04-2019 7:34pm

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Settling *for* someone is totally different to settling down with someone. Nobody suggested settling for someone is something to resort to (although a lot of people do it, but Ginandtonicsky's posts indicate there is no way she would be so inclined).

That doesn't say anything Grayson - it's pretty inane to be frank. "It's just sex" - if sex was something to be so blase about, there wouldn't be laws around it when it comes to consent, age and incest

Getting naked with someone and actually being as one physically - of course this is a major thing to do with a stranger. People have become so conditioned for fear of looking prudish or whatever nonsense, that they block out the reality that this is no trivial thing.

Doing something far less intimate with a stranger would be seen as weird.

Totally agree. Especially about people who challenge what seems to be the common view that sex is no big deal being seen as prudes. You're literally inside someone or have someone inside you - how is that not a big deal? And that's without getting into the consequences of sex, which can include unwanted pregnancy and disease transmission (some of them incurable and lifelong). People who don't see it as a big deal are kidding themselves, tbh.

kowloon · 13-04-2019 7:55pm

Ramona Shrilling Matchmaking wrote: »

Lads, what about settling up?! :eek:

You've lost me.

BBFAN · 13-04-2019 7:59pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Totally agree. Especially about people who challenge what seems to be the common view that sex is no big deal being seen as prudes. You're literally inside someone or have someone inside you - how is that not a big deal? And that's without getting into the consequences of sex, which can include unwanted pregnancy and disease transmission (some of them incurable and lifelong). People who don't see it as a big deal are kidding themselves, tbh.

It's a pity there's not an invention called a condom isn't it? :rolleyes:

mvl · 13-04-2019 8:31pm

rofl at the thought of what shape must a "magic" condom have if requiring to cover all areas that can be affected by STIs !!!

kowloon · 13-04-2019 9:02pm

lainey_d_123 · 13-04-2019 10:56pm

BBFAN wrote: »

It's a pity there's not an invention called a condom isn't it? :rolleyes:

It's a pity you're not educated enough to know that condoms don't do a whole lot to protect you against certain STIs. Herpes, genital warts and cancer-causing HPV don't sound a whole lot of fun. And that's if the condom doesn't break and is used perfectly. If it does break (and that isn't overly uncommon), then you're exposed to everything the stranger you're shagging might have, including HIV.

Puts you in the mood, does it?

BBFAN · 14-04-2019 1:27am

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

It's a pity you're not educated enough to know that condoms don't do a whole lot to protect you against certain STIs. Herpes, genital warts and cancer-causing HPV don't sound a whole lot of fun. And that's if the condom doesn't break and is used perfectly. If it does break (and that isn't overly uncommon), then you're exposed to everything the stranger you're shagging might have, including HIV.

Puts you in the mood, does it?

Don't do a lot to protect you?? Only 99.5%. Yeah, I'll take my chances thanks, lasted 50 years so far. :rolleyes:

I'm plenty educated thanks.

Pac1Man · 14-04-2019 8:12am

I wouldn't go out with any of you.

Continuously arguing on the internet even when presented with facts that disprove your 'opinion', only to get the last word in is pathetic.

TerrorFirmer · 14-04-2019 8:28am

BBFAN wrote: »

Don't do a lot to protect you?? Only 99.5%. Yeah, I'll take my chances thanks, lasted 50 years so far. :rolleyes:

I'm plenty educated thanks.

You're talking about pregnancy. The other poster is right, condoms don't prevent against certain STI's at all.

So if you're sleeping with a lot of people, you are still being exposed to much higher risk.

joeguevara · 14-04-2019 8:35am

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Settling *for* someone is totally different to settling down with someone. Nobody suggested settling for someone is something to resort to (although a lot of people do it, but Ginandtonicsky's posts indicate there is no way she would be so inclined).

That doesn't say anything Grayson - it's pretty inane to be frank. "It's just sex" - if sex was something to be so blase about, there wouldn't be laws around it when it comes to consent, age and incest

Getting naked with someone and actually being as one physically - of course this is a major thing to do with a stranger. People have become so conditioned for fear of looking prudish or whatever nonsense, that they block out the reality that this is no trivial thing.

Doing something far less intimate with a stranger would be seen as weird.

There is nothing in the post that you quoted that would infer that the poster meant anything but consensual and legal sex. To suggest otherwise is unfair and disingenuous. Everybody has a different value that they place on sex. To some it is a physical and emotional act with special importance and to others it is a purely physical act with no emotional attachment. Neither is right or wrong and it is purely dependent on the person. To argue that a persons opinion is wrong and use illegal and heinous acts as an explanation is mean. In my opinion all that was meant is sex is enjoyable whether with a partner or a one night stand and shouldn't be overthought.

Fifty grades of shay. · 14-04-2019 8:36am

I'm not single, I wouldn't or didn't enjoy one bit of it. Being married or having a partner is only repressive if one or both don't trust the other.
It's fine to enjoy being single if that makes you happy too, but I think if you seek others company for any reason, then it's a sign that being single isn't all its cracked up to be.

B0jangles · 14-04-2019 8:39am

I'm not a fan of extremely casual sex with many different partners, so I don't do that.

If someone else does enjoy that, more power to them - as long as they are being honest and upfront about it with their partners, and are being very careful about their own and their partners sexual health.

That's pretty much it.

I don't really get the whole 'I thought I loved casual sex in my twenties and thirties then I repented of my shallow slutty ways, saw the light and found my one true love in my forties' - story you hear so often.

Just because you liked one thing then and a different thing now doesn't mean you were wrong then and right now - you wanted different things at different times in your life, like about 99.9% of the population.

Anyone else enjoy being single?

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