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Stingy Wedding Presents & None at All

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24567…10

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    #32
    MarieClaire78
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭MarieClaire78


    Just to say, thanks for all the views and similar stories.......its nice to know we're not the only ones....:)


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    #33
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    You're welcome :)

    Now let it go! It was a year ago!!


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    #34
    meisha
    Registered Users Posts: 115 ✭✭meisha


    people will always think differently x no 2 people are the same :)


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    #35
    Chloris
    Closed Accounts Posts: 535 ✭✭✭Chloris


    meisha wrote: »
    if i could not afford a wedding i would simlpy tick "cannot attend" i really do think its bad form not to bring ANYTHING for the bride and groom,especially family but as I said im over it now..
    It says a lot about your self-image that if you can't pay for a wedding gift for a friend/family, you don't think their wedding even merits your presence. Do you pay your way around many other areas of your life? No wonder not getting a gift made you so miffed.
    meisha wrote: »
    I dont treat these people any different but if they got married I dont know if I would even go..they had 18 months to save for my wedding and it was in Dublin :confused:
    It's nobody else's responsibility to save for your wedding! Especially if you're demanding that they bring a present!

    Part of the problem could be that you didn't specify. Some people have a gift list where people can tick off whatever gift they're getting (you can post them on Amazon, it's really cool).


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    #36
    nlgbbbblth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,668 ✭✭✭nlgbbbblth


    tdavfc wrote: »
    Maybe she thought she give you a present. Maybe it was lost on the day, lots of people give cards with money in them on the wedding day. She could be thinking you're the ungreatful cow for not thanking her :) A friend that attended our wedding swore she give us a card on the day until she used her handbag years later and found the card & bank draft in the card. She was mortified, I thought it was very funny as it was in pounds and we were in euro for a long long time. Give the girl the benefit of the doubt and move on.

    If you're giving somebody money you have three choices

    1) Cash
    2) Bank draft
    3) Cheque

    I'd recommend people give the cheque.

    If cards and their contents get mixed up then the cash and bank draft cannot be traced back to the present giver. The cheque can be as it's got their name on it.


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    #37
    meisha
    Registered Users Posts: 115 ✭✭meisha


    Chloris wrote: »
    It says a lot about your self-image that if you can't pay for a wedding gift for a friend/family, you don't think their wedding even merits your presence. Do you pay your way around many other areas of your life? No wonder not getting a gift made you so miffed.


    It's nobody else's responsibility to save for your wedding! Especially if you're demanding that they bring a present!

    Part of the problem could be that you didn't specify. Some people have a gift list where people can tick off whatever gift they're getting (you can post them on Amazon, it's really cool).

    I dont pay my way in life but I have manners,i would NEVER go to a wedding without a gift thats just me..I didnt mean save for my wedding what I ment was they had time to save to go to it..all of these people stayed overnight too so they were not shy of a few bob ;)
    I just wanted to tell OP that it happens to others I dont wish to get into a debate over it


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    #38
    Glendambo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭Glendambo


    meisha wrote: »
    all of these people stayed overnight too so they were not shy of a few bob ;)


    This always pisses me off. You have absolutely no idea of other peoples' financial situations. The fact that they were able to stay overnight does not mean they are flush with cash. The fact that someone has a combined income of €160k does not mean that they don't have financial commitments that mean they have feck all at the end of each month.

    Assuming that people are "well to do" and should therefore hand over large gifts for your wedding is extremely presumptuous and selfish.

    This thread is actually sickening. The Celtic Tiger mentality is alive and well it seems.


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    #39
    meisha
    Registered Users Posts: 115 ✭✭meisha


    I did not want a large gift...??i never said that
    Its just me but instead of staying in the hotel I would perfer to give the money to the couple,actually I have a wedding in November but Im not staying over just to give more to the bride and groom!


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    #40
    MarieClaire78
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭MarieClaire78


    Glendambo wrote: »
    This always pisses me off. You have absolutely no idea of other peoples' financial situations. The fact that they were able to stay overnight does not mean they are flush with cash. The fact that someone has a combined income of €160k does not mean that they don't have financial commitments that mean they have feck all at the end of each month.

    Assuming that people are "well to do" and should therefore hand over large gifts for your wedding is extremely presumptuous and selfish.

    This thread is actually sickening. The Celtic Tiger mentality is alive and well it seems.

    I know about their financial/commitments and their lifestyle. No presumptuousness here. Fact.


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    #41
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    meisha wrote: »
    I dont pay my way in life but I have manners,i would NEVER go to a wedding without a gift thats just me..I didnt mean save for my wedding what I ment was they had time to save to go to it..all of these people stayed overnight too so they were not shy of a few bob ;)
    I just wanted to tell OP that it happens to others I dont wish to get into a debate over it

    Believe it or not, while your wedding planning and the day itself may have been the centre of your life for 12-18 months it's not even on the radar for many of the guests. They have other stuff in their lives that have more priority than saving for your wedding: mortgage, car loan, household bills, childcare/school fees, a holiday for themselves, etc etc. All stuff that has to be paid for. So weddings come way down the line, and yours might not be the only one they have to attend. There are people who get invited to 8 or 9 weddings a year. It's very expensive. Other people's lives do not revolve around your wedding day.

    As for people staying over: some of them may have had no choice if there was quite a distance from their home and your wedding venue. Some may have chosen to make a weekend of it and it might have been their only weekend away that year. Your post comes off as incredibly selfish.


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    #42
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    meisha wrote: »
    I did not want a large gift...??i never said that
    Its just me but instead of staying in the hotel I would perfer to give the money to the couple,actually I have a wedding in November but Im not staying over just to give more to the bride and groom!

    So you'd rather people went home early rather than staying to celebrate with you, just so that you got that present from them :confused:

    What a strange sense of importance you have.


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    #43
    meisha
    Registered Users Posts: 115 ✭✭meisha


    rainbowtrout wrote: »
    Believe it or not, while your wedding planning and the day itself may have been the centre of your life for 12-18 months it's not even on the radar for many of the guests. They have other stuff in their lives that have more priority than saving for your wedding: mortgage, car loan, household bills, childcare/school fees, a holiday for themselves, etc etc. All stuff that has to be paid for. So weddings come way down the line, and yours might not be the only one they have to attend. There are people who get invited to 8 or 9 weddings a year. It's very expensive. Other people's lives do not revolve around your wedding day.

    As for people staying over: some of them may have had no choice if there was quite a distance from their home and your wedding venue. Some may have chosen to make a weekend of it and it might have been their only weekend away that year. Your post comes off as incredibly selfish.

    my hotel was right beside most of them..like a 10 minute drive plus I put on a bus into town that stopped off in various areas to get them home safe,I dont mean to sound selfish its just something that I would never do..but each to their own!


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    #44
    Glendambo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭Glendambo


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    I know about their financial/commitments and their lifestyle. No presumptuousness here. Fact.


    Oh please. You've seen their bank statements yeah? You know all of their outgoings?

    So you think that because they are "well to do" they should have given you a better gift?? And how exactly do you know that the glasses were recycled? Surely they should be seen as the small gesture that you claim is all you want?

    This thread makes me so happy to have friends who are non-materialistic and want to share their big day with people they love regardless of money and gifts. I am actually sickened that attitudes like this still exist.


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    #45
    meisha
    Registered Users Posts: 115 ✭✭meisha


    amdublin wrote: »
    So you'd rather people went home early rather than staying to celebrate with you, just so that you got that present from them :confused:

    What a strange sense of importance you have.

    seriously how would you feel?? at the time would it bother you, aunts uncles and cousins you grew up with not even sending you a card...


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    #46
    christmas2012
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,827 ✭✭✭christmas2012


    to the couple that earned 160k between them and didnt give a gift i would say it is in bad manner and stingy!


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    #47
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    If all you want is a gesture then surely the gesture of being there to celebrate the happiest day of your life should be enough?

    Why do people want a present?? And when they get a present that is not to their satisfaction they come on to an internet forum to deride it??

    Seriously, why can the fact that people were there on your big day not be enough for you?


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    #48
    Quorum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 474 ✭✭Quorum


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    I know about their financial/commitments and their lifestyle. No presumptuousness here. Fact.

    Unless you are one half of the couple, you most certainly don't.


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    #49
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    Let's not beat around the bush here.

    When people in Ireland say 'present,' they usually mean 'financial contribution to extravagant wedding'.


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    #50
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    meisha wrote: »
    seriously how would you feel?? at the time would it bother you, aunts uncles and cousins you grew up with not even sending you a card...

    Honestly I would not mind. I want their prescence. Not their presents.

    I was brought up by my parents to never expect or ask for a present. To be grateful with whatever the present was if you got one. And to value people not things.

    I'm sorry you were brought up different to me. And I'm sorry that you value different things to me.


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    #51
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    anncoates wrote: »
    Let's not heat about the bush. When people say present, they usually mean f'inancial contribution to extravagant wedding'.

    Yes and to these people: why not just sell tickets to your wedding. It's just the money you want after all.


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    #52
    meisha
    Registered Users Posts: 115 ✭✭meisha


    dont be sorry..thats life,I just wouldnt do it on them ;)


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    #53
    MarieClaire78
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭MarieClaire78


    amdublin wrote: »
    Honestly I would not mind. I want their prescence. Not their presents.

    I was brought up by my parents to never expect or ask for a present. To be grateful with whatever the present was if you got one. And to value people not things.

    I'm sorry you were brought up different to me. And I'm sorry that you value different things to me.

    Indeed. And if you find this forum, the mere discussion of this issue v crass, you can choose not to post on it!! :)


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    #54
    Diddler1977
    Registered Users Posts: 3,765 ✭✭✭Diddler1977


    meisha wrote: »
    seriously how would you feel?? at the time would it bother you, aunts uncles and cousins you grew up with not even sending you a card...


    They don't have to give you a card to wish you well.

    A kiss, hug or few nice words at the wedding would do me.


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    #55
    MarieClaire78
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭MarieClaire78


    amdublin wrote: »
    Yes and to these people: why not just sell tickets to your wedding. It's just the money you want after all.

    Not at all, we had a v expensive wedding but had money to pay for it! We got some really gorgeous presents- loads of hotel vouchers for places we love etc...Delighted with them....your presumption is incorrect....


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    #56
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Indeed. And if you find this forum, the mere discussion of this issue v crass, you can choose not to post on it!! :)

    So no dissenting opinions please! (or Karen Millen or Coast dresses!)


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    #57
    MarieClaire78
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭MarieClaire78


    Quorum wrote: »
    Unless you are one half of the couple, you most certainly don't.

    In this case I do.


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    #58
    Glendambo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭Glendambo


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Indeed. And if you find this forum, the mere discussion of this issue v crass, you can choose not to post on it!! :)


    Just like you choose to ignore posts that don't conform to your hideously materialistc view of life.

    If the only worries you have are that people didn't spend enough money on you at your wedding a year ago then you live a very charmed life indeed.


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    #59
    Diddler1977
    Registered Users Posts: 3,765 ✭✭✭Diddler1977


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    Hi All,
    Views wanted please....

    My hubbies and I got married last year, really pushed the boat out to make is a fab day for family and friends (6 courses, loads of champers, subsidised rates for the hotel). We wanted to make it a really celebratory day and it was. We had a fantastic time. Most of our family and guests were extremely generous in gifting but I am really annoyed by two female friends (one who I see/have coffee with every day at work) who have never given us a gift. Its just over a year since we married.

    Shes not at all this way with all her friends and in fact spent part of this week telling me about a gift for her sisters birthday. I've been gritting teeth but it really is annoying me and genuinely getting to me. These two girls claim to be "close friends", there is no financial pressures in any of their lives yet they seems shameless re not having given us a gift. It was mentioned one in a "must bring it in" way months ago and has conveniently been forgotten.

    I could never do this to someone and would be genuinely mortified- its just not how I'm brought up. We were always told not to have our hands hanging and our parents and family are very kind.

    The colleague/friend one I don't see every day ( works in an office down the country)had come to me to ask a number of favours since the wedding which just feels cheeky.

    And to top it off, another well to do friend had just dropped over a set of clearly "recycled form their own wedding" cheap crystal glasses. My hubbie and I gave them €300 for their wedding two years ago...... He let slip last week recently that they earn €160k between them and arent at all in financial pressure.....it just seems so mean ( their food /each cost €140 on the day and was lavish!)

    I know money is not a barometer of friendship, but it really feels like it at the moment. My husband and I always err on the side of generosity with others but as my mother says "eaten bread is soon forgotten". This really has tainted my view of these 3 friends- and I can seem to reframe my friendship with them afterwards. I just dont feel they value us or our feelings, am I wrong to be so annoyed? Cant seem to get over this.

    Are you friends with these people in order to get presents from them or to enjoy their company?

    I can't believe that a year after your wedding you still remember who you didn't get presents from. Let it go......enjoy your married life with the hubby!


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    #60
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Diddler1977 wrote: »
    They don't have to give you a card to wish you well.

    A kiss, hug or few nice words at the wedding would do me.

    No! Don't you understand! The only way to show your wishes for the happy couple is cold cash.

    Get with the program!

    :D

    Ps. I'm joking. What you have described sounds lovely and would do me.


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    #61
    Glendambo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭Glendambo


    MarieClaire78 wrote: »
    In this case I do.


    No you really, really don't.

    The arrogance is astounding.


This discussion has been closed.
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