Anyone else fed up of dating apps?

'Men', and I use that term loosely, that go to Thailand for a bit of action from people who are essentially economically vulnerable and open to exploitation are, quite frankly, vermin.

Going to Japan to experience a different culture is a totally different thing in my eyes.

It's all about confidence at the end of the day. Massive cliche I know but it really is. Neither gender should ever think the other doesn't want them. You should always be of the opinion of why would they not want to be with you?

Like I said P-M, my mate is in Japan and he loves it. If you have a ginger beard (fellow beardy here) and the brogue of course, the ladies there will love that for sure.

Earthhorse wrote: »

So this girl was in love with you and attracted to you but only kissing you to save face in front of her friends and when she revealed this to you you both decided to stay together and this went on for three more years until you broke it off because she wanted kids and you didn't?

None of that makes sense to me at all.

Probably didn't explain it well. We met while working in shops beside each other. Friendly for about 6 months, calling into each other during our breaks (she was in a shop, I was in GameStop beside it in a shopping centre). One day, she said she was going to a fundraiser her friend was organising, and I asked if I could attend and she said yes. I turned up, sat down beside her and conversed with her and her friends. All going great, coming to the end of the night, we were standing beside each other and I went for the kiss, which landed and continued for another 15 or so minutes, you know the way you'd be.

The next meet up was a night out again, and I went home with her and we got jolly. Did that a few more times over the next 6 or so months, and we decided to make it 'official' (I believe updating the status on Facebook was the way to do that back then). 3 1/2 years later, in love and living together, she let it slip accidentally that she had no interest in me that way when I kissed her, but she didn't want to "lose face" or most likely possibly make a small scene in front of her friends so she kept kissing. And in her own words, she got horny after that and continued to meet up with me for the jollies, which progressed into a relationship.

We continued to live together and love each other for the next 3 years, when I made the hard decision to let someone I love go. She claimed she was ok with not having kids, but I could see her at family gatherings that she definitely wanted one, so I ended it. She subsequently got married and had a kid.

So while she initially had no interest, I must have grown on her, or I was great in the sack, she never clarified that!

Wibbs wrote: »

To be fair B it's more usually...

As above, the red hair will either work for my benefit or against me, but I'm guessing the former. And I'd fit right in with the nerdy/kooky nature of that country! Just need to save up for a month holiday, apparently the minimum required to get the full experience. Looking at 5k spending for the month, and flights are quite cheap now, about €800 return from Dublin.

Anyway, yeah, it's my conversation skills which I'm sure leave me down. I just find it hard to keep interest in something that doesn't interest me, if you get me. I'm my own worst enemy really, and I've let myself get accustomed to it and it has become the norm, which I'm ok with right now. More important things to think about right now anyway. As I said, I haven't given up, I've just stopped looking. New job, social events will be part of it, hoping that might get me out of my shell a bit.

Oh, forgot to mention I don't drink anymore, not worth the hangover (which I get regardless if it's 1 or 10 pints). And as a result, I find it very hard to be around drunk people. I'm not as anxious as I used to be, and that was holding me back too (got anxiety while a Garda, it's only now really easing off properly, after giving myself times away from everything and everyone to sort myself out).

I'd like to say I'm out of practice, but I was never in practice to begin with. In secondary school, I was with a girl for the entirety of first year (young love, didn't even kiss in that time!). Half way into third year I hooked up with a girl I more or less was friendly with, and we dated for 6 years after that, broke for a year and got back together for a year. In that year we broke up, I was with a girl for 9 months, I was her Corporal in the FCA so I'm sure I pulled with power on that one.

After breaking up with her and getting back with the 6 year one, she cheated on me so that ended and I was straight into the situation with the last 7 year girlfriend after that. That ended in 2014/5 and I'm single since. So I never had practice during the school years as I was always in a relationship. Think I missed out on some hard learning there.

Earthhorse wrote: »

You’ve been in three long term relationships. That suggests to me you know plenty well how to talk to women and that they like you.

Do you speak Japanese?

Which is why it baffles me when I do try and get a negative response. Actually, I did take another chance lately at a wedding, polish girl and within the group of lads, she was the best looking at the wedding (excluding the bride of course). So I immediately thought the stupidly good looking single lad in the group was going to have the best chance. Strangely, while I went to shake a tackie on the floor, she came over and started dancing with me. Queue the entire night of on/off dancing and smoking fags, and trying to get her gay BFF to leave us alone. Turns out, he wasn't the gay BFF, but the on/off boyfriend... but it did give me some confidence, and I did drink that night... Maybe I need to start drinking again...

And I'm learning Japanese. Duolingo for now, but I've a few forums sussed for when I want to try actual conversations. I'm still only on Hiragana, haven't looked at Katakana or kanji yet...

Earthhorse wrote: »

Well most men get a negative response most of the time. That’s just the way it is.

Hate saying it but drink has definitely been involved most times I’ve had any success at all.

I seem to get negative responses 99% of the time, or at least that's how it feels in my head.

And yeah, drink does seem to be a factor in a lot of these situations unfortunately.

Reading threads like these about dating apps make me feel nervous about trying Tinder again, that guys my type (definitely not the Love Island type) have just deleted before I try and find them in all the mess. Last time I tried, nobody replied to any of my messages.

jesus lads if i wasnt depressed enough already... I don't know what i was expecting when i opened the thread

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

'Men', and I use that term loosely, that go to Thailand for a bit of action from people who are essentially economically vulnerable and open to exploitation are, quite frankly, vermin.

Going to Japan to experience a different culture is a totally different thing in my eyes.

It's all about confidence at the end of the day. Massive cliche I know but it really is. Neither gender should ever think the other doesn't want them. You should always be of the opinion of why would they not want to be with you?

Like I said P-M, my mate is in Japan and he loves it. If you have a ginger beard (fellow beardy here) and the brogue of course, the ladies there will love that for sure.

So it's OK to appear the part, once you've a ginger beard and 'brogue'? Ah lad knock it off

Ruraldweller56 wrote: »

Ah seriously man? Are you having a laugh? Degeneracy is degeneracy simple as.

Exploiting vulnerable people is exploitation.

Simple as.

joeguevara wrote: »

I don't think people should compare rejection on dating apps with real life. In reality it's much more similar to Skilling at someone in a bar and they don't engage. Usually on a dating app it's only a picture and maybe a short text. Its not rejection in it's real sense.

Oh right. I was talking about being rejected when I asked girls out not when I messaged them on apps or whatever which is obviously a different thing.

Earthhorse wrote: »

Oh right. I was talking about being rejected when I asked girls out not when I messaged them on apps or whatever which is obviously a different thing.

That's fair enough. One thing to remember though is that girls on dating apps get asked way more times than in real life. Was talking to a female friend who gets about 30 messages a day on POF.

I get basically rejections, regardless if it's in an App or real life! Tech mirroring reality here!

The last few pages of this are a bit depressing. Am I reading this right, one person described themselves as a great big 36 year old balding ginger with a massive beard who's into games, but has no interest in women in their 30's and is planning to move to Japan to seek a woman?

Sorry lads, people in these situations, the only author of your misfortune is 100% yourselves, there is no global conspiracy or internal memo circulating among the female populace.

I'm not trying to be mean here but some people need a metaphorical slap in the face big time. If you have zero success with Tinder and other online dating apps in the long term, you are 100% the problem. Not your appearance, not your interests, not women, not the country you're living in. Until you actually accept that and get serious about addressing why that is, you'll get absolutely nowhere.

Homelander wrote: »

The last few pages of this are a bit depressing. Am I reading this right, one person described themselves as a great big 36 year old balding ginger with a massive beard who's into games, but has no interest in women in their 30's and is planning to move to Japan to seek a woman?

Sorry lads, people in these situations, the only author of your misfortune is 100% yourselves, there is no global conspiracy or internal memo circulating among the female populace.

I'm not trying to be mean here but some people need a metaphorical slap in the face big time. If you have zero success with Tinder and other online dating apps in the long term, you are 100% the problem. Not your appearance, not your interests, not women, not the country you're living in. Until you actually accept that and get serious about addressing why that is, you'll get absolutely nowhere.

People have their preferences.

I'm sure if the right woman came along in her early 30's he would be happy out.

You don't have to grow out of anything though. I'm in my 30's and am a pretty big gamer personally but it doesn't define who I am. I wouldn't even mention it in dating apps in fact, as it's just one aspect of my personality and interests alongside countless others. I've had girlfriends that were big into games, others that weren't at all, and none were 'better' or more satisfying than the other in the overall scheme of things.

Compatible partners will gel over all manners of interests, personalities, mindsets, tastes, whatever you can think of. It can't just hinge on an absurdly unhealthy and life-dominating single interest.

The poster seems to have convinced himself that Japan is the last bastion of hope to find a partner whose life literally revolves around games, and the entire relationship would be based around that outrageously unrealistic expectation of a partner. It's a bit delusional and unhealthy frankly, and it's not shocking to see how or why previous relationships wouldn't work out.

I would say the exact same thing about anyone whose entire life, and incredibly high/unrealistic expectation of a partner, revolved around having an undying commitment and pretty much exclusive interest to a single hobby/topic.

As I said, it's 100% the posters problem, not online dating, not women, not his appearance, not Ireland. Instead of doubling down on it, they should think about making an effort to address the easily solvable problem rather than pursue incredibly unrealistic solutions.

It's easier to learn that 1 + 1 = 2 than insist on trying to find someone who believes the answer is 3.

Homelander wrote: »

The last few pages....

Well I didn't think mentioning an intent on a holiday with a cheeky reference to picking up a Japanese woman would get this out of hand...

I've read your posts a few times, but I'm struggling to see what it is I need to change that is 100% my fault? I do admit that I may have slightly higher standards than I may be able to get, but why can't I? None of my relationships ended because of my hobbies or habits. The first cheated on me, the second wanted kids. I'm confused...

I'm not desperate. I intend on holidaying in Japan for a month or more, and should the opportunity come up to stay I might take it, but it's highly unlikely. To be even considered for residency over there, you need to be living there for 10 years min. If you're lucky to marry in, it's 3 years min, but it wouldn't want to be for the wrong reason to get married, as Japanese courts do not take kindly to foreigners divorcing over there, and there's a possibility of being chucked out. My tongue in cheek remark didn't come across properly by the looks of it, as bluewolf said, poorly worded.

I need to make some other clarifications. Yes, I'm a gamer and into anime (only since 2017 though, so lots of catching up to do), but my life doesn't revolve around it, per se. I don't drink anymore, and find it hard to socialise with drinkers, they annoy me after a while, so social situations are few and far between. So I game/watch anime, but it's not all I do. I watch 'normal' shows, go for drives, hike rarely, I go camping, go to friends to play D&D (all in their early to mid 20's), going back to a PT soon and then a gym. I'm not a giant man child who spends all his spare time gaming.

I'm not expecting a stunning model whose a gamer and into anime and everything I like, but at the same time I've dated women who had no interest in gaming and it lead to arguments, the most idiotic of which was being given out to for playing while she watched bloody soaps, nearly expecting me to watch that tripe with her. Once the soaps were over, I'd come back in and we'd watch what we both enjoyed (Vikings, GoT, Spartacus, and films, etc)

In my experience, women who don't at least game casually (no, not Candy Crush and it's ilk) just can't understand the draw of it. Same with anime, "it's just cartoons" even though they have much stronger life lessons in them than most western cartoons. I do watch other shows too, not just anime. And I genuinely don't want to have those arguments again.

Anyway, this has gotten a bit out of hand. I'm not all depressed about being single. Aside from the fact that it's working out better for me right now, I'm 100% ok with staying single anyway. Should a Japanese woman take interest, fantastic! But i'm not going to say no, as Church on Tuesday said, if the right woman came along tomorrow and we "clicked", I'm not going to say no. But I also don't believe that I should drop standards just because I'm single, or accept something I don't want or like in a partner just because. My choices are keeping me single, but it's also not for want of trying. I don't expect the perfect woman to just suddenly walk into my life, that just doesn't happen.

As I said very early on, there's only a certain amount of rejection a man can take, and I hit that limit a while back. While I'm not actively out socialising and trying to find someone, I used to be, but it doesn't make sense for me right now (I live in the country, so a taxi home is about €80, unless I want to drink in the locals, which is just pointless for the purpose).

I could go on and on as to why i'm mainly into gaming; sport was tried, i don't get this "gym bug" everyone else gets (it's a means to an end, nothing more), going out and exploring nature doesn't appeal as I basically live in it, but this post is long enough as it is.

TL;DR - I'm happy being single, i'm not placing all my hopes on a Japanese wife, i'm not a man child, I just know what I like and there's very few (single) women in my age bracket who understand the draw and appeal of gaming, or would be happy to settle with someone into that, as regardless of what people think, it's still mainly frowned upon. People who spend thousands on sports and following sports and it's all about sports, don't get half the slack...