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20-09-2019, 18:57   #451
sportsfan90
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Originally Posted by partyguinness View Post
Oh man....this happened a few minutes ago.

I just sent an email to a Mr Whitely and I wrote 'Dear Mr ****ely'....bloody fat fingers.

Replace 'W' with 'S'
This reminds me of a typo I had before typing a t instead of a g. It wasn’t in work but in a college report.

I meant to say somebody was regarded as...

Instead I wrote he was retarded as....
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21-09-2019, 19:19   #452
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On the phantom ****er, there was cctv video doing the rounds of a older guy in a local hotel, he was walking from the reception area to the toilets and next thing a turd just falls out of his trousers leg, he sees it and stops, puts his hands up to his head and genuinely seems he is shocked and doesn't know what to do, of course he then just walks on.
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21-09-2019, 20:05   #453
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On the phantom ****er, there was cctv video doing the rounds of a older guy in a local hotel, he was walking from the reception area to the toilets and next thing a turd just falls out of his trousers leg, he sees it and stops, puts his hands up to his head and genuinely seems he is shocked and doesn't know what to do, of course he then just walks on.
There was a great thread here a couple of years ago about someone who did something similar except they walked it all the way through the hotel up to their room. It was at a wedding if memory serves.
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21-09-2019, 20:18   #454
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Originally Posted by earlytobed View Post
On the phantom crappers, I caught one when i was serving overseas with the army. Our platoon sergeant was giving out yards about the state of the jacks as there was regularly crap all over the seat, bowl etc.
I was entering trap 1 one day and met a local chap that used cook and clean the kitchen for us coming out.
Turns out it was a cultural thing, he used squat over the bowel and let fly (the local toilets were hole in the floor jobs)
I pointed out the error of his ways and that was an and to the matter.
Also army and overseas. On one trip we had an NCO who was too lazy to go to the jacks at night so he would piss out the window or crap in his jocks and throw it out the window. When the stench got too much he would detail someone to clean up his mess.

Currently in residential care where we do 24hr shifts. Everyone has their own bedding that would be left in a room. While working for one company we started finding used condoms discarded in people's bedding. Naturally the few guys who worked there were blamed. Things got very sour.

Turned out it was a female member of the team. She had tried it on with one of the guys, he rejected her. When she shacked up with someone else she would save their used johnnie's and bring them into work. All to try get someone into trouble. She stayed, the guy left.
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21-09-2019, 20:21   #455
A Tyrant Named Miltiades!
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Originally Posted by Snotty View Post
On the phantom ****er, there was cctv video doing the rounds of a older guy in a local hotel, he was walking from the reception area to the toilets and next thing a turd just falls out of his trousers leg, he sees it and stops, puts his hands up to his head and genuinely seems he is shocked and doesn't know what to do, of course he then just walks on.
Honestly though, what's the appropriate thing to do in that situation? They don't teach you that in Civics.

Alert a waitress? Ask for a shovel and a yard brush? I hope to God we never find ourselves in such a crisis. Enjoy your sphincters while you have them.
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21-09-2019, 21:11   #456
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Originally Posted by Conall Cernach View Post
There was a great thread here a couple of years ago about someone who did something similar except they walked it all the way through the hotel up to their room. It was at a wedding if memory serves.
I remember that. He got it all over the hallway and down the stairs and walls. The bride and groom had to pay a cleaning fee and also get him new clothes the next day. Instead of being mortified like a normal person, he just sat at the bar and had a few drinks. Some people really are shameless.
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21-09-2019, 21:14   #457
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Originally Posted by Snotty View Post
On the phantom ****er, there was cctv video doing the rounds of a older guy in a local hotel, he was walking from the reception area to the toilets and next thing a turd just falls out of his trousers leg, he sees it and stops, puts his hands up to his head and genuinely seems he is shocked and doesn't know what to do, of course he then just walks on.
He mustn't have been able to hold it in and it was in his jocks, while he tried to get to the toilet but the motion set it lose and the rest is immortalised in CCTV.

Thankfully I've never worked in a place with a phantom sh!tter. It's such a bizarre thing to do. There was a video doing the rounds recently enough where someone squatted down to take a dump, picked it up and threw it over the counter at an employee Wtf is wrong with people?
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21-09-2019, 21:52   #458
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Originally Posted by snoopsheep View Post
from call centre through supemarket through factory through civil service, every place had had phantom ****ters and the vast majority in the womens loos

even the supermarket customer loos were noticeably more prone to being filth in general as well as specifically targeted for crapbombing

fairer sex how are ya
Ya'all never on worked on building sites on Monday mornings.

If it wasn't a bum spud the size of a turnip being dropped off , it was a machine gun blast of Guinness scutter.
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21-09-2019, 22:00   #459
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Thing I could never understand is how do these dirt birds feel having to sit into or clean up others absolute sh1te...
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21-09-2019, 22:37   #460
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Thing I could never understand is how do these dirt birds feel having to sit into or clean up others absolute sh1te...
Sit into?

What are you talking about Punisher?

You can't mean something in the style.of the Scottish cairn/gravestack, where stone is piled on stone?

I won't be checking this thread until later in the weekend, so you may whistle that. I've a raspberry roulade waiting for me in the fridge and I can't stomach it on reading these latest epistles.
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23-09-2019, 11:43   #461
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Originally Posted by Paddy Cow View Post
He mustn't have been able to hold it in and it was in his jocks, while he tried to get to the toilet but the motion set it lose and the rest is immortalised in CCTV.

Thankfully I've never worked in a place with a phantom sh!tter. It's such a bizarre thing to do. There was a video doing the rounds recently enough where someone squatted down to take a dump, picked it up and threw it over the counter at an employee Wtf is wrong with people?
If you've never worked in a place with a phantom sh1tter then you are the phantom sh1tter
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23-09-2019, 13:29   #462
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It's funny that I've worked in two places already referenced in earlier posts and was working in each place during the time of its scandal....nothing to do with me though!

Worked in a place where a HR person created a fake employee so was getting two paychecks for themself each month...on finding out the firm couldn't face the embarrassment given the service they provide themselves so the person was quietly assisted off the grounds and no more was heard about it...
Fckin hell these stories making me feel like im part of the brady bunch. Is everyone out there on the take?
Why amnt i scoring meth off the boss and robbing pensioners cc details?
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23-09-2019, 13:35   #463
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Guy in my office went on a business trip to Vegas, turns out he used the company card on some hookers, the security team flagged the expense and when he arrived back to Ireland he was seen on CCTV going into the office and emptying his desk/drawer at work. Never seen him since.
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23-09-2019, 14:18   #464
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So I work for a multinational and an engineer had problems with his laptop. He left it in with the IT guys and low and behold the dirty bastard had plenty of pics of guys in the loo.
He took pictures form under and over the stalls. He was made resign and It was all Swept under the carpet as such.
Was having a barry as i read that.
Kind of paranoid now. Might go with the sitting down wipe.
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23-09-2019, 15:11   #465
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Was having a barry as i read that.
Kind of paranoid now. Might go with the sitting down wipe.
Which “technique” would you utilise for a “sitdown” wipe?

Slight lift of the cheek from the seat and the “reach back” with a wiping action of front to back?

Or would you plum for the old “down and under”? While this method seems to give the best “clean” you are leaving yourself wide open for instances of “pissy hand”, “stained barse”, or the dreaded “sac smear”. None are very pleasant but all are, very real, possibilities.

Apparently, an “unofficial” study on wiping technique showed it was almost 50:50 on whether one went with sitting or standing to wipe. The sit down style was then split into whether the user did a lean and “reach back” or the “down and under”.

My take on it would be that someone raised in a family of, predominantly, women would be more likely to go “down and under” but that’s just speculation.

Hope you got on ok.

Last edited by EmmetSpiceland; 23-09-2019 at 16:18.
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