Anyone else enjoy being single?

Charles Ingles

DoozerT6 wrote: »

Some women didn't 'miss the boat' just because we're trying to climb the corporate ladder. Some of us just failed to attract a mate (any mate) during the most productively fertile years of our life. It happens.

I know and my point was I think it's unfair to women.
They are expected to do so much

BBFAN

Charles Ingles wrote: »

It absolutely does.
I work in this area I know what I'm talking about.
A mother will automatically be awarded custody of children unless she has addiction or mental health issues.
Or if Tulsa has child protection issues.
There is no equality in the family law courts for men

If you work in the area you'll be able to tell us what percentage of men look for sole custody??

I will bet my months wages that it's 5-10%.

So alternatively it could be said that women get the raw end of the deal in that they are 95% of the time left holding the baby literally.

notsoyoungwan

This thread crops up with surprising regularity, along with the ones about wanting/not wanting children and they usually go the same way... those who don’t want a relationship and/or children get defensive and accused of “protesting too much” because they are quite categorical in their statements, perhaps as a response to the same old cliches from the same old people. You just haven’t met the right one yet/everyone wants a relationship/you’ll be lonely/you’re just saying that to cover up the fact that no one wanted you/who’ll look after you when you’re old etc etc etc


Anyway, fwiw, I’m a 39 year old woman and I’m single. I intend to stay that way. I’ve been single most of my adult life, but I have experience of relationships too. I’ve had one great long term relationship, one fine one and one awful one, as well as plenty short term flings. It’s not that the awful one has put me off though, I’ve had a relationship since that one, but I’ve never entered a relationship expecting/wanting it to be a ‘forever more’ scenario and have made that clear to the men I’ve been with.

There are lots of things I love about being single. I am quite an introverted person and I simply don’t want someone in my space or life to the degree a proper partner would be. I live alone and love the solitude and silence. Loneliness is not an issue for me- the loneliest I’ve ever felt was when I was in the bad relationship. I have peace and independence in my life, and don’t have to deal with anyone eise’s issues etc. my home is my own and I’m in control of what goes on in it. Oh and before anyone asks, I don’t have any cats!

I have a small but good circle of friends and am not short of someone to socialize with if that’s what I want. I have friends to holiday with but equally I’m happy to holiday on my own, have done so many times and will do so again.

I have plenty sex, have some fcuk buddies for that purpose.

There’s really nothing that my life lacks that a relationship could offer me. I can think of plenty downsides to one though!

kateee47298

I think it's an amazing thing to enjoy being single, especially when our society is constantly banging on about relationships and the loneliness of being "forever alone". I really enjoyed the last period when I was single and I often think that the minute I start enjoying being single, another relationship starts. Funny how life turns out.

ChikiChiki

kateee47298 wrote: »

I think it's an amazing thing to enjoy being single, especially when our society is constantly banging on about relationships and the loneliness of being "forever alone". I really enjoyed the last period when I was single and I often think that the minute I start enjoying being single, another relationship starts. Funny how life turns out.

I enjoy being single. Im not relationship material as extremely independent and introverted. Never do I get lonely and I enjoy the freedom of doing what I want when i want. I also think monogamy is against human nature which i agree makes me unsuitable for most women. Ive been with some fantastic women in the past few years but do not want to commit for the above reasons.

Im going to a wedding soon where I will be in the limelight as best man. Think I will be the only there out of all my friends not bringing a partner. Thats my own decision and its making me a slight bit anxious as I will get the obvious probing questions re girlfriends etc. At 32 and not settled I fully expect some of the local gossipers to even question my sexuality behind my back :pac:

TomasMacR

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Would you mind taking your weird anti-women soapbox somewhere else please? I was hoping the thread wouldn't turn into a sh*tshow.

It may not have been the most elegantly and sensitive of posts but the general message is accurate.

Autecher

I've been single for a very long time now, mostly I like it but I'd be lying if I said I never felt lonely. I am in the process of buying an apartment and I would have loved to have shared that experience with somebody just because it's a scary thing to do but at the same time I'm very proud that I did it all by myself. I know/have known a good few couples that got a mortgage together and split up afterwards and it gets very very messy in so many ways. They get very toxic then. Of course I also know/have known couples that got a mortgage together and are still very happy in their relationship too.

TomasMacR

notsoyoungwan wrote: »

This thread crops up with surprising regularity, along with the ones about wanting/not wanting children and they usually go the same way... those who don’t want a relationship and/or children get defensive and accused of “protesting too much” because they are quite categorical in their statements, perhaps as a response to the same old cliches from the same old people. You just haven’t met the right one yet/everyone wants a relationship/you’ll be lonely/you’re just saying that to cover up the fact that no one wanted you/who’ll look after you when you’re old etc etc etc


Anyway, fwiw, I’m a 39 year old woman and I’m single. I intend to stay that way. I’ve been single most of my adult life, but I have experience of relationships too. I’ve had one great long term relationship, one fine one and one awful one, as well as plenty short term flings. It’s not that the awful one has put me off though, I’ve had a relationship since that one, but I’ve never entered a relationship expecting/wanting it to be a ‘forever more’ scenario and have made that clear to the men I’ve been with.

There are lots of things I love about being single. I am quite an introverted person and I simply don’t want someone in my space or life to the degree a proper partner would be. I live alone and love the solitude and silence. Loneliness is not an issue for me- the loneliest I’ve ever felt was when I was in the bad relationship. I have peace and independence in my life, and don’t have to deal with anyone eise’s issues etc. my home is my own and I’m in control of what goes on in it. Oh and before anyone asks, I don’t have any cats!

I have a small but good circle of friends and am not short of someone to socialize with if that’s what I want. I have friends to holiday with but equally I’m happy to holiday on my own, have done so many times and will do so again.

I have plenty sex, have some fcuk buddies for that purpose.

There’s really nothing that my life lacks that a relationship could offer me. I can think of plenty downsides to one though!

this sums up the opposite end of what you seemed to be protesting at the end of your first paragraph. it's all pro's and cons...but if you are honest with yourself, being with someone that adds to your life in terms of joy and happiness does just that. we aren't meant to be on our own no matter how much we convince ourselves, that's why you have f*ck buddies, it's as much for companionship as it is for pleasure albeit temporary...you're kidding yourself.

I asked someone earlier similar to yourself, if you actually met someone who you were physically attracted to and you got on great, would you be open to developing it into something which could form a loving relationship? I didn't get a response from him. If the answer is genuinely yes, possibly then most of your post is just denial. If it's no, then there's something wrong with you, intending to stay single deliberately is very odd.

Daisy78

TomasMacR wrote: »

it's not, but it can feel like it as you approach 30, the first significant milestone age of 'getting old' or thinking you are getting old. more so for women, if they haven't had children and want them or aspire to getting married. I'll probably be crucified for saying that second bit but it is true.

You do know that women can marry at any age, children might not be an option but there is time limit on getting married?

notsoyoungwan

TomasMacR wrote: »

this sums up the opposite end of what you seemed to be protesting at the end of your first paragraph. it's all pro's and cons...but if you are honest with yourself, being with someone that adds to your life in terms of joy and happiness does just that. we aren't meant to be on our own no matter how much we convince ourselves, that's why you have f*ck buddies, it's as much for companionship as it is for pleasure albeit temporary...you're kidding yourself.

I asked someone earlier similar to yourself, if you actually met someone who you were physically attracted to and you got on great, would you be open to developing it into something which could form a loving relationship? I didn't get a response from him. If the answer is genuinely yes, possibly then most of your post is just denial. If it's no, then there's something wrong with you, intending to stay single deliberately is very odd.

Ah yes, when I mentioned tired old cliches I omitted the ‘you’re not being honest with yourself’ one.

Incredible to think that in this day and age, with such exposure to so many people and information, some people still cannot comprehend that others choose different paths in life to them, have different wants and desires, and get satisfaction from different scenarios. It’s a peculiar mix of ignorance, arrogance and small-mindedness.


In answer to your question, no, I’m not open and would not be open to a loving relationship. I’ve met plenty men to whom I’m attracted and with whom I get on great, and I’ve had fantastic fun with them but I never wanted them to become a committed partner.

Vela

You can enjoy being single and also enjoy being in a relationship. They're not mutually exclusive. I'm happy being single and I've also been happy in relationships. I enjoy having my own space so I never get that whole "I need to be around people" thing. I also don't need anyone else to entertain me or "fulfill" me. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy relationships or that I'm not open to one.

TomasMacR

notsoyoungwan wrote: »

In answer to your question, no, I’m not open and would not be open to a loving relationship.

that last relationship you were in which was awful must've been pretty f*ckin awful. sounds like you are seriously damaged if that is your mindset.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Zorya wrote: »

I'll have to look that up, ODB, I rarely watch telly so I haven't a clue who that is. Oh dear.

Jay from the Inbetweeners. Popularised the term ‘clunge’ AND fibbed constantly about his sexual exploits.

Dalomanakora

TomasMacR wrote: »

this sums up the opposite end of what you seemed to be protesting at the end of your first paragraph. it's all pro's and cons...but if you are honest with yourself, being with someone that adds to your life in terms of joy and happiness does just that. we aren't meant to be on our own no matter how much we convince ourselves, that's why you have f*ck buddies, it's as much for companionship as it is for pleasure albeit temporary...you're kidding yourself.

I asked someone earlier similar to yourself, if you actually met someone who you were physically attracted to and you got on great, would you be open to developing it into something which could form a loving relationship? I didn't get a response from him. If the answer is genuinely yes, possibly then most of your post is just denial. If it's no, then there's something wrong with you, intending to stay single deliberately is very odd.

Intending to stay single isn't very odd. There's nothing "wrong" with someone who chooses to stay single.


Some people aren't suited to relationships, and some people simply don't want them.


Don't get me wrong, I'm choosing to stay single for now and will eventually put myself out there and happily meet someone if he comes along. But choosing to stay single for life isn't a bad thing.


Some people don't like constant company, they like being on their own a lot. Not everybody needs companionship or even friends. Some people are simply happier alone and there's nothing wrong with it.

mohawk

When I got together with my other half I was very comfortable with being single and was okay with idea of never meeting someone. I was probably the happiest I had ever been in my life and then he turned it all around and life got even better.
The loneliest I have ever been was in a bad relationship. Nothing will make you more miserable then being with the wrong person.

We only get one life and we gotta live it whether single or in a relationship.

lainey_d_123

I enjoy a lot of things about it, yeah. Which is probably why I'm single at the moment and not even really looking. I go through phases of downloading apps and dating but my heart isn't really in it. At the moment I'm open to meeting someone in real life but if it doesn't happen, fine.

I love cooking elaborate meals for myself and eating alone at home, with a nice glass of wine. Love watching Netflix or a good film and often go to the cinema on my own. Love going on random city breaks or days out and doing exactly what I want to do there, not worrying about if my travel partner is enjoying themselves or not. Love spending time on my hobbies. Love being able to work on the business I'm launching without it impacting on anyone but me. Sometimes stay up late into the night working. Love spending a Sunday having a coffee in a nice coffee shop reading the paper or my Kindle, then browsing charity shops or taking myself off to Dalkey for a walk. I'm very comfortable with my own company.

I am on the autistic spectrum and most of the above can probably be explained by that, along with the fact that I tend to put my all into relationships and then am destroyed by break-ups, so there's an aspect of self protection there as well.

notsoyoungwan

TomasMacR wrote: »

that last relationship you were in which was awful must've been pretty f*ckin awful. sounds like you are seriously damaged if that is your mindset.

Re-read my post, I addressed that perception in it.

Then try and open your mind a little.

Gimme A Pound

TomasMacR wrote: »

Inbetweeners Jay legacy stuff. I'm not even sure it existed before inbetweeners. I'd imagine anyway using it not as some, fairly dated by now, Jay joking reference is an absolute retard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRSF0eUIq6Q

C*nt is an insult.

"Look dear, I got a Brazilian"...."Oh my, your c*nt looks bloody marvellous".

"doctor, there's something wrong with my c*nt"

doesn't really work, won't really work in any context.

I think Zorya meant just that it's a nicer word than "clunge". I agree. Although I do think the word clunge is funny when used jokily.

lainey_d_123

Charles Ingles wrote: »

Completely different for a man to choose to be single than a woman.
A man can arse around until his fourties then settle for any woman once she is capable of conceiving.
Women on the other hand miss the boat after 35 childbirth is dangerous and the woman is actually referred to as a geriatric mother.

I must be imagining all the women I know who had healthy first babies at 37+, so. And here's a fact that will blow your mind - plenty of women don't actually want children. Especially the ones who are actively choosing to be single.

Gimme A Pound

My friend's mother was 30 when she gave birth to her older daughter in the 1970s, and the hospital classified her pregnancy as geriatric (perfectly healthy child). So be it. 40+ years on, having babies over 30 - and no health issues for the babies - is extremely commonplace. Yeah the risks increase all right but it's disingenuous to claim they're extremely high when the woman is only just over 30.

Riskier again of course from 35, and 40+ is not really ideal. But all of the above still does happen frequently nowadays without problems.

Numerous friends and relatives of mine have been aged between 30 and 45(!) having babies (all have between two and four children) with zero issues. Admittedly the 45-year-old was lucky.

That's not to say women "should" wait until 35 or after but it's nowhere near as doomed a scenario as some suggest.

Strumms

When I was single, I enjoyed it. The only big downsides were at certain times when you knew loved up friends in relationships (which ALL mine were at one time) had wishes and or obligation to do stuff with the OH or OH and kids and it could be tricky organizing stuff to do with their commitments and priorities. Whilst you knew they’d love nothing more then to head to the match and a pint after, they are likely going to be hitting the cinema or dinner. Since I’ve been in a relationship myself it’s much easier... double dates are grand and fun, be it dinner, cinema, both and even for weekends away. I enjoy being in a relationship far more then being single but the single life can and is to be enjoyed too, you just need patience sometimes.

ToddyDoody

Lorelli! wrote: »

We joke that she goes away that much she's going to meet herself in the airport one day on the way back

I'd love to be the person in the group who laughs way too loud at that.

ToddyDoody

Lorelli! wrote: »

We joke that she goes away that much she's going to meet herself in the airport one day on the way back

I'd love to be the person in the group who laughs way too loud at that.

Necro

Mother of fcuking God. A simple honest question by the OP derailed for pages by the usual 'hurr durr everything is awful' crowd. Start your own thread and whine about it there if you have to.

Anyways, tbh I hated the single life, and here's why:

Constant pressure by my peers to 'go on the pull' each and every night we went out.

99 times out of 100 I'd go out because I want to have a laugh, if anything happened, great, a bonus. If not, so what? Also being single and out with a group of singletons meant nightclub, taxis and home at stupid o clock.

Being married now I just go out and there's no pressure, I can relax and have my few quiet pints and roll home at a reasonable hour instead.
I like it that way, much, much better.

sbsquarepants

Zorya wrote: »

As a related aside I find that word clunge to be gruesome sounding. I don't get out much so I read it on boards for the first time, and I hope it is not commonly used. C*nt is a much nicer word, frankly. Clunge. Ughhhh.

Bring your wellies, we're gonna be knee deep in cúnt - just doesn't have the same ring to it!

Zorya

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Bring your wellies, we're gonna be knee deep in cúnt - just doesn't have the same ring to it!

Have only become aware of the context of the word. Anyways, I can imagine the reimagining of c*nt, but sure lookit, I'll mount my own private campaign to do so :pac:. But.... put some of this pungent ungent on your grungy clunge to expunge the gunge before I take the plunge - nah. Can't get behind that ungy sound at all.

sbsquarepants

Zorya wrote: »

Have only become aware of the context of the word. Anyways, I can imagine the reimagining of c*nt, but sure lookit, I'll mount my own private campaign to do so :pac:. But.... put some of this pungent ungent on your grungy clunge to expunge the gunge before I take the plunge - nah. Can't get behind that ungy sound at all.

Eughh, I'm not a fan of the pungent ones. Give it a quick rub of a baby wipe or something, then we're good to go:D

Cúnt is either an insult (get away from me you stupid cúnt) or a term of endearment (Tony is a sound cúnt isn't he?) in my vocabulary, never an anatomical term.

For anatomical uses see vag and fanny:D

Clunge I've only ever heard on the inbetweeners.

.......

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I must be imagining all the women I know who had healthy first babies at 37+, so. And here's a fact that will blow your mind - plenty of women don't actually want children. Especially the ones who are actively choosing to be single.

Being a single woman is no barrier to parenthood either, it must be over 20 years now since a GP of mine told me she'd rather see women using a sperm bank than a bad relationship to get pregnant if they were running out of time and wanted to conceive.

Men dont have that option though so if a single man wants to be a father he cant do it alone.

Just for the people who are in a relationship and say they can do whatever they want, would you be comfortable buying an extra car without clearing that with your partner? :P

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Just for the people who are in a relationship and say they can do whatever they want, would you be comfortable buying an extra car without clearing that with your partner? :P

Yes and No. Depends what you mean.

If you mean do I feel ok spending my money the way I like without feeling I have to consult anyone or I am under and onus to do so? Yes absolutely. I would be perfectly ok with that.

If you mean do I feel comfortable _not_ consulting with the people most important in my life when I am making big decisions? No - because I actively want to do so. If I was to buy a new car I would actively want their input on the subject and would feel uncomfortable not getting it. Especially ifI was not getting it just to console my Ego on my independence.

TLDR: Absolutely feel comfortable doing it - I just wouldn't want to at all.