What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar

sligojoek wrote: »

My own mother took issue with "Mansize" tissues back in the 80s. Thought they were a gimmick. The ould lad had a head cold shortly after and "evacuated" a good wad of snot into the new "feminine" brand she bought instead. "There's more snot in the palm of me hand than there is in the tissue. Don't ever buy them fcukin things again".

What was wrong with the underside of the tablecloth ?

Leave a good cargo of ‘wattle’ on her.

Or a good ‘hockle’ and leave a ‘taximans omelette’ outside the back door.

sligojoek

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

What was wrong with the underside of the tablecloth ?

Leave a good cargo of ‘wattle’ on her.

Or a good ‘hockle’ and leave a ‘taximans omelette’ outside the back door.

A Glasgow oyster.

Lewis_Benson

Struggling at the moment here lads.

A feed of chicken satay, fried rice, and salt and chilli ribs yesterday, washed down by a few bottle of peroni, and then a few cans of Guinness to top it off.... There seems to be some kind of blockage in the chute this morning...

Bullocks

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Struggling at the moment here lads.

A feed of chicken satay, fried rice, and salt and chilli ribs yesterday, washed down by a few bottle of peroni, and then a few cans of Guinness to top it off.... There seems to be some kind of blockage in the chute this morning...

Dehydrated I'd say, get a lock of electrolytes into you and like the boys said earlier a good glug of codliver oil. A few bursts of jumping jacks might wake up the bowel aswell.
Between one thing and another I had 7 or 8 eggs yesterday and I'm a bit stiff in the dung myself this morning but I'm not worried because I know when it moves it'll really move!

Slideways

Whenever I take a Donald Trump at home I always do a before and after stance on the scales. Make sure I don’t pee either so it’s good and accurate.

We have one right fancy scales, measures body fat and all that jazz, even gives you a trending graph.

Think my schyte weighing is messing with its metrics.

Dropped a nuclear sub off now, felt like it was coming out breached at first but it must have straightened as once it started to move it was effortless.

450g in case you were wondering

Hector Savage

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Was wondering how long it would be before some bound up spotty faced geek would be in here pronouncing that the most natural of human activities, an essential daily human bodily function, was somehow vile. Ignorant comment. Very ignorant.

Anyway, they don't pop by here too often so let's hope they piss orf out of here back to their Doritos and anime.

Dropped a very unpleasant bolus off this evening. Was very sticky. Sort of the consistency of peanut butter but a much darker richer colour. Like a dark burnt gravy colour but as I said, smooth peanut butter consistency.

Had bought cheap bogroll which ended up gettinh all torn up in the cleanup.

In fairness they were referring to some of the scat type fetish comments that were appearing - we don't like that kind of vile here .....

Thin line pintman .... thin thin line.

JohnnyFlash

Slideways wrote: »

450g in case you were wondering

That’s barely even a shïte, pal. Small man, small shïte.

I once bunted out a 2.6kg specimen after a very rough and heavy week over at the races in Cheltenham. Now that was a shįte.

Slideways

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

That’s barely even a shïte, pal. Small man, small shïte.

I once bunted out a 2.6kg specimen after a very rough and heavy week over at the races in Cheltenham. Now that was a shįte.

Or maybe it is because you are more shyte than man?

Hector Savage

Quite different movements over the last few weeks, some weeks ago I was in the habit of going for a nice stroll along the coast in the evenings, about 8KM there and back, and it really made me have good solid immensely satisfying sh1tes ... one of the bastards would have been perfect but unfortunately it broke as it coiled around the pan ... must have been a kilo in weight.. I wanted to take a pic of that python before sending it on it's merry way to the tratamiento de aguas residuales ...

This reminded me when I was a youngfella , we used to go out to Howth on a half day Wednesday on the DART, hike up to the summit and maybe on the way back down scale down to Lions head .....

That evening I'd take a massive solid dump and spent many hours reading a good Stephen King book on the throne ... memories!!


Last few days it's back to sludgey runny coffee sh1tes in the morning, feel lighter after each one and feel some stirrings now as I'm on my 2nd cup!!

Hector Savage

And with that I found this about Lions head ...

wow

https://www.dublininquirer.com/2017/04/12/the-story-of-lion-s-head


Great times ...

gerrybbadd

Thought some of ye may appreciate this visual representation of Poisedon's kiss

https://v.redd.it/0t9h64k2est51

Hector Savage

!! That is great, love the cheeky pat on the bollocks too!!

An Ri rua

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Never get stingy when it comes to the bog roll Paddy. Cushelle is the TP of choice at the moment in my gaff. Fairly robust, and deals with all consistencies with aplomb. No fear of tearing and "smudged" fingers afterwards.
I'm surprised we haven't got a survey going of the best TP on the thread yet to be honest.

Obviously, TP in your own abode as is your wont. But when in Rome, do as the Romans do, my friends. If your friend's wife or partner has hung a towel or a curtain, well ...I can tell you that they did not go to all that effort for the craic.
Indeed, with interior design and picture-perfect water closets these days, it's very likely that you get an ear bashing or even people speaking badly about you behind your back for disturbing the alignment of the hanging sheet and how it's perforated edge glances the radiator top if you catch sight of it (quickly) as you step into the horse stance position.
Some folk can be very Patrick Bergin about how the toilet paper hangs. B'é careful !!
Nó, use the accoutrements that were provided. Be they towel, curtain or even drying underwear on the rad (some families are frugal and make crazy use of the auld ragbag).

The thing is is to be diplomatic and do as the Romans do when in Rome.

Brendan Bendar

sligojoek wrote: »

A Glasgow oyster.

A gold watch..

EmmetSpiceland

An Ri rua wrote: »

Obviously, TP in your own abode as is your wont. But when in Rome, do as the Romans do, my friends. If your friend's wife or partner has hung a towel or a curtain, well ...I can tell you that they did not go to all that effort for the craic.
Indeed, with interior design and picture-perfect water closets these days, it's very likely that you get an ear bashing or even people speaking badly about you behind your back for disturbing the alignment of the hanging sheet and how it's perforated edge glances the radiator top if you catch sight of it (quickly) as you step into the horse stance position.
Some folk can be very Patrick Bergin about how the toilet paper hangs. B'é careful !!
Nó, use the accoutrements that were provided. Be they towel, curtain or even drying underwear on the rad (some families are frugal and make crazy use of the auld ragbag).

The thing is is to be diplomatic and do as the Romans do when in Rome.

Not going to lie, A, if I see the toilet hanging “wall side” I will take that roll off and set it to the right way.

Having hanging inside, paper near the wall, is just not acceptable.

An Ri rua

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Not going to lie, A, if I see the toilet hanging “wall side” I will take that roll off and set it to the right way.

Having hanging inside, paper near the wall, is just not acceptable.

Agreed. A Brennan Bros master touch. Turns many a B&B around. Simply by turning the TP around. That's how those brothers roll...
As any Hermeticist will attest: As above, so below, as below, so above. The toilet roll Fent Shui is all-important. The art of toileting is all about ritual. No different to Johnny Sexton or Rog taking the steps and the swipe before a conversion kick. Except hopefully without the silent respect of 50,000 watchers-on (though the relief can feel similar).
So that's it really. Step up, pull the trigger, wipe and then soak up the ambience of the winner's circle.

In fairness E, it should be said that things not as they should be is not a way to live or prosper. Or defecate in this instance. A sheet's breadth to wallside in the dark is the difference between a good job and that curse of modern life, bringing the work home with you. No, things must be to hand as it were.

An Ri rua

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Struggling at the moment here lads.

A feed of chicken satay, fried rice, and salt and chilli ribs yesterday, washed down by a few bottle of peroni, and then a few cans of Guinness to top it off.... There seems to be some kind of blockage in the chute this morning...

Not uncommon this type of year. A bird in the downpipe or chimney. Probably no need for the drain cleaning lads, maybe a bottle of compressed air released into the balloon knot could do the trick. If it makes a screeching, plaintive wail, you're on your own amigo. Just let it do it's worst and, when the gale abates, assess the damage.

Nevin Parsnipp

Indeed my friends...strange times...so they are.

Took a ramble down to my local...hoping the narky, chippy barman was not on dooty as gut was growling a tad.

He was ! Grunted when I politely ordered "A pint of your best porter landlord"....didnt seem to get the humour.

Fook him I thought as the gut rumble grew more insistant....just south of the gallon I had enough of his sour puss...excused myself from the company and headed for the traps.

Big boy brewin for sure ...I entered trap 3 and decided to "freestyle"....jox down...cheeks open and blew out a bladdery, fleshy gush of sour midden.....with a bang that would stretch a half grown African
Pi Dog.

Some of it hit the bowel but I was happy to note that the back wall and the cistern had a definate greenish / yellow glaze indicating a sucessful "freestyle"

Tidied up...and completed the gallon at the bar...before opining to Mr. Kranky that little Majda mite need extra cleaning material in the morning.....

sligojoek

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Indeed my friends...strange times...so they are.

Took a ramble down to my local...hoping the narky, chippy barman was not on dooty as gut was growling a tad.

He was ! Grunted when I politely ordered "A pint of your best porter landlord"....didnt seem to get the humour.

Fook him I thought as the gut rumble grew more insistant....just south of the gallon I had enough of his sour puss...excused myself from the company and headed for the traps.

Big boy brewin for sure ...I entered trap 3 and decided to "freestyle"....jox down...cheeks open and blew out a bladdery, fleshy gush of sour midden.....with a bang that would stretch a half grown African
Pi Dog.

Some of it hit the bowel but I was happy to note that the back wall and the cistern had a definate greenish / yellow glaze indicating a sucessful "freestyle"

Tidied up...and completed the gallon at the bar...before opining to Mr. Kranky that little Majda mite need extra cleaning material in the morning.....

What did poor Majda do to you?

Slideways

sligojoek wrote: »

What did poor Majda do to you?

Turned down his offer of a knee trembler in the disabled jacks for £2 coin he found in his man purse

perrito caliente

Sorry. How is it supposed the chilli seed got within the urethra? I'm a little slow on the uptake.

gerrybbadd

perrito caliente wrote: »

Sorry. How is it supposed the chilli seed got within the urethra? I'm a little slow on the uptake.

I'd imagine through delivery of "wavin pipe" to the anal pocket, where said seed was originally lodged, before becoming ensconced inside of the spunk spout

EmmetSpiceland

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I'd imagine through delivery of "wavin pipe" to the anal pocket, where said seed was originally lodged, before becoming ensconced inside of the spunk spout

That’s exactly it, G. The deviant was banging ladyboys, and more besides, while under the “guise” of a golfing trip with his buddies.

A very dangerous game he was playing too, going “bareback” with a professional. Do people still say “bareback” or is it all “raw dogging” now. Heard one of the younger lads at the club using that one. Never a good move in any part of the world, either way.

Can’t imagine it was much “fun” getting it taken out either.

Slideways

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That’s exactly it, G. The deviant was banging ladyboys, and more besides, while under the “guise” of a golfing trip with his buddies.

A very dangerous game he was playing too, going “bareback” with a professional. Do people still say “bareback” or is it all “raw dogging” now. Heard one of the younger lads at the club using that one. Never a good move in any part of the world, either way.

Can’t imagine it was much “fun” getting it taken out either.

Indeed Emmet. You always wrap before you wrap when it comes to ploughing young twinks.

Actually with a name like that, have you any connection to Mr Stagg?

easygoing39

Slideways wrote: »

Actually with a name like that, have you any connection to Mr Stagg?

He used to drink Stag,but had to switch to Guinness,as the Stag was tearing the hole out off him!!

EmmetSpiceland

Slideways wrote: »

Indeed Emmet. You always wrap before you wrap when it comes to ploughing young twinks.

Actually with a name like that, have you any connection to Mr Stagg?

What’s a “twink”? A ladyboy prostitute? I wouldn’t know anything about ploughing them, only what I’ve heard. Not my “scene”, jelly bean.

I do not, thank you very much, have any “connection”, party aside, to Deputy Stagg. So **** you.

partyguinness

Lads this thread has taken a dark turn.

IAMAMORON

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That’s exactly it, G. The deviant was banging ladyboys, and more besides, while under the “guise” of a golfing trip with his buddies.

A very dangerous game he was playing too, going “bareback” with a professional. Do people still say “bareback” or is it all “raw dogging” now. Heard one of the younger lads at the club using that one. Never a good move in any part of the world, either way.

Can’t imagine it was much “fun” getting it taken out either.

It is " Raw Dogg " with two g's Spice.

Also careful with spelling the action. When you say

" I rode her rotten on her mother's bed "

as opposed to

" I rode her red raw "

Totally different context, but you still use the past tense of the colloquial to ride someone.

I am not trying to drag sexual matters in here, but I am interjecting because I see it quite often when people use the differnet narratives of the verb to shight or the action of taking a shight. eg

I shít, he shíts, they shat all over the place.

Brendan Bendar

I’d be a bit of a grammar nazi mesel.

I hate it when a lad says “I just went down the lane and done a shït”

IAMAMORON

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I’d be a bit of a grammar nazi mesel.

I hate it when a lad says “I just went down the lane and done a shït”

Spot on Bren,

Anyone returning from the lane having coiled one out should really announce

" Ahh, that was A1 , I feel phucking brand new now "