The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

In court I was found to be egotistical.
I am appealing.

At first I didn't believe my dad stole from his job as a lollipop man. Though all the signs were there.

A friend of mine spilled all his Scrabble letters on the road earlier today. I caught up with him later on.

"Well Jim, what's the word on the street?"

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,
'Hello?'
'Hi, honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?'
'No, Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'
After a brief pause, Daddy says,
'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'
'Oh, yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,
right now.'
Brief Pause.
'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs,
knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'
'Okay, Daddy, just a minute.'
A few minutes later The little girl comes back to the phone.
'I did it, Daddy.'
And what happened, honey?'
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then, she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!'
'Oh, my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'
'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool.But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'
Long Pause
Longer Pause
Even Longer Pause
Then Daddy says'Swimming pool? ...........
Is this 486-5731?'
'No, I think you have the wrong number ...,'