Why are men older in relationships?

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

Sure, go on.

Do you understand why somebody might fight cage fighting objectionable and not immediately follow up with "of course there's far more extreme stuff on Celebrity Deathmatch?"

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

Still waiting for your reasoning towards erotica vs porn. I am genuinely curious and I'll keep my snarkiness to myself for a change :P

Erotica is words written down on a page. I'm not familiar with it, if there's an endemic problem with depictions of consent I would hope that would be addressed. It's a $1bn a year industry, it has a responsibility.

Porn is real human beings in front of a camera. It is an industry somewhere between 6 and 90 times the size of the erotica one.

There are other nuances to the argument (the disproportionate rates of premature death in the porn industry for example) but for starters let's boil it down to this apparently subtle difference between bodies and words.


I'm not anti-porn, I'm a regular consumer of it. I am anti porn which not only presents extreme acts of violence as a sexual fantasy but deliberately blurs the line between fantasy and what's actually going on, obviously not a SFW but you can look some articles about Facial Abuse's videos for a recent example of that. I am not an advocate of the idea that's it's more important to allow adults free unfettered access to pornographic material than it is to protect children from that access. I have lived through a decade where this consistent position has seen me apparently change from a sex positive open minded person to a repressed Helen Lovejoy too btw.

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

Still waiting for your reasoning towards erotica vs porn. I am genuinely curious and I'll keep my snarkiness to myself for a change :P

Edit: Is it because your worried about the participants?

It's legal to read the Marquis de Sade's books, but anyone who attempted faithfully to re-create his imaginings would probably be guilty of multiple felonies. So yes, there's a difference.

Numerous former porn stars have spoken about the abuse they experienced during shoots. It's not simply a fantasy when someone is being hurt.

riclad wrote: »

the legal age to have sex is 18.

In Ireland it's 17.

Tatum Thousands Sunlamp wrote: »

Erotica is words written down on a page. I'm not familiar with it, if there's an endemic problem with depictions of consent I would hope that would be addressed. It's a $1bn a year industry, it has a responsibility.

Porn is real human beings in front of a camera. It is an industry somewhere between 6 and 90 times the size of the erotica one.

There are other nuances to the argument (the disproportionate rates of premature death in the porn industry for example) but for starters let's boil it down to this apparently subtle difference between bodies and words.


I'm not anti-porn, I'm a regular consumer of it. I am anti porn which not only presents extreme acts of violence as a sexual fantasy but deliberately blurs the line between fantasy and what's actually going on, obviously not a SFW but you can look some articles about Facial Abuse's videos for a recent example of that. I am not an advocate of the idea that's it's more important to allow adults free unfettered access to pornographic material than it is to protect children from that access. I have lived through a decade where this consistent position has seen me apparently change from a sex positive open minded person to a repressed Helen Lovejoy too btw.

Amazon technically say that they don't allow incest, bestiality or non consent, but, in reality, they do. The non consent stuff is pretty extreme actually from what I have heard. Worse than porn I can guarantee.



Do you have a study on porn star suicides. I'd be shocked if it is disportionate or comes close to doctor deaths. Tbh, I trust the porn stars know what they're doing, and this is coming from someone who has talked to people in sex work.



In regards to blurring the line, there is no line in erotica as there is no consenting actress to tell you that the scene is mocked.



Funnilly enough, I am anti-porn as I don't like how it portrays men as homogenous dogs with erections who are always ready and I do worry about what effect that has on the woman's psyche.

Israel Brave Storage wrote: »

Well, they don't. You might want to watch the eye-opening Netflix documentary Hot Girls Wanted — it shows a steady stream of clueless young women, many of them just turned 18, flocking to LA thinking they're going to make a load of money in the porn industry. They don't have managers, agents, or any other representation, and so they're inevitably exploited by unscrupulous producers who take advantage of their naiveté. Most of them last less than two years in the porn industry, and for the vast majority it is anything but a positive experience.

I'd be curious about their bank account as they most probably make more in a few hours than you/I make all month.



I know of that documentary. If you're worried about the actresses, that's grand and I can see where you're coming from. If you're worried about the effect vs erotica, than it is dubious at best.

Israel Brave Storage wrote: »

That's another misconception. Piracy has pushed down the profitability of porn, and thus what people can expect to earn.

For standard male-female scene, an actress who is not a big name could make as little as $500 before tax, and shooting that scene could take most of a working day.

A beginner salary of 6000 per month for a three day work week. How horrible.

Edit: Perhaps this aside has gone on long enough as nobody is really giving good answers imo, and the the thread isn't about the effects of extreme erotica on female psyche?

Funnily enough I came across this the other day, she mentions some of the facial abuse scenes she's done and how she now regrets them, unfortunately porn actors sign all rights they have to the content away to the company they're shooting for. 16:55

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

A beginner salary of 6000 per month for a three day work week. How horrible.

Edit: Perhaps this aside has gone on long enough as nobody is really giving good answers imo, and the the thread isn't about the effects of extreme erotica on female psyche?

Or just answers you don't like? You kept bringing up the written word as worse than actual acts, and I don't understand how you can't see the flaw in that comparison. Or can you really not?

You also said it's not degrading for a woman to enjoy sexuality, which nobody said whatsoever. You're coming across as quite dishonest.

It's not a bit unreasonable to have reservations about what the porn in question depicts - violence and degradation - and to have concerns as to whether excessive consumption of this might cause a warped view of sex. Even if the actresses are paid well, not messed up, not mistreated, not doing loads of drugs to numb it (and the same can apply to men who work in the industry too) - what it actually depicts and normalises is what makes some people uncomfortable.

Another ghastly documentary is one called Hardcore. And Louis Theroux did a follow-up to his 90s examination of the industry, which did include people who enjoy it, but there were sad stories too - involving both men and women. Some had drug problems, emotional problems (one man in particular) and one is dead by suicide (a man). It's a harsh industry, and before someone says lots are - absolutely true, but that doesn't change anything.

I think consumers of that kind of porn just don't like being told these things because it makes them squirm, but such is life.

IAMAMORON wrote: »

I think any man in a heterosexual relationship who falls foul to any mental games from his other half deserves all the emotional bullying he can get.

Nobody deserves emotional bullying - it creeps up insidiously too. That said, I think there is kinda an acceptance of the nagging wife cliche at times - sort of resigning to it instead of telling her he's a grown man who works hard and will go out when there is no reason for him not to.

Raconteuse wrote: »

Or just answers you don't like? You kept bringing up the written word as worse than actual acts, and I don't understand how you can't see the flaw in that comparison. Or can you really not?

You also said it's not degrading for a woman to enjoy sexuality, which nobody said whatsoever. You're coming across as quite dishonest.

It's not a bit unreasonable to have reservations about what the porn in question depicts - violence and degradation - and to have concerns as to whether excessive consumption of this might cause a warped view of sex. Even if the actresses are paid well, not messed up, not mistreated, not doing loads of drugs to numb it (and the same can apply to men who work in the industry too) - what it actually depicts and normalises is what makes some people uncomfortable.

Another ghastly documentary is one called Hardcore. And Louis Theroux did a follow-up to his 90s examination of the industry, which did include people who enjoy it, but there were sad stories too - involving both men and women. Some had drug problems, emotional problems (one man in particular) and one is dead by suicide (a man). It's a harsh industry, and before someone says lots are - absolutely true, but that doesn't change anything.

I think consumers of that kind of porn just don't like being told these things because it makes them squirm, but such is life.

Yeah, I have not seen one good answer which says why what is portrayed in pornography is more of a negative effect on the psyche than erotica. I am not disagreeing because 'I don't like being told these things' (which you would know if you read my personal view of pornography), but it's because nobody has the ability to give a good answer or any logical argument.



Tbh, I think my comment on the female enjoyment struck a nerve. It was a throway comment, but some archaic people see a woman lustily enjoying animal sex as somehow lesser. I do wonder if that's one aspect of this 'degrading' stuff that's being spouted, but, as I said, it was a throwaway comment.



So, unless you or other posters have anything new to add, we should move on.

Edit: I'll give a few answers at this stage.

1) It's larger and more permeating. Rather than reading it and expanding mental energy, it is quicker and easier to internalize.

2) the visual element makes it easier to digest psychological cues.

3) The audio element makes it easier to digest psychological cues.

Where has anyone said that women never enjoy animalistic sex? I'd say most women enjoy having their clothes torn off and a good hard fast ****. But choking by hands or penis, ejaculation on the eyes, anal gang banging that leads to rectal damage? Different matter entirely.

Raconteuse wrote: »

Where has anyone said that women never enjoy animalistic sex? I'd say most women enjoy having their clothes torn off and a good hard fast ****. But choking by hands or penis, ejaculation on the eyes, anal gang banging that leads to rectal damage? Different matter entirely.

You do realize that choking is popular in erotica, and gangbanging is a growing niche in erotica?



You can argue that you are worried about the participants, which is grand, but you have not given one good reason why erotica gets a free pass. Tbh, I have had to give a few good reasons.



So, unless anybody has anything to add, should we move on?