Why are men older in relationships?

Leg End Reject

Hard Graft wrote: »

Almost every woman I've been with has wanted it rough. Plenty of hair pulling, spanking, calling her a 'dirty whore' etc.

Would the hair pulling and spanking be relatively mild or more violent? I'd imagine the former to be more the norm.

Raconteuse

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

You're wrong

Porn and erotica are massive areas. There are many different types. The porn I'm talking about is the one which depicts women being violated and subjugated. Erotica with consenting S&M is hardly the same thing.

I know why folks get upset when the above is pointed out to them about porn (apart from the person here who praised violent sex ) - they wouldn't degrade or violate a woman so it makes them uncomfortable when that is pointed out regarding something they watch. But it's clear what it's depicting.

LillySV

MadYaker wrote: »

Some women like older men? I think it’s because generally women are more mature than men of a similar age when their in their early 20s

Not any more ...

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Raconteuse wrote: »

Porn and erotica are massive areas. There are many different types. The porn I'm talking about is the one which depicts women being violated and subjugated. Erotica with consenting S&M is hardly the same thing.

I know why folks get upset when the above is pointed out to them about porn (apart from the person here who praised violent sex ) - they wouldn't degrade or violate a woman so it makes them uncomfortable when that is pointed out regarding something they watch. But it's clear what it's depicting.

Isn't subjugation the most popular part of erotica?



I have never seen degreding sex. I have seen women having a great amount of fun and being active sex partners, but I have never seen 'violating' or 'degrading'. But, I don't class women enjoying sexuality as being degrading.



You do realise that most erotica has very dubious consent issues? You can go to Amazon Erotica marketplace. Suprisingly, incest is oddly popular.

IAMAMORON

It is disappointing that neither the hot hair or the high moral brigade have yet mentioned some of the more amorous and enjoyable sexual deviancies, such as Pegging, Fisting and playing Azu Scat. So much gets lost in translation these days. I blame the younger generations, in particular submissive females. They are not communicating their fetishes correctly, it has become frustrating. It is all about what they don't like and won't do. They will never share what they like though? Is this a form of advanced tantalisation, or just a bland meandering sexual appetite?

Dexys Midnight Runners.

KathleenGrant

IAMAMORON wrote: »

It is disappointing that neither the hot hair or the high moral brigade have yet mentioned some of the more amorous and enjoyable sexual deviancies, such as Pegging, Fisting and playing Azu Scat. So much gets lost in translation these days. I blame the younger generations, in particular submissive females. They are not communicating their fetishes correctly, it has become frustrating. It is all about what they don't like and won't do. They will never share what they like though? Is this a form of advanced tantalisation, or just a bland meandering sexual appetite?

Dexys Midnight Runners.

Haha

touts

touts wrote: »

Never had violent sex (have no desire for it). Never met a woman who wanted it. Never heard any of my friends talking about it. In my 20s and 30s I shared houses/flats with sexually active men and women and never heard anything like that going on when they had "company". Yes a little light play like loosely tying up and teasing etc. But choking, hitting, hair pulling etc and the stuff that has been publicised recently. What the hell is that about?

Dunno whether this relates to Irish women, since I haven't dated one in twenty years, my experience is mostly related to women abroad.

I'd say, in part, it's connected to the way things have changed socially. We are seeing far more women in positions of authority in work, and these women sometimes are interested in being dominated in the bedroom. I dated a boss of mine, and she loved being tied up in the bathroom and would often request it. There's also an element of guilt where they want to be punished in some ways. My ex was raped by her first boyfriend, and since then, often had her later partners engage in rape fantasy sex. It's something I've noticed to be fairly common in Asian partners (which the majority of my personal experience relates to.. My friends, on the other hand, tend towards western women).

In Asia, often you'll meet women who want to be forced into having sex, rather than initiate it themselves. It's a way of absolving themselves from the responsibility for their choice. That's the logic of it anyway. Personally I find it rather messed up, and avoid it as much as possible.

I think it's also the way that taboos are being removed from society for women. They can do pretty much anything they want now, and the danger is for the male (nope, I'm not dismissing actual rape, so don't get your backs up). Consent can be withdrawn after sex, should they feel that it wasn't their thing, and they can pretend that they didn't ask for it. This thread has many examples of claims that men will use rough sex as an excuse, saying that "she asked for it".

Let me put it this way. From my own experience of anal sex with a woman, there's always an element of dominance involved. Both the positioning and the actual sexual experience tend to encourage such an attitude. It's not my thing considering the pain associated, but it's an activity I've been asked to do many times.

Still,... lets make something clear here. When it comes to S/M, Rape fantasies, etc, we're talking about the relative minority here. This is not an addition to mainstream sex, and I don't see it becoming such.

Reviews and Books Galore

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

Isn't subjugation the most popular part of erotica?



I have never seen degreding sex. I have seen women having a great amount of fun and being active sex partners, but I have never seen 'violating' or 'degrading'. But, I don't class women enjoying sexuality as being degrading.



You do realise that most erotica has very dubious consent issues? You can go to Amazon Erotica marketplace. Suprisingly, incest is oddly popular.

Regarding the bolded bit, nobody, absolutely nobody, said it was. You're trying to imply they did, but it didn't happen.

As for the erotica, it's as though people don't understand a fantasy as opposed to what they're actually willing to do. Sure there are rape fantasies, and incest fantasies, and for all I know a dressing up as a goat while being slapped by a pizza paddle fantasies. The clue is in the word fantasy here. It doesn't mean anyone is queuing up to give it a try in reality.

Anyone who things the increasingly extreme porn that has become mainstream (to an audience jaded with the more pedestrian fare I assume was more common pre-internet) has nothing to do with sexual expectations has their head under a rock. Or no common sense.

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Candie wrote: »

Regarding the bolded bit, nobody, absolutely nobody, said it was. You're trying to imply they did, but it didn't happen.

As for the erotica, it's as though people don't understand a fantasy as opposed to what they're actually willing to do. Sure there are rape fantasies, and incest fantasies, and for all I know a dressing up as a goat while being slapped by a pizza paddle fantasies. The clue is in the word fantasy here. It doesn't mean anyone is queuing up to give it a try in reality.

Anyone who things the increasingly extreme porn that has become mainstream (to an audience jaded with the more pedestrian fare I assume was more common pre-internet) has nothing to do with sexual expectations has their head under a rock. Or no common sense.

Hmmmm, I'm curious are you going to reply to my post or is this a tantrum of some kind? :pac:


The things being depicted in porn has been depicted in erotica for decades if not centuries.

ittakestwo

The general rule is the male should be older, taller, heavier and earn more than the female.

Raconteuse

Rule?

nkl12xtw5goz70

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

I have never seen degreding sex. I have seen women having a great amount of fun and being active sex partners, but I have never seen 'violating' or 'degrading'.

"I've never seen it, therefore it doesn't exist" is an obvious fallacy.

There's plenty of extreme porn out there that is absolutely violating and degrading. No reasonable person could defend it as "women having fun."

ArchXStanton

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Bizarre couple of pages. But anecdotally, I guess I'd agree that women maintain social control in long-term relationships more often than not. It's called marital abuse if it's the man trapping his wife at home not letting her see her friends, but the opposite is treated as perfectly normal thing.

I was one of the lucky ones in my long-term relationship in that I never had to run anything by her, but all my friends had to get the go-ahead to go for beers or whatever to avoid trouble. The women never had to ask or notify them if they had plans to go do something, and it was just seen as a welcome thing to the guys because that meant a free evening to do what they wanted.

It's a common stereotype for a reason. People who don't like it will argue that "It's not all women!" or whatever, and that's obvious. Well done.

I think everyman has got the icy cold "it's fine" when he's about to head out with his mates... You'll know all about how fine it is the next day... BUSTER

Raconteuse

ArchXStanton wrote: »

I think everyman has got the icy cold "it's fine" when he's about to head out with his mates... You'll know all about how fine it is the next day... BUSTER

Who's "everyman"?

ArchXStanton

Raconteuse wrote: »

Who's "everyman"?

Any man I know has at some point in their dating life, the way you go on these things don't happen or exist outside boards... How odd

Raconteuse

ArchXStanton wrote: »

Any man I know has at some point in their dating life, the way you go on these things don't happen or exist outside boards... How odd

No I don't. Of course it happens.

I just contradict posts from you and a handful of others which make out that that's the way every woman behaves.

ArchXStanton

Raconteuse wrote: »

No I don't. Of course it happens.

I just contradict posts from you and a handful of others which make out that that's the way every woman behaves.

I never said that, but at some point a lot of men will run into the control freak GF whilst it's perfectly exceptable for her to head out with the girlos woop woop

IAMAMORON

I think any man in a heterosexual relationship who falls foul to any mental games from his other half deserves all the emotional bullying he can get. If he is good to go to the pub with his mates for 4 hours he should be well able to tell his other half to get off his back when she starts up. Alllll those tell tale signs will be in heavy existence from the early stages of a relationship. Watch out for your girlfriend not developing her own or new friendships in particular. These are major warning signs that you are getting set up to spend the rest of your life with a boring bland housewife, who is going to make your life a living hell every time you turn your back on her for more than 5 minutes, unless your earning money to feed, clothe and shelter her babies. Then everything is fine. You will eventually be getting bollickings for trying to get 9 holes of golf in.

You have two options here. Your first is to put up and shut up with all her crap and roll with the existence of being a money making machine (with no options or choices) by your wife for 40 years..... Or you can stand up for yourself now and set a few reasonable boundaries. If these seem unacceptable to your other half and her bullying continues ( this can include bedroom neglect) you need to buy some new clothes and dump that bitch. She would do the same to you after a while if she doesn't get her way. Don't panic here either, break up sex is awesome, even better than that porno hair pulling crap you are whacking off to.

Jumbo Jet 747.

nkl12xtw5goz70

ArchXStanton wrote: »

I never said that, but at some point a lot of men will run into the control freak GF whilst it's perfectly exceptable for her to head out with the girlos woop woop

Some recent research suggests that women can be more controlling and aggressive in relationships than men, which contradicts the longstanding narrative that men are the abusers and women the victims.

It's clear that both men and women can be controlling and abusive partners. If your partner is a control freak or an abuser, the answer is simple — leave, and find a healthy relationship. Don't project that controlling behavior onto every other man or woman, because it exists only in a subset.

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IAMAMORON wrote: »

I think any man in a heterosexual relationship who falls foul to any mental games from his other half deserves all the emotional bullying he can get. If he is good to go to the pub with his mates for 4 hours he should be well able to tell his other half to get off his back when she starts up. Alllll those tell tale signs will be in heavy existence from the early stages of a relationship. Watch out for your girlfriend not developing her own or new friendships in particular. These are major warning signs that you are getting set up to spend the rest of your life with a boring bland housewife, who is going to make your life a living hell every time you turn your back on her for more than 5 minutes, unless your earning money to feed, clothe and shelter her babies. Then everything is fine. You will eventually be getting bollickings for trying to get 9 holes of golf in.

You have two options here. Your first is to put up and shut up with all her crap and roll with the existence of being a money making machine (with no options or choices) by your wife for 40 years..... Or you can stand up for yourself now and set a few reasonable boundaries. If these seem unacceptable to your other half and her bullying continues ( this can include bedroom neglect) you need to buy some new clothes and dump that bitch. She would do the same to you after a while if she doesn't get her way. Don't panic here either, break up sex is awesome, even better than that porno hair pulling crap you are whacking off to.

Jumbo Jet 747.

I'm not sure what happened at the end of the post, but I do agree with it.



A lot of women do try and control their men. I guess it goes back to the insecurity caused by pregnancy and raising a child where it cannot defend itself, but a man should have boundaries and self-respect to know his own value. It's interesting, but I talk to a lot of women one on one for a few months/years, and I feel like they kind of get a little wifey after a few months. Commenting on appearance, the types of teas I drink, or my weekend plans :P



Can you honestly blame a controlling wife when the man let's his wife plan everything as a form of emotional labour?

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Israel Brave Storage wrote: »

"I've never seen it, therefore it doesn't exist" is an obvious fallacy.

There's plenty of extreme porn out there that is absolutely violating and degrading. No reasonable person could defend it as "women having fun."

And there is plenty of extreme erotica.

nkl12xtw5goz70

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

And there is plenty of extreme erotica.

Edit: What's your definition of violating and degrading as a matter of interest? Also, you really should look at the erotica marketplace on amazon. Some of the descriptions are kind of funny tbh.

I'm not interested in a pedantic argument over the definition of "degrading." But I would hazard a guess that the more extreme types of porn that people are objecting to in this thread isn't for sale on Amazon.com.

Reviews and Books Galore

Israel Brave Storage wrote: »

I'm not interested in a pedantic argument over the definition of "degrading." But I would hazard a guess that the more extreme types of porn that people are objecting to in this thread isn't for sale on Amazon.com.

Fair enough, but I do think the latter comment is wrong and you can verify yourself.

nkl12xtw5goz70

IAMAMORON wrote: »

I think any man in a heterosexual relationship who falls foul to any mental games from his other half deserves all the emotional bullying he can get. If he is good to go to the pub with his mates for 4 hours he should be well able to tell his other half to get off his back when she starts up. Alllll those tell tale signs will be in heavy existence from the early stages of a relationship.

This reflects a complete misunderstanding of how abusive relationships evolve. Often, abusers don't reveal themselves from the get-go — in fact, they can seem to be charming and attentive partners initially. They typically step up their controlling behaviour over time, as they progressively isolate their victims from their friends and family and limit what they're "allowed" to do. They gradually break down their victims' autonomy, self-confidence, and willingness to fight back until they have rendered them completely powerless and walled-in.

The notion that a man deserves to be bullied if he can't stand up for himself is absolutely noxious. There's a huge taboo around men admitting that they have experienced domestic abuse for exactly this reason — society tells them that a "real man" wouldn't allow a woman to treat him this way, and so victims are shamed into silence.

IAMAMORON

Israel Brave Storage wrote: »

This reflects a complete misunderstanding of how abusive relationships evolve. Often, abusers don't reveal themselves from the get-go — in fact, they can seem to be charming and attentive partners initially. They typically step up their controlling behaviour over time, as they progressively isolate their victims from their friends and family and limit what they're "allowed" to do. They gradually break down their victims' autonomy, self-confidence, and willingness to fight back until they have rendered them completely powerless and walled-in.

The notion that a man deserves to be bullied if he can't stand up for himself is absolutely noxious. There's a huge taboo around men admitting that they have experienced domestic abuse for exactly this reason — society tells them that a "real man" wouldn't allow a woman to treat him this way, and so victims are shamed into silence.

Maybe society is right? Maybe women are not attracted to weak minded incels who can't get it up and are afraid of them? I know if I was a women and I thought my husband had become a pushover I would soon start taking the piss out of him. A faint heart never won a fair lady in fairness. In this life you are either a prick, a pussy or an asshole, which one are you Permabear? Don't forget it is better to be prick than an asshole, because assholes just end up getting shít everywhere, even though some of them are getting xxxxed by pricks. But if you are a pussy you have to let all the pricks xxxx you.

Pink spotty submarine.

Woke Hogan

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Maybe society is right? Maybe women are not attracted to weak minded incels who can't get it up and are afraid of them? I know if I was a women and I thought my husband had become a pushover I would soon start taking the piss out of him. A faint heart never won a fair lady in fairness. In this life you are either a prick, a pussy or an asshole, which one are you Permabear? Don't forget it is better to be prick than an asshole, because assholes just end up getting shít everywhere, even though some of them are getting xxxxed by pricks. But if you are a pussy you have to let all the pricks xxxx you.

Pink spotty submarine.

Real men cross out swear words in text.

IAMAMORON

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Real men cross out swear words in text.

Some of them even have a clue....

It's a pitiable situation when people choose romantic partners they consider to be controlling adversaries to be one-upped whenever the chance presents itself.

Perhaps we get what we expect.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

I'm curious, does anybody genuinely need it explained why somebody might object to porn with extreme content and not have an equal simultaneous objection to erotica with comparable content?

People have been bringing up that observation like some kind of checkmate since 50 Shades of Grey, maybe it's self preservation of my faith in human intelligence but I've always assumed the vast majority were arguing in bad faith.

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Tatum Thousands Sunlamp wrote: »

I'm curious, does anybody genuinely need it explained why somebody might object to porn with extreme content and not have an equal simultaneous objection to erotica with comparable content?

People have been bringing up that observation like some kind of checkmate since 50 Shades of Grey, maybe it's self preservation of my faith in human intelligence but I've always assumed the vast majority were arguing in bad faith.

Sure, go on.