Ghosted after a few good dates

Ubbquittious · 27-04-2021 2:16pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Hi thanks for your message. Actually have moved on so I have. In the last hour she has texted me but I am ignoring her. Lesson learnt not to give her a second chance

Really? What excuse did she have? I wonder how much effort she put into thinking of it. Did she hop on her brother's trawler that had a big electrical problem 50nm offshore, rendering all communication equipment useless?

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 2:16pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Hi thanks for your message. Actually have moved on so I have. In the last hour she has texted me but I am ignoring her. Lesson learnt not to give her a second chance

Good for you!

I’m sure it doesn’t matter what excuse she gave in the end, I assume there was one. That will teach her a lesson and let her know that not all men are puppies waiting to be walked all over.

JeffreyEpspeen · 27-04-2021 2:17pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Hi thanks for your message. Actually have moved on so I have. In the last hour she has texted me but I am ignoring her. Lesson learnt not to give her a second chance

I've read something remarkably similar to your story on a different forum. It sounds like she's playing games.

IDK what age you are, and in fairness, people shouldn't be meeting on Tinder during a pandemic where millions are dying, but if you're older than 18, it's probably best to avoid women who behave like this.

partyguinness · 27-04-2021 2:18pm

With this online dating lark that is why have it is important to have at 3-4 on the go. You have to factor in losses.

Jequ0n · 27-04-2021 2:22pm

JeffreyEpspeen wrote: »

I've read something remarkably similar to your story on a different forum. It sounds like she's playing games.

IDK what age you are, and in fairness, people shouldn't be meeting on Tinder during a pandemic where millions are dying, but if you're older than 18, it's probably best to avoid women who behave like this.

What does being over 18 have to do with it?

MayoSalmon · 27-04-2021 2:24pm

JeffreyEpspeen wrote: »

I've read something remarkably similar to your story on a different forum. It sounds like she's playing games.

IDK what age you are, and in fairness, people shouldn't be meeting on Tinder during a pandemic where millions are dying, but if you're older than 18, it's probably best to avoid women who behave like this.

:D:D:D

27-04-2021 2:27pm

murpho999 wrote: »

Why do people distinguish "online-dating"?

When you meet someone online and then meet them a few times then you are dating them and not online dating and I don't see then how things are any different to couples who meet through other methods.

Except women tend to have more options I suppose. In this case I bet she was dating non exclusively and found another guy.

take everything · 27-04-2021 2:28pm

JoChervil wrote: »

Or she just wants followers. After 10,000 you can earn proper money.

Just make an experiment. Unfollow her on IG. If she will be back, it will mean that she cared only about it.

Can't fathom why someone would still follow her Instagram after her behaviour.
I presume he's not following her.

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 2:38pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Except women tend to have more options I suppose. In this case I bet she was dating non exclusively and found another guy.

Ah both genders do this!
My guess is you are correct she connected with somebody else she liked more and when that guy shied away/dropped her she came crawling back to OP.
Fair enough if she had just gone a bit quiet - but to block somebody with no explanation or goodbye and then sail right back - unbelievable

Jafin · 27-04-2021 2:38pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

How do people cope when someone ghosts you? To be honest I’m a nervous wreck, not sleeping properly, not eating much and can’t focus at work. I’m stressed out and I would love to hear from her is all

Just wanted to highlight this part in particular because I've been there myself a couple of years ago. In my case the fella I went out with a few times got back with his ex and didn't tell me, just cut contact with me completely. I figured out what had happened after a couple of days, but that didn't make it any easier. I was the same as you, fell a bit too hard too fast and kept thinking I'd give him a second chance if he came back etc. I was quite angry for a while and it was keeping me up at night thinking about it, but as they say time heals all wounds and I got over it and learned from the experience.

Given how long the thread already is (I haven't read it all) I'm sure tons of people have said this already but just do your best to try and forget about the whole situation and move on. It will take time, especially if you felt there was a genuine connection/spark there, but it will happen. It's par for the course these days unfortunately.

Edit: Whoops, just read on the previous page that you said you have moved on, but that she has texted you in the meantime. Very curious, like others, to know what she said, unless you want to keep it private.

Topdolla · 27-04-2021 2:42pm

Jafin wrote: »

Just wanted to highlight this part in particular because I've been there myself a couple of years ago. In my case the fella I went out with a few times got back with his ex and didn't tell me, just cut contact with me completely. I figured out what had happened after a couple of days, but that didn't make it any easier. I was the same as you, fell a bit too hard too fast and kept thinking I'd give him a second chance if he came back etc. I was quite angry for a while and it was keeping me up at night thinking about it, but as they say time heals all wounds and I got over it and learned from the experience.

Given how long the thread already is (I haven't read it all) I'm sure tons of people have said this already but just do your best to try and forget about the whole situation and move on. It will take time, especially if you felt there was a genuine connection/spark there, but it will happen. It's par for the course these days unfortunately.

Edit: Whoops, just read on the previous page that you said you have moved on, but that she has texted you in the meantime. Very curious, like others, to know what she said, unless you want to keep it private.

ASL?

Jafin · 27-04-2021 2:43pm

Topdolla wrote: »

ASL?

Jesus I haven't heard that in about 20 years. :P

JeffreyEpspeen · 27-04-2021 2:43pm

take everything wrote: »

Can't fathom why someone would still follow her Instagram after her behaviour.
I presume he's not following her.

Isn't Instagram basically 95% pictures of women with abnormally large buttocks posting pictures of themselves squatting like they're about to drop a turd?

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 2:44pm

Bit odd that she only reached out after he unfollowed her on instagram...

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 2:44pm

Jafin wrote: »

Jesus I haven't heard that in about 20 years. :P

Wtf is ASL?

Jafin · 27-04-2021 2:45pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Wtf is ASL?

Age/Sex/Location. It used to be what you'd ask someone in a chat room back in the late 90s/early 00s.

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 2:46pm

Jafin wrote: »

Age/Sex/Location. It used to be what you'd ask someone in a chat room back in the late 90s/early 00s.

Thanks! Disappointed - thought it was going to be dirty...

Feisar · 27-04-2021 2:46pm

partyguinness wrote: »

With this online dating lark that is why have it is important to have at 3-4 on the go. You have to factor in losses.

Yea you'd want to have a few on the go so that a "ghost" hardly registers. But then one becomes part of the problem.

27-04-2021 2:47pm

Jafin wrote: »

Age/Sex/Location. It used to be what you'd ask someone in a chat room back in the late 90s/early 00s.

Yahoo Chat! I miss the 90s.

JeffreyEpspeen · 27-04-2021 2:47pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Wtf is ASL?

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. It's what the Americans call Motor Neurone Disease.

Jafin · 27-04-2021 2:48pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Thanks! Disappointed - thought it was going to be dirty...

The dirtiest it got was when people started saying stuff like "18/Yes Please/Your bed

"

partyguinness · 27-04-2021 2:52pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Yahoo Chat! I miss the 90s.

Ah yes...that brings me back to circa 98/99. Can't believe Yahoo! still exists TBH.

JeffreyEpspeen · 27-04-2021 2:53pm

Jafin wrote: »

The dirtiest it got was when people started saying stuff like "18/Yes Please/Your bed "

Ah stop. All this talk is reminding me of how I only got about 3 loves on Bebo when everyone else had hundreds/thousands.

Jafin · 27-04-2021 2:55pm

JeffreyEpspeen wrote: »

Ah stop. All this talk is reminding me of how I only got about 3 loves on Bebo when everyone else had hundreds/thousands.

Ah man, you should have shaken up your top 16 to make people jealous so they'd give you more luv.

Johnnytractors · 27-04-2021 4:19pm

Jafin wrote: »

Just wanted to highlight this part in particular because I've been there myself a couple of years ago. In my case the fella I went out with a few times got back with his ex and didn't tell me, just cut contact with me completely. I figured out what had happened after a couple of days, but that didn't make it any easier. I was the same as you, fell a bit too hard too fast and kept thinking I'd give him a second chance if he came back etc. I was quite angry for a while and it was keeping me up at night thinking about it, but as they say time heals all wounds and I got over it and learned from the experience.

Given how long the thread already is (I haven't read it all) I'm sure tons of people have said this already but just do your best to try and forget about the whole situation and move on. It will take time, especially if you felt there was a genuine connection/spark there, but it will happen. It's par for the course these days unfortunately.

Edit: Whoops, just read on the previous page that you said you have moved on, but that she has texted you in the meantime. Very curious, like others, to know what she said, unless you want to keep it private.

Hey thanks for your message and sorry to hear it happened to you as well. As you say time is a great healer.

Basically she found out I unmatched her on Instagram. She said she was sorry for vanishing and is taking a break and is clearing her head for personal reasons. That was it

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 4:22pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Hey thanks for your message and sorry to hear it happened to you as well. As you say time is a great healer.

Basically she found out I unmatched her on Instagram. She said she was sorry for vanishing and is taking a break and is clearing her head for personal reasons. That was it

She might just be weak (not having the balls/respect to tell you that in the first place) rather than a game player. Either way - if it happened once it could happen again so you are right not to re-engage.

At least it probably accelerated the closure for you.

27-04-2021 4:52pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Hey thanks for your message and sorry to hear it happened to you as well. As you say time is a great healer.

Basically she found out I unmatched her on Instagram. She said she was sorry for vanishing and is taking a break and is clearing her head for personal reasons. That was it

More red flags than a CCP parade.

partyguinness · 27-04-2021 4:58pm

TBH..."clearing head" and "personal" issues is not what you need to hear this early on. Avoid.

sporina · 27-04-2021 5:37pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Hey thanks for your message and sorry to hear it happened to you as well. As you say time is a great healer.

Basically she found out I unmatched her on Instagram. She said she was sorry for vanishing and is taking a break and is clearing her head for personal reasons. That was it

pleeeeeease don't reply! I know that might be hard for you as you seem like a nice guy. Mayb you should block her - give her a taste of her own medicine.. but whether you do or not... please please don't reply.. thats a sob story.. she blocked you - end of. Don't be a raggy doll she can decide to play with when it suits her.. your better than that - plenty more fish and all that

27-04-2021 6:27pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Hey thanks for your message and sorry to hear it happened to you as well. As you say time is a great healer.

Basically she found out I unmatched her on Instagram. She said she was sorry for vanishing and is taking a break and is clearing her head for personal reasons. That was it

Tbf i been known to do similar,can disappear for months on end if i get overrun or head melted in personal/work life and need my own space

Yous dont have to put up with it mind (and she could be a pure game player)

,but some times people need alone time/radio silence from everyone for their own well being

Tell me how · 27-04-2021 6:32pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Tbf i been known to do similar,can disappear for months on end if i get overrun or head melted in personal/work life and need my own space

Yous dont have to put up with it mind (and she could be a pure game changer)

,but some times people need alone time/radio silence from everyone for their own well being

Absolutely. But you communicate this to people who you are close to or else they should definitely consider how much they invest in whatever type of relationship you have with them.

You can't just put a relationship on hold entirely of your own volition (even platonic ones) until you need it.

And that aside, this lady blocked him. That's a very definite message.

raclle · 27-04-2021 6:43pm

Fandymo wrote: »

You don't think women want to have one night stands?

Here's a secret: Women like sex too, and sometimes just want a ride.

Single, mid thirties, good looking and in shape

27-04-2021 6:45pm

Tell me how wrote: »

Absolutely. But you communicate this to people who you are close to or else they should definitely consider how much they invest in whatever type of relationship you have with them.

You can't just put a relationship on hold entirely of your own volition (even platonic ones) until you need it.

And that aside, this lady blocked him. That's a very definite message.

Tbf i wouldnt have any particularly close friends,even platonically that i feel would miss if i go to ground for a few weeks/months (nor hugely interested in changing this)

Being blocked is a fairly clear message,ive long closed down the social media accounts too....they are pure poison for the soul

Marco23d · 27-04-2021 9:39pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Ah both genders do this!
My guess is you are correct she connected with somebody else she liked more and when that guy shied away/dropped her she came crawling back to OP.
Fair enough if she had just gone a bit quiet - but to block somebody with no explanation or goodbye and then sail right back - unbelievable

It's said that 20 percent of men are having 80% of the sex in first world societies.

Ubbquittious · 27-04-2021 9:51pm

Marco23d wrote: »

It's said that 20 percent of men are having 80% of the sex in first world societies.

I doubt it tbh. That is self pitying Mogtow sh1te. Have never seen any research to back it

bb1234567 · 27-04-2021 10:19pm

Ubbquittious wrote: »

I doubt it tbh. That is self pitying Mogtow sh1te. Have never seen any research to back it

I think it's just a way for less attractive men to cope with their rejection. As a gay man I would have to say it is very obvious to me that women hold the cards with hookups online, and they definitely have the opportunity to choose upwards on sites like tinder which men don't seem to afforded the same ooportunities. Which means many guys have to lower standards if they want any success, obviously.

But the 20% of men having 80% of sex is just bull, like come on. Think about guys you know in orindary life. Average looking guys, girls may not be crawling all over them but most seem to manage to find a girl to have fun with on a night out now and them, and a girlfriend where they want, and they're usually reasonably well matched for the most part looks wise, it's just the way the world seems to fall into order usually. Like this claim online that it's only super model men getting tail is just not evident if you go outsie of your bedroom, it's a fantasy.

Wallet Inspector · 27-04-2021 11:35pm

JeffreyEpspeen wrote: »

Going by the way Irish women talk in American accents now, I'd just assume they got the idea of ghosting from Sex and the City or Instagram or something.

No it's just cowardly behaviour that members of both sexes unfortunately opt for.

Wallet Inspector · 27-04-2021 11:40pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Bit odd that she only reached out after he unfollowed her on instagram...

Oh it's textbook stuff. Respond in kind and they get an ego bruising so get in touch. Their own medicine.

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 11:42pm

Wallet Inspector wrote: »

Oh it's textbook stuff. Respond in kind and they get an ego bruising so get in touch. Their own medicine.

Agree! I sort of meant my comment sarcastically, but I guess I didn’t pull that off

)

machiavellianme · 27-04-2021 11:53pm

JeffreyEpspeen wrote: »

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. It's what the Americans call Motor Neurone Disease.

I thought ASL is American Sign Language. Watch Sound of Metal!

Wallet Inspector · 27-04-2021 11:56pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Agree! I sort of meant my comment sarcastically, but I guess I didn’t pull that off )

Oops, sorry.

retro:electro · 27-04-2021 11:58pm

Anyone who says “how’s you” is a wrong ‘un

Surreptitious · 28-04-2021 12:04am

retro:electro wrote: »

Anyone who says “how’s you” is a wrong ‘un

They are all at that on dating sites. They think it makes them 'cool'. Sadly for them, it doesn't.

28-04-2021 12:06am

id message a few of her friends simultaneously, one time only, saying id like her to contact me and hoping everythings ok.

then id leave it 100%.

people who play these stupid little games just want to be wanted, its kind of pathetic.

Tell me how · 28-04-2021 12:17am

85603 wrote: »

id message a few of her friends simultaneously, one time only, saying id like her to contact me and hoping everythings ok.

then id leave it 100%.

people who play these stupid little games just want to be wanted, its kind of pathetic.

Unless the OP is 15 or 16, I wouldn't go this route.

Leave the friends out of it.

28-04-2021 12:18am

85603 wrote: »

id message a few of her friends simultaneously, one time only, saying id like her to contact me and hoping everythings ok.

then id leave it 100%..

Proper stalker behaviour, that.

raclle · 28-04-2021 12:23am

bb1234567 wrote: »

I think it's just a way for less attractive men to cope with their rejection. As a gay man I would have to say it is very obvious to me that women hold the cards with hookups online, and they definitely have the opportunity to choose upwards on sites like tinder which men don't seem to afforded the same ooportunities. Which means many guys have to lower standards if they want any success, obviously.

This is what I've been trying to say but everyone has their own preferences. Like what I'd consider to be an attractive woman some may think otherwise

Ubbquittious · 28-04-2021 12:26am

Tell me how wrote: »

Unless the OP is 15 or 16, I wouldn't go this route.

Leave the friends out of it.

Nah. Befriend the friends, start going out with one of them and youll find yourself on a nice little perch to view and snigger at the ghoster's future relationship woes

Poor Uncle Tom · 28-04-2021 7:49am

Johnnytractors wrote: »

So, I recently matched with the one on tinder who was very cute, charming a funny. Within a few weeks we exchanged numbers and started chatting on WhatsApp. After a while we agreed to meet up in person and we clicked like a house on fire. We met the following week again and had a ball of time together. The following two weeks were Easter Sunday and the following Sunday I was tied the following Sunday helping a friend. We stayed in contact every day and night and shared messages and Snap chatting each other every day. Met her last Sunday and we had a brilliant time together. We chatted Sunday night when I got home and I fell asleep then. Monday morning I texted her and I got the following message back “ You're fine, sooo tired this morning getting up for work how's you? xx “ this is the last message I have got as I have been blocked on WhatsApp and on Snapchat. I’m still a match on tinder with her and friends on Instagram with her. I have reached out to her and asked her what is going on but I have been ghosted!!! To be honest I didn’t think she was like this and if she was to message me again later in life I would accept her back into my life.

How do people cope when someone ghosts you? To be honest I’m a nervous wreck, not sleeping properly, not eating much and can’t focus at work. I’m stressed out and I would love to hear from her is all

Run away now, thank your stars this one showed her true colours so early.

SnuggyBear · 28-04-2021 10:51am

Hammer89 wrote: »

Here's your problem OP:

The country is locked down and therefore there's quite a lot of limitations when it comes to traditional first date options.

A walk along the pier is nice and so is a hike of some description - I don't know where you brought her quite honestly - but if your dates happened during the day then that, combined with the fact you did something outdoorsy right off the bat, doesn't lay the foundations for much romanticism I don't think.

I think after both of your dates, she probably started viewing you as a friend more than a potential partner.

There's two pieces of good news though.

1) She didn't block you on every possible platform, which means she wants you to have a way to get in touch. It wasn't an oversight that you're not blocked on IG.

2) When the country opens back up, I think she might agree to go on a real date, but - and this is key - only if you leave her alone from now until then. Don't message her until the second or third week of lifted restrictions.

Good luck.

Worst advice ever. Have some self respect man

Ghosted after a few good dates

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