Do dating 'leagues' exist?

hynesie08 wrote: »

Leagues exist, but promotion is possible....

Nailed it. You'll always get the overachievers, like Greece winning the Euros in 2004, or Rod Stewart being with any of his girlfriends.

Strange to see some posts assume this thread is an excuse to bash women. The idea of 'leagues' applies to both genders. I think they do exist but I've never personally encountered it. When I was single I liked who I liked. If they were far more attractive than me and didn't reciprocate I never felt it was because they thought I was 'out of their league'. Ever.

The ability to be in a healthy relationship is definitely curtailed if you aren't mentally healthy yourself. Yes there are plenty of people with serious issues in serious relationships but I wonder how functional those relationships are.

The single biggest barrier to being part of a secure and loving couple isn't how you look or your job or your car or where you live or how you speak. It is yourself. I've posted this before but how you feel towards yourself determines almost everything.

I think the matter of "leagues" is only relevant when you're lacking the skills, experience, and self-confidence to deal with your desired gender. When you're young, you simply don't appreciate your interactions with others, worrying about the wrong things, entirely self-obsessed with weaknesses, or whatever is missing.

As time goes by, and more importantly, with experience, you gain the experience to understand others. You start to appreciate the individuality of others, and realise that there is some crossover with behavior, so you can match behaviors to increase the opportunity for success. It's a process in learning and adaptation.

I don't consider any person to be "out of my league". Not now. I'm in my 40s and there are obstacles. Age difference can be a problem but generally isn't too much of an issue, even when dating women 20 years younger than me. There are sometimes issues with wealth expectations, appearance etc, but these are all concerns related to that individual, rather than men/women as a whole. Culture plays a major role in this but again it comes down to the individual.

The skill is in understanding what influences people, testing others to see how they've been influenced (or not), and adjusting your behavior to produce the desired result. I get turned down. It happens. Nobody is 100% successful regardless of their appearance, wealth, or whatever. They simply choose the environment that suits them.

If you go to a high class/expensive bar, then likely the people there will be more interested in monetary wealth as being a qualifier. If you go to a grunge/rock type bar, then appearance, and/or knowledge becomes more important. If you're aiming to meet others through random encounters, then appearance is hugely important, but the ability to create a comfortable connection comes next.

The point being that it's not about leagues. It's about your ability to adapt to the individual you have just met. Some people won't be interested regardless of the circumstances. That's life.

Oh, as for the older rich guy with the younger woman... I know quite a few people in that situation, and while some fit the stereotypes, it's mostly on the surface. What is seen in the public eye. What happens in private is usually far different. I know many such relationships where the glue that binds them is not money related, even though, externally, most would consider it to be so. I think that's mostly a projection of jealousy by others though.. less about reality, and more about what people want it to be. So they can justify to themselves the state of their own lives.

I'm in my mid-40s now, and I'm single. I love my life. I don't date as I used to. I meet women, form friendships, and sometimes they evolve into sexual relationships. I've finally come to understand that the "friend" zone is not what people make it out to be. Alas, I suspect this is something people need to learn for themselves, rather than be told.. because it's easier to excuse our mistakes, than to recognise we've placed ourselves in that situation.

You again.