What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland · 27-10-2020 12:41am

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Knew a lad from Galway years ago who would have a pint of Andrews Liver Salts mixed with two Alka Seltzer and 8 Rennie when he got up. This lad was putting away 60 pints a week if he was putting away one. Swore it was the only cure.

Sounds ghastly, J.

2 soluble Solpadeine and 2 Alkaseltzer in a bottle of Lucozade Sport used to do the job very well.

Guess he’s in the big leagues so he’s going to need more “punch”.

Lewis_Benson · 27-10-2020 6:04pm

An Ri rua wrote: »

A glass of Brandy. If that doesn't work, try Dipetane or maybe Jeyes Fluid.

Dipetane eh?
That would give some "bang".

Bartyman · 28-10-2020 4:14pm

Aglomerado wrote: »

Andrews is mighty stuff for cleaning the pipes. A couple of pints of water with a high dose will blow it all out.
Plus the belches you will do after drinking it will serve as an "early warning system" to all in your vicinity so they can evacuate ( pardon the pun) in time.

Andrews is might stuff indeed.

5 of us went to the Beer festival back in the early 80's, brought the AA with us (Andrews & Aspro).

I think we made up for the Germans bombing the North Strand.

They were like howitzer shells, lock and load, every day like clockwork.

Did we warn the German lads with the big knives, did we fook, they gave no warning for the North Strand.

:D

gerrybbadd · 28-10-2020 4:25pm

Bartyman wrote: »

Andrews is might stuff indeed.

5 of us went to the Beer festival back in the early 80's, brought the AA with us (Andrews & Aspro).

I think we made up for the Germans bombing the North Strand.

They were like howitzer shells, lock and load, every day like clockwork.

Did we warn the German lads with the big knives, did we fook, they gave no warning for the North Strand. :D

German lads in the Shít farm "Oh mein Gott, es ist eine Scheiße Unterseeboot"

Brendan Bendar · 28-10-2020 4:26pm

Bartyman wrote: »

Andrews is might stuff indeed.

5 of us went to the Beer festival back in the early 80's, brought the AA with us (Andrews & Aspro).

I think we made up for the Germans bombing the North Strand.

They were like howitzer shells, lock and load, every day like clockwork.

Did we warn the German lads with the big knives, did we fook, they gave no warning for the North Strand. :D

Good lad Barty, I’d say the scuds were like a badly pointed wall, and hoop like the back of a cement lorry.

Well done.

Bartyman · 29-10-2020 11:17am

Indeed Breno,

Five lads from Ballyfermot, two week trip, boat and train, no internet, mobile phones or credit cards, half the lads here wouldn't have made it beyond Heuston Station.

Gained valuable information we were able to pass to "Joxer" and the lads for Euro 88.

Meanwhile back in Ireland, lads were getting the clerical version from "Father Andrews", who had his own ideas and method of inner cleaniness.

Suspect a few lads here are familiar with this method, so to speak.

:D

Brendan Bendar · 29-10-2020 11:37am

Bartyman wrote: »

Indeed Breno,

Five lads from Ballyfermot, two week trip, boat and train, no internet, mobile phones or credit cards, half the lads here wouldn't have made it beyond Heuston Station.

Gained valuable information we were able to pass to "Joxer" and the lads for Euro 88.

Meanwhile back in Ireland, lads were getting the clerical version from "Father Andrews", who had his own ideas and method of inner cleaniness.

Suspect a few lads here are familiar with this method, so to speak. :D

Aaah nice one B, no doubt you trained them how to ‘set up camp’ ‘ circle the wagons’ and start a ‘sing song’.

Lad I knew was very proud of discovering he could open the tops of some post boxes over there.

Stole nothing, but boasted of hosing several thin mists of loose midden, flecked with onions into at least three ‘units’ on ‘strasses’ near his base,at various intervals.

Quit when he noticed increased police presence on the streets in the vicinity, decided not to tangle with the rozzers o er there.

Arthur Fent · 29-10-2020 4:43pm

Over indulged yesterday. Had a lovely curry. Then later on, worked my way through a rake of monkey nuts and 7 bottles of German beer. The guts were gurgling and churning when I went to bed. So I knew I was in for trouble. Woke up around 4am in a sweat with awful pressure on the ring piece. Fell out of bed in my haste and scrambled my way out to the jacks on the landing. Barely had the jocks down and arse in position over the pan, when the hole gave way and hell was unleased. Released what felt like gallons of hot semi solid, giving way to increasingly liquid midden. The fent was was eye watering and sickly. Each time I thought it was over, there'd be another eruption. Eventually it calmed down and I must have passed out for a few mins with my face against the cool tiles. On inspection, the scene of horrors was enough to make me gag. Like lumpy chicken soup, splatter all up the pan. The paperwork was terribly messy. Took 3 flushes to get rid of it. Half a bottle of forest fruits air freshener to dampen the stench. Needless to say, I collapsed into the pit a drained man.

Hotblack Desiato · 29-10-2020 5:13pm

Bartyman wrote: »

Gained valuable information we were able to pass to "Joxer" and the lads for Euro 88.

Bring loads of 5p coins

And don't run out of shít tickets when the shops are on half-day closing. Had to liberate some from the U-bahn jacks. That was over 30 years ago now so I think the statute of limitations has run out.

Lewis_Benson · 29-10-2020 9:41pm

I've picked up some sort of bug, thankfully not sars cov 2, but it messing with my "movements".

Just spurted out a spray of buttery scour, it stank like an auld piece of beef which has sat out in the sun all day, imagine a muck spreader out covering a field, you get the idea.

Had a Tai Yellow curry this evening to try clear the nostrils out and because why not, curries are lovely.
I fear however, that it's not just the nostrils which are going to get a clearing out.

Trouser Snake · 29-10-2020 10:54pm

Had an unusual one myself there earlier, a tale of two halves. Nice oozey start flowing like an icing bag you'd see on one of those reality bake off shows.
Lovely pasty consistency all was right with the world. Shifted the weight sidewards to leave out a crunchy fart and that's where it went wrong.
In hindsight I probably blew the trumpet a bit too urgently cause what sprayed the cistern down below was like what you'd get on the rocks in Salthill when the tide is out, lots of brown and yallow baby limpets clung in no pattern at all to the sides.
Really weird, not sure about it at all.
I felt great after it mind, so no bad thing in the general run of the day.

sligojoek · 30-10-2020 3:32am

Which of ye posed for this?

My poor wife this morning.

credit to the site where I found them

https://b3ta.com/challenge/horrorbooks/

Slideways · 30-10-2020 7:22am

First proper hot day here and seeing as I was at a loose end I took to the beach.

Had a coffee before leaving the house and as I had already dropped the Cosby’s off I figured I was safe.

Beach was heaving and I was out enjoying the surf when I got a properly obnoxious cramp, right by my tail bone. This turd was not for waiting. No way would I make it all the way up the scorching hot sand in my bare feet to get to the changing rooms. All I could do was pull the shorts to one side and when’s big wave came through, loosened the meat button and out she slid like a depth charge. Luckily it wasn’t a floater. Quick swipe with the hand to check for any tailgaters and then I made an exit in case some spotty little ****er with a snorkel found the brown snake on the sea bed.

Brendan Bendar · 30-10-2020 7:54am

Slideways wrote: »

First proper hot day here and seeing as I was at a loose end I took to the beach.

Had a coffee before leaving the house and as I had already dropped the Cosby’s off I figured I was safe.

Beach was heaving and I was out enjoying the surf when I got a properly obnoxious cramp, right by my tail bone. This turd was not for waiting. No way would I make it all the way up the scorching hot sand in my bare feet to get to the changing rooms. All I could do was pull the shorts to one side and when’s big wave came through, loosened the meat button and out she slid like a depth charge. Luckily it wasn’t a floater. Quick swipe with the hand to check for any tailgaters and then I made an exit in case some spotty little ****er with a snorkel found the brown snake on the sea bed.

Excellent handling of a diffult issue, lad.

Avadacov · 30-10-2020 9:33am

Any advices for an incredibly itchy badge?

My routine is all out of whack with the working from home lark, mixed with some stress, resulting in very skittery and frequent deposits (usually with a Teams call due in 5 minutes time). This frequent wiping caused a bit of a sore ring, so I applied some Anusol to the area. My skin seems to have had some sort of reaction to the cream... Its one of those itches that causes your body to freeze and you can't think of anything else, only that you need to deeply scratch it like a dog with fleas. Very satisfying but highly uncomfortable.
Slathered on some Sudocrem on last night in a bit of a panic which seems to have helped somewhat, but feel like a more appropriate salve is needed...

Necro · 30-10-2020 9:34am

Mod:

Pintman Paddy Losty can now post in the thread again.

Slideways · 30-10-2020 9:50am

Avadacov wrote: »

Any advices for an incredibly itchy badge?

My routine is all out of whack with the working from home lark, mixed with some stress, resulting in very skittery and frequent deposits (usually with a Teams call due in 5 minutes time). This frequent wiping caused a bit of a sore ring, so I applied some Anusol to the area. My skin seems to have had some sort of reaction to the cream... Its one of those itches that causes your body to freeze and you can't think of anything else, only that you need to deeply scratch it like a dog with fleas. Very satisfying but highly uncomfortable.
Slathered on some Sudocrem on last night in a bit of a panic which seems to have helped somewhat, but feel like a more appropriate salve is needed...

Some deepheat on a cotton bud and with a gentle clockwise motion rub it in.

Get your OH to blow gently on the 18 spoker, should give you instantaneous relief

Brendan Bendar · 30-10-2020 9:54am

Necro wrote: »

Mod:

Pintman Paddy Losty can now post in the thread again.

Good call Necro, top class.

The boy Losty apparently was badly bound and needed a feed of barm brack to ‘shift the load’.

Was getting a bit of ‘jyppe’ from certain quarters too.

Good call...well done

Slideways · 30-10-2020 10:00am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good call Necro, top class.

The boy Losty apparently was badly bound and needed a feed of barm brack to ‘shift the load’.

Was getting a bit of ‘jyppe’ from certain quarters too.

Good call...well done

Nobody, and I mean nobody, likes a brown nose Brenner.

Heard they used to call you ankles back in your school days as whenever Brother Proinsias would walk by all they could see was your two feet hanging out of his arsehole

Hector Savage · 30-10-2020 10:18am

Spare a thought for the poor Pintman, his "Golfing" trips are on hold cos of this Covid ****e .... and even when thats over, it would be a risky business ....

Nevin Parsnipp · 30-10-2020 10:38am

Losty had the nerve to imply that I had some part in his banning.....that was way out of order and frankly disturbing.

Told the lad I would give him "the side of the shovel" if he persisted........seems to have quietened him down...

Vile attack on a respected poster so it was ...had to be confronted .....

Brendan Bendar · 30-10-2020 10:45am

Lookit, not a good idea to go down this road, shouldn’t have responded.

I’m going to bang-box to blow out a loaf of arse-meat, and flush the pipes.

Let bye-gones be bye-gones.

EmmetSpiceland · 30-10-2020 10:45am

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Losty had the nerve to imply that I had some part in his banning.....that was way out of order and frankly disturbing.

Told the lad I would give him "the side of the shovel" if he persisted........seems to have quietened him down...

Vile attack on a respected poster so it was ...had to be confronted .....

That’s the typical reaction you get from a Tier 3 poster who’s gotten themselves in a spot of “bother”, N.

If I’m being honest, I think he could have done with another couple of weeks in the “cooler”. You know, drag the thread out of the gutter and get back to what it’s all about, the lavatorial experience.

Ted_YNWA · 30-10-2020 10:52am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good call Necro, top class.

The boy Losty apparently was badly bound and needed a feed of barm brack to ‘shift the load’.

Was getting a bit of ‘jyppe’ from certain quarters too.

Good call...well done

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Losty had the nerve to imply that I had some part in his banning.....that was way out of order and frankly disturbing.

Told the lad I would give him "the side of the shovel" if he persisted........seems to have quietened him down...

Vile attack on a respected poster so it was ...had to be confronted .....

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That’s the typical reaction you get from a Tier 3 poster who’s gotten themselves in a spot of “bother”, N.

If I’m being honest, I think he could have done with another couple of weeks in the “cooler”. You know, drag the thread out of the gutter and get back to what it’s all about, the lavatorial experience.

Don't take advantage of mod good nature of letting a banned poster back in.

Drop these idiotic personal digs.

partyguinness · 30-10-2020 11:08am

I will tell you what is breach of etiquette as I just had it...fcukers who leave the inner cardboard tube hanging there with only one piece of paper glued to it.

Just dropped a very satisfying depth charge...must have have been a good 10-12 inches where it was well into the basin while still being piped out but only to turn my head to see one measly sheet of paper on the tube...and nothing else.

Thankfully the one sheet was enough as it was as clean as a whistle. In fact I went back and double wiped just be sure. Got away with it on this occasion.

Arthur Fent · 30-10-2020 12:54pm

partyguinness wrote: »

I will tell you what is breach of etiquette as I just had it...fcukers who leave the inner cardboard tube hanging there with only one piece of paper glued to it.

Just dropped a very satisfying depth charge...must have have been a good 10-12 inches where it was well into the basin while still being piped out but only to turn my head to see one measly sheet of paper on the tube...and nothing else.

Thankfully the one sheet was enough as it was as clean as a whistle. In fact I went back and double wiped just be sure. Got away with it on this occasion.

Sweating like you were playing Russian roulette id say. The relief when the sheet came back clean must have been amazing ! Filthy swine leaving the trap like that. Not a thought for anyone but themselves.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 30-10-2020 2:12pm

Ted_YNWA wrote: »

Don't take advantage of mod good nature of letting a banned poster back in.

Drop these idiotic personal digs.

Fair play Ted. Between yourself and Necro, you're a pair of top class moderators. Firm, but fair. Can't ask for better.

I'll rise above the childish taunts. Be the bigger man as usual.

Anyway, back on topic, I've been drinking plenty of tins of Arthurs magical medicine since Uncle Tony H closed down the boozers. Lorrying the stuff in to me. It's certainly thinner than the pub pint, and tends to warm quicker. But overall a decent taste.

Different story on the other end. Produces huge amounts of gas. I'm on the can several times before 10am the next morning. Farts that sound tinny, same sound quality like the announcement over the intercom on Irish rail. Crackly with a distinctly bogger tone. Blasting out these powerful crackly farts which propel little flecks of thick black lumps hard against the porcelain followed by a diluge of soft black sh1te.

Serious amounts of clean up both from the paperwork side and the vigorous brush work on the ball.

Will pick up 8 more cans this evening.

hurikane · 30-10-2020 3:15pm

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Fair play Ted. Between yourself and Necro, you're a pair of top class moderators. Firm, but fair. Can't ask for better.

I'll rise above the childish taunts. Be the bigger man as usual.

Anyway, back on topic, I've been drinking plenty of tins of Arthurs magical medicine since Uncle Tony H closed down the boozers. Lorrying the stuff in to me. It's certainly thinner than the pub pint, and tends to warm quicker. But overall a decent taste.

Different story on the other end. Produces huge amounts of gas. I'm on the can several times before 10am the next morning. Farts that sound tinny, same sound quality like the announcement over the intercom on Irish rail. Crackly with a distinctly bogger tone. Blasting out these powerful crackly farts which propel little flecks of thick black lumps hard against the porcelain followed by a diluge of soft black sh1te.

Serious amounts of clean up both from the paperwork side and the vigorous brush work on the ball.

Will pick up 8 more cans this evening.

Disappointed, thought you would have kept a diary and posted all updates together.

Slideways · 30-10-2020 3:29pm

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Fair play Ted. Between yourself and Necro, you're a pair of top class moderators. Firm, but fair. Can't ask for better.

I'll rise above the childish taunts. Be the bigger man as usual.

Anyway, back on topic, I've been drinking plenty of tins of Arthurs magical medicine since Uncle Tony H closed down the boozers. Lorrying the stuff in to me. It's certainly thinner than the pub pint, and tends to warm quicker. But overall a decent taste.

Different story on the other end. Produces huge amounts of gas. I'm on the can several times before 10am the next morning. Farts that sound tinny, same sound quality like the announcement over the intercom on Irish rail. Crackly with a distinctly bogger tone. Blasting out these powerful crackly farts which propel little flecks of thick black lumps hard against the porcelain followed by a diluge of soft black sh1te.

Serious amounts of clean up both from the paperwork side and the vigorous brush work on the ball.

Will pick up 8 more cans this evening.

I hear on the wireless that the cans are now 470ml with no widget, what’s your thoughts on that Paddy?

Hotblack Desiato · 30-10-2020 3:30pm

It is essential goods, after all

You won't be having a "firm but fair" movement any time soon at this rate though.

What's the etiquette here??

Comments