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What's the etiquette here??

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    #3722
    Bobblehats
    Registered Users Posts: 4,707 ✭✭✭Bobblehats


    Tripe and onions the only foreign object in that scenario would be the phone itself. Roll up your damn sleeves


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    #3723
    Avadacov
    Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭Avadacov


    Sharp MZ700 wrote: »
    Just a heads up should you happen upon a "dirty foreigner" like that again, couple of taps with the top of the phone should see it break down and around the swan neck on flushing. Works best with an I phone they say.

    This thing was best left in the hands of the terrifying cleaning lady who was due in half an hour later. Very aggressive mopper and also shouts at you when the towel dispenser is empty. She did have a great laugh one day, however, when she found someone wiped poo on the toilet wall, clearly very amusing...

    One look from her would make 'the offender' bow under the water and send it to its watery grave.


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    #3724
    Sharp MZ700
    Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭Sharp MZ700


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    Would you recommend “wrapping” the phone first, S? I wouldn’t be tapping anything in a toilet bowl that I would later be putting up to my face.

    Wrap before you “tap”, as they say.

    Wouldn't bother tbh E, just a quick wipe on the big roll afterwards. Trying to make the best of the situation, can't stand double stacking. Especially if the seat is still warm. Eurgh.


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    #3725
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,112 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Stevieluvsye wrote: »
    You're off your fcuking rocker

    I’d have to agree with that assessment Mr S.


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    #3726
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Bullocks wrote: »
    Is she good looking Hector ?

    She's a lovely looking dolly burd!!

    ENDERS-Giulia.jpg


    and the buke ...

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gut-revised-expanded-Giulia-Enders/dp/1911344773/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3NYW20MEU47E5&keywords=gut+guilia+enders&qid=1574154427&sprefix=gut+gu%2Caps%2C153&sr=8-1


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    #3727
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    She's a lovely looking dolly burd!!

    ENDERS-Giulia.jpg


    and the buke ...

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gut-revised-expanded-Giulia-Enders/dp/1911344773/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3NYW20MEU47E5&keywords=gut+guilia+enders&qid=1574154427&sprefix=gut+gu%2Caps%2C153&sr=8-1

    Christmas present for the housemate sorted, hopefully informative for the filthy kernt.


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    #3728
    Sharp MZ700
    Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭Sharp MZ700


    I wouldn't push him too hard into polishing up his bathroom etiquette Nialler, could leave yourself exposed. Just sayin....


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    #3729
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Sharp MZ700 wrote: »
    I wouldn't push him too hard into polishing up his bathroom etiquette Nialler, could leave yourself exposed. Just sayin....

    If I could at least get him to open the window afterwards S, I'd be a happy camper. I endeavour to keep the throne at home the way I'd like to find it, clean and free of fent. It's not the work jax where you expect to find all manner of horrors. I'd just like this to be reciprocated is all.


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    #3730
    NeinNeinNein
    Registered Users Posts: 5,662 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    Sharp MZ700 wrote: »
    Just a heads up should you happen upon a "dirty foreigner" like that again, couple of taps with the top of the phone should see it break down and around the swan neck on flushing. Works best with an I phone they say.
    The old Motorolas with the slide out aerials proved excellent for this task. What truly sh*tty phones they were.


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    #3731
    Andreas77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 183 ✭✭Andreas77


    what a fine breed, what a saucy woman. A novelist with mischievous eyes and a pert, nasty little mouth.Let me tell you, I so admire these features in a female.
    I would ride that pony like a bucking bronco. I would give this beautiful novelist whiplash on her back She would never want for anything. I would do all the housework, I would cook her Sweet Fried Dough, Seasonal Dessert, Rice Pudding), I would mount and dismount at the click of her thumb, I would go down on on this lady from morning to noon with my longtongue, I would bath her in gentle sponges under the candlelight, with essential oils, my heart rate is racing,.


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    #3732
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Andreas77 wrote: »
    what a fine breed, what a saucy woman. A novelist with mischievous eyes and a pert, nasty little mouth.Let me tell you, I so admire these features in a female.
    I would ride that pony like a bucking bronco. I would give this beautiful novelist whiplash on her back She would never want for anything. I would do all the housework, I would cook her Sweet Fried Dough, Seasonal Dessert, Rice Pudding), I would mount and dismount at the click of her thumb, I would go down on on this lady from morning to noon with my longtongue, I would bath her in gentle sponges under the candlelight, with essential oils, my heart rate is racing,.
    I think you are in the wrong thread there lad.


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    #3733
    Sharp MZ700
    Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭Sharp MZ700


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    If I could at least get him to open the window afterwards S, I'd be a happy camper. I endeavour to keep the throne at home the way I'd like to find it, clean and free of fent. It's not the work jax where you expect to find all manner of horrors. I'd just like this to be reciprocated is all.

    Absolutely!
    I was coming from the" what kernt left that chocolate mousse in the bog?'" angle where you'd be inwardly ecstatic it was actually yourself... I used do it all the time, still do but she knows me too well at this stage.


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    #3734
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50469405
    Scientists create slippery toilet coating that stops poo sticking

    Researchers say the fresh water used to flush the world's toilets each day is six times Africa's total consumption
    Researchers in the US say they have created an ultra-slippery toilet coating that could help save vast quantities of water around the world.

    Scientists at Penn State University say the coating cuts the amount of water required to flush excrement by 90%.

    They say it also prevents bacteria from building up in toilet bowls and reduces associated odours.

    What a time to be alive!


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    #3735
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50469405



    What a time to be alive!

    Would like to see how it works under ‘real life workload’. Be sceptical enough that it would work as claimed if you were visiting it for the 4th time before noon and crop dusting the pan after a dozen pints and a feed of Pat McDonagh’s finest the night before.


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    #3736
    sligojoek
    Registered Users Posts: 25,420 ✭✭✭✭sligojoek


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I think you are in the wrong thread website there lad.

    Fixed that for you.


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    #3737
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,112 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50469405



    What a time to be alive!

    I wouldn’t pay any heed to US ‘toilet experts’ given the stupid pots full of water they have, with your nut purse semi-submerged and the ‘Little Drummer Boy’ up to his collar in floating detritus.

    No way sahib, I say, no way.


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    #3738
    NeinNeinNein
    Registered Users Posts: 5,662 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Would like to see how it works under ‘real life workload’. Be sceptical enough that it would work as claimed if you were visiting it for the 4th time before noon and crop dusting the pan after a dozen pints and a feed of Pat McDonagh’s finest the night before.
    Exactly, it needs reapplying after 50 flushes and is not urine proof.

    Back to work Boffins.

    Might send them a link to this thread.


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    #3739
    Andreas77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 183 ✭✭Andreas77


    Friends, any of you acquainted with the squatty potty? I will have an opportunity to try one shortly. You'd be surprised how many people made a secret online purchase of these, they say your posture is improved and excrement will flow through your body more directly. Also due to body and buttock positioning, your anus will be stretched open, meaning no smearing on inside of legs, less chance of haemorrhoids etc,.


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    #3740
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,112 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Andreas77 wrote: »
    Friends, any of you acquainted with the squatty potty? I will have an opportunity to try one shortly. You'd be surprised how many people made a secret online purchase of these, they say your posture is improved and excrement will flow through your body more directly. Also due to body and buttock positioning, your anus will be stretched open, meaning no smearing on inside of legs, less chance of haemorrhoids etc,.

    Well acquainted with that unit,pal.

    What you say is quite correct,as a good spraying of ‘fortified stewing beef’ behind many a bush on a golf course can prove.

    One has to be very careful though as to use an aviation term,one can experience a ‘hot start’ as soon as you bend over and assume the position.

    Depending on the urgency there can be ‘uncontained breakout’ and spray the strides with rich viscous midden.


    There’s always a downside to everything, pal.


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    #3741
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Andreas77 wrote: »
    Friends, any of you acquainted with the squatty potty? I will have an opportunity to try one shortly. You'd be surprised how many people made a secret online purchase of these, they say your posture is improved and excrement will flow through your body more directly. Also due to body and buttock positioning, your anus will be stretched open, meaning no smearing on inside of legs, less chance of haemorrhoids etc,.

    Jesus when has this ever happened using a traditional toilet? Have you been out the back squatting in a field, you filty kernt?


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    #3742
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,112 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    Jesus when has this ever happened using a traditional toilet? Have you been out the back squatting in a field, you filty kernt?

    Obviously has an arse like circus tent Gerry.

    Has to squat to get separation between the greasy cheeks

    Arse cheeks bunched together on a normal pan, like squeezing toothpaste

    Kernt then probably ‘saws’ the clagg off with a bath towel.

    Filthy kernt.


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    #3743
    Scoundrel
    Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭Scoundrel


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Obviously has an arse like circus tent Gerry.

    Has to squat to get separation between the greasy cheeks

    Arse cheeks bunched together on a normal pan, like squeezing toothpaste

    Kernt then probably ‘saws’ the clagg off with a bath towel.

    Filthy kernt.

    Yeah i'd say he's like a grilled cheese sandwich down there.


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    #3744
    NeinNeinNein
    Registered Users Posts: 5,662 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    Scoundrel wrote: »
    Yeah i'd say he's like a grilled cheese sandwich down there.
    Hot?


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    #3745
    Scoundrel
    Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭Scoundrel


    NeinNeinNein wrote: »
    Hot?

    And sticky


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    #3746
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,112 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    NeinNeinNein wrote: »
    Hot?

    No!dry cheddar shavings on the outside with softer Three Counties on the inside.

    This lad can’t unload on a proper pan, this poster would opine.

    The ‘dhrop’ of flab and loose ‘hangings’ prevent smooth evacuation, I mean the load has to ease past a wall of flesh before ‘ breaking cloud’ hence the smearing problem.

    Not good, I say, not good.


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    #3747
    Andreas77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 183 ✭✭Andreas77


    I'm a squatter gerry, unable to spread my feet too far apart, so sometimes I got excrement on the inside of my legs. Is a crime?


    With the squatty potty I anticipate a change in style, reason being, your anus is stretched open and your spine is in the optimum position, I'll let you know how I get on
    .


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    #3748
    KWAG2019
    Closed Accounts Posts: 834 ✭✭✭KWAG2019


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    Jesus when has this ever happened using a traditional toilet? Have you been out the back squatting in a field, you filty kernt?

    I suspect this could be the buddy mentioned by Bullocks who frequents the cattle facilities. His, ahem, condition seems to have festered into something worse and probably having been banned from the slatted shed is now seeking similar relief into this regressive pot. This lad bears watching for signs of deterioration. He’s already going to pot.


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    #3749
    Nevin Parsnipp
    Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    Ah...I well remember back in the day ..on a camping holiday in France...blew out two full cheeks of arse butter in one of their foul smelling "squat toilets".

    No lock on the door and a rather posh British lady peeped in while I was "in the position" as it were ...she muttered an "excuse me" but it was lost in a thunderous gravelly fart that preceded an explosive evac.

    Have to say that despite the volume of sour shyte the arse cheeks and legs were untouched and minimal wiping was required.

    Something to think about....hmmmm.?


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    #3750
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,112 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »
    Ah...I well remember back in the day ..on a camping holiday in France...blew out two full cheeks of arse butter in one of their foul smelling "squat toilets".

    No lock on the door and a rather posh British lady peeped in while I was "in the position" as it were ...she muttered an "excuse me" but it was lost in a thunderous gravelly fart that preceded an explosive evac.

    Have to say that despite the volume of sour shyte the arse cheeks and legs were untouched and minimal wiping was required.

    Something to think about....hmmmm.?

    Hmmm .... surprised there wasn’t a bit of ‘speckle’ on backs of the calves Nevin.

    Exploded a loose round from a similar position ,thought I had gotten away unscathed till I checked the back of the strides.

    Looked like I had been hit with a volley of damp buckshot..... spread all over the back of the calves.... you could sew a button on the bang when I brought the strides to the dry cleaners.

    Auld one behind the counter nearly buckled at the knees.


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    #3751
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    KWAG2019 wrote: »
    I suspect this could be the buddy mentioned by Bullocks who frequents the cattle facilities. His, ahem, condition seems to have festered into something worse and probably having been banned from the slatted shed is now seeking similar relief into this regressive pot. This lad bears watching for signs of deterioration. He’s already going to pot.

    When squatting in the slats you could get streaking of the legs ,arms or neck from a cow on a good 18% nut .
    My buddy isn't deteriorating though , he was always rough . Used to get a great kick out of wizzing into the tray of the fag machine in CP's back in the day


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