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Stingy Wedding Presents & None at All

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13567…10

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    #62
    meisha
    Registered Users Posts: 115 ✭✭meisha


    ok...thanks for the input :)


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    #63
    MarieClaire78
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭MarieClaire78


    Glendambo wrote: »
    No you really, really don't.

    The arrogance is astounding.

    I helped them with some investments this year. I know their financial position. Its not arrogance its a fact!


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    #64
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Not at all, we had a v expensive wedding but had money to pay for it! We got some really gorgeous presents- loads of hotel vouchers for places we love etc...Delighted with them....your presumption is incorrect....

    It sounds to me like you have everything you want but you still want more?

    Oh no sorry, just a "gesture" more. But the "gesture" must meet your exacting standards.

    Seriously. A year ago! Your wedding was a year ago! You had a "v expensive wedding but had money to pay for it". Yet you are still thinking about some presents you didn't get.

    :(


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    #65
    MarieClaire78
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭MarieClaire78


    efb wrote: »
    So no dissenting opinions please! (or Karen Millen or Coast dresses!)

    LOL!! Just got the same post repeatedly from Am.....If its too crass for discussion as AM stated, then no need to participate!!


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    #66
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    I helped them with some investments this year. I know their financial position. Its not arrogance its a fact!

    Do you have a percentile of their disposable income that would seem adequate as a gift???


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    #67
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    LOL!! Just got the same post repeatedly from Am.....If its too crass for discussion as AM stated, then no need to participate!!

    FYI: There are two sides to a discussion


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    #68
    Diddler1977
    Registered Users Posts: 3,765 ✭✭✭Diddler1977


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    I helped them with some investments this year. I know their financial position. Its not arrogance its a fact!


    Oh dear.

    You had access to someone's financial information and you now use this knowledge in order to decide that the fact that you didn't get a wedding present from them was out of order.

    This is wrong on so many levels and while not quite illegal I think the data protection commissioners might have a view on it.


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    #69
    daenerysstormborn3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,213 ✭✭✭daenerysstormborn3


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Hi All,
    Views wanted please....

    My hubbies and I got married last year, really pushed the boat out to make is a fab day for family and friends (6 courses, loads of champers, subsidised rates for the hotel). We wanted to make it a really celebratory day and it was. We had a fantastic time. Most of our family and guests were extremely generous in gifting but I am really annoyed by two female friends (one who I see/have coffee with every day at work) who have never given us a gift. Its just over a year since we married.

    Shes not at all this way with all her friends and in fact spent part of this week telling me about a gift for her sisters birthday. I've been gritting teeth but it really is annoying me and genuinely getting to me. These two girls claim to be "close friends", there is no financial pressures in any of their lives yet they seems shameless re not having given us a gift. It was mentioned one in a "must bring it in" way months ago and has conveniently been forgotten.

    I could never do this to someone and would be genuinely mortified- its just not how I'm brought up. We were always told not to have our hands hanging and our parents and family are very kind.

    The colleague/friend one I don't see every day ( works in an office down the country)had come to me to ask a number of favours since the wedding which just feels cheeky.

    And to top it off, another well to do friend had just dropped over a set of clearly "recycled form their own wedding" cheap crystal glasses. My hubbie and I gave them €300 for their wedding two years ago...... He let slip last week recently that they earn €160k between them and arent at all in financial pressure.....it just seems so mean ( their food /each cost €140 on the day and was lavish!)

    I know money is not a barometer of friendship, but it really feels like it at the moment. My husband and I always err on the side of generosity with others but as my mother says "eaten bread is soon forgotten". This really has tainted my view of these 3 friends- and I can seem to reframe my friendship with them afterwards. I just dont feel they value us or our feelings, am I wrong to be so annoyed? Cant seem to get over this.

    I can't believe that this is a serious thread.

    "really pushed the boat out to make is a fab day for family and friends (6 courses, loads of champers, subsidised rates for the hotel)" - I'm sure nobody actually asked you to do this so why do you feel that you should be compensated?

    "The colleague/friend one I don't see every day ( works in an office down the country)had come to me to ask a number of favours since the wedding which just feels cheeky." - so you base your friendships on what you can get out of it?

    "And to top it off, another well to do friend had just dropped over a set of clearly "recycled form their own wedding" cheap crystal glasses. My hubbie and I gave them €300 for their wedding two years ago" - so you only give to receive?

    Yes you are wrong to be so annoyed. You invited people to your wedding to share the celebration of the start of your married life and you chose to spend the money that you did, nobody asked you to spend that money but the way you worded your post makes it seem like you want to be compensated for the "party".

    I am genuinely mortified for you that this is how you view your friends.


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    #70
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    I helped them with some investments this year. I know their financial position. Its not arrogance its a fact!

    Lookit!

    The fact that they did not spend money on you is not a sign that they do not value your friendship.

    The fact that you are hurt that they did not spend money on you is a sign that you do not value theirs.

    This thread makes me sad :(


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    #71
    MarieClaire78
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭MarieClaire78


    Diddler1977 wrote: »
    Oh dear.

    You had access to someone's financial information and you now use this knowledge in order to decide that the fact that you didn't get a wedding present from them was out of order.

    This is wrong on so many levels and while not quite illegal I think the data protection commissioners might have a view on it.

    Ridiculous, As I friend I advised them....no Date protection issues!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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    #72
    Quorum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 474 ✭✭Quorum


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    In this case I do.

    So, you've seen bank statements, their monthly incomings and outgoings, etc., yes? Because this is the only way you would know.


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    #73
    Glendambo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭Glendambo


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Ridiculous, As I friend I advised them

    1338506747767.jpg


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    #74
    Diddler1977
    Registered Users Posts: 3,765 ✭✭✭Diddler1977


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Ridiculous, As I friend I advised them....no Date protection issues!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Nice friend. "I'll give you advice but I'll also note what order your financials are in order to rate whether you give an appropriate present for my wedding"


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    #75
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Ridiculous, As I friend I advised them....no Date protection issues!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Well as a friend stop harping on that they gave you a present you didn't like.

    (when you sound like you don't actually even need anything)


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    #76
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    meisha wrote: »
    dont be sorry..thats life,I just wouldnt do it on them ;)

    No I really am sorry.

    I would not do it to them. But I would not deride someone if they did it to me.

    I was not brought up that way.


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    #77
    UDP
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,188 ✭✭✭UDP


    Nothing worse that people with a sense of entitlement.

    I think you should definitely tell your "friends" what you really think of the situation and see if they still want to be "friends" with you. Why would you pretend to them that you are someone that you are not? What type of friendship is that?


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    #78
    Diddler1977
    Registered Users Posts: 3,765 ✭✭✭Diddler1977


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Hi All,
    Views wanted please....

    My hubbies and I got married last year, really pushed the boat out to make is a fab day for family and friends (6 courses, loads of champers, subsidised rates for the hotel). We wanted to make it a really celebratory day and it was. We had a fantastic time. Most of our family and guests were extremely generous in gifting but I am really annoyed by two female friends (one who I see/have coffee with every day at work) who have never given us a gift. Its just over a year since we married.

    Shes not at all this way with all her friends and in fact spent part of this week telling me about a gift for her sisters birthday. I've been gritting teeth but it really is annoying me and genuinely getting to me. These two girls claim to be "close friends", there is no financial pressures in any of their lives yet they seems shameless re not having given us a gift. It was mentioned one in a "must bring it in" way months ago and has conveniently been forgotten.

    I could never do this to someone and would be genuinely mortified- its just not how I'm brought up. We were always told not to have our hands hanging and our parents and family are very kind.

    The colleague/friend one I don't see every day ( works in an office down the country)had come to me to ask a number of favours since the wedding which just feels cheeky.

    And to top it off, another well to do friend had just dropped over a set of clearly "recycled form their own wedding" cheap crystal glasses. My hubbie and I gave them €300 for their wedding two years ago...... He let slip last week recently that they earn €160k between them and arent at all in financial pressure.....it just seems so mean ( their food /each cost €140 on the day and was lavish!)

    I know money is not a barometer of friendship, but it really feels like it at the moment. My husband and I always err on the side of generosity with others but as my mother says "eaten bread is soon forgotten". This really has tainted my view of these 3 friends- and I can seem to reframe my friendship with them afterwards. I just dont feel they value us or our feelings, am I wrong to be so annoyed? Cant seem to get over this.

    We were told to never expect a present.


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    #79
    meisha
    Registered Users Posts: 115 ✭✭meisha


    amdublin wrote: »
    No I really am sorry.

    I would not do it to them. But I would not deride someone if they did it to me.

    I was not brought up that way.

    good for you :)
    i have no hard feelings towards them..it was ages ago but at the time I was a little upset purely because I would never do it,but I have learned we are all different and think differently and the people I thought would give a gift did not I know now that its not important I have a happy relationship and we had a super day so thats all that counts now..


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    #80
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Diddler1977 wrote: »
    We were told to never expect a present.

    I was told both. So while I'd never not give a gift (whether big or small), I'd never expect one. And if I was given one, whatever it was, I'd accept it graciously.

    But honestly, hands on heart, for my wedding I just want people to be there celebrating, being happy, enjoying the day. After that what more could you really want or need.


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    #81
    Diddler1977
    Registered Users Posts: 3,765 ✭✭✭Diddler1977


    meisha wrote: »
    good for you :)
    i have no hard feelings towards them..it was ages ago but at the time I was a little upset purely because I would never do it,but I have learned we are all different and think differently and the people I thought would give a gift did not I know now that its not important I have a happy relationship and we had a super day so thats all that counts now..

    So true - gifts come in many forms. I would always rather someone's presence over a present.

    For me it is a gift to have my family and friends around me in good health and being able to share in happy celebrations such as weddings


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    #82
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    meisha wrote: »
    good for you :)
    i have no hard feelings towards them..it was ages ago but at the time I was a little upset purely because I would never do it,but I have learned we are all different and think differently and the people I thought would give a gift did not I know now that its not important I have a happy relationship and we had a super day so thats all that counts now..

    Aww I'm happy for you that you realise that.

    You are right. The gift really is not important.


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    #83
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Diddler1977 wrote: »

    For me it is a gift to have my family and friends around me in good health and being able to share in happy celebrations such as weddings

    Well said.

    For me, a year after my wedding it is the memories that are important not the gifts.


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    #84
    The_Honeybadger
    Registered Users Posts: 4,155 ✭✭✭The_Honeybadger


    Got married a few years back and had a similar experience, lots of friends and relatives gave us nothing which surprised me a bit. I planned for the day without cards however, and didn't keep a list of who gave us what or anything like that. I just treated any cash gifts we got as a bonus, and not a right. My wife had a family of relatives on her side show up, six of them, all adults with jobs and not one of them gave us a cent or even a token gift. Some people are just like that and things are very tight in many households nowadays so I don't think it's fair to expect a cash gift from all your guests. That said, I had plenty of fairly well heeled guests at my wedding who chose not to give us anything despite being well able to afford to do so, I'm not holding it against them in any way but it's not something I would do. If I couldn't afford to give a gift at a wedding I would probably make an excuse and not attend.


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    #85
    UDP
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,188 ✭✭✭UDP


    mickeyk wrote: »
    Got married a few years back and had a similar experience, lots of friends and relatives gave us nothing which surprised me a bit. I planned for the day without cards however, and didn't keep a list of who gave us what or anything like that. I just treated any cash gifts we got as a bonus, and not a right. My wife had a family of relatives on her side show up, six of them, all adults with jobs and not one of them gave us a cent or even a token gift. Some people are just like that and things are very tight in many households nowadays so I don't think it's fair to expect a cash gift from all your guests. That said, I had plenty of fairly well heeled guests at my wedding who chose not to give us anything despite being well able to afford to do so, I'm not holding it against them in any way but it's not something I would do. If I couldn't afford to give a gift at a wedding I would probably make an excuse and not attend.
    Does not compute... How do you know who gave what if you did not make a list?


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    #86
    Diddler1977
    Registered Users Posts: 3,765 ✭✭✭Diddler1977


    mickeyk wrote: »
    Got married a few years back and had a similar experience, lots of friends and relatives gave us nothing which surprised me a bit. I planned for the day without cards however, and didn't keep a list of who gave us what or anything like that. I just treated any cash gifts we got as a bonus, and not a right. My wife had a family of relatives on her side show up, six of them, all adults with jobs and not one of them gave us a cent or even a token gift. Some people are just like that and things are very tight in many households nowadays so I don't think it's fair to expect a cash gift from all your guests. That said, I had plenty of fairly well heeled guests at my wedding who chose not to give us anything despite being well able to afford to do so, I'm not holding it against them in any way but it's not something I would do. If I couldn't afford to give a gift at a wedding I would probably make an excuse and not attend.

    Well that is entirely your choice. But I think most people would prefer to see you at their wedding - with or without a present. They invited you because they wanted you there with them to celebrate their special day. They didn't invite you to get a present. Otherwise they would have sold tickets for the event ;-)


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    #87
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    mickeyk wrote: »
    Got married a few years back and had a similar experience, lots of friends and relatives gave us nothing which surprised me a bit. I planned for the day without cards however, and didn't keep a list of who gave us what or anything like that. I just treated any cash gifts we got as a bonus, and not a right. My wife had a family of relatives on her side show up, six of them, all adults with jobs and not one of them gave us a cent or even a token gift. Some people are just like that and things are very tight in many households nowadays so I don't think it's fair to expect a cash gift from all your guests. That said, I had plenty of fairly well heeled guests at my wedding who chose not to give us anything despite being well able to afford to do so, I'm not holding it against them in any way but it's not something I would do. If I couldn't afford to give a gift at a wedding I would probably make an excuse and not attend.

    But, but, but if the well heeled guests had done that then they would not be at your wedding??

    Did you invite them for their presence or their presents?


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    #88
    UDP
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,188 ✭✭✭UDP


    Diddler1977 wrote: »
    Well that is entirely your choice. But I think most people would prefer to see you at their wedding - with or without a present. They invited you because they wanted you their with them to celebrate their special day. They didn't invite you to get a present. Otherwise they would have sold tickets for the event ;-)
    It seems that might not always be the case according to this thread. Maybe people that have a sense of entitlement should make that clear in their invitations so that potential guests may make an informed decision of whether to attend or not?


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    #89
    Kat1170
    Registered Users Posts: 3,591 ✭✭✭Kat1170


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Thanks and sorry to hear about your tough situation, hope life is good now. I completely get how in the middle of big life stuff this could be overlooked by anyone ( myself included) but meeting this one friend every day means im a constant reminder! I dont think I could ever bring it up ( in fact another friend at work, one day loudly thanked me for the lovely thank you card in front of the other girl and I nearly died) I was far more embarassed! I couldnt ever bring myself to say it but at the same time -youre right, its festering! Best to chalk down as a life lesson I guess............... I''m just really disappointed in people I thought more of! x

    Not so embarrassed that you didn't talk about it behind their back, how else would anyone know about it.

    Shallower than a spoonful of water :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:


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    #90
    The_Honeybadger
    Registered Users Posts: 4,155 ✭✭✭The_Honeybadger


    UDP wrote: »
    Does not compute... How do you know who gave what if you did not make a list?
    Eh, because I opened the cards we did get. I have seen others make full lists of who attended thie receptions and writing in who gave them what beside the names, I didn't take it to that level, but have a good idea who gave us nothing, we also got some cards with nothing in them, fair enough, their choice, i'm not complaining, just sharing my experience with the op.


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    #91
    Diddler1977
    Registered Users Posts: 3,765 ✭✭✭Diddler1977


    UDP wrote: »
    It seems that might not always be the case according to this thread. Maybe people that have a sense of entitlement should make that clear in their invitations so that potential guests may make an informed decision of whether to attend or not?

    True. If a year later they are still going to concern themselves over unreceived presents they should probably have noted on the invite that guests coming empty handed will not be tolerated. ;-)


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