Cheating

Monife · 22-02-2019 4:57pm #1

I would love to get an idea of how many men cheat in relationships/marriages, men's perception of cheating on their significant other and what they would consider cheating.

Please remove if not appropriate for the forum (although I read the charter and I don't think it goes against it).

Tomw86 · 22-02-2019 4:59pm

Haven't and wouldn't. Too much hassle and don't see the point if you love the person you're with.

Parawata · 22-02-2019 5:06pm

Monife wrote: »

I would love to get an idea of how many men cheat in relationships/marriages, men's perception of cheating on their significant other and what they would consider cheating.

Please remove if not appropriate for the forum (although I read the charter and I don't think it goes against it).

Not sure what you're trying to achieve here but if you can't see how insulting this is you have a very poor view of men in general

leggo · 22-02-2019 5:12pm

Cheated in my first relationship as a teenager. Came clean and it was horrific to see the damage I’d done. Vowed never to do it again and haven’t/won’t.

Been cheated on and it was even more horrific.

I’d have to be a special kind of cnut to have gone through that and still do it again. I wouldn’t do it to someone I hated much less someone I purported to care about. Sex is just sex, no amount of quick gratification is worth living with the fact that you fundamentally broke another human being and forever negatively altered their attitude towards love and relationships. It’s about as low as you can legally go.

Segotias · 22-02-2019 5:17pm

Well in roughly the past year 4 of the 6 times I've been propositioned have been by either married or attached men.

Don't understand the point of it tbh, if you're not happy in a relationship move on before going for someone else and completely hurting the person you are with.

professore · 22-02-2019 5:17pm

You're probably going to get a very biased sample here, the kind of people that actually post on boards are generally not the kind devoting their waking moments to picking up women.

Mokuba · 22-02-2019 5:18pm

Sex, sexting of any description and even a kiss means you are done in my book. Break up and never take the person back.

If you give your word to someone you should honour it. If you feel like you can no longer keep your word then break up with the person.

Once the trust is gone it can never be repaired.

Peatys · 22-02-2019 5:19pm

There's one lad in work who's a drama queen, goes out at the weekends on the pull leaving his girlfriend at home.

Everyone just thinks he's a cúnt.

Kidkinobe · 22-02-2019 5:20pm

Im looking for a woman if any single women are reading this...in fact, even if you are not single, I might consider you...

professore · 22-02-2019 5:21pm

Peatys wrote: »

There's one lad in work who's a drama queen, goes out at the weekends on the pull leaving his girlfriend at home.

Everyone just thinks he's a cúnt.

That's the thing ... everything you read says that men are slapping each other on the back for this sort of behaviour ... while in actual fact most men think men like this are the c word. If I announced to any of my male friends I cheated on the wife I wouldn't be met with high fives and approval.

StupidLikeAFox · 22-02-2019 5:24pm

professore wrote: »

You're probably going to get a very biased sample here, the kind of people that actually post on boards are generally not the kind devoting their waking moments to picking up women.

Plus there will be no shortage of people to condemn cheating as the worst thing a person can do, but the fact is that lots of men (and women) do cheat. You are unlikely to get someone saying "Yeah I cheat all the time, have my fun and the missus doesn't find out so nobody gets hurt" even though that is probably a common enough perspective

professore · 22-02-2019 5:25pm

StupidLikeAFox wrote: »

Plus there will be no shortage of people to condemn cheating as the worst thing a person can do, but the fact is that lots of men (and women) do cheat. You are unlikely to get someone saying "Yeah I cheat all the time, have my fun and the missus doesn't find out so nobody gets hurt" even though that is probably a common enough perspective

Well the question isn't about whether you are ever tempted. That's a whole other ballgame

Monife · 22-02-2019 5:28pm

Parawata wrote: »

Not sure what you're trying to achieve here but if you can't see how insulting this is you have a very poor view of men in general

I'm sorry if you feel insulted, that certainly was not my intention. You are right, I do have a poor view of men, every significant male figure in my life, including more recently my ex husband, has cheated.

Nearly every woman I know has been cheated on and it just feels like, to me, that it is extremely common.

I guess what I am trying to achieve here is some confidence that a good percentage of men don't cheat, rather than my perception that over 90% of men cheat.

victor8600 · 22-02-2019 5:29pm

This poll makes little sense. What would you consider cheating? If you compliment a coworker on their appearance -- is that cheating on your partner? What about sexting? Is going to a prostitute abroad cheating?

22-02-2019 5:34pm

Probably a disproportionate amount of men on here compared to general population that are vehemently against any form of cheating.
Also people unlikely to be honest with opinions here as you would get berated if you said you were cheating.
Personally, I think it happens a lot and I don't believe that humans are naturally monogamous creatures. That applies to both sexes.

ELM327 · 22-02-2019 5:38pm

Have cheated multiple times in the past, never on my current partner though
I think it's a mindset and if you cheat you obviously are unhappy with the relationship you are in.

tmh106 · 22-02-2019 5:43pm

Monife wrote: »

I guess what I am trying to achieve here is some confidence that a good percentage of men don't cheat, rather than my perception that over 90% of men cheat.

Why?

Monife · 22-02-2019 5:44pm

ELM327 wrote: »

Have cheated multiple times in the past, never on my current partner though
I think it's a mindset and if you cheat you obviously are unhappy with the relationship you are in.

That's a bit of a cop out. If you're unhappy with the relationship, do something to fix it or break up.

They say the only emotional pain worse than cheating, is the death of a child.

Monife · 22-02-2019 5:49pm

tmh106 wrote: »

Why?

Well I don't want to be alone forever but I also don't want to experience heartbreak like I did with my ex husband again. Bit of a risk/benefit analysis.

misstearheus · 22-02-2019 5:50pm

A LOT.

But can see it from every side involved. Not condoning Home-wreckers, but when it's so rife and rampant (pardon the pun hahaha) it gets easier to see the whole picture, and it's difficult to pick a party to blame or a side to stand by. But shure what favours a guy leaving anyway, having to part with half his money and potentially never if ever seeing his kids again or going up against the nightmare of kids being poisoned against him.... Nothing. Why would a guy leave. He will just stay and put up with it and may seek out other women on the side.

Palmach · 22-02-2019 5:51pm

Monife wrote: »

That's a bit of a cop out. If you're unhappy with the relationship, do something to fix it or break up.

They say the only emotional pain worse than cheating, is the death of a child.

Hysteria much? It happens especially if drink is involved. I know men who have done it once or twice but still love their wives.

ELM327 · 22-02-2019 5:53pm

Monife wrote: »

That's a bit of a cop out. If you're unhappy with the relationship, do something to fix it or break up.

They say the only emotional pain worse than cheating, is the death of a child.

That's what I mean, you're unhappy obviously and you should just leave or something.

SusieBlue · 22-02-2019 5:53pm

I don't think its a male thing. I think a higher amount of men and women in general cheat on their partners than in the previous generation.

I also think a lot more cheating went on back in the day, but with no divorce and separations being looked down on by society, it wasn't as publicly spoken about as it is these days, because marriages weren't ending because of it.

Its not a modern problem, but I do agree its perhaps more of a problem than it was in the past.

Wheety · 22-02-2019 5:55pm

Women cheat too.

binana · 22-02-2019 5:56pm

I cheated on an ex with a friend on a night out. The relationship was dying a slow death anyway. I broke up with them afterwards and started dating the person I cheated with.

I never told them I cheated, because it felt like adding insult to injury. It would've alleviated my own guilt but would only hurt the dumpee further. I don't think these things are black and white, it just sometimes happens.

Edited to add: I mean, cheating is always wrong. But not only *bad people* or whatever cheat. These situations can be complicated.

Parawata · 22-02-2019 5:58pm

Monife wrote: »

I'm sorry if you feel insulted, that certainly was not my intention. You are right, I do have a poor view of men, every significant male figure in my life, including more recently my ex husband, has cheated.

Nearly every woman I know has been cheated on and it just feels like, to me, that it is extremely common.

I guess what I am trying to achieve here is some confidence that a good percentage of men don't cheat, rather than my perception that over 90% of men cheat.

At least you're honest in your dislike.

You might need to re-examine your motivations though. At a guess I'd say rather than renew faith that isn't there you maybe unconciously are looking to validate the view you currently have of men.

Don't mean it in a bad way but I feel sorry for anyone who has such a dim view of 50% of the worlds population based on the very small sampling they've met.

Monife · 22-02-2019 6:00pm

Palmach wrote: »

Hysteria much? It happens especially if drink is involved. I know men who have done it once or twice but still love their wives.

Oh look, another cop out. I'm sorry, drunk or not, if you truly love and respect your wife, you would never cheat.

When you are madly in love with someone and think your relationship is almost perfect, and then you get cheated on, come back to me and see if you still think it is hysteria.

noby · 22-02-2019 6:01pm

victor8600 wrote: »

This poll makes little sense. What would you consider cheating? If you compliment a coworker on their appearance -- is that cheating on your partner? What about sexting? Is going to a prostitute abroad cheating?

Well, that escalated quickly.

SusieBlue · 22-02-2019 6:02pm

Monife wrote: »

Oh look, another cop out. I'm sorry, drunk or not, if you truly love and respect your wife, you would never cheat.

When you are madly in love with someone and think your relationship is almost perfect, and then you get cheated on, come back to me and see if you still think it is hysteria.

In the nicest way possible, if your relationship was near perfect, he wouldn't have cheated on you.
Disclaimer: my last long term partner cheated on me too. I know it sucks.

Monife · 22-02-2019 6:03pm

Also, on the subject of being drunk, I have been extremely drunk on a number of occasions and been propositioned but never cheated it. It's a lame excuse imo.

sameoldname · 22-02-2019 6:04pm

From what I've seen it's very common.

In my personal group of close friends there are at least 5 that I know have cheated in the past and 3 of those have cheated on their current partner. 2 of those 3 are now married and while one came clean right away I'm pretty sure the other one never told. To be fair to the rest though, the next day after cheating they did end the relationship. It's not all men in the group either, there are 3 women, 2 of which have cheated on their current partner and 1 which has never cheated on anyone as far as anyone is aware.

While in most cases it does seem that the majority of cheating is down to being in a bad relationship, in a lot of cases it really does seem that some people can never be trusted. Low self-esteem seems to be the cause of most of it but there does seem to be quite a few psychopaths out there. They'll be the ones who will blame you for them cheating on you repeatedly!

I do think respect is the key though. If someone does actually respect you, chances are they won't cheat.

Cheating

Have you or would you cheat? 509 votes

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