Do dating 'leagues' exist?

Mickey_James · 15-12-2020 11:41pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

all the classics are taken by mid thirties , only micras left

It's true.

I swipe on tinder thinking "why are you single at 33 if you're a catch?"

Bad thought I know

FortuneChip · 15-12-2020 11:43pm

hynesie08 wrote: »

Leagues exist, but promotion is possible....

Aye, there's usually a way in the backdoor isn't there?

completedit · 15-12-2020 11:45pm

I don't want to share toxicity. To expand on my belief that leagues do exist we have to look at the facts. Look at the people who receive adoration, love, sex, compliments, attention, it will more often than not be someone who has either achieved success(to varying degrees) or has some level of beauty that society/biology has deemed to be worthy of recognition.
There's a reason why certain people will be able to swing from one relationship to the other, while other people wait and wait and nothing comes their way. Are we really to believe that these beautiful successful people are more capable of love than those who do not receive it? Because in my experience that's how it's been; the people who I wouldn't necessarily call the most kind or gentle or loving people were the ones in relationship. Conversely, there were loads of people who I would consider to possess those traits in loving relationships. But we know there are plenty of people who struggle to find love. I've always wondered why that is? Society tells us we must love ourselves but yet deeply unhappy people get into relationships. Unlikely they'll find true happiness in the relationship but do we ever find true happiness?

We have to accept the reality that life isn't fair. Some people, for no more than the luck of having the genes for a well shaped nose or the ability to kick leather around a field or strum a guitar or look sexy in a black dress will be better positioned to be received and embraced than someone else lacking the aforementioned qualities but the same set of inherent good sides and bad.

My attitude is this though; I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to. As I get older I'm more accepting of this. Before I used to think was I odd or wrong for thinking I needed to have to find someone attractive to want to be in a relationship with them. I don't feel anyone is better or worse than anyone; I have my own preferences that are uncontrollable. It's not like I want to be with every conventionally attractive women I see. Some while I think are pretty, I just don't have attraction to. It's anyone's guess why that is.

un5byh7sqpd2x0 · 16-12-2020 12:08am

FortuneChip wrote: »

Aye, there's usually a way in the backdoor isn't there?

Aye, plenty of preparation and she’ll let you in the back door.

Dial Hard · 16-12-2020 12:11am

Mickey_James wrote: »

It's true.

I swipe on tinder thinking "why are you single at 33 if you're a catch?"

Bad thought I know

I'm about to break one of my own rules and engage in gender/dating AH thread a) at all and b) in good faith. Here goes:

That's a very reductive thought process alright. I'm single in my late 30s through a combination of circumstance and choice.

I married in my 20s because I was head over heels in love with my ex. I never wanted children. I knew that, he knew that, everyone knew that. And all was good in the world for years. Unfortunately, he changed his mind and the inevitable happened.

Fast forward several years. I'm single at 38 and yes, I consider myself "a catch" (whatever that means). I'm fun, funny, fit, financially independent, emotionally independent. I have a good job, live in a nice gaff, drive a nice car and the only reason I'm "still" single is because I'm happy out and it will take a pretty special man to turn my head.

Not because I'm picky, not because I'm a princess, not because I'm looking for some unicorn-like creature who can tick a load of arbitrary boxes. I'm quite simply not particularly pushed or rushed and I've no interest in settling. If it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, it doesn't.

I married for love and it didn't work out. But I count myself incredibly lucky for having had that and it's more than many people get.

If I spend the rest of my life single, I will 100% be ok with that. An oul rattle would be nice, though.

JeffKenna · 16-12-2020 12:12am

A fella playing in the third division in his 20's can easily move up to a premiership player in his 30's. Works the opposite for women, a premiership player in her 20's falls down the leagues very quickly in her 30's/40's.

anewme · 16-12-2020 12:20am

JeffKenna wrote: »

A fella playing in the third division in his 20's can easily move up to a premiership player in his 30's. Works the opposite for women, a premiership player in her 20's falls down the leagues very quickly in her 30's/40's.

Why?

Mickey_James · 16-12-2020 12:21am

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'm about to break one of my own rules and engage in gender/dating AH thread a) at all and b) in good faith. Here goes:

That's a very reductive thought process alright. I'm single in my late 30s through a combination of circumstance and choice.

I married in my 20s because I was head over heels in love with my ex. I never wanted children. I knew that, he knew that, everyone knew that. And all was good in the world for years. Unfortunately, he changed his mind and the inevitable happened.

Fast forward several years. I'm single at 38 and yes, I consider myself "a catch" (whatever that means). I'm fun, funny, fit, financially independent, emotionally independent. I have a good job, live in a nice gaff, drive a nice car and the only reason I'm "still" single is because I'm happy out and it will take a pretty special man to turn my head.

Not because I'm picky, not because I'm a princess, not because I'm looking for some unicorn-like creature who can tick a load of arbitrary boxes. I'm quite simply not particularly pushed or rushed and I've no interest in settling. If it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, it doesn't.

I married for love and it didn't work out. But I count myself incredibly lucky for having had that and it's more than many people get.

If I spend the rest of my life single, I will 100% be ok with that. An oul rattle would be nice, though.

PM me! haha

Idbatterim · 16-12-2020 12:23am

anewme wrote: »

Why?

Start clearing your inbox

Snails pace · 16-12-2020 12:28am

JeffKenna wrote: »

A fella playing in the third division in his 20's can easily move up to a premiership player in his 30's. Works the opposite for women, a premiership player in her 20's falls down the leagues very quickly in her 30's/40's.

I agree with this. I'm in my mid 20's and in a great relationship. However I have seen girls who were in the premiership league in their early 20's slide way down the rankings by their late 20's. I'm not basing it totally on looks or appearance, I'm factoring in everything else in their life. This also happens fellas too.

Sonic the Shaghog · 16-12-2020 12:36am

Dial Hard wrote: »

I have a good job, live in a nice gaff, drive a nice car and the only reason I'm "still" single is because I'm happy out and it will take a pretty special man to turn my head.

Nothing to do with you at all, just it's something I hear lots of women mention when moaning they can't get a fella and it reminded me.

Am I the only man that doesn't think one iota of the above? The fit, funny etc stuff is the important but I don't think I know a single fella that places any importance on a whether a woman has good job, nice car or nice house? I couldn't care less whether they were a cleaner living in a council house. I can understand if say they are unemployed by choice or something

Just curious on other lads here if the above is important to them

Like I'd actually be more wary of someone that was attracted to such stuff. Like your one recession away from losing all that and then where does that leave you with said partner? Or say if your nice things came from a ridiculously stressful high pay job that you needed to leave for mental or physical health reasons and take a lower job. Or maybe you just ended up hating it and wanted to switch to lower paying career that you were more passionate about and it meant that Audi has to be swapped for a Yaris and the nice house needs to be sold for smaller one

JeffKenna · 16-12-2020 12:40am

anewme wrote: »

Why?

Soccer is a strange game.

Strumms · 16-12-2020 12:47am

I’ve seen average looking women with decent / good looking guys but the opposite tends to be quite rare..

Mickey_James · 16-12-2020 12:48am

anewme wrote: »

Why?

Suppose it's like the in play betting in football!

The young man is like Sunderland and the young woman is like Barcelona. At the start of the game Barcelona are odds on favourite, 90 minutes to go, the ball is in their court. Barcelona are fancied by everyone and Sunderland have no chance of getting anything.

As the game goes on, no one has scored (man and woman are still single). The odds go higher for the lady and shorter for the man. Entering the 90th minute, still no score and the woman is now in desperate need of a goal (man to have baby with). Barcelonas odds are now very much against them while Sunderland are odds on to get something.

Women often go for older men, so men in their 30s have more, further in their career, house etc so the women can get all that aswell.

Mickey_James · 16-12-2020 12:50am

Sonic the Shaghog wrote: »

Nothing to do with you at all, just it's something I hear lots of women mention when moaning they can't get a fella and it reminded me.

Am I the only man that doesn't think one iota of the above? The fit, funny etc stuff is the important but I don't think I know a single fella that places any importance on a whether a woman has good job, nice car or nice house? I couldn't care less whether they were a cleaner living in a council house. I can understand if say they are unemployed by choice or something

Just curious on other lads here if the above is important to them

Like I'd actually be more wary of someone that was attracted to such stuff. Like your one recession away from losing all that and then where does that leave you with said partner? Or say if your nice things came from a ridiculously stressful high pay job that you needed to leave for mental or physical health reasons and take a lower job. Or maybe you just ended up hating it and wanted to switch to lower paying career that you were more passionate about and it meant that Audi has to be swapped for a Yaris and the nice house needs to be sold for smaller one

I'm single and haven't been in a relationship but if I was looking for someone for a serious relationship, it might make me feel like I have to pay for everything. That's the kinda person I am. Same with the car, I'd feel like I'd have to bring them everywhere.

Dial Hard · 16-12-2020 12:56am

Sonic the Shaghog wrote: »

Nothing to do with you at all, just it's something I hear lots of women mention when moaning they can't get a fella and it reminded me.

Am I the only man that doesn't think one iota of the above? The fit, funny etc stuff is the important but I don't think I know a single fella that places any importance on a whether a woman has good job, nice car or nice house? I couldn't care less whether they were a cleaner living in a council house. I can understand if say they are unemployed by choice or something

Just curious on other lads here if the above is important to them

Likewise, this isn't aimed at you but there seems to be virtually no middle ground on these threads between "lazy, gold-digging bitches who never worked a day in their life and just churned out kids for the social" and "uppity 'Independent Wimmin' who want a gold medal for having their own money, the ball breakers".

It's a lil bit exhausting, I'm not going to lie.

Hamachi · 16-12-2020 12:57am

Dial Hard wrote: »

I married in my 20s because I was head over heels in love with my ex. I never wanted children. I knew that, he knew that, everyone knew that. And all was good in the world for years. Unfortunately, he changed his mind and the inevitable happened.

Fast forward several years. I'm single at 38 and yes, I consider myself "a catch" (whatever that means). I'm fun, funny, fit, financially independent, emotionally independent. I have a good job, live in a nice gaff, drive a nice car and the only reason I'm "still" single is because I'm happy out and it will take a pretty special man to turn my head.

Not because I'm picky, not because I'm a princess, not because I'm looking for some unicorn-like creature who can tick a load of arbitrary boxes. I'm quite simply not particularly pushed or rushed and I've no interest in settling. If it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, it doesn't.

Fair play to you. That’s an incredibly healthy attitude to being single. You sound like a very together person who knows exactly what you want and where your life is going.

Hope you don’t mind me saying this, but being 100% certain that children are not on the agenda is going to be a major roadblock for a huge number of men in their 30s and 40s. When I was in my 20s, most of my mates were ambivalent about children. However, as we’ve moved through our 30s, all except one of our group has married and procreated. The last man standing recently got engaged and will likely navigate this path pretty soon.

I’ve seen threads on Boards before where a significant number of people are opposed to having children. The reality is though that a huge majority of men and women have that primal, biological urge to procreate.

Please note that is in no way a criticism of you. Like I said, your attitude is really admirable and a lot of God-awful relationships would be avoided if more people were capable of your independence of thought and spirit.

BorneTobyWilde · 16-12-2020 1:05am

It does happen,

All madly in love and married.

JeffKenna · 16-12-2020 1:18am

Dial Hard wrote: »

Likewise, this isn't aimed at you but there seems to be virtually no middle ground on these threads between "lazy, gold-digging bitches who never worked a day in their life and just churned out kids for the social" and "uppity 'Independent Wimmin' who want a gold medal for having their own money, the ball breakers".

It's a lil bit exhausting, I'm not going to lie.

I would have thought both of those subsets of women were in the minority. Its only because they stand out for different reasons gets them noticed. Vast majority of women fall in between those two categories.

Mad_maxx · 16-12-2020 10:03am

Ever watch " Our Yorkshire Farm " on chanell 5 ?

Reality serial about sheep farmers with eleven kids in the middle of nowhere in Yorkshire, she's a 6 ft t 1 model league beauty, he looks like a nerf herder who chewbaca might hang out with

anewme · 16-12-2020 10:21am

Mickey_James wrote: »

Suppose it's like the in play betting in football!

The young man is like Sunderland and the young woman is like Barcelona. At the start of the game Barcelona are odds on favourite, 90 minutes to go, the ball is in their court. Barcelona are fancied by everyone and Sunderland have no chance of getting anything.

As the game goes on, no one has scored (man and woman are still single). The odds go higher for the lady and shorter for the man. Entering the 90th minute, still no score and the woman is now in desperate need of a goal (man to have baby with). Barcelonas odds are now very much against them while Sunderland are odds on to get something.

Women often go for older men, so men in their 30s have more, further in their career, house etc so the women can get all that aswell.

Would you not consider that women these days can get their own career house etc, so don't need to latch onto a man for that?

16-12-2020 10:27am

hynesie08 wrote: »

Leagues exist, but promotion is possible....

Nailed it. You'll always get the overachievers, like Greece winning the Euros in 2004, or Rod Stewart being with any of his girlfriends.

16-12-2020 10:37am

Mickey_James wrote: »

Suppose it's like the in play betting in football!

The young man is like Sunderland and the young woman is like Barcelona. At the start of the game Barcelona are odds on favourite, 90 minutes to go, the ball is in their court. Barcelona are fancied by everyone and Sunderland have no chance of getting anything.

As the game goes on, no one has scored (man and woman are still single). The odds go higher for the lady and shorter for the man. Entering the 90th minute, still no score and the woman is now in desperate need of a goal (man to have baby with). Barcelonas odds are now very much against them while Sunderland are odds on to get something.

Women often go for older men, so men in their 30s have more, further in their career, house etc so the women can get all that aswell.

Jaysus, that's as bad as Jeremy Corbyn's terrible football analogy in the last UK election. Brutal!

Ultrflat · 16-12-2020 10:45am

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

It does happen,

All madly in love and married.

She does not look like she even wants to be in that picture. I could be wrong but those eyes don't look like some one who is madly in love the Older woman looks like she almost see's her as a daughter. Its a creepy picture.

seamus · 16-12-2020 11:01am

If you're in the market for a quickie, then physical attraction is largely the be-all and end-all.

For relationships, it's less of an issue. As we find ourselves more fond of another person, their physical attractiveness to us tends to grow.

The reverse is also true. People who are clearly objectively attractive can seem as sexually interesting as a wet towel if you don't like them as a person.

Money and attractiveness as factors in a relationship only matter as icebreakers, or if your criteria for a partner are very shallow.

If you're not physically a knockout (very few people are genuinely "ugly") and don't have overflowing pockets, then you need to work on your personality as your asset. Because long-term that's what'll get you a happy relationship with someone you want to fvck.

The 6'2" model with his own yacht might be able to bang a different airhead every week, but when he gets into his fifties he'll be a lonely old man surrounded by women half his age that he can't relate to.

Look even at Hugh Hefner. Infamous for his devotion to free love and polyamoury, even in his older years he sought a more sedate life with longer-term partners.
Even Hefner is an outsider in terms of rich men and their trophy wives. Most of them are more like Trump. Married to women who are basically prostitutes that hate their guts.

Thelonious Monk · 16-12-2020 11:06am

I think normal people tend to just attract people of a similar grade of looks no? That changes if you become rich and/or famous though. With myself I always felt like I'm most attracted to people in a similar league to myself, good looking, stays in good shape, but a little battle worn looking, and by no means perfect, that's what I'm talking about.

Wibbs · 16-12-2020 11:09am

Dial Hard wrote: »

Likewise, this isn't aimed at you but there seems to be virtually no middle ground on these threads between "lazy, gold-digging bitches who never worked a day in their life and just churned out kids for the social" and "uppity 'Independent Wimmin' who want a gold medal for having their own money, the ball breakers".

It's a lil bit exhausting, I'm not going to lie.

+1

And yep generally speaking leagues exist. There's a shedload of studies that show people overwhelmingly tend to pair up with "equal" in attractiveness. So if you get photos of couple ranked 1-10 in looks and jumble the pics up and get other people to match them up the 5's tend to be with the 5's the 8's with the 8's for the most part. Oddly people also tend to match up in facial proportions. So if you overlay photos of the men and women in the above, the ones that match more closely are more likely to be couples. We also seek out more different immune systems, which makes sense for the immune health of any kids in the mix.

Where things differ tends to be more on the men's side. Men can move up(and go down) the rankings more easily. Social "power" seems to be much of it. So money, renown, social status or lack of them impact their "rankings". With women not nearly so much. Like Sonic the Shaghog noted above; I don't think I know a single fella that places any importance on a whether a woman has good job, nice car or nice house? While some men would factor that sorta thing in, the above are generally way down the list of yay/nay in attractiveness and it's much more about looks. Even emotional stability can be down the list. How many men go out with complete headmelts but stick around because she's better looking?

The same "power" factors would be far more in play for women. So if you see a good looking bloke with a woman who isn't the easiest on the eye chances are he's down on those factors so they still match up in overall attractiveness. Similar at play going the other direction with a guy well hit with the ugly stick with a woman who's a big mad ride.And like the guys going with good looking headmelts because they're good looking there are also women going out with rich and powerful headmelts because they're rich and powerful.

Wibbs · 16-12-2020 11:24am

seamus wrote: »

Money and attractiveness as factors in a relationship only matter as icebreakers, or if your criteria for a partner are very shallow.

Then it seems most people are shallow as they overwhelmingly tend to go for their equals in attractiveness.

If you're not physically a knockout (very few people are genuinely "ugly") and don't have overflowing pockets, then you need to work on your personality as your asset. Because long-term that's what'll get you a happy relationship with someone you want to fvck.

That's true enough.

The 6'2" model with his own yacht might be able to bang a different airhead every week, but when he gets into his fifties he'll be a lonely old man surrounded by women half his age that he can't relate to.

Or he'll have far more choice than the 5'2" guy in a bedsit throughout his life including later in life. Whether he exercises that choice wisely in another matter. There are men who "do a George Clooney", sow their wild oats and then settle down in middle age with above average looking and younger women.

Even Hefner is an outsider in terms of rich men and their trophy wives. Most of them are more like Trump. Married to women who are basically prostitutes that hate their guts.

IMHO that's more of a wish fulfilment for some. That the rich guy with the good looking missus are both miserable. It works for the likes of Trump alright who is a thundering muppet regardless of his money and his wife who saw a very quick rise from rags to riches. I know two couples that are similar. Obviously on a smaller scale, but the guys are very well off and older than their partners who are well above average in looks and both couples are happy out and have been for donkey's years. One couple in particular garnered the same "she's only with him for his money/he's only with her because of her youth and looks" and yet they're in better shape relationship wise than most I know.

completedit · 16-12-2020 11:28am

Exactly. I think the reason those relationships are healthy because the couple are aware of what's happening. The women doesn't rely on the man for everything or expect him to be amazing/interesting etc. all the time. He makes good money, he works hard, provides a good life and of course being human will have other good sides that we don't know about.

It's not for everyone but some people are just more pragmatic. Being beautiful isn't a virtue and I think that's why it repulses people when they see a beautiful women with an ugly guy(again it's never ugly in the forever alone sense) because we equate beauty with all other good characteristics.

I think it's about finding the right balance between romantic love and real love. People write off romantic love but I think it has its place. However, it puts a lot of expectations on relationships and the other person.

Thelonious Monk · 16-12-2020 11:30am

Wibbs wrote: »

I don't think I know a single fella that places any importance on a whether a woman has good job, nice car or nice house?

The having your sh*t together thing is important for me at this stage of my life (I'm 40). I mean it's a good way to gauge if we're similar types of people or not, so I would place some importance on the good job, being settled down somewhat and being ok money wise. It makes things far easier if you're on a level playing field. Nothing turns me on quite like a lady with a good health insurance package either, drool.

Ultrflat · 16-12-2020 11:48am

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

The having your sh*t together thing is important for me at this stage of my life (I'm 40). I mean it's a good way to gauge if we're similar types of people or not, so I would place some importance on the good job, being settled down somewhat and being ok money wise. It makes things far easier if you're on a level playing field. Nothing turns me on quite like a lady with a good health insurance package either, drool.

I'm 39 and coming into that stage of my life, where I'm "supposed to have my **** together". I'm getting there, I feel I'm at place where I can achieve my goals and dreams. Before hand I wasn't ready.

I have great working ethics I will happily work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I don't feel a sense of urgency to go out and buy a house for 350,000.00 in a place I don't want to live in, or because that's what's expected. My home will be bought on my demands. It will be a home I want.

I would love to buy a studio apartment just so I have a place I can call home. Again its not viable for other reasons.

16-12-2020 1:15pm

Strange to see some posts assume this thread is an excuse to bash women. The idea of 'leagues' applies to both genders. I think they do exist but I've never personally encountered it. When I was single I liked who I liked. If they were far more attractive than me and didn't reciprocate I never felt it was because they thought I was 'out of their league'. Ever.

The ability to be in a healthy relationship is definitely curtailed if you aren't mentally healthy yourself. Yes there are plenty of people with serious issues in serious relationships but I wonder how functional those relationships are.

The single biggest barrier to being part of a secure and loving couple isn't how you look or your job or your car or where you live or how you speak. It is yourself. I've posted this before but how you feel towards yourself determines almost everything.

Mickey_James · 16-12-2020 1:32pm

anewme wrote: »

Would you not consider that women these days can get their own career house etc, so don't need to latch onto a man for that?

I think women are far more gullible to fantasy. It's mostly women putting ****e up on facebook playing the fake happy family, perfect life type.

I'm part of a self build group on facebook and it's mad the amount of women who have notions. The hubby doing all the work and yer wan setting up insta accounts to share progress and bull****.

anewme · 16-12-2020 1:53pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Strange to see some posts assume this thread is an excuse to bash women.

Mickey_James wrote: »

I think women are far more gullible to fantasy. It's mostly women putting ****e up on facebook playing the fake happy family, perfect life type.

I'm part of a self build group on facebook and it's mad the amount of women who have notions. The hubby doing all the work and yer wan setting up insta accounts to share progress and bull****.

Indeed.

Surreptitious · 16-12-2020 2:05pm

anewme wrote: »

Indeed.

Yourman seems to have registered just to spout this crack in the thread.

16-12-2020 2:06pm

I think the matter of "leagues" is only relevant when you're lacking the skills, experience, and self-confidence to deal with your desired gender. When you're young, you simply don't appreciate your interactions with others, worrying about the wrong things, entirely self-obsessed with weaknesses, or whatever is missing.

As time goes by, and more importantly, with experience, you gain the experience to understand others. You start to appreciate the individuality of others, and realise that there is some crossover with behavior, so you can match behaviors to increase the opportunity for success. It's a process in learning and adaptation.

I don't consider any person to be "out of my league". Not now. I'm in my 40s and there are obstacles. Age difference can be a problem but generally isn't too much of an issue, even when dating women 20 years younger than me. There are sometimes issues with wealth expectations, appearance etc, but these are all concerns related to that individual, rather than men/women as a whole. Culture plays a major role in this but again it comes down to the individual.

The skill is in understanding what influences people, testing others to see how they've been influenced (or not), and adjusting your behavior to produce the desired result. I get turned down. It happens. Nobody is 100% successful regardless of their appearance, wealth, or whatever. They simply choose the environment that suits them.

If you go to a high class/expensive bar, then likely the people there will be more interested in monetary wealth as being a qualifier. If you go to a grunge/rock type bar, then appearance, and/or knowledge becomes more important. If you're aiming to meet others through random encounters, then appearance is hugely important, but the ability to create a comfortable connection comes next.

The point being that it's not about leagues. It's about your ability to adapt to the individual you have just met. Some people won't be interested regardless of the circumstances. That's life.

Oh, as for the older rich guy with the younger woman... I know quite a few people in that situation, and while some fit the stereotypes, it's mostly on the surface. What is seen in the public eye. What happens in private is usually far different. I know many such relationships where the glue that binds them is not money related, even though, externally, most would consider it to be so. I think that's mostly a projection of jealousy by others though.. less about reality, and more about what people want it to be. So they can justify to themselves the state of their own lives.

I'm in my mid-40s now, and I'm single. I love my life. I don't date as I used to. I meet women, form friendships, and sometimes they evolve into sexual relationships. I've finally come to understand that the "friend" zone is not what people make it out to be. Alas, I suspect this is something people need to learn for themselves, rather than be told.. because it's easier to excuse our mistakes, than to recognise we've placed ourselves in that situation.

16-12-2020 2:09pm

anewme wrote: »

Indeed.

Sure you'll always have those sorts.

anewme · 16-12-2020 2:24pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Sure you'll always have those sorts.

Yep and theres a fair few of those kind of attitudes, rather than a general discussion as here from some people.

There are a lot of...oh you wouldn't take me when I was in my twenties but now the tables have turned, ha ha ha ...kind of bitter type people and posts.

The reality is that most people have said, that people tend to gravitate towards people of similar attractiveness and social standing.

I also differ maybe in that I do believe income / lifestyle is an issue, for both men and women, especially as they get older and if they are still single, unless they are very wealthy, where money does not matter.

I'm comfortable enough for one person, but not enough for two, so would be looking for someone at the same kind of situation.
I'm a bit older, so maybe that's why.

Life can throw curve balls at you and people can lose their jobs, businesses, health etc and that's different, but I'm not sure I'd get involved with someone who was very boho for example (not sure if that makes sense) but we would have different values from the get go anyway

sbsquarepants · 16-12-2020 3:20pm

hynesie08 wrote: »

Leagues exist, but promotion is possible....

Promotion is the dream, the reality is i'm fighting relegation!

16-12-2020 3:45pm

You again.

EmmetSpiceland · 16-12-2020 3:50pm

Feel her breath on my face,
Her body close to me,
Can't look in her eyes...

16-12-2020 3:58pm

Nick Biddle wrote: »

What a lot of men don't realise is you don't need to be rich or have good looks to attract the most beautiful women.

Charisma and a man's behaviours can be far more powerful than looks and money. Women often say "there's just something about him". That doesn't come from nowhere, it comes from his charisma and behaviours.

The video below shows a dating coach discussing a video of himeself to his clients where he breaks down how he approached a woman who was with her Mother. It is educational and also quite amusing. I would encourage you to watch it.

A key lesson from the video is stop comparing yourself to other people, as a man, your job is to be yourself, express yourself, have fun and lead.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGELW0D3Fbs

*Furiously scribbles down PUA codology before post is removed*

RWCNT · 16-12-2020 4:00pm

Nick Biddle wrote: »

What a lot of men don't realise is you don't need to be rich or have good looks to attract the most beautiful women.

Charisma and a man's behaviours can be far more powerful than looks and money. Women often say "there's just something about him". That doesn't come from nowhere, it comes from his charisma and behaviours.

The video below shows a dating coach discussing a video of himeself to his clients where he breaks down how he approached a woman who was with her Mother. It is educational and also quite amusing. I would encourage you to watch it.

A key lesson from the video is stop comparing yourself to other people, as a man, your job is to be yourself, express yourself, have fun and lead.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGELW0D3Fbs

The thing about all these dating coaches/pick-up artist people that I can't get to grips with is that it's all about appearances and the approaching/attracting part. I mean, obviously, being charismatic and coming across as a positive/fun/interesting person is going to attract people - but if you want to actually build a meaningful relationship then you're going to actually have to BE an interesting/positive/fun person, which is going to take decidedly more work than learning some swish techniques from a bloke on youtube.

Regarding the idea of wealth attracting people - this is of course true to some extent. There are gold-diggers around and I've also seen what money troubles can do for a relationship and I often feel women (almost always seems to be women) are unfairly called gold diggers/shallow for not wanting to date someone on a very low income with no signs of improving that. Also - I feel a lot of people tend to point to someone's money as the reason they have an attractive partner. In my experience, it's much more often their traits which led them to getting the money that were the attraction - drive, vision, passion for a particular avenue. I know a lot of not great looking men with successful businesses and attractive partners - it's often assumed the partner turned up after the money, when in fact the opposite is the case.

Mad_maxx · 16-12-2020 4:09pm

seamus wrote: »

If you're in the market for a quickie, then physical attraction is largely the be-all and end-all.

For relationships, it's less of an issue. As we find ourselves more fond of another person, their physical attractiveness to us tends to grow.

The reverse is also true. People who are clearly objectively attractive can seem as sexually interesting as a wet towel if you don't like them as a person.

Money and attractiveness as factors in a relationship only matter as icebreakers, or if your criteria for a partner are very shallow.

If you're not physically a knockout (very few people are genuinely "ugly") and don't have overflowing pockets, then you need to work on your personality as your asset. Because long-term that's what'll get you a happy relationship with someone you want to fvck.

The 6'2" model with his own yacht might be able to bang a different airhead every week, but when he gets into his fifties he'll be a lonely old man surrounded by women half his age that he can't relate to.

Look even at Hugh Hefner. Infamous for his devotion to free love and polyamoury, even in his older years he sought a more sedate life with longer-term partners.
Even Hefner is an outsider in terms of rich men and their trophy wives. Most of them are more like Trump. Married to women who are basically prostitutes that hate their guts.

am i mistaken or did you just imply that Melania Trump is a prostitute ?

circadian · 16-12-2020 4:10pm

GarIT wrote: »

Different people value different things. So people only like attractive people, some people only like funny people.

There are also people who won't date people earning under certain incomes or in a different class to them.

I've certainly had people ghost or end the conversation when I've said I'm from Tallaght (you couldn't tell by talking to me)

Tallaght?! Welcome to my ignore list...

Thelonious Monk · 16-12-2020 4:18pm

I never got the point in these stupid dating coaches. You say all the right things to get their interest, maybe even sleep with them, until they eventually find out you're a spineless uninteresting fraud without the courage of your own convictions. At least you got laid though I suppose.

JeffKenna · 16-12-2020 4:20pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I never got the point in these stupid dating coaches. You say all the right things to get their interest, maybe even sleep with them, until they eventually find out your're a spineless fraud without the courage of your own convictions. At least you got laid though I suppose.

I always thought they worked just by the act of getting guys out talking to/hitting on girls.

16-12-2020 4:21pm

Real Social Dynamics. The successor to the Speed Seduction gig. Or the Seducation.Alt.Fast rubbish.

While there are minor nuggets of useful information to help understand women, and yourself, they're covered in piles upon piles of BS layered with NLP key words. Meh.

Keep it simple. Be honest with yourself and with your date. Don't be a dick. And don't compromise your values for sex. That's the only info you need to get started. It's not hard.. in spite of people thinking that it is...

I find people make the whole activity far more complicated/difficult than it needs to be... and then go looking for a messiah/guru to help them solve the problems, that they themselves created. And, Yes, I did the whole 9 yards of Speed Seduction, with Ross Jeffries, David D, Mystery, etc.. which is why I am saying it's over-complicated rubbish...

Nick Biddle, Just to add... pushing this crap on boards will have the thread shut down quick... Best avoid pushing this stuff, and be more circular with your discussion.

anewme · 16-12-2020 4:43pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I never got the point in these stupid dating coaches. You say all the right things to get their interest, maybe even sleep with them, until they eventually find out you're a spineless uninteresting fraud without the courage of your own convictions. At least you got laid though I suppose.

That crap does not work at all here. Seems to be an American theme.

There was one that someone put up here onetime and it was a weird guy coming up to and approaching women with all types of random creepy talk. It was so bad, it was cringey.

That one put up above is like one of those new adds on the TV and radio about stop sexual harrassment

If you approached the majority of Irish women like that, you'd have the Gardas called for stalking, or if I reference the Dublin Women accent thread, be belted over the head with something, and proper order.

Insect Overlord · 16-12-2020 4:51pm

How weird must one's life be if their primary obsession is trying to get strangers to have sex?

Do dating 'leagues' exist?

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