Anyone else fed up of dating apps?

ToddyDoody · 06-10-2019 04:44PM

Ficheall wrote: »

Okay, Bewley's at 7pm next Sunday (13th). I'll buy you a coffee.

Remember, the gays will get you if you don't pick up a woman at some stage.

Elessar · 08-10-2019 08:42PM

Anyone else finding Tinder harder to get matches on lately?

I don't know what it is with it lately, but after a 3 years hiatus when I was in a relationship (with someone I met on Tinder no less) I'm back on it now and not getting any decent matches. I paid the €44 for the super boost thing and after 3 hours supposedly on top of the pile I got matched with 6 ladies who lets just say have let themselves go. Not meaning to toot my own horn or anything but in the past I never had too much trouble getting dates with some amazing girls. I've tried loads of different pics and pic combos to no avail. I do the boost thing every so often aswell but not getting anything there either.

Maybe I'm just ugly now

Thelonious Monk · 08-10-2019 08:45PM

Youre just ugly

08-10-2019 09:09PM

Elessar wrote: »

Anyone else finding Tinder harder to get matches on lately?

I don't know what it is with it lately, but after a 3 years hiatus when I was in a relationship (with someone I met on Tinder no less) I'm back on it now and not getting any decent matches. I paid the €44 for the super boost thing and after 3 hours supposedly on top of the pile I got matched with 6 ladies who lets just say have let themselves go. Not meaning to toot my own horn or anything but in the past I never had too much trouble getting dates with some amazing girls. I've tried loads of different pics and pic combos to no avail. I do the boost thing every so often aswell but not getting anything there either.

Maybe I'm just ugly now

i think its probably the better one and more popular one compared to bumble/pof but i think theres a lot of deactivated/unused accounts on it as i go on and off it and see the same and (get the same ones ive matched and just didn't click with).....ive just hit my thirties and find i think its probably better in early/mid 20's....i go on and off it often so i think it might be another break for me on it

- and the other issue i have is that they match and they dont respond.....like why match if you dont respond....i get it

Bumble, while i think is good concept, its not popular enough and the lack of a distance filter is bad and i find its very popular in Dublin/Northern parts of ireland and not much else....IM A Cork guy so id rather find some woman in the cork vicinity rather than matching someone whose based in sligo (no offence)..POF i find is filled with fake accounts

zapper55 · 08-10-2019 09:30PM

Elessar are you looking at the same age group as you were 3 years ago? If so perhaps you aren't the age group they are looking for now.

Dial Hard · 08-10-2019 10:14PM

Allyson Curved Celebration wrote: »

Bumble, while i think is good concept, its not popular enough and the lack of a distance filter is bad and i find its very popular in Dublin/Northern parts of ireland and not much else....IM A Cork guy so id rather find some woman in the cork vicinity rather than matching someone whose based in sligo (no offence)..POF i find is filled with fake accounts

Bumble added a distance filter about a month ago.

08-10-2019 10:18PM

Dial Hard wrote: »

Bumble added a distance filter about a month ago.

oh good...hopefully its picked up in numbers like tinder...just found i was getting matches with women from other side of the country

Elessar · 08-10-2019 10:24PM

zapper55 wrote: »

Elessar are you looking at the same age group as you were 3 years ago? If so perhaps you aren't the age group they are looking for now.

I think so, I think I've widened it actually. I should probably narrow it down. It was always a feast or a famine with me and online dating so maybe this is just the famine bit

TheEyeonyrBack · 19-10-2019 05:11PM

Hello everyone, I just joined this forum after reading a few comments on this thread. Yes, I've got nothing better to do but I feel alright

Some people around me are pushing me to give these apps a chance, but I have a few concerns about them.

For a bit of context, I'm not Irish and I've experienced the internet dating phenomenon when it first came in back in 2000 when I was in my early 20s, no swipe or scroll whatsoever, blind dates. Back to those days, it was new and fair enough to try. I never had anything serious, never met anyone outstanding.

I've met the men I committed to in a relationship in the old fashion style, no hunting, no picking, just felt off out of the blue, so to speak.

As a non Irish I find hard to get to know people, not necessarily for dating, unless they're drunk. I come from a land where men are way too invasive at times so I'm quite used to walk men off when they annoy me. I am sometimes told to go with tinder - never heard of the others being mentioned here,- but I refuse.

I rarely go out because I don't like getting stoned with alcohol and the type of music I like is generally disliked by my friends. I prefer spending my time with learning stuff and nurture my brain and, when I go out, I like having genuine conversations which possibly lead to peaceful discussions.

I've always thought that these apps are quite sordid because one misses the pros and cons of the chemistry between two people. It's like at grocery shop, and I can have plenty of occasions, if only I wanted, to head to a pub and pick up a fancy lad for a quick encounter, if we want to put it this way.

I'm pretty comfortable with staying out of these things to be honest, and encounters are just like Xmas, when it comes it comes.

Wibbs · 19-10-2019 06:02PM

zapper55 wrote: »

Elessar are you looking at the same age group as you were 3 years ago? If so perhaps you aren't the age group they are looking for now.

Could be that alright, though I suspect online dating has changed quite rapidly over the last decade or so and possibly even in the last few years. The abundance of apparent choice in those that have more, or feel they have more(generally more women than men as it's more a sellers market) tends to lead to a choice overload and ever more filtering and tickboxing. After all if Tinder user A is not 100%, then there are always more swipes to the "ideal". Which doesn't exist. I've seen this trend with men and women I've known who gone down the tinder route. They roughly fall into two categories; those that can't get a sniff, or if they do it escalates to dick pics or some other daftness and those that do get a sniff, but nobody they meet, if they even get that far, measures up(and they often seem to be looking for issues). Rinse and repeat. That's those looking for something more, the ones looking for the ride(tm) if they're in the more choice bracket get the ride and fine, whatever floats your boat. Of those I've known that did well off online dating, the majority did so years ago when the landscape appears to have been different. Like Elessar's experience above things seem to have changed.

Greyfox · 19-10-2019 06:07PM

Dial Hard wrote: »

Bumble added a distance filter about a month ago.

Bumble can be annoying as you have to scroll down to see where the persons from and you still get some people outside your distance range

TheEyeonyrBack wrote: »

I've always thought that these apps are quite sordid because one misses the pros and cons of the chemistry between two people. It's like at grocery shop, and I can have plenty of occasions, if only I wanted, to head to a pub and pick up a fancy lad for a quick encounter, if we want to put it this way.

Your wrong, their not sordid. You will get some guys who are just after a quick hook up and some eejits just like real life but od is full of are decent guys. With effort it's easy for both men and women living in the city to get dates. Personally I think single people who want to meet someone need to use od otherwise their eejits. Just be prepared for plenty of dates where the guy was sound but you didn't feel the spark.

Church on Tuesday · 19-10-2019 07:11PM

Deepblack wrote: »

Put down your phone and meet people in the real world.

Preferably not in a pub or nightclub.

TheEyeonyrBack · 19-10-2019 07:15PM

I appreciate the advice here, but there's an interesting fact: who said that one must meet/date people? Just for the sake of it?

Talking and interacting is always possible, but that doesn't necessarily involve dating or sex or settling down. Having an intelligent interaction or bringing interesting topics is another story.

Church on Tuesday · 19-10-2019 07:25PM

The Ratman wrote: »

Got a laid by 7/10 Brazilian chick last week. Just go to the pub and chat to women. Lads it's not that hard, get rid of the apps, stop playing computer games, get out there and live.

You always show up around this time on these kind of threads .

Fair play, if nothing else you're dedicated.

Church on Tuesday · 19-10-2019 07:33PM

The Ratman wrote: »

Thank you friend. For real though, disconnect from the machine and go meet some women irl. It's fun.

I know it is.

Potential-Monke · 19-10-2019 09:01PM

Dating Apps have a purpose and a target audience. Tinder doesn't want to advertise with 30+ year old people, they want the young, sexy tweens to make it look more appealing.

I've never had luck on them. I'm pretty shy when it comes to talking to women I find attractive (internal "don't f.ck this up" type thing), and I thought dating Apps would be easier. Nope. Think I got maybe 4 matches in POF and never one in Tinder. Possibly just ugly, but previous girlfriends were certainly not of the munter type so I don't think I'm that bad.

Then again, as someone said above, why should we be dating? I firmly believe it will happen when it happens, but living the single life is a lot easier than a relationship, so if you can get over missing the sex (far from the be all and end all of relationships), the companionship, the public displays of affection (if you're into that), being single is great! It helps most of my friends are in relationships and I get all the talk about the downsides of it, makes my decision easier. Then again, is it a decision if I couldn't pull anyway? I'm gonna pretend it is.

Also, meeting people in real life is not as easy as some of ye are making it out to be. I'm not great with rejection, especially if I have convinced myself that there must be something there, but I think I've proven I'm incapable of reading a women and her intentions. As Billy Connolly once said*, she could be licking my ear and I'd be batting her away getting annoyed! Last 5 women I thought were interested were not.

Then again, the last relationship, which lasted 7 years until I ended it (she wanted kids, I didn't) started off with me taking a chance and kissing her one night. She kissed back and it eventually led to a 7 year relationship. But after the 4th year I got it out of her that she had absolutely no interest in me aside from friendship, and she only kept kissing me to save face in front of her friends... What am I supposed to do with that? Lob the gob on every girl and hope one of them does the same?!

I've basically given up, but will always hold out hope. Then again, who wants to date a 36 year old 5'6" balding ginger with a great big bushy beard whose into gaming and anime? Bring on the fembots!

pgj2015 · 19-10-2019 09:06PM

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Dating Apps have a purpose and a target audience. Tinder doesn't want to advertise with 30+ year old people, they want the young, sexy tweens to make it look more appealing.

I've never had luck on them. I'm pretty shy when it comes to talking to women I find attractive (internal "don't f.ck this up" type thing), and I thought dating Apps would be easier. Nope. Think I got maybe 4 matches in POF and never one in Tinder. Possibly just ugly, but previous girlfriends were certainly not of the munter type so I don't think I'm that bad.

Then again, as someone said above, why should we be dating? I firmly believe it will happen when it happens, but living the single life is a lot easier than a relationship, so if you can get over missing the sex (far from the be all and end all of relationships), the companionship, the public displays of affection (if you're into that), being single is great! It helps most of my friends are in relationships and I get all the talk about the downsides of it, makes my decision easier. Then again, is it a decision if I couldn't pull anyway? I'm gonna pretend it is.

Also, meeting people in real life is not as easy as some of ye are making it out to be. I'm not great with rejection, especially if I have convinced myself that there must be something there, but I think I've proven I'm incapable of reading a women and her intentions. As Billy Connolly once said*, she could be licking my ear and I'd be batting her away getting annoyed! Last 5 women I thought were interested were not.

Then again, the last relationship, which lasted 7 years until I ended it (she wanted kids, I didn't) started off with me taking a chance and kissing her one night. She kissed back and it eventually led to a 7 year relationship. But after the 4th year I got it out of her that she had absolutely no interest in me aside from friendship, and she only kept kissing me to save face in front of her friends... What am I supposed to do with that? Lob the gob on every girl and hope one of them does the same?!

I've basically given up, but will always hold out hope. Then again, who wants to date a 36 year old 5'6" balding ginger with a great big bushy beard whose into gaming and anime? Bring on the fembots!

would you not shave the beard off and shave your head if you dont think its a good look?

Church on Tuesday · 19-10-2019 09:06PM

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Dating Apps have a purpose and a target audience. Tinder doesn't want to advertise with 30+ year old people, they want the young, sexy tweens to make it look more appealing.

I've never had luck on them. I'm pretty shy when it comes to talking to women I find attractive (internal "don't f.ck this up" type thing), and I thought dating Apps would be easier. Nope. Think I got maybe 4 matches in POF and never one in Tinder. Possibly just ugly, but previous girlfriends were certainly not of the munter type so I don't think I'm that bad.

Then again, as someone said above, why should we be dating? I firmly believe it will happen when it happens, but living the single life is a lot easier than a relationship, so if you can get over missing the sex (far from the be all and end all of relationships), the companionship, the public displays of affection (if you're into that), being single is great! It helps most of my friends are in relationships and I get all the talk about the downsides of it, makes my decision easier. Then again, is it a decision if I couldn't pull anyway? I'm gonna pretend it is.

Also, meeting people in real life is not as easy as some of ye are making it out to be. I'm not great with rejection, especially if I have convinced myself that there must be something there, but I think I've proven I'm incapable of reading a women and her intentions. As Billy Connolly once said*, she could be licking my ear and I'd be batting her away getting annoyed! Last 5 women I thought were interested were not.

Then again, the last relationship, which lasted 7 years until I ended it (she wanted kids, I didn't) started off with me taking a chance and kissing her one night. She kissed back and it eventually led to a 7 year relationship. But after the 4th year I got it out of her that she had absolutely no interest in me aside from friendship, and she only kept kissing me to save face in front of her friends... What am I supposed to do with that? Lob the gob on every girl and hope one of them does the same?!

I've basically given up, but will always hold out hope. Then again, who wants to date a 36 year old 5'6" balding ginger with a great big bushy beard whose into gaming and anime? Bring on the fembots!

Plenty.

Potential-Monke · 19-10-2019 09:14PM

pgj2015 wrote: »

would you not shave the beard off and shave your head if you dont think its a good look?

Oh god no, I was a Garda for 9 years, so near daily shaving. Quit just about 3 years ago, and haven't shaved since. The beard has brought me more pleasure and satisfaction (and compliments) that it shall forever be on my face. I love it. I love it because I was the only one in my family (between 4 brothers) regularly shaving and they all had facial hair. I was jealous. Now they all have either goatees or smigs, none of them can grow a big full Luke Kelly style beard!

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Plenty.

Must have missed the signpost! The only ones I found even remotely interested in that are those still in their 20's, who are probably only saying it to make me feel better. And wouldn't be interested in someone in their 30's. But it's ok, I have a plan. I'm going to save up and head to Japan (dream destination of mine) and hopefully some lovely Japanese lady will take a liking to me, I would stay there if given the chance! Plus, i'm sure there's a far larger audience of female gamers into anime over there...

Edit, also forgot to mention that for reasons, I live with my parents.

Purple Mountain · 19-10-2019 09:20PM

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Dating Apps have a purpose and a target audience. Tinder doesn't want to advertise with 30+ year old people, they want the young, sexy tweens to make it look more appealing.

I've never had luck on them. I'm pretty shy when it comes to talking to women I find attractive (internal "don't f.ck this up" type thing), and I thought dating Apps would be easier. Nope. Think I got maybe 4 matches in POF and never one in Tinder. Possibly just ugly, but previous girlfriends were certainly not of the munter type so I don't think I'm that bad.

Then again, as someone said above, why should we be dating? I firmly believe it will happen when it happens, but living the single life is a lot easier than a relationship, so if you can get over missing the sex (far from the be all and end all of relationships), the companionship, the public displays of affection (if you're into that), being single is great! It helps most of my friends are in relationships and I get all the talk about the downsides of it, makes my decision easier. Then again, is it a decision if I couldn't pull anyway? I'm gonna pretend it is.

Also, meeting people in real life is not as easy as some of ye are making it out to be. I'm not great with rejection, especially if I have convinced myself that there must be something there, but I think I've proven I'm incapable of reading a women and her intentions. As Billy Connolly once said*, she could be licking my ear and I'd be batting her away getting annoyed! Last 5 women I thought were interested were not.

Then again, the last relationship, which lasted 7 years until I ended it (she wanted kids, I didn't) started off with me taking a chance and kissing her one night. She kissed back and it eventually led to a 7 year relationship. But after the 4th year I got it out of her that she had absolutely no interest in me aside from friendship, and she only kept kissing me to save face in front of her friends... What am I supposed to do with that? Lob the gob on every girl and hope one of them does the same?!

I've basically given up, but will always hold out hope. Then again, who wants to date a 36 year old 5'6" balding ginger with a great big bushy beard whose into gaming and anime? Bring on the fembots!

Just put of curiosity, why stay with her for another three years after she told you that?
Would you both not have walked away and found people who you were both more compatible with?

Church on Tuesday · 19-10-2019 09:23PM

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Oh god no, I was a Garda for 9 years, so near daily shaving. Quit just about 3 years ago, and haven't shaved since. The beard has brought me more pleasure and satisfaction (and compliments) that it shall forever be on my face. I love it. I love it because I was the only one in my family (between 4 brothers) regularly shaving and they all had facial hair. I was jealous. Now they all have either goatees or smigs, none of them can grow a big full Luke Kelly style beard!

Must have missed the signpost! The only ones I found even remotely interested in that are those still in their 20's, who are probably only saying it to make me feel better. And wouldn't be interested in someone in their 30's. But it's ok, I have a plan. I'm going to save up and head to Japan (dream destination of mine) and hopefully some lovely Japanese lady will take a liking to me, I would stay there if given the chance! Plus, i'm sure there's a far larger audience of female gamers into anime over there...

Edit, also forgot to mention that for reasons, I live with my parents.

Nice one, also how do you know that for sure?

You should never undervalue yourself, why wouldn't they not want to be with you? That's the best attitude to have.

Best of luck with Japan, a mate of mine is working there and would be into the kind of stuff you like too. Be grand.

19-10-2019 09:25PM

aw, don't be one of them 'i'll find a japanese girl' people.

get a female friend to choose your tinder photos and give it another go

Potential-Monke · 19-10-2019 09:43PM

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Just put of curiosity, why stay with her for another three years after she told you that?
Would you both not have walked away and found people who you were both more compatible with?

She was actually attracted to me at that stage. I think, iirc, that she started to fall in love after a few months (I was already in love I think), was happy enough with just having sex up to the stage where we went official. I'd imagine she was attracted to me by that stage. Strange decision on her part if she wasn't though... Was a really good relationship too, think we had 1 verbal "fight" in that time. Was great while it lasted, but she would not have been happy without a kid, and I would have been depressed if I had a kid. She since got married and has the kid, all happy in the end!

Deepblack wrote: »

Sounds like you're the kind of man to make excuses why women aren't interested in him. I'm in my 30's and never had a problem attracting women in their twenties. Walk over and say hello and find out for yourself.

Not making excuses, trust me I've tried, but there's only a certain amount of rejection one man can take. I do talk to them, and it's most likely me just not being able to read signs, and I don't do small talk. But it's ok, I'm ok with the way it is now. TBH I think having a relationship right now would be more stressful than it's worth. I'm not closing the doors, but I'm not inviting people in either, if you know what I mean.

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Nice one, also how do you know that for sure?

You should never undervalue yourself, why wouldn't they not want to be with you? That's the best attitude to have.

Best of luck with Japan, a mate of mine is working there and would be into the kind of stuff you like too. Be grand.

Of the few I asked, it lead to awkward conversations about why they specifically are not interested, but went on to say there's plenty of others out there who are. Just never seems to be the ones I ask... And I wouldn't say I undervalue myself, I actually think I would be a fantastic partner (good listener, don't like fighting, thoughtful - make 4 Hogwarts wine glasses for my female friend before, covered them in glitter in the house colours with the letter on each glass, I'm like that). I just don't have any luck.

Cheers!

bluewolf wrote: »

aw, don't be one of them 'i'll find a japanese girl' people.

get a female friend to choose your tinder photos and give it another go

Tried that. And the only one I matched with after that was the one who set up my profile... Friendzoned friend. And finding a Japanese girl would be a dream to me. The older I'm getting, the more I think I should have been born in Japan. Someday i'll make it there, and I'll probably be so distracted by the sights and sounds that I won't even consider looking for a partner!

YFlyer · 19-10-2019 09:54PM

Lol

Potential-Monke · 19-10-2019 10:20PM

I think there's my problem Deepblack, I just don't know how to keep a conversation going, unless it's something I'm interested in or know about. And I find most people converse about topics I have little to no interest in, thus not having any input.

Ask me to describe the intricacies of the differences between Luffy's Gear 4 Bounceman, Gear 4 Jumpman and Gear 4 Snakeman, or the possibilities of where future God of War sequels will be set, and I'll probably talk the ear off ya. But sports, fashion, politics, religion, mainstream entertainment, pop culture and all the other 'normal' topics, and I zone out. I completely understand that a lot of this is my own doing, but a few years back I gave up trying to keep up with everything and be 'in' with what most people seem to like to discuss, and concentrated on what I actually want to enjoy. If that means I stay single, so be it.

Reading back over my posts, I must come across as some poor soul reaching out, but the fact is i'm genuinely quite happy right now. More so than I was for years. I'm just giving my opinion on this is all! And trust me, I've tried everything except dogging sites, simply because I can't find any...

Earthhorse · 19-10-2019 10:44PM

So this girl was in love with you and attracted to you but only kissing you to save face in front of her friends and when she revealed this to you you both decided to stay together and this went on for three more years until you broke it off because she wanted kids and you didn't?

None of that makes sense to me at all.

Wibbs · 19-10-2019 10:57PM

bluewolf wrote: »

aw, don't be one of them 'i'll find a japanese girl' people.

To be fair B it's more usually Thailand and the Philippines said "gentlemen" go. To look for second world ladies hoping for better. Japan would be very different. More nerdy, which might help our friend. Exotic helps too, and a ginger Irishman with a bushy beard is gonna knock on that door in a big way.

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Then again, who wants to date a 36 year old 5'6" balding ginger with a great big bushy beard whose into gaming and anime? Bring on the fembots!

Jaysus PM, don't give up hope. My absolute peak in the dating game was around your age now. Granted I'll put the talk on the dogs in the street. Half ginger(the better half of me, it went grey

), not bald, but had a beard(5'11"). Though more Jesus than lumberjack. Beards seem to be very much a 50/50 thing. Some will love it, others will hate it. No middle ground, unless you get the "home improver" who wants to mould you. Run. Run as fast as your legs will carry you

Still all things being equal I would say that a man's attractiveness peak age wise is smack bang you.

If you're fat, ease off on the cakes, if you're scrawny, up the intake of cake, but just before you hit fat. Grow your social circle. Never turn down a social event in work and such places. Say Yes to everything, including the stuff that would have you usually say No. Actually especially the stuff that would have you usually say No. Forget your interests, ask them what their interests are. Nobody lost money betting against people's fave subject being them.

So that'll will take up a huge amount of the slack in any convo. Listen to what they say, goes for women, men, kids, dogs and cats, and murderous parrots. People are so unused to being actually listened to. You'll stand out if you demonstrate that you've only one mouth, but two ears.

Then drop the hand. Oh wait... may have missed a couple of steps there P. This advice has been brought to you by IKEA's assembly manual dept.

Wibbs · 19-10-2019 10:57PM

Deeqblack wrote: »

A conversation isn't just about exchanging sterile facts, it's about exchanging your experience of the world with another person's experience of the world.

Deeq nailing it there.

Earthhorse wrote: »

None of that makes sense to me at all.

It kinda does to me E. If someone underestimates their worth, they'll tend to stick/hang on for dear life in situations that they originally thought made them feel more worthy.

19-10-2019 11:02PM

Wibbs wrote: »

To be fair B it's more usually Thailand and the Philippines said "gentlemen" go. To look for second world ladies hoping for better. Japan would be very different. More nerdy, which might help our friend.

It's usually weeaboos on reddit who learned a few words of japanese who fantasise about going over and finding a perfect japanese woman, then realising they're still people. and aside from anything else, if you have difficulty talking to people, you're still going to have difficulty talking to people halfway across the world

PM doesn't seem like a weirdo which is why i said it

Edgware · 19-10-2019 11:09PM

Stuck up sluts . leave them to their gold digging

Anyone else fed up of dating apps?

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