Wedding Planner Trouble

caimitator · 04-07-2017 10:36am #1

Hi All,

Sorry if this post is in the wrong place, and sorry for the length of post!

I'm just looking for a bit of advice.

Got engaged May of 2016, and originally the plan was to get married in Spain. However, in May of this year we decided that getting married in Ireland was better for us and began looking at venues. As you can imagine, looking for a weekend wedding next Summer has been challenging in terms of availability (totally our own fault). Furthermore, we're looking for a venue that would do a Friday wedding with a Saturday second day option (I know, I know, we're pushing it).

Anyway, we've gone to see 8 venues, and at the weekend we were offered a venue we really like for the Bank Holiday next year in August which is ideal.

At the start of June, we met with a wedding planner and decided to go ahead with her. On the first day we met her, we told her how the wedding we had planned in Spain was to be on the 1st September but that we'd be looking for earlier if it was in Ireland. When we filled out her consultation documents, under "Date of Wedding", we put "July/August 2018".

Before we went to see the venue in question, the wedding planner emailed their availability and mentioned the August Bank Holiday. After we saw the venue, she mentioned that the venue were still willing to offer us the Bank Holiday and would we like her to hold the dates for us? Of course we said yes.

The next day, we received an email from her stating that she's actually not free on the August Bank Holiday 2018 and that she's really sorry she didn't realise this but that she's going through an illness in her extended family and she has been distracted and she didn't check the dates when we said it.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? How did you proceed? We have paid a deposit, but not the total fee.

Thanks, sorry again for length

DaeryssaOne · 04-07-2017 11:23am

Haven't been through it myself but I would imagine you should be in the position to receive a full refund of your deposit on account of the fact that the planner got the dates wrong herself. If she sent an email stating that she incorrect and the fault is on her side you should simply just ask for your deposit back.
It will be easier to find another wedding planner than a venue you love that's available on the long weekend. A wedding planner isn't all that necessary but obviously a suitable venue is! Best of luck with it.

SozBbz · 04-07-2017 11:59am

Is the venue somehow contingent on working with this wedding planner? If not, simply request that your deposit is refunded and start looking for a new planner if you still think you need one.

Your requirements for the venue are quite a lot given the time of year and essentially wanting to book it out for two days, so I'd suggest if you have a venue that fits that and you like, hold onto it.

PhoenixParker · 04-07-2017 12:16pm

By wedding planner do you mean the hotels wedding coordinator?
So the venue is booked out?
Not much you can do except get your deposit back and move on.
Alternatively you could switch to a different date in the same venue, maybe using your annoyance to leverage a better deal.

I'd suggest looking for somewhere with availability on the Friday then finding a nearby pub or restaurant to accommodate day 2. You'll have far more options.

caimitator · 04-07-2017 12:21pm

Sorry, should have been clearer. External wedding planner. Wedding venue still has date we want.

PhoenixParker · 04-07-2017 12:24pm

Just get a new wedding planner so, if you even need one now that the event is in Ireland. Seems like you have grounds to break any contract and get a deposit back as she first said the date was ok and then said not.

Wheety · 04-07-2017 12:32pm

Go with the venue. Does the wedding planner need to be there on the day? If so, can she not send someone else?

huggles85 · 04-07-2017 2:23pm

Things like this happen. Take it on good faith that she made an error and kindly ask for a refund of your deposit as soon as possible which of course you are entitled too.

GingerLily · 04-07-2017 2:30pm

Have you asked her yet for a return of your deposit?

caimitator · 04-07-2017 4:22pm

Haven't asked for the return of deposit yet. We are due to see the venue in question again tomorrow morning before we make a final decision on it.

GingerLily · 04-07-2017 4:52pm

caimitator wrote: »

Haven't asked for the return of deposit yet. We are due to see the venue in question again tomorrow morning before we make a final decision on it.

Have you paid a deposit to the wedding planner? Has she received any money from this so far? If not can't you just proceed with the venue and get a new wedding planner?

caimitator · 04-07-2017 7:49pm

Yes, have already paid over a deposit.

Bacchus · 04-07-2017 8:40pm

caimitator wrote: »

Yes, have already paid over a deposit.

If I have this right... you have paid a deposit to the wedding planner who isn't available on the date you want... but you haven't paid a deposit to the venue that is available.

Did the wedding planner bring this hotel to your attention? Has she already put in work on this? Has she put in any other work for the planning?

I say be clear with the wedding planner. You want to go ahead with the hotel on that date and unfortunately that means you can't go ahead with her. Try and negotiate whatever you can get back from the deposit. I'm not sure what your agreement is for the terms of service but there must be some provision for the event that she is not available on the date itself. I mean surely it happens on occasion.

caimitator · 04-07-2017 9:22pm

Bacchus wrote: »

If I have this right... you have paid a deposit to the wedding planner who isn't available on the date you want... but you haven't paid a deposit to the venue that is available.

Did the wedding planner bring this hotel to your attention? Has she already put in work on this? Has she put in any other work for the planning?

I say be clear with the wedding planner. You want to go ahead with the hotel on that date and unfortunately that means you can't go ahead with her. Try and negotiate whatever you can get back from the deposit. I'm not sure what your agreement is for the terms of service but there must be some provision for the event that she is not available on the date itself. I mean surely it happens on occasion.

Exactly. Have paid the deposit to the wedding planner, and haven't paid deposit on venue. This is due to happen tomorrow morning.

The wedding planner has brought this to the venue's attention. However, we do not want this to affect the venue's understanding of our eagerness to secure the Bank Holiday weekend. As in, we don't want the venue to think "oh their wedding planner said she wasn't available on that day, so we can release their provisional booking."

No other work has been put in, other than arranging viewings of venues (none of which she attended). She is due to attend the venue with us tomorrow as it is probably the one we are going to go ahead with.

I'm sure she will suggest that she can do the work up until that point and delegate the actual day to someone. I just don't know if I'm comfortable with that option.

Wesser · 04-07-2017 9:28pm

This is not really that complicated.
Just get a new wedding planner.
Do you even need one?

Humour Me · 04-07-2017 9:39pm

Go to the venue tomorrow, confirm the booking and pay the deposit. A wedding planner is not required for that. Make it clear to the venue that they are dealing with you directly and not the planner, therefore any changes in planner will not impact the booking.

Separately have a conversation with the wedding planner to see what contingency she is putting in place for your wedding date and ask her to put it in writing. If you are not happy with her response, tell her that as you are not getting the service you were originally offered, you don't want her to act as your planner any further.

Have you signed a contract with her which confirms if your deposit can be refunded?

caimitator · 04-07-2017 9:41pm

According to the contract, the deposit is non-refundable

Faith · 04-07-2017 9:58pm

caimitator wrote: »

According to the contract, the deposit is non-refundable

That presumably only relates to you cancelling, not her double booking herself. She can't fulfill her end of the contract, thus it's null and void.

Bacchus · 04-07-2017 10:18pm

Faith wrote: »

That presumably only relates to you cancelling, not her double booking herself. She can't fulfill her end of the contract, thus it's null and void.

The timeline would actually really help clear up where the OP stands with the coordinator deposit. The following line in the OP introduces a bit of ambiguity...

At the start of June, we met with a wedding planner and decided to go ahead with her. ... When we filled out her consultation documents, under "Date of Wedding", we put "July/August 2018".

Is this the point at which you paid the deposit or was it only when you had the date confirmed?

If it was at this point then it appears to be a sort of find the date/venue deal and perhaps she's technically not breaking it as long as she can find something for you in "July/August 2018".

If it was only at the point in which you confirm the date and venue with her, then yeah it's all on her breaking the contract with regards the double booking so get on to the hotel directly and get your deposit in.

caimitator · 04-07-2017 10:27pm

Bacchus wrote: »

The timeline would actually really help clear up where the OP stands with the coordinator deposit. The following line in the OP introduces a bit of ambiguity...

Is this the point at which you paid the deposit or was it only when you had the date confirmed?

If it was at this point then it appears to be a sort of find the date/venue deal and perhaps she's technically not breaking it as long as she can find something for you in "July/August 2018".

If it was only at the point in which you confirm the date and venue with her, then yeah it's all on her breaking the contract with regards the double booking so get on to the hotel directly and get your deposit in.

Apologies for the lack of clarity.

We paid the wedding planner's deposit at the end of June, before we found any venue/date we liked.

The contract includes, "on the day attendance and coordination, including second day arrangements." This part obviously cannot be fulfilled now. However, this is probably not enough to transform the refund into a refundable one.

GingerLily · 04-07-2017 10:28pm

caimitator wrote: »

The contract includes, "on the day attendance and coordination, including second day arrangements." This part obviously cannot be fulfilled now. However, this is probably not enough to transform the refund into a refundable one.

Ask for your deposit back first

tuisginideach · 04-07-2017 10:31pm

Why do you need a wedding planner?

caimitator · 04-07-2017 10:35pm

We don't need one, but some people want wedding planners, including us. The decision about whether we want one or not has been made.

The original post was asking for advice regarding the current situation, not whether we should have one at all.

I know that probably doesn't answer your question, apologies.

GingerLily · 04-07-2017 10:37pm

caimitator wrote: »

We don't need one, but some people want wedding planners, including us. The decision about whether we want one or not has been made.

The original post was asking for advice regarding the current situation, not whether we should have one at all.

I know that probably doesn't answer your question, apologies.

Can you not just ask her for your deposit back? It might be just that simple.

caimitator · 04-07-2017 10:42pm

I'm hoping it is that simple. I was wondering if someone had been in this situation before and what the conclusion was, i.e, allowing delegation to happen and if it was successful.

Obviously we also need to consider the fact that as the wedding is occurring on a summer Bank Holiday in Ireland next year, it's going to be hard to find a good planner that's available. It is relatively short notice at this point.

tuisginideach · 04-07-2017 10:42pm

caimitator wrote: »

We don't need one, but some people want wedding planners, including us. The decision about whether we want one or not has been made.

The original post was asking for advice regarding the current situation, not whether we should have one at all.

I know that probably doesn't answer your question, apologies.

Sorry, I didn't mean that as a rude question - what I was trying to say was can you not just go ahead with the venue etc without the wedding planner (hopefully getting your deposit - or most of it - to her back).

caimitator · 04-07-2017 10:47pm

tuisginideach wrote: »

Sorry, I didn't mean that as a rude question - what I was trying to say was can you not just go ahead with the venue etc without the wedding planner (hopefully getting your deposit - or most of it - to her back).

Sorry for the defensiveness, some people have asked that question quite rudely before and I guess the wedding stress is starting

We could definitely go ahead with the venue without her; however, it's the flowers, photographer, the coordination on the day etc that we were really hoping she would take over.

Ghekko · 04-07-2017 10:52pm

I imagine if she offers someone to attend on the day it will be someone she has 100% faith in. She's not likely to ruin her reputation by handing over to an amateur. As long as the delegate is up to speed with all that's happening then they should be professional enough to handle the day itself. At that point all the organising has been done anyway. She may not even offer this option if she's a sole operator and in that case I would request part of the deposit back - taking into account she is travelling to the venue with you tomorrow.

caimitator · 04-07-2017 10:57pm

Ghekko wrote: »

I imagine if she offers someone to attend on the day it will be someone she has 100% faith in. She's not likely to ruin her reputation by handing over to an amateur. As long as the delegate is up to speed with all that's happening then they should be professional enough to handle the day itself. At that point all the organising has been done anyway. She may not even offer this option if she's a sole operator and in that case I would request part of the deposit back - taking into account she is travelling to the venue with you tomorrow.

She is a sole operator.

I agree, would not be asking for 100% of deposit back, as she has done some work (sourcing venues and arranging viewings and attending the viewing tomorrow).

If she offers to take on a delegate, I guess we'd be worried that she would be looking for more money for taking on same - although this is unlikely. If this is an option, we would probably want the delegate to be attending the majority of meetings and walkarounds in order for us to have complete trust in them. This requirement may be unrealistic on our part.

Senna · 05-07-2017 1:40am

If the wedding planners name is Helen, run a mile.

Even if it's not her, she has already made mistakes and is making excuses, do you really want that start with a planner. Planning is their job, she has already failed that once.

caimitator · 05-07-2017 2:01am

Haha it's not Helen, but if we do decide to go with a different wedding planner I will be sure to be on the look out for any Helens.

I suppose we'll see what solutions she comes up with before letting her go and whether we can get the deposit back.

Bacchus · 05-07-2017 10:37am

caimitator wrote: »

Sorry for the defensiveness, some people have asked that question quite rudely before and I guess the wedding stress is starting

We could definitely go ahead with the venue without her; however, it's the flowers, photographer, the coordination on the day etc that we were really hoping she would take over.

Ok, I don't what to be imposing on your decision as it has already been made but honestly if you're going to struggle to find another coordinator you like, do take some heart in the knowledge that all those jobs you've listed above are quite easy to handle. Coordination on the day will be taken care of by your photographer (a good photographer will run through the plan for the day with you in advance and help structure the day) and the venue coordinator. If you hire a florist and tell them what you want, they will do it and set everything up for you. So, while I appreciate that you would prefer to have a coordinator, don't be stressed at the prospect of not having one.

Bacchus · 05-07-2017 10:40am

caimitator wrote: »

Apologies for the lack of clarity.

We paid the wedding planner's deposit at the end of June, before we found any venue/date we liked.

The contract includes, "on the day attendance and coordination, including second day arrangements." This part obviously cannot be fulfilled now. However, this is probably not enough to transform the refund into a refundable one.

I have to believe that the coordinator has been in the situation before that she was unavailable for a specific date and therefore lost a client. I mean, she's taking a deposit for something she cannot yet guarantee. You have "paid" for her, not a recommended 3rd party so to me, she is breaking the contract (though I have not seen the entire T&C's) and therefore you should be getting most (if not all) of your deposit back.

Senna · 05-07-2017 11:10am

caimitator wrote: »

Haha it's not Helen, but if we do decide to go with a different wedding planner I will be sure to be on the look out for any Helens.

I suppose we'll see what solutions she comes up with before letting her go and whether we can get the deposit back.

Before I get lynched by all the Helens out there, I dont think the Helen I'm taking is still doing it, her old website is gone now, I just checked.

laotg · 05-07-2017 11:34am

caimitator wrote:

I agree, would not be asking for 100% of deposit back, as she has done some work (sourcing venues and arranging viewings and attending the viewing tomorrow).

You paid someone to arrange this for you?

Do you pay a travel agent to arrange holidays for you too?

How big and elaborate is this wedding going to be? Most decent photographers, bands, venues, etc have years of experience that coordination needed is a bare minimum. In fact for my own wedding no coordination was needed. All these people knew their roles and times and locations. I'll organise your wedding if you like. Easy money.

As for being stressed a full year ahead of the occasion, I can smell disaster nearer the time.

SpillingTheTea · 07-07-2017 3:55pm

Quick question, are you only looking for a planner so that everything goes smoothly on the day? Usually there is a wedding coordinator that works in the hotel/venue that works with you. You could save yourself a lot of money if you used the in house coordinator

Obviously, if that's not what you're looking for then disregard

caimitator · 07-07-2017 4:07pm

Yeah, there's a coordinator with the venue who seems lovely. But, we're looking for a planner for the whole process unfortunately, not just the day itself.

Wile E. Coyote · 07-07-2017 4:33pm

Bacchus wrote: »

Ok, I don't what to be imposing on your decision as it has already been made but honestly if you're going to struggle to find another coordinator you like, do take some heart in the knowledge that all those jobs you've listed above are quite easy to handle. Coordination on the day will be taken care of by your photographer (a good photographer will run through the plan for the day with you in advance and help structure the day) and the venue coordinator. If you hire a florist and tell them what you want, they will do it and set everything up for you. So, while I appreciate that you would prefer to have a coordinator, don't be stressed at the prospect of not having one.

I'd have to agree with Bacchus here and I'm not trying to change your mind either but don't stress about not having a wedding planner and definitely don't worry about not having one on the day. The hotel coordinator and photographer will do more on the day than anyone else. Having a wedding planner might sound like it takes the stress out of things but you're still going to want to have an input in the flowers, food, type of wine served, the band, DJ, photographer etc. You'll want to check out their work for yourself before you start handing over your hard earned cash. I'm guessing when this is all done and dusted you'll wonder why you even hired her.

caimitator · 07-07-2017 4:45pm

Wile E. Coyote wrote: »

I'd have to agree with Bacchus here and I'm not trying to change your mind either but don't stress about not having a wedding planner and definitely don't worry about not having one on the day. The hotel coordinator and photographer will do more on the day than anyone else. Having a wedding planner might sound like it takes the stress out of things but you're still going to want to have an input in the flowers, food, type of wine served, the band, DJ, photographer etc. You'll want to check out their work for yourself before you start handing over your hard earned cash. I'm guessing when this is all done and dusted you'll wonder why you even hired her.

This may be the case, I'm not opposed to that possibility.

However, I've had friends who have had a wedding planner (as well as the venue-provided coordinator) and I've had friends who did not get one. The ones who had a wedding planner were all grateful that they had gotten one and didn't regret it. Some of the ones who didn't wished they had. We did our research before making the decision about whether we wanted to spend money on one or not.

Humour Me · 07-07-2017 5:00pm

Did you get your venue sorted?

Senna · 07-07-2017 5:04pm

You've obviously made the decision to have a planner, not sure why everyone keeps harping on about it.

caimitator · 07-07-2017 5:08pm

Humour Me wrote: »

Did you get your venue sorted?

Well we were ready to place the deposit on it when we realised the August Bank Holiday next year falls on my sister's birthday. We presumed that'd be OK, a good thing even. When we consulted her, she doesn't seem too impressed.

Perhaps I should start another thread about that dilemma

JaMarcusHustle · 07-07-2017 5:10pm

caimitator wrote:

When we consulted her

Well there's your first mistake

caimitator · 07-07-2017 5:12pm

JaMarcusHustle wrote: »

Well there's your first mistake

Hahahahahaha that's EXACTLY what my other half said!

So now, do we go ahead anyway, possibly with no wedding planner on the day and my sister not liking the fact that it's on her birthday?

BetsyEllen · 07-07-2017 5:17pm

I would go ahead with the wedding on that date!

Is it a milestone for her (30th, 40th) that she was planning a big do for?
Otherwise I can't see the problem with it and she is being a spoilt brat!

She will get over it...just go ahead with it.

I'd be delighted to attend my sisters wedding on my birthday, I can't think of a nicer way to spend it!

ETA - also, have you spoken with the wedding planner yet about getting your deposit back if you go ahead and book the venue for that date?

Ghekko · 07-07-2017 5:19pm

caimitator wrote: »

Hahahahahaha that's EXACTLY what my other half said!

So now, do we go ahead anyway, possibly with no wedding planner on the day and my sister not liking the fact that it's on her birthday?

Oh my good God! Let her go and jump. Is it a milestone birthday that she has already started planning a party for? If not then book your wedding and sing happy birthday to her at the reception to keep her from sulking!

Humour Me · 07-07-2017 5:21pm

Tell her you will organise a birthday cake on the 2nd day, or offer to get all the guests to sing happy birthday :P

Unless it is a significant birthday, I honestly don't see why it should be such a big issue. Are you and your fiancé prepared to move the wedding further back, potentially at another venue?

caimitator · 07-07-2017 5:29pm

Ghekko wrote: »

Oh my good God! Let her go and jump. Is it a milestone birthday that she has already started planning a party for? If not then book your wedding and sing happy birthday to her at the reception to keep her from sulking!

It'll be her 32nd

We're now talking about inviting a load of her friends up for the 2nd day and make it more about her.

I actually sound insane. Apologies!

caimitator · 07-07-2017 5:31pm

Humour Me wrote: »

Tell her you will organise a birthday cake on the 2nd day, or offer to get all the guests to sing happy birthday :P

Unless it is a significant birthday, I honestly don't see why it should be such a big issue. Are you and your fiancé prepared to move the wedding further back, potentially at another venue?

He's not. I guess because it's my family I'm a bit like "Should we move it?"

If situation were reversed, I wouldn't have said that I wasn't impressed or that it isn't ideal I would have been all for it.

Such bizarre behaviour.

Or are all these just omens??? (I joke)

GingerLily · 07-07-2017 5:36pm

caimitator wrote: »

It'll be her 32nd

We're now talking about inviting a load of her friends up for the 2nd day and make it more about her.

I actually sound insane. Apologies!

I didn't know people had 32nd birthday parties! What's her plan for her 31st birthday?
Anything more than 4 friends is taking the p!ss

Humour Me · 07-07-2017 5:40pm

caimitator wrote: »

He's not.

That's your answer. There are going to be so many things people are going to have an opinion on from now until the wedding, you won't make everyone happy so the two of you need to decide what is best for you. Start as you mean to go on

Wedding Planner Trouble

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