Anyone else fed up of dating apps?

Ruraldweller56

RacoonQueen wrote: »

This is what I don't get about online dating...there is no spark, so whats the point?
Meeting people in real life is far more exciting and natural. Whole concept of online dating seems so forced and awkward to me.
Never something I've taken seriously but anytime I've looked at tinder most of the men want me to meet them for a drink in either the first message or the second one...or they start getting abusive because I didn't answer their message within a couple of hours (sorry, I'm not permanently attached to my phone)

I get that some people are really into it I just don't get why...

Pardon my ignorance but would that not be a much more direct and straightforward way of cutting through lots of bull****? A drink or two (say an hour face to face) would be much more informative than weeks of inane messaging.

Mango Joe

Ruraldweller56 wrote: »

Pardon my ignorance but would that not be a much more direct and straightforward way of cutting through lots of bull****? A drink or two (say an hour face to face) would be much more informative than weeks of inane messaging.

Interesting how RD56 is at once utterly repulsed but yet beguilingly compelled by the immoral pheromone furnace of online dating

I bet he has a Tinder Triple Titanium Membership.

PhilOssophy

Nothing beats the thrill of the chase. Give me going up and talking to woman in a bar over online apps and swipes any day.

Mister Vain

I suppose if you're not into the bars and clubs then online dating is the only other option, apart from singles nights, but they're generally only in Dublin. Hobbies and interests can only take you so far.

Arghus

PhilOssophy wrote: »

Nothing beats the thrill of the chase. Give me going up and talking to woman in a bar over online apps and swipes any day.

They're not mutually exclusive.

RacoonQueen

Mister Vain wrote: »

I suppose if you're not into the bars and clubs then online dating is the only other option, apart from singles nights, but they're generally only in Dublin. Hobbies and interests can only take you so far.

There are many, many other ways of meeting people than in bars and clubs...this is exactly what is wrong with dating in Ireland.
Meet someone you are interested in through a hobby or friends, work, maybe a neighbour you run into while out walking your dog and shock horror ask them on a date or shock horror tell them you are interested in them and would like to get to know them better. This concept seems to scare the sh*t out of Irish people, many seem to think you can only start a relationship with alcohol involved.

Greyfox

RacoonQueen wrote: »

This is what I don't get about online dating...there is no spark, so whats the point?
Meeting people in real life is far more exciting and natural. Whole concept of online dating seems so forced and awkward to me.
Never something I've taken seriously but anytime I've looked at tinder most of the men want me to meet them for a drink in either the first message or the second one...or they start getting abusive because I didn't answer their message within a couple of hours (sorry, I'm not permanently attached to my phone)

I get that some people are really into it I just don't get why...

I agree, if there's no spark its going nowhere. The thing is though you do get women who have been on 10 or more 1st dates and didnt find a spark with any guy, I wonder is there a point where a woman should say to themselves maybe I should give it another date to see if a spark develops or is leaving it and moving on the best option. I think for both men and women there's a danger of continuing to chase after a better option when you already have a good option.. but then again you cant settle, the right option can be tricky. I find it interesting as sometimes you can go for a few drinks with someone and have a good time and then its a question of did I have a good time because I really liked her or did I just have a good time as it was nice to have a few mid week drinks.

Yes meeting people in real life is far more exciting and natural but the person you meet is likely already online dating anyway and sure people should be doing real life and online anyway. Ultimately it comes down to convenience, you can swipe while on the bus or while you wait for the kettle to boil. Also you definitely meet people online that you would never meet in real life. Tinder and Bumble are full of people who are interesting, fun, intelligent and good looking, you just have to weed through the crap to find them. I don't see anything forced or awkward, its just meeting real people a different way.

You will get men on there that are d*ckheads or after a quick ride but you just have to develop a thick skin and ignore these. Usually these d*ckheads are d*ckheads in real life too. Most people online are decent people.

maccored

hank scorpio89 wrote: »

Only signed up for tinder today and you now have to pay too see who likes you ..yeah good luck with that .deleted it already

it hasnt changed really. originally you could only see who you matched with when you actually matched with them. now you can pay to see who swiped right on you - without you matching with them

Ruraldweller56

Mango Joe wrote: »

Interesting how RD56 is at once utterly repulsed but yet beguilingly compelled by the immoral pheromone furnace of online dating

I bet he has a Tinder Triple Titanium Membership.

I'm not compelled by anything just asking a fair question.

I must be so out of touch at this stage I don't realise that weeks of inane messaging is how all the hip folk do things these days.

RacoonQueen

Ruraldweller56 wrote: »

Pardon my ignorance but would that not be a much more direct and straightforward way of cutting through lots of bull****? A drink or two (say an hour face to face) would be much more informative than weeks of inane messaging.

Chatting and getting to know someone over text is hardly inane. Can't imagine anything worse myself than going to meet someone I know nothing about other than you both swiped in the same direction on the carefully selected pictures you both put on your profiles.

Greyfox

RacoonQueen wrote: »

This concept seems to scare the sh*t out of Irish people, many seem to think you can only start a relationship with alcohol involved.

Sadly some men are lost without a bit of liquid courage

Mango Joe

PhilOssophy wrote: »

Nothing beats the thrill of the chase. Give me going up and talking to woman in a bar over online apps and swipes any day.

People do realise that there's a real woman at the other end of these online encounters don't they? (53yr overweight male Russian Catfish excluded obviously!)

The end goal remains the same as it was in time of olde.... Mutual frenzied groping followed by unwanted pregnancies and years of disgruntled servitude.

Antares35

RacoonQueen wrote: »

There are many, many other ways of meeting people than in bars and clubs...this is exactly what is wrong with dating in Ireland.
Meet someone you are interested in through a hobby or friends, work, maybe a neighbour you run into while out walking your dog and shock horror ask them on a date or shock horror tell them you are interested in them and would like to get to know them better. This concept seems to scare the sh*t out of Irish people, many seem to think you can only start a relationship with alcohol involved.

Some people would prefer to keep professional life separate in fairness

Anus Von Skidmark

Ruraldweller56 wrote: »

They have everything to do with common degeneracy.

Can confirm. Have used dating apps, and as a direct result have indulged in some wonderfully depraved degeneracy.

Antares35

RacoonQueen wrote: »

This is what I don't get about online dating...there is no spark, so whats the point?
Meeting people in real life is far more exciting and natural. Whole concept of online dating seems so forced and awkward to me.
Never something I've taken seriously but anytime I've looked at tinder most of the men want me to meet them for a drink in either the first message or the second one...or they start getting abusive because I didn't answer their message within a couple of hours (sorry, I'm not permanently attached to my phone)

I get that some people are really into it I just don't get why...

I met my OH in real life a couple of days after we messaged on a dating website. It was (and still is!) exciting to meet him. I couldn't get excited by someone approaching me in a club just before last orders because he is tanked up on liquid courage and doesn't want to go home alone.

I haven't done Tinder but I did have one guy send me abusive messages when I cancelled a first date. But, that guy is clearly a weirdo and would have been weird and abusive regardless of the platform we met on. Dating sites are simply a platform to meet people on - you don't conduct your relationship on them, and if you do there is something wrong with you. Once we met "in real life" our relationship travelled the usual path of any other relationship and the fact that we met online has had no bearing on that.

TBH I didn't have time to go out trying to "find" someone in a bar, club or hobby. My hobbies are for me - I'm not there to pull

Iseedeadpixels

I've deleted them all, met someone on one and all was going good until she ghosted me a day after asking me would I consider being with her, text her after a week told her it was fun and to text me whenever, no point getting upset over it but cant be arsed getting emotionally involved again for a while.

RacoonQueen

Antares35 wrote: »

Some people would prefer to keep professional life separate in fairness

As would I, personally wouldn't be up to dating someone I work with but it's a way to meet people. If you meet someone in real life and you are interested in them then you decide what you do about it. My whole post was about meeting someone through another aspect and realising you are interested in them rather than going searching for someone.

Antares35 wrote: »

TBH I didn't have time to go out trying to "find" someone in a bar, club or hobby. My hobbies are for me - I'm not there to pull

As above.

If you are trying to 'find' someone to date is a bizarre concept to me. I don't understand it, the obsession some people have with always being with someone or always having dates lined up is vomit inducing to me. Rather not be dating anyone than date someone just for the sake of it.
I've never been one to seek out a date or do or go to something in the hope I meet someone, things always just happen...online and bars and clubs(with the specific intent of 'pulling') would never work for me. That's just me, everyone is different in their approach.

SusieBlue

RacoonQueen wrote: »

As would I, personally wouldn't be up to dating someone I work with but it's a way to meet people. If you meet someone in real life and you are interested in them then you decide what you do about it. My whole post was about meeting someone through another aspect and realising you are interested in them rather than going searching for someone.

As above.

If you are trying to 'find' someone to date is a bizarre concept to me. I don't understand it, the obsession some people have with always being with someone or always having dates lined up is vomit inducing to me. Rather not be dating anyone than date someone just for the sake of it.
I've never been one to seek out a date or do or go to something in the hope I meet someone, things always just happen...online and bars and clubs(with the specific intent of 'pulling') would never work for me. That's just me, everyone is different in their approach.

If you were single and wanted to meet someone with a vew of potentially starting a relationship, are you really saying you wouldn't do anything to better your odds of that?

Because a lax "it'll just happen by itself" attitude is exactly when gets people panicking when prince charming doesn't break in their bedroom window.
You don't usually just come across someone who interests you & who you are compatible with by accident.
You have to be open it and put yourself into situations where you might widen your circle and meet new people.

For someone who lacks the social circle for nights out and group outings, dating apps offer them an alternative way to meet someone.
Most people I know who are actively looking to meet someone use a combination of real life effort as well as online effort.
A lot of it is down to the luck of meeting the right person at the right time, I think.

Thelonious Monk

Ruraldweller56 wrote: »

I'm not compelled by anything just asking a fair question.

I must be so out of touch at this stage I don't realise that weeks of inane messaging is how all the hip folk do things these days.

Yes let's go back to the old days when no one had sex or spoke to members of the opposite sex and if you weren't married by 25 you were past it and probably the best thing that might happen is a priest might suck you off. I was single for 4 years and if it wasn't for online dating I would very rarely have met any women, OD allowed me to go out with a diff woman every week if I wanted, it's the best thing to happen to single folk ever.

Anus Von Skidmark

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Yes let's go back to the old days when no one had sex or spoke to members of the opposite sex and if you weren't married by 25 you were past it and probably the best thing that might happen is a priest might suck you off. I was single for 4 years and if it wasn't for online dating I would very rarely have met any women, OD allowed me to go out with a diff woman every week if I wanted, it's the best thing to happen to single folk ever.

Eh, priests generally prefer to suck off lads that are FAR younger than 25!

Thelonious Monk

Anus Von Skidmark wrote: »

Eh, priests generally prefer to suck off lads that are FAR younger than 25!

not from my experience!

PoisonIvyBelle

JustJoe7240 wrote: »

Why do people swipe right if they’re just going to tell the other person they’re not interested? Speaking from a male perspective but know of guys who do the same!

Surely if you’re not interested from the offest you’d just swipe left from the get go?

Ah I'm talking about POF in that sense, not Tinder.

PoisonIvyBelle

S.G.M. wrote: »

I call it arrogance. Humility is a nice asset.

Pretty sure I've met this guy IRL. He's not being arrogant. Just truthful!

Also re: arrogance, there's a fine line, but honestly I'd take a bit of extra confidence over the whole insecure needy attitude any day.

PoisonIvyBelle

S.G.M. wrote: »

You can suggest that I need to work on myself as often as you want to try and belittle my point. I know myself well enough so don't need any advice. Thanks though.

C'mon now, take it handy. His comments were never an attack on you personally but you have taken them very personally. Why?

You got enraged by a lad saying he believes he's attractive and witty. Do you not want to take a minute to think about why that upset you so much? A stranger, on the internet, is confident about his looks and personality, and it offends you to the point of escalating an argument.

Take just one minute, that's all. Look back at your posts. Look at his. And think about it. That's the kind of self reflection that will lead to the kind of self awareness that will help you to work on yourself and your own confidence so that you're not bothered by things like this.

Re: what you said earlier about messaging a girl a few times if she hasn't replied in case it hadn't "landed". I block those guys. Because I know they know I've read their message. And when I get 2 more in a row I just think "does this guy not have any respect for himself"? You can be sure if I messaged a guy and he didn't reply I wouldn't be chasing him with 2/3 more messages over the next month "in case" he didn't get it.

You have two options now:

• get annoyed at me too and try to start another argument in the thread
• think about why you reacted how you did and what it means.

Mister Vain

RacoonQueen wrote: »

I've never been one to seek out a date or do or go to something in the hope I meet someone, things always just happen...online and bars and clubs(with the specific intent of 'pulling') would never work for me. That's just me, everyone is different in their approach.

In an ideal world it would just "happen" for everyone. Some people land in relationships without pursuing it. For others it can take an awful lot of effort to even get their foot in the door. I agree that the Irish tend to tiptoe around the issue and its not really the norm here to ask people on dates outside of the bar/club scene. I met my ex in work at a time when I wasn't looking for anything. It just happened, but that would be a very rare occurrence.

zapper55

Yup that reminds me, if I get more than one message from a guy before I've even had a chance to answer the first one I'd think he had no cop on and just block him. Not going to wait for the third message or the why wont you respond malarky.

Earthhorse

PoisonIvyBelle wrote: »

Take just one minute, that's all. Look back at your posts. Look at his. And think about it. That's the kind of self reflection that will lead to the kind of self awareness that will help you to work on yourself and your own confidence so that you're not bothered by things like this.

SGM can still reply to your post, unlike the poster you’re defending, who’s been banned from it. Perhaps it’s he who needs to reflect on his posting style and how seriously he’s taking the debate? Perhaps you need to reflect on whether you’re not just defending him because you believe you’ve met him in real life?

You are reading far too much into a simple disagreement.

Galwayguy35

I've been on and off dating sites for years now, met some sound people and others who were complete timewasters who just never showed up for the date after arranging to meet.

PoisonIvyBelle

Earthhorse wrote: »

SGM can still reply to your post, unlike the poster you’re defending, who’s been banned from it. Perhaps it’s he who needs to reflect on his posting style and how seriously he’s taking the debate? Perhaps you need to reflect on whether you’re not just defending him because you believe you’ve met him in real life?

You are reading far too much into a simple disagreement.

Not at all. I only followed up on the thread today since my first post in it and all I could see was the back and forth between them, instigated by someone saying he thought he was attractive.

And yes, of course I'm defending him because I've a fair idea I know what he looks like which means I can back up the confidence that SGM has taken offence to.

I'm also defending him because there's nothing wrong with his posting style. All he has done is be direct and defend himself and ask the person he unintentionally aggravated to take a look at himself.

Also, can I just say, this isn't about being attractive or not. That's subjective. It's about confidence. Or at least feigning confidence and not messaging women looking for external validation.

I've dated men who were sh1t hot and men who were attractive to "me" but not stereotypically good looking. I still found them attractive though. Why? Confidence was a MASSIVE thing. Personality was another. Little quirks, all of that.

There are a lot of bitter men (and women) around. They are the people who make dating apps sh1t. Get your own sh1t together before you start looking for someone else to bring into your life, or at least be aware of your own issues and be managing them. (not you specifically!)

Earthhorse

PoisonIvyBelle wrote: »

And yes, of course I'm defending him because I've a fair idea I know what he looks like which means I can back up the confidence that SGM has taken offence to.

SGM hasn’t taken offense to anything. You’re misreading his posts if you think that.

I'm also defending him because there's nothing wrong with his posting style. All he has done is be direct and defend himself and ask the person he unintentionally aggravated to take a look at himself.

Yet he is the one banned from the thread.