Mac's quitlog

"The first ten million years were the worst, and the second ten million years, they were the worst too" - Marvin the Paranoid Android.

Day 2: That's kind of how I feel today. I'd almost gnaw an arm off for one drag of a smoke - even a girlie one like green More! The coughing started today too - at 5am. By 7am I actually thought a lung was coming up. At 8am I was even starting to wonder if quitting was worth this pain. I had visions of a cycle down to the local garage to make all the pain go away.

I didn't though. I am now 37 hours smoke free. Seemingly my blood pressure is back to normal. My foot temp has increased - doesn't feel like it: I'm just back from a cycle to the shops (for food not cigs) and my toes are freezing. By 2am all traces of nicotine will have left my body. And my chance of a heart attack has decreased now too. That's good I suppose. I'd still almost gnaw off an arm for one drag tho

Day 3: This was a tough day. At one stage today I didn't think I'd make it. I've been reading some sites about quitting. Apparantly day 3 is the craving peak:

See the bottom of that image - craves last 3 minutes. Bollox. If that's true then I had 200 craves today not 5 or 6. The whole day was one big "give me a smoke" moment. Even now I'm still thinking how great just one cigarette would taste.

It's not all bad tho. The coughing has recided a little. Still get fits of my lungs clearing out 25 years of abuse but not as many as yesterday. Went for a 12km cycle this morning and it was easier than one I did on the 30th Dec but that could just be me believing that. Smell and taste definitely improved. I can now smell a lit cigarette from 50 feet outdoors

So as of tomorrow I'm no longer physically addicted according to most sites. Nicotine has left the building chemically.

There are still my psychological triggers. And tomorrow I'm back to work after my Christmas break. And that place is full of them. Sitting down at my desk, tea at 11, lunch, pretty much everything about the day. Here's hoping I get through it. It'd be a shame to give up now ... if you'll excuse the pun.

Day 4 continued: Well I've just had a really crap night. Barely got any sleep at all. Tossing and turning until 3am. At that stage I got up and browsed the web for an hour just to do something. Back to bed at 4 and I don't think I got to sleep until 6am. Just in time to make sure I slept it out for work. I'm absolutely wrecked now. This is not helping. That little bastard Mr. Nicotine is playing dirty tricks now messing with my sleep.

Today will be tough. I'm tired & cranky - not a good combination for not smoking. But I'll hang tough. I can take one positive - all that time awake in bed I didn't actually crave a cigarette. But today will be hour by hour I think.

Thanks for the posts of support and encouragement. I do appreciate them and they do help - especially today with the mood I'm in after my sleep deprivation. Hopefully I'll report back a successful Day 5 later. (jebus - only day 5 - this has been a long week so far).

Ahsurelookit wrote: »

On day 5 myself. Am relating to a lot in your posts,

That's kind of why I'm doing this. Like I said in the OP this thread is pure honesty. If I fail I'll post it here first. And that is one incentive not to fail. And I hope that others are reading this who gave up at New Year's and are identifying with it as you are. Like you said we are addicts. This isn't a support group - it's essentially my quitlog - but I hope it helps others as it's helping me to air it.

I'm sure there are plenty of other lurkers here reading this thread and hoping I take a drag before they do

Which nicely leads me on to .... (cue drum roll)

Day 5: I'm not sure how - but I did it. If you read my post this morning you may have noticed that I wasn't feeling as upbeat as in previous posts. I was tired/cranky/feeling very sorry for myself. Some workmates would attest to that too - I was not the best person to be around in work today. I still am pitying myself to an extent but I'm consoling myself that it's almost midnight and I've made it through another day.

It was a tough day - cravings came and went. But tiredness made old habits come to the fore. Three times today I deliberately succumbed to the habits and headed down the stairs and outside. But then instead of turning left out the door to the smoking area I turned right and went for a short walk. The walks brought me back by the smoking area but by then I was ok. Hey - it worked. Mightn't work for everyone - the temptation to turn left was strong - but it worked for me.

Btw - does anyone know where the Giving Up Gum forum is? I'm taking out shares in Wrigley's at this stage

Time for some acknowledgements - anonymous but they know who they are
First and foremost - Mrs. Macros: there must be some psychic power there somewhere because both today and yesterday she rang me at my lowest ebb to give me a boost and it really helped. Double points for putting up with my irritability at home.
A friend in work - lets me rant and moan and whinge but if she saw me attempt to bum a smoke off anyone she would kick my ass.
And top of the list: my twin girls. Although they don't really know why I'm such a cranky bastard at the moment they know it's something to do with quitting smokes and they are happy with that. They are one of the top reasons I'm quitting. On Sunday we overheard them talking to each other discussing that my heart is turning red again now that I'm not smoking and not black and dying How could I let them down after that :eek:

Ok tired now - bedtime. Tomorrow (assuming I make it through Day 6) I'll mention a goal I've given myself. Any current smokers may want to look away - this involves exercise .

Hello. My name is Steve and I'm an addict. It has been one week since my last cigarette.

Here ends my Day 7 report.



Balls it ends here ... a week? WTF? I've actually lasted a week! That's it I'm sorted now - I can afford to get complacent. I might even reward myself with just one cig tomorrow. After a week one can't do any harm - it's just a little reward. ........ Believe me - that's how I feel right now. Daytime in work is fine - it's at home I get the big cravings. I'm not going to have one tomorrow - I know that 'just one' is a slippery slope. I'm a non-smoker now and I will not give in to that temptation. But I need to keep positive and alert because I can see how easily I could slide back at any time. I must stay strong and I will. I will. I will.

Well this is not quite Day 1 again yet. I talked it over with the missus and I made the decision to finish this box. I smoked about 10 last night before going to bed which means I've smoked 9 today - 1 left in the box. My reasoning? I have not enjoyed a single one of these. They taste awful. So it's kind of aversion therapy. Every one of them was horrible. I've just gone 4 hours without one because I can't face the thought of smoking that last one. Maybe I won't ... maybe I will. But if it's not smoked today it's being thrown out.

Tomorrow is Day 1 of "Mac's Quitlog II" - This time it's personal

syngindub wrote: »

Great Log Steve and i know you'll succeed on attempt II.
On day 6 myself without the cig. I went back on them about 2 years ago having been off them for 3 years. Have to say Alan Carr is the way to go, it gives you a whole new way of looking at the whole smoking / nicotine addiction. Recommend it, I read it during the first few days off them and really gives you that extra bit of confidence.

Anyways, best of luck

Thanks for the wishes

I don't do self-help books tho. I'm a bit of a smug bastard in this regard. I actually have three on my desktop: Mark Jordan's Break the Chains (recommended earlier today), Never Take Another Puff by Joel Spitzer and Freedom from Nicotine by John Polito. I downloaded all three - they're free - get them if they'll help you. But I've read nothing past the covers. I have one of Alan Carr's books in the house somewhere too - don't think I ever even opened it. I do read - constantly - never without a book. I love reading. But I don't do self-help books. Or self-help TV. Or Jeremy Kyle I prefer to help myself. Don't get me wrong - read the books yourself if they will help you - horses for courses. They won't help me - that's all. I'd have to believe they will help for them to do so and I don't.

Anyway - I've upgraded today from Day 0 to Day 0.5. That last cigarette is in the bin already. On my way to Day 1 already. For anyone else out there reading this who's done what I have done - tomorrow is not Day 9 - it's Day 1. Again. Don't cod yourself. I tried to persuade myself that this was just a little aberration and it doesn't really count. Bull****. It does count. Tomorrow is Day 1!

And I haven't had a craving all night. Not one. Aversion therapy may be the way to go. I don't want a cigarette. For the first time I genuinely believe I may never want a cigarette again. That's a leap. Let's see how I feel tomorrow. It's looking fairly reasonable tho

Thanks Jozi - been a long time mate

mariebeth and dollyk - keep it going. We're all in this together. Soon enough we'll be sneering at those gombeens standing out in the rain for their fix :S

Day 2.2 (Day 2 - 2nd Attempt): Not much to report really. This log might start to fizzle out. No real cravings at all. Went for a good swim at lunchtime - really feeling the difference in the breathing improvements. Want to go for a cycle or run in the evenings but the paths are still crap here - and don't want to run (well ... jog) on the roads. But as for smoking - I don't want one. It's weird. I did last week - a lot - cravings galore. I gave into them on Friday night after drink and a row with the Mrs. But since then - none. I know they say that one drag is bad - but maybe that box I had was great. I really haven't had a major craving since then. Let's hope that keeps up.

Tomorrow in work HR have arranged the VHI to come in for a 1 hour "Stop Smoking for Good" session. I wasn't going to bother but I think I will. It can't do me any harm anyway. But apart from that - I am feeling so positive about myself ... since my ... intermission last Friday ... that it may be good for me to attend. I may get an added boost from the session - I hope so - every little helps. But I was talking to a lad in work today who says he wants to quit but I know he isn't ready yet (when you are ready you know yourself as any smoker can attest to). But he was amazed when I told him I'd quit cold-turkey. I admitted to my dispo on Friday but told him what I've told you guys - that I didn't enjoy a single one of those smokes. I could see that he was genuinely interested - so maybe he might join me tomorrow. His wife is pregnant with their first child too which is probably his motivation.

I'm not turning into an ex-smoker militant wanker. I was just chatting to this guy - saying nothing I haven't said here. But people who know me well are amazed that I'm not smoking. I've always held that if you really want to quit you will. My dad did it - from 80-a-day to nothing overnight. And he never tried to persuade me to stop. My mother did but he didn't. He understood. He wanted to quit as he did. He's fully supportive of me now and he does want me to quit for good. But he knows from experience that I only will if I want to. Luckily I do

Just went to that session on freeing yourself from smoking. She gave an interesting metaphor:
An old man talking to his grandson tells him that he has 2 wolves at war inside him for the last 20 years. One wolf is good and helpful but the other wants him to do bad things. "Which one is going to win?", asks the grandson. The grandfather replies: "The one I feed!"