Cheapskategate aka How Not To Host Your Wedding

KKkitty · 04-08-2014 2:37pm

In all fairness the bride and groom obviously have been to weddings or have heard about other weddings so it's not like they didn't know about basic things like providing a proper meal for the bridal party and evening reception food.

leck · 04-08-2014 2:40pm

ohohseven wrote: »

I've read this thread and the thread before hand and I am struggling to find what the big deal is.

As Toots said in the ground rules:

Toots* wrote: »

First and foremost, a few ground rules:

...No attacking the OP - if you don't like the story, don't agree with her posting it, don't believe it, whatever, then just don't bother replying to it...

Tarzana · 04-08-2014 2:40pm

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't believe a word of it but it's been highly entertaining none the less

Really? Why would she bother to lie? And her story has been very consistent and detailed.

eviltwin · 04-08-2014 2:44pm

Tarzana wrote: »

Really? Why would she bother to lie? And her story has been very consistent and detailed.

I'm not attacking her, its been a great thread and I'm glad she posted it and the update. It's been the best thread on the forum ever.

kylith · 04-08-2014 2:45pm

The poor turnout at the afters sounds to me like the Bride's family gave a heads-up to as many people as they could about the lack of food.

Yeah_Right · 04-08-2014 2:45pm

I just want to say thanks to WDIC for putting this thread up. I would never visit this forum but I was entertained all last week with this story. I'm sorry the OP had to deal with all this mess BUT ............
Am I the only one who is glad that the wedding was a complete train wreck?? I would have felt so let down if it had gone smoothly after such a brilliant build up all week.

Yes I know that makes me an evil person but hey..... I get to live with myself 24 hours a day

shewasdiesel · 04-08-2014 2:55pm

bucketybuck wrote: »

Has there been any verification that any of this is true?

Obviously names and details would be kept secret but was there anything whatsoever that pointed to this being more than just a story from one person?

You're NOT allowed to ask any such questions, please don't spoil the glee

robinph · 04-08-2014 2:59pm

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I don't think it was a lack of awareness, the bride was avoiding all questions about food. She knew exactly what she was doing. If she was unaware of it, she would have just said, 'Oh, we're not having dinner' and then maybe have been a bit taken aback when everyone had a meltdown about it.

Yep, she knew what she was doing, but I don't think it was out of any kind of evilness against anyone. Just didn't know how to do it right.

If they had been out to setup a disaster of a wedding for some reason then, whilst it was an unintentional disaster, they failed miserably at either having a great do or a terrible one and only managed to annoy a few guests. Seems that she did a better number on the family, but still would have been a bigger ending to the movie if they had kept them onboard until the final scene... if it was deliberate rather than just idiotic.

rainbowtrout · 04-08-2014 3:03pm

Yeah_Right wrote: »

I just want to say thanks to WDIC for putting this thread up. I would never visit this forum but I was entertained all last week with this story. I'm sorry the OP had to deal with all this mess BUT ............
Am I the only one who is glad that the wedding was a complete train wreck?? I would have felt so let down if it had gone smoothly after such a brilliant build up all week.

Yes I know that makes me an evil person but hey..... I get to live with myself 24 hours a day

Not so much glad but I'm glad that people voted with their feet and didn't attend what was quite rightly described as a shakedown.

I said on the other thread that Irish people won't grumble directly to your face so if guests were presented with a dinner and a bill or a menu with prices they would more than likely pay up and bitch about it later. And that's exactly what happened at the dinner. But if the family got word out to the guests that there was no food at the reception it gave guests a chance to decide whether to go and be conned or not. And they made their feelings clear.

Now of course it's not known if the family did let guests know what was gonna happen at the reception but I'd bet my house on a phone call or text saying 'no meal for guests, couple getting fed elsewhere, none of the immediate family attending due to major row' was enough for any prospective guest close to the family to say 'I'm not going to all the expense of the day out to get involved in this sh*tstorm'

I'd have been disappointed if everyone turned up and it panned out as described and everyone let the couple away with treating them so disdainfully.

stinkle · 04-08-2014 3:03pm

kylith wrote: »

The poor turnout at the afters sounds to me like the Bride's family gave a heads-up to as many people as they could about the lack of food.

That and the beautician said loadsa people had cancelled appointments too! You wouldn't go to that trouble for an afters, folk mustve thought it was the whole day.

Thanks for the update WDIC and Toots. Was out yesterday when I saw the update and couikdnt wait to read. It was actually underwhelming in that the day was so terrible and WDIC put up with so much! Like it actually did go as expected, which is sad for all concerned.

Can I ask was the bride any way upset at the dad not giving her away? Speaking as a wedding softie I always blub then and it was so lovely to have that moment with my own dad (amazingly didn't cry myself!), I'd be heartbroken if a row at the last minute changed all that.

rainbowtrout · 04-08-2014 3:06pm

robinph wrote: »

Yep, she knew what she was doing, but I don't think it was out of any kind of evilness against anyone. Just didn't know how to do it right.

If they had been out to setup a disaster of a wedding for some reason then, whilst it was an unintentional disaster, they failed miserably at either having a great do or a terrible one and only managed to annoy a few guests. Seems that she did a better number on the family, but still would have been a bigger ending to the movie if they had kept them onboard until the final scene... if it was deliberate rather than just idiotic.

I'd agree. More a brass neck thing really. 'We know this is mean and stingy but we think we'll get away with it because people are polite and won't want to upset the bride and groom on their wedding day'

Windorah · 04-08-2014 3:08pm

robinph wrote: »

If they had been out to setup a disaster of a wedding for some reason then, whilst it was an unintentional disaster, they failed miserably at either having a great do or a terrible one and only managed to annoy a few guests.

They failed at having a terrible wedding??? It sounded f****** chronic to me!

robinph · 04-08-2014 3:10pm

Windorah wrote: »

They failed at having a terrible wedding??? It sounded f****** chronic to me!

Read what I said again.

Tarzana · 04-08-2014 3:14pm

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm not attacking her, its been a great thread and I'm glad she posted it and the update. It's been the best thread on the forum ever.

That didn't answer my question though. :pac:

Tarzana · 04-08-2014 3:18pm

stinkle wrote: »

Can I ask was the bride any way upset at the dad not giving her away?

From the descriptions so far, the bride just seemed weirdly detached. Very strange.

pickarooney · 04-08-2014 3:40pm

Given that the bride asked someone who could hardly be described as a close friend, and the groom's sister (wtf?) to be her bridesmaid, there was obviously some major family rift going back months at least. Fairly miserable state of affairs.

FreshKnickers · 04-08-2014 4:08pm

shewasdiesel wrote: »

I'd say they had it well worked out before the wedding certain friends and family weren't really friends and family behind their back, and decided to do a massive FU on them.

Joke's on them so. Twas their own wedding they ruined.

shewasdiesel · 04-08-2014 4:11pm

FreshKnickers wrote: »

Joke's on them so. Twas their own wedding they ruined.

Dunno, they got the dosh, they got the wedding, and they got drunk, they danced, they partied, and then headed off on honeymoon. Sounds like they done quite nicely, while permanently flushing out, exposing, and getting rid of any pretend friends and family. I'd love to hear their side of the story, but seemingly, any questioning of the posters claims is not allowed.

bucketybuck · 04-08-2014 4:21pm

Word of warning folks, they are now handing out official warnings for daring to ask if any of this story is actually true.

Tiddlypeeps · 04-08-2014 4:26pm

bucketybuck wrote: »

Word of warning folks, they are now handing out official warnings for daring to ask if any of this story is actually true.

I'd imagine it was more for daring to ignore the massive mod warning in bolded red on the first page.

I can't see this thread remaining unlocked for very long.

bucketybuck · 04-08-2014 4:32pm

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

I'd imagine it was more for daring to ignore the massive mod warning in bolded red on the first page.

I can't see this thread remaining unlocked for very long.

Be that as it may, its human nature to be skeptical of fantastical stories, I thought it worth pointing out to newcomers that there are different standards in this forum than the rest of the board.

FreshKnickers · 04-08-2014 4:42pm

So they told all the genuine friends and family to stay clear so they could get drunk with their fake friends and family? Yeah well if that truly is what they really want for their wedding then okay, that's their choice.

Those of us who had weddings - big or small - surrounded by people wishing us well and happy for us know what this pair missed out on.

Tarzana · 04-08-2014 4:49pm

pickarooney wrote: »

Given that the bride asked someone who could hardly be described as a close friend, and the groom's sister (wtf?) to be her bridesmaid, there was obviously some major family rift going back months at least. Fairly miserable state of affairs.

Not that strange to have the groom's sister as a BM, if the bride is close to her.

Tarzana · 04-08-2014 4:51pm

bucketybuck wrote: »

Word of warning folks, they are now handing out official warnings for daring to ask if any of this story is actually true.

I know, bit OTT, but dems da rulz.

emo72 · 04-08-2014 4:52pm

FreshKnickers wrote: »

So they told all the genuine friends and family to stay clear so they could get drunk with their fake friends and family? Yeah well if that truly is what they really want for their wedding then okay, that's their choice.

Those of us who had weddings - big or small - surrounded by people wishing us well and happy for us know what this pair missed out on.

I get the impression they have no real friends.

Pumpkinseeds · 04-08-2014 4:52pm

There's no shame in having a small wedding. Big or small doesn't really matter, if you do it right you can have a lovely day with family and friends. That wasn't what the couple wanted. They could have had a small wedding with just the family and friends they originally invited to the ceremony and then had a meal with them afterwards. It really does seem that they tried to fleece people and it was horrible position to put their bridesmaids and families in.

Ken. · 04-08-2014 4:53pm

On the plus side this couple have set the bar real low. All anyone has to do in the future is by the bridesmaids a dress and a few cocktail sausages for the unwashed masses and you'll have this shower beaten hands down.

Pumpkinseeds · 04-08-2014 5:05pm

I think sometimes small weddings are best for people on small budgets. I've seen photos of a few weddings recently where the couple haven't had much money to spend but are trying to do too much. A typical example I saw a couple of weeks ago was a groom who had 5 groomsmen. They all wore identical suits to the grooms and black and white slip on trainers, which looked atrocious.

There was 1 tall thin lad and the suit was hanging off him and a short very fat chap whose trousers looked ridiculous. Not a single bit of tailoring on what must have been 99 euro suits, it was hard to know which 1 was the groom. So assuming they'd spent 600 euro on 6 shabby looking suits they could've just spent that money on decent suits for the groom and best man. Off topic I know, but it's just something that niggles me.

Toots · 04-08-2014 5:50pm

Maybe some people need to go back and read the first post again. Particularly the bit in giant red text at the start. Calling the OP a liar is not on.

Also if anyone has a problem with a mod action (warning/infractions etc) them PM the mod, don't question it on thread.

P_1 · 04-08-2014 5:56pm

Good grief!! First of all your restraint is admirable, I'm fairly sure I would have lost it with the bride in a spectacular fashion if I were in your shoes. You're certainly making the right decision in cutting her from your life given how she has behaved through this entire debacle and it seems her family weren't best pleased with her either.

Many thanks for sharing.

JanaMay · 04-08-2014 5:59pm

I agree that there's absolutely no shame in having a small wedding, on a shoestring budget once the guests know what it is! (Doesn't appear AT ALL to be the case here.)

I was at a great wedding a couple of years ago: bride and groom were skint. Register office followed by nice buffet lunch in a lovely venue. I'd say about 70-80 guests. We'd been told that it would end at 7pm and it did. Everyone was then invited back to bride and groom's for BBQ in the garden. The bride wore a dress from a chain store and the groom wore his suit. Witnesses wore whatever they had. No flowers, no official photographer, no blimmin' doves or Chinese lanterns!

We all knew what to expect: a party to celebrate 2 people tying the knot. There were no rows, no disappointment and TBH it was probably the wedding where I gave the most generous cash gift I ever have. I knew the B&G needed it to plan their future.

On topic: no matter how little money you can/ want to spend, there's no excuse for deceiving guests or treating your wedding party and/or family so badly!

MsBubbles · 04-08-2014 6:38pm

Thank you Toots for all your hard work.
WDIC I think you have shown tremendous patience and grace. I don't know how did it. I've read your update 3 times and I still can't believe
that you were left on the side of the road by the Bride and Groom.

I really hoped that I would be wrong and there would be finger food for the guests.

I have an idea why don't you auction the dress here on boards and give any profit to a charity of your choice.

Electric Sheep · 04-08-2014 7:11pm

This is really kind of sad. I wonder if there are mental health issues at play.

FouxDaFaFa · 04-08-2014 7:12pm

ardle1 wrote: »

Hey op, why did you feel the need to let us all know about the misfortunes of others!?
Are you laughing at their misery by any chance... Anyway like another poster said, I also don't see what the big interest is.... Jaysus some couples fcuk of somewhere and get married and wouldn't give two sh!ts if nobody(including family) knew about it.

Hilariously relevant sig.

Meangadh · 04-08-2014 7:46pm

JanaMay wrote: »

I was at a great wedding a couple of years ago: bride and groom were skint. Register office followed by nice buffet lunch in a lovely venue. I'd say about 70-80 guests. We'd been told that it would end at 7pm and it did. Everyone was then invited back to bride and groom's for BBQ in the garden. The bride wore a dress from a chain store and the groom wore his suit. Witnesses wore whatever they had. No flowers, no official photographer, no blimmin' doves or Chinese lanterns!

We all knew what to expect: a party to celebrate 2 people tying the knot. There were no rows, no disappointment and TBH it was probably the wedding where I gave the most generous cash gift I ever have. I knew the B&G needed it to plan their future.

That sounds absolutely brilliant, I'd love that! As a bride or as a guest.

Weddings are so bloody formulaic nowadays... at least the couple that are the reason for this thread can't be accused of being unoriginal!! :pac:

Esterhase · 04-08-2014 7:55pm

Thanks to WDIC and Toots for the update!

What an awful, awful day. Good on you OP for sticking around as long as you did, you were a better person than I would have been in the same situation. But on the other hand, it's not like the B&G gave even the smallest fvck about all you had put up with from them, so they have no right to complain about anyone who left early or didn't turn up at all.

It's the bride's family I feel most sorry for now - a big awkward rift over what's supposed to be a happy and generous occasion.

salmocab · 04-08-2014 8:03pm

There is no shame in having a small / cheap wedding or doing things your own way, this is different this seems to be an effort to spend as little as possible whilst getting the maximum amount of gifts. The guests were treated very badly, its okay to not feed guests IF this is clear to the guests before hand and within the spirit of the day. Nobody should be ashamed of their wedding if they do things their own way and treat their guests with respect, its not about amounts spent but the enjoyment of the whole day by all involved. This couple obviously only cared about two people.

Flippyfloppy · 04-08-2014 8:18pm

Quite simply it should have said 'party' on the invites instead of 'reception' The fact the b&g misrepresented what they invited their guests to definitely seems like they were attempting to maximise on gifts by pretending it was lavish affair that they had put a lot of money into. Why else would they misword the invites like that?

Why ask people to be in your bridal party and expect them to pay for everything from the dress to their meal? All done in a very underhanded sneaky way ??? B&g if you're reading you should be ashamed.

I've been to plenty of weddings where things were done on the cheap but b&g were always very upfront about it. I would still feel compelled to give my usual cash gift. If I was a guest at this wedding, & left hungry all night with not even finger food, and then expected to provide entertainment in the form of karaeoke I would be very, very peed off.

Tiddlypeeps · 04-08-2014 8:29pm

ardle1 wrote: »

Hey op, why did you feel the need to let us all know about the misfortunes of others!?
Are you laughing at their misery by any chance... Anyway like another poster said, I also don't see what the big interest is.... Jaysus some couples fcuk of somewhere and get married and wouldn't give two sh!ts if nobody(including family) knew about it.

Misfortune is something bad that happens that you have little/no control over. It's in the name, fortune. No bad luck fell on that bride and groom, it was entirely their own creation.

dashboard_hula · 04-08-2014 9:16pm

My mother does a lot of wedding decoration - flowers, balloons, chairs, all that business. I do the odd Saturday with her, mostly as a Carrier Of Heavy Things (I'm about as creative as a bag of coal). I was discussing this thread with her and she nearly died a death at the thought of it being one of "her" weddings (we did 3 this weekend) until we both realised that this particular B&G wouldn't have a spent a penny on the kind of extras she provides.

Thank you OP for keeping us updated, and for what seems to be an honest and straightforward accounting (It's fairly easy to spot when someone puts legs on a story and I really didn't get that vibe here). The bit about the bride opening cards at the table nearly had me go under the table in second hand mortification.

I love that what this has shown is that most couples getting married genuinely view this as more than just the pair of them, it's a chance to have a proper oul session with their friends and family. Absolutely nobody I've spoken to would dream of going beyond their means and putting other people under pressure. I even spotted a cousin of mine in this thread (Hi C!) and I already knew her wedding was going to be wonderful because she's so thoughtful but this just sealed it.

(And for a girl who's never getting married, I seem to have an awful lot of Strong Opinions about weddings - drama seems to bring it out in me!)

Tarzana · 04-08-2014 9:28pm

ardle1 wrote: »

Jaysus some couples fcuk of somewhere and get married and wouldn't give two sh!ts if nobody(including family) knew about it.

Totally different scenario.

P_1 · 04-08-2014 9:35pm

ardle1 wrote: »

Hey op, why did you feel the need to let us all know about the misfortunes of others!?
Are you laughing at their misery by any chance... Anyway like another poster said, I also don't see what the big interest is.... Jaysus some couples fcuk of somewhere and get married and wouldn't give two sh!ts if nobody(including family) knew about it.

It's not about the misfortune of others, it's about somebody who decided to go the Marie Antoinette route with funding their wedding ceremony. Yes by all means invite people to join you if that's what you want to do but you don't expect people to pay for everything when you've invited them.

Also there's a world of difference between this and two people eloping.

happywithlife · 04-08-2014 10:07pm

Only catching up now
Wow
Can't believe it went down like it did in the end
When I got married I did so 3months after returning to work from a 6month matnerity leave - only had the state maternity benefit while on leave and wedding was planned and executed within 6 months so we had little time to save. Yet we managed to have our traditional Irish wedding - complete with the fifty odd first cousins on his side <rolls eyes> !! All in all it cost us around €18k, our parents didn't contribute towards it and with a lot of bloody saving in the run up to it, what little we were short was borrowed from the cu and repaid within 2 weeks of the wedding.

So if the b&g wanted their traditional Irish wedding they could have had it, with bells and whistles if only they were prepared to put their money where their mouth was. Their behaviour beggars belief

And all the want of cutting their cloth to measure

oppenheimer1 · 04-08-2014 11:21pm

I don't understand. I thought it was understood that if you didn't attend the ceremony you shouldn't expect to get fed.

The only thing that seems a bit off to be honest I'd getting the wedding party to pay for their meal, and abandoning the wedding party after the photos.

sara1 · 05-08-2014 3:11am

This post has been deleted.

Noo · 05-08-2014 3:52am

Is there anyone out there on Boards who was at this wedding or at least know of anyone at the wedding, cmon this is ireland afterall! Would love to hear from a guest point of view!

ardle1 · 05-08-2014 4:03am

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

Misfortune is something bad that happens that you have little/no control over. It's in the name, fortune. No bad luck fell on that bride and groom, it was entirely their own creation.

So.. your basically saying that the B&G don't have issues or problems!
Look, the op is laughing at their misery, like it or not that's what she's doing. You need to open your eyes, the op was weak enough to go along with everything(because she's weak)... And now she wants to justify her weakness by looking for sniggers and justification from 'like minded people' on Boards....

FanadMan · 05-08-2014 5:13am

Coming in late as usual (I followed the first thread from early on) I'd love to say thanks to Toots* for the level head and the hard fist when needed.......and it was used properly (apart from the closes that caused some near heart attacks :P ) Think by now Boards should be looking for you as an Admin or at the least a CMod

To WDIC, the most important thing I can say is thanks! You gave thousands of Boards readers and lurkers a great ride (you know what I mean lol) for a few days. I was gutted when the Bridesmaidgate thread was closed but you kept your promise to keep us updated......even if it did mean a few panic attacks.

Through the whole thing you kept your head and your dignity - from the hair-clip to the the disaster in the park, no proper food and having to pay for your dinner and drinks. Think a lot of people would have dropped the BM job a lot earlier.....so big thumbs up.

If Boards could somehow allow us to send drinks, you'd be getting a large one from me.

All the best WDIC - you are better off without a friend like her cos you have thousands more here

mikeymouse · 05-08-2014 8:04am

sara1 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I got "reined" in for daring to voice such doubts.
But then I'm an old sceptic.

some dictionaries do not contain the word "gullible"

OrangeVarnish · 05-08-2014 10:21am

Only just read this now, I almost died when I logged in and saw the last thread deleted!!! I was ready to cry until I saw a new one!
WDIC you are some woman, this was nothing like I imagined possible....and we imaged tons!

Are they going on honeymoon?!

Cheapskategate aka How Not To Host Your Wedding

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