Hard to handle life right now.

Nothing I can say to help but thinking of you and your family bear.

There isn't a lot I can say that hasn't been said already but never be afraid to ask for help. Most of not all maternity doctors and midwives will be equipped to deal with these sort of things and will offer you more expert advice, or even just your GP to talk things over

Not nice to say but possibly the best outcome for both you and your wife and the baby. It's natures way and wasnt to be this time. I hope you and your wife and your other child can now have some much needed time to yourselves without the worry and stress of previous.

bear1 wrote: »

I'll update this now as things have come to an end.
My wife had an update scan this morning which revealed the baby had no heart beat.
Repeated attempts to find one were unsuccessful.
We are going to the hospital now where the process of removing the child will begin and I suppose we begin our healing process.
I do have the what if thoughts and it's true when they say you are your own worst enemy because you just can't switch your thoughts off.
In a way I guess I'm slightly relieved that the child won't suffer (as cruel as that sounds) and that we can start getting back on track with our lives.
Not much else I can say really.

Very tough times for you and family, but, and there is always a but, things will get brighter and better, not all the time, but there will be a lot more happiness than sadness into the future.

bear1 I am so sorry to read your update today. I don't know if you'll have time to be checking in here in the coming hours and days but i'll say this anyway. I have walked in your shoes, except I was the mammy. Our son made it to full term and died during the birth. We knew from half way through the pregnancy that the outcome was at best, that we would have a minutes/hours or maybe days with him. But that was not to be.

I had registered with A Little Lifetime online forum and I got such massive support and advice from the members there. One thing that i can't stress highly enough (and it is sometimes a difficult thing for others to understand) : take photographs of your little one, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. Take time to hold them, bath them, bring them home if you wish, to spend a night together in the family home before the funeral. Take photos of them with you and your wife, with your daughter, in your home.

It is hard for other people to get their heads around this, but other people usually have a lifetime to photograph their children as they grow up and we don't have that luxury. It could be years before you feel able to look at the photos but you know they are there when you want to see your baby. Back the photos up as soon as possible to as many locations as possible.

You should have the support of the bereavement midwife and she/he will give you all the information you need with regard to what happens now. You should also have access to counselling (at any time) through the bereavement midwife. use it if you need to.

Take all and any offers of help from friends and family for as long as you need it. Don't be pushed into doing anything you're not comfortable with, with regard to the funeral arrangements. If you want it to be just yourself and your wife then that decision should be respected by all involved.

I hope you are treated well in the hospital over the coming days.

You and your family will get through this. In time you will learn to smile and laugh again. But things will always be different and you will always be a parent whose little baby died. In the early days you will cry and cry and then one day you won't, and then it might be a week before you cry and then after a few years some little thing could have you in tears all over again but that's ok too.

My own son's anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks, it's been six years since we met him and lost him.

Be gentle with each other and i wish you the best. If you ever need to contact me with any questions I'd do my best to help.

minibear

PS, just typing my username reminded me. Many parents buy two identical sets of teddies, babygrows and blankets. One set we dress our child in after the birth and keep the little teddy with them and then before the funeral we swap them over. It brings so much comfort in the days months and years afterwards to have something that was part of their little lives.

Sending you love, Bear1

You too, minibear.

Counting my blessings here. I can't imagine the pain.

Terrible news bear and genuinely sorry to hear the outcome. But as others have said, stick together and ye will come through this and probably be stronger for it. There's a long and happy road ahead I'm sure, even its hard to see that right now.

Aww... so, so sad to read this news. I've often wondered how you got on.
Condolences to you and your wife, you've both been through hell. I wish ye every possible comfort and support in the days and weeks ahead.

We had a conversation on miscarriage/loss of a child during pregnancy in anyway over on The Gentleman's Lounge a few weeks ago. Lots of men shared their experiences and talked about how men don't get to air their story of this very often and don't get as much support as they might.
Maybe someday in the future it might help to look through, make you feel there's others out there who know where you're at? Maybe not too, but the link is here anyway in case you feel like it in time to come. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057647752

For now, thinking of you both. < 3

My deepest condolences Bear. I wish you and your wife a better hand than you have been dealt now

ah man. RIP little Jack. So much love to you and your wife during this bro.