What's the etiquette here??

Portlawslim · 29-08-2019 6:31pm

I've been an avid follower of this thread from near the beginning and I have to say it's brought me an awful lot of enjoyment. It's something I feel that hasn't been spoken about and needed to be aired!
I salute you Johnny Flash as the OP! And the contributions from the rest of the posters has been a joy to behold.
The pure and unadulterated joy and satisfaction that can be had from a successful visit to the Water Closet is never to be underestimated, from the first stirrings of the bowel, the pre-emptive gaseous releases to the dropping of the trouser and the feeling of the seat gently cupping your hindquarters to the final push and evacuation of the bowel is a very special and not to be sullied experience. And to have it spoken about without the hindrance of social etiquette and PC nonsense is a wondrous thing.
Thank You.

I'm just wondering have any of you experienced what I refer to as the Ghoster , this phenomenon occurs when the length of your fecal masterpiece breaks the waterline before the sphincter has a chance to curtail its ambitions, the result is a near silent discharge and when you lean back to inspect your fecal offspring it is nowhere to be seen. Like an Alpha class submarine it submerges into the murky depths of the u-bend as silently as the flight of a Barn Owl. The only evidence of its passing maybe the slight smudge of the porcelain below the waterline and maybe a slight Poseidon's Kiss. I have mixed feelings about this as it is a rare occurrence which should be celebrated but you also never get to cast your eyes upon your fecal offspring.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. · 29-08-2019 6:43pm

Portlawslim wrote: »

I have mixed feelings about this as it is a rare occurrence which should be celebrated but you also never get to cast your eyes upon your fecal offspring.

Most definitely Portlawslim. Very satisfactory awl ropes of chite they are too. A twist of the purse lips and they silently slide away to their watery grave.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. · 29-08-2019 6:54pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That is not in the “spirit” of the thread. I would hope that posts of mine, or any of our “contributors”, from other threads will not be dragged in here only to mocked and my character pilloried.

You're a better man than I Emmet. The image of that individual messing around with spuds and pieces of fish in a sink full of last night's excrement turns my stomach. Then you've to think of him eating the bloody things, pulling away greasy miniature prawn legs and snapping off their little heads as bits of boiled brain and crustacean blood comingle with the dung, slime and half digested bits of cereal he's incubating beneath his nails.

But I'll say no more.

Brendan Bendar · 29-08-2019 7:14pm

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

You're a better man than I Emmet. The image of that individual messing around spuds and pieces of fish in a sink full of last night's excrement turns my stomach. Then you've to think of him eating the bloody things, pulling away greasy miniature prawn legs and snapping off their little heads as bits of boiled brain and crustacean blood comingle with the dung, slime and half digested bits of cereal he's incubating beneath his nails.

But I'll say no more.

Hmmmm... good thing I had the tea taken.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 29-08-2019 7:17pm

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

You're a better man than I Emmet. The image of that individual messing around spuds and pieces of fish in a sink full of last night's excrement turns my stomach. Then you've to think of him eating the bloody things, pulling away greasy miniature prawn legs and snapping off their little heads as bits of boiled brain and crustacean blood comingle with the dung, slime and half digested bits of cereal he's incubating beneath his nails.

But I'll say no more.

A vivid and disgusting image. That individual. What's his name? Andreas? Is a minger of the highest order.

Can only imagine what a dinner party there would be like. A pokey apartnent with no natural light and poor air flow. A heavy and undeniable fent of suspended fecal matter in the air. Extremely hot and humid.

Cooking up seafood which is well past its best. Festering in the Spanish heat with bluebottle buzzing around the place. Curious boxes of tupperware stacked up against the front door ready to bring to work the following day.

Not a nice place to dine. A biohazard of a home.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 29-08-2019 7:18pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Hmmmm... good thing I had the tea taken.

What did you have Brendan? You strike me as a liver, onion, baked beans and oven chips man.

Deebles McBeebles · 29-08-2019 7:30pm

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

The image of that individual messing around with spuds and pieces of fish in a sink full of last night's excrement turns my stomach.

I wouldn't wash a dog in that sink. Wouldn't even wash Brendan's jocks in it.

Roger Hassenforder · 29-08-2019 8:13pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

In fairness Emmet, asking people round for seafood prepared in a kitchen that has been "abused" as described in this thread is a massive breach of all kinds of etiquette. It's only right and proper that such breaches of common decency are called out.

I have to object, I cant remain silent any longer.

He came to our support group for help, a broken husk of a man, and we've turned on him, made an absolute (pardon the pun) shît of the man. It was s cry for help, we've turned a deaf ear to.

We either welcome all without casting judgement, and try to provide support where we can or we have failed in our moral obligation, and indeed our now relied upon function.

For shame on you all.
#JesuisMinger

29-08-2019 8:26pm

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

I have to object, I cant remain silent any longer.

He came to our support group for help, a broken husk of a man, and we've turned on him, made an absolute (pardon the pun) shît of the man. It was s cry for help, we've turned a deaf ear to.

We either welcome all without casting judgement, and try to provide support where we can or we have failed in our moral obligation, and indeed our now relied upon function.

For shame on you all.
#JesuisMinger

I respect your opinion Roger, but still disagree. He went too far. Flew too close to the sun etc. If I recall plenty of advice was offered but rejected.

EmmetSpiceland · 29-08-2019 8:42pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I respect your opinion Roger, but still disagree. He went too far. Flew too close to the sun etc. If I recall plenty of advice was offered but rejected.

Sound advice, it was, too.

Roger Hassenforder · 29-08-2019 8:51pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I respect your opinion Roger, but still disagree. He went too far. Flew too close to the sun etc. If I recall plenty of advice was offered but rejected.

He was forced by circumstances.
A modern day Icarus, ignorant as to what he was doing, but not too humble to seek help.

Its easy for you not having to shît in a kids potty beside your slumbering auld doll, or put turds into Tupperware, carry them on a bus in the blistering Spanish heat, and dispose of them at work, or worse, force them down a kitchen sink where children might be washing apples the next day. Its easy for you with a functioning porcelain A.Shanks, with a strong hydraulic head to carry your most repugnant stools of to an Irish Water facility.

There but for the grace of God go I stuff, an "I'm all right Jack".

I'm ashamed of you all.

gerrybbadd · 29-08-2019 8:52pm

I even invented the shït frisbee (patent pending) and he ignored it.

Happy to be stuffing king kongs finger down the kitchen sink with a dish cloth after having it sit all night beside the wife in a potty in the bedroom instead

Roger Hassenforder · 29-08-2019 8:56pm

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I even invented the shït frisbee (patent pending) and he ignored it.

Happy to be stuffing king kongs finger down the kitchen sink with a dish cloth after having it sit all night beside the wife in a potty in the bedroom instead

TBF Gerry, that was shît advice.
He'd need a mould, or have to either have it very soft to mould an aero shape, or freeze it, and sand it.

fuerte1976 · 29-08-2019 9:16pm

A 'Ghosty' as Kevin Bridges so eloquently described it in one of his shows...

A fantastic submission by yourself may I add.

Portlawslim wrote: »

I've been an avid follower of this thread from near the beginning and I have to say it's brought me an awful lot of enjoyment. It's something I feel that hasn't been spoken about and needed to be aired!
I salute you Johnny Flash as the OP! And the contributions from the rest of the posters has been a joy to behold.
The pure and unadulterated joy and satisfaction that can be had from a successful visit to the Water Closet is never to be underestimated, from the first stirrings of the bowel, the pre-emptive gaseous releases to the dropping of the trouser and the feeling of the seat gently cupping your hindquarters to the final push and evacuation of the bowel is a very special and not to be sullied experience. And to have it spoken about without the hindrance of social etiquette and PC nonsense is a wondrous thing.
Thank You.

I'm just wondering have any of you experienced what I refer to as the Ghoster , this phenomenon occurs when the length of your fecal masterpiece breaks the waterline before the sphincter has a chance to curtail its ambitions, the result is a near silent discharge and when you lean back to inspect your fecal offspring it is nowhere to be seen. Like an Alpha class submarine it submerges into the murky depths of the u-bend as silently as the flight of a Barn Owl. The only evidence of its passing maybe the slight smudge of the porcelain below the waterline and maybe a slight Poseidon's Kiss. I have mixed feelings about this as it is a rare occurrence which should be celebrated but you also never get to cast your eyes upon your fecal offspring.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 29-08-2019 9:35pm

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I even invented the shït frisbee (patent pending) and he ignored it.

Happy to be stuffing king kongs finger down the kitchen sink with a dish cloth after having it sit all night beside the wife in a potty in the bedroom instead

Not sure whether "cross pollination" of threads is acceptable here. But your carry on in the crisp thread was nothing short of disgraceful. I'm not sure whether you're welcome here anymore gerry. Might need to take a vote. Not sure if I'm comfortable to have tayto crisp enthusiasts here being honest.

Roger Hassenforder · 29-08-2019 9:39pm

We've an application in for HSE funding for a mens health, resource and support group.
If we draw down funds, and be selective in who we offer support to, we're open to discriminatory litigation...

EmmetSpiceland · 29-08-2019 9:46pm

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

TBF Gerry, that was shît advice.
He'd need a mould, or have to either have it very soft to mould an aero shape, or freeze it, and sand it.

Don’t think you’re seeing the “big picture” here, R.

While I agree shítting liquified, acrid, scuttle on to roller out cling film could prove troublesome but if the films was “draped” over the, out of action, toilet bowl it could then be “flattened out” and frozen before any, what I would consider unnecessary, work would be done to it.

Let’s not be too “hasty” before we dismiss these things.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. · 29-08-2019 9:51pm

Was a solid idea to be fair. You'd fold over the cling film and just pat them down into warm little pancakes with a protective seal of polyvinyl chloride. Stack them in the freezer until you're ready to dispose. He was never flinging them out the window though, hence the whole idea of bringing them to work.

EmmetSpiceland · 29-08-2019 9:57pm

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Was a solid idea to be fair. You'd fold over the cling film and just pat them down into warm little pancakes with a protective seal of polyvinyl chloride. Stack them in the freezer until you're ready to dispose. He was never flinging them out the window though, hence the whole idea of bringing them to work.

Personally, I don’t see the need to “bring them to work”.

Considering the “content” and the heat of the foreign country he could just leave them on top of a “shore” drain. They’d melt fairly quickly, albeit leaving a stinky mess behind.

Maybe they could be “slotted” in?

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. · 29-08-2019 10:06pm

There was no reason to bring them to work. Maybe he has underground parking and drives straight to the office in the morning, but you'd still find a way to slot the phucking things into a grate, or fuse box, or maintenance shaft or something.

Roger Hassenforder · 30-08-2019 12:51am

Or he could have bought a designated thermos flask for his stools , easy transport. No odour, no septicity. Very discrete..

But no, fcuking frisbees from people who should know better

padd b1975 · 30-08-2019 6:56am

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

What did you have Brendan? You strike me as a liver, onion, baked beans and oven chips man.

Definitely a one pot operator.

Slurps the concoction over a couple of days and wipes the gob with a threadbare tea towel.

Brendan Bendar · 30-08-2019 7:25am

Hmmm poor Bren getting a lot of shade thrown his way.

For the record it was a tasty salad of ham,beef, egg,side salad,garnished with parsley.

NIce crusty brown rolls,lightly buttered.

The pewter got a right good splattering later, no need the fire up the yankee candle though.

Roger Hassenforder · 30-08-2019 8:03am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Hmmm poor Bren getting a lot of shade thrown his way.

For the record it was a tasty salad of ham,beef, egg,side salad,garnished with parsley.

NIce crusty brown rolls,lightly buttered.

The pewter got a right good splattering later, no need the fire up the yankee candle though.

Careful Brennars, I've only recently realised this lot is a fickle bunch, they turn on their own faster than you can flick a shît of a path with a stick

tgdaly · 30-08-2019 8:29am

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Careful Brennars, I've only recently realised this lot is a fickle bunch, they turn on their own faster than you can flick a shît of a path with a stick

We'd never turn on Brennars, only lads who ram their sh1te down the same sink where they wash prawns

Deebles McBeebles · 30-08-2019 8:37am

If the humble toothbrush is a germ-ridden danger to those of us with normal toilet habits, imagine how much that chaps family are in danger of a good dose of bacteria. Depending on how many are in said family it could potentially get very messy indeed.

Our man on the sink, the missus using the potty and any offspring fighting for themselves to find a place to relieve the brown sickness building inside them.

Having said that, he shan't be turned away from this thread. This collective of enlightened fecal warriors is better than that.

Roger Hassenforder · 30-08-2019 9:03am

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Our man on the sink, the missus using the potty and any offspring fighting for themselves to find a place to relieve the brown sickness building inside them.

Having said that, he shan't be turned away from this thread. This collective of enlightened fecal warriors is better than that.

Exactly Deebles, we're a faecal passage and effect mitigation support group, and off specification root cause analysis, not a Public Health Advisory group.

Maybe we need to firm up on our rules of incorporation, potential clients will be assured of what exactly they can expect.

Brendan Bendar · 30-08-2019 9:04am

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Careful Brennars, I've only recently realised this lot is a fickle bunch, they turn on their own faster than you can flick a shît of a path with a stick

Well spotted Roger, and it’s usually the snipers from the sidelines have the cut.

I don’t mind admitting the ‘one pot ‘tag and the ‘threadbare dishcloth’ cut a bit,given that the Brenner is not a ‘chuck meat ‘ dude and the dishcloths are M&S superior items,albeit carrying the ‘stains of battle’ some of them.

But, as always, no offense taken, none whatsoever, well able to take the turbulence and buffeting of robust debate on these important issues.

May be posting from warmer climes next week and will report on the facilities or more correctly, lack of them, in due course.

Those big sardines leave a ferocious fent in the confined areas.

Roger Hassenforder · 30-08-2019 9:04am

tgdaly wrote: »

We'd never turn on Brennars, only lads who ram their sh1te down the same sink where they wash prawns

The prawns are not our concern.

EmmetSpiceland · 30-08-2019 9:21am

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

If the humble toothbrush is a germ-ridden danger to those of us with normal toilet habits, imagine how much that chaps family are in danger of a good dose of bacteria. Depending on how many are in said family it could potentially get very messy indeed.

Our man on the sink, the missus using the potty and any offspring fighting for themselves to find a place to relieve the brown sickness building inside them.

Having said that, he shan't be turned away from this thread. This collective of enlightened fecal warriors is better than that.

Are you implying that he could be some sort of modern day, male, “Lucrezia Borgia”?

Deebles McBeebles · 30-08-2019 9:27am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Are you implying that he could be some sort of modern day, male, “Lucrezia Borgia”?

There certainly could be something to the rumours that they are/were both in possession of a hollow, poisonous ring.

gerrybbadd · 30-08-2019 9:59am

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Not sure whether "cross pollination" of threads is acceptable here. But your carry on in the crisp thread was nothing short of disgraceful. I'm not sure whether you're welcome here anymore gerry. Might need to take a vote. Not sure if I'm comfortable to have tayto crisp enthusiasts here being honest.

Ah Paddy would you ever kiss my arse would ya? My carry on? Don't even bother. You were a disgrace. That goes for all your acolytes thanking your post as well.

gerrybbadd · 30-08-2019 10:00am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Don’t think you’re seeing the “big picture” here, R.

While I agree shítting liquified, acrid, scuttle on to roller out cling film could prove troublesome but if the films was “draped” over the, out of action, toilet bowl it could then be “flattened out” and frozen before any, what I would consider unnecessary, work would be done to it.

Let’s not be too “hasty” before we dismiss these things.

Emmet gets it. Roger, go back and read the comment. There was no mention of moulds for shaping. You are overthinking it.

Into the cling film, press down flat with your hand, a few strategic presses with the finger tips, and suddenly, you have a shít discus

30-08-2019 10:18am

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

tgdaly wrote: »

We'd never turn on Brennars, only lads who ram their sh1te down the same sink where they wash prawns

The prawns are not our concern.

They will be after being prepared in that sink!

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. · 30-08-2019 10:24am

A lot of compassion in this thread. A forgiving and kind community to be fair. But that individual has spoiled langoustines for me. As I'm snapping off their little heads and removing their ugly black digestive tracts in the future, which is an already gruesome and rather smelly job, I'll be remembering this awl fellah, with the brown fingerprints, and brown lines of excrement collected up under his fingernails, and the brown cuticles, doing exactly the same as myself, albeit a little more clumsily, like some kind of weird step brother born without a brain and baptized at forty in a plastic toddler’s potty to pay for the sins of the world. I reckon the smell of seawater and the sight of crustacean blood and bits of fish brain will unsettle my stomach and cause me to rush to the toilet to throw up going forward. I’m like your man that could never again watch violent movies in Clockwork Orange, so best wishes for the future, but phuck you too IIGeminiII you poo-fingered freak.

Deebles McBeebles · 30-08-2019 10:31am

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Ah Paddy would you ever kiss my arse would ya? My carry on? Don't even bother. You were a disgrace. That goes for all your acolytes thanking your post as well.

We were all a disgrace, to be fair. Fighting amongst ourselves in a crispy fury.

Thank God we're back here now, where you can't call a lad a paedo without getting call out on it.

sligojoek · 30-08-2019 10:55am

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Emmet gets it. Roger, go back and read the comment. There was no mention of moulds for shaping. You are overthinking it.

Into the cling film, press down flat with your hand, a few strategic presses with the finger tips, and suddenly, you have a shít discus

Discuss

gerrybbadd · 30-08-2019 11:06am

sligojoek wrote: »

Discuss

No

padd b1975 · 30-08-2019 3:08pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Well spotted Roger, and it’s usually the snipers from the sidelines have the cut.

I don’t mind admitting the ‘one pot ‘tag and the ‘threadbare dishcloth’ cut a bit,given that the Brenner is not a ‘chuck meat ‘ dude and the dishcloths are M&S superior items,albeit carrying the ‘stains of battle’ some of them.

But, as always, no offense taken, none whatsoever, well able to take the turbulence and buffeting of robust debate on these important issues.

May be posting from warmer climes next week and will report on the facilities or more correctly, lack of them, in due course.

Those big sardines leave a ferocious fent in the confined areas.

Sorry about that, I'm sure your domestic arrangements are perfectly adequate.

Enjoy the sunshine, keep off the local brews and very much on the bottled water.

Bullocks · 30-08-2019 3:58pm

Lads, for Jaysus sake! He hardly boiled the prawns in ****e. Don't ye know well he had the cop on to throw two boiling kettles full of water into the sink before preparing food in it???
Any one else getting a hankering for oysters? I might head into the market in Galway tomorrow for a few to get the zinc levels where they need to be

Brendan Bendar · 30-08-2019 4:51pm

padd b1975 wrote: »

Sorry about that, I'm sure your domestic arrangements are perfectly adequate.

Enjoy the sunshine, keep off the local brews and very much on the bottled water.

Like I said Pee, no need for apologies, and appreciate the advice.

The Bren is a thick skinned auld kernt, ....which reminds me ,must clear any Philly from under Kojaks roll-neck in case the heat sours it.

Can’t be standing over a four foot putt and the fcuking helmet feeling like the dipstick of clapped out Ford Fiesta. Froth all over the fcuker.:mad:

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. · 30-08-2019 8:15pm

Bullocks wrote: »

Lads, for Jaysus sake! He hardly boiled the prawns in ****e. Don't ye know well he had the cop on to throw two boiling kettles full of water into the sink before preparing food in it???

I'd bet twenty quid that he doesn't even have a working kettle. Sounds like a very meagre existence he has going on over there

padd b1975 · 30-08-2019 8:47pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Like I said Pee, no need for apologies, and appreciate the advice.

The Bren is a thick skinned auld kernt, ....which reminds me ,must clear any Philly from under Kojaks roll-neck in case the heat sours it.

Can’t be standing over a four foot putt and the fcuking helmet feeling like the dipstick of clapped out Ford Fiesta. Froth all over the fcuker.:mad:

Indeed you can't.

Nearly as bad as having two saucers on the butt cheeks.

Kermit.de.frog · 30-08-2019 9:00pm

Why is this thread so popular?

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. · 30-08-2019 9:11pm

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

Why is this thread so popular?

Because you never devein shrimp with the same fingers and thumbs you used the night before to push doughy brown turds down the kitchen plughole Kermit.

Bullocks · 30-08-2019 9:39pm

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

Why is this thread so popular?

If you don't get it by now Kermit you probably won't

Bullocks · 30-08-2019 9:49pm

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Bullocks wrote: »

Lads, for Jaysus sake! He hardly boiled the prawns in ****e. Don't ye know well he had the cop on to throw two boiling kettles full of water into the sink before preparing food in it???

I'd bet twenty quid that he doesn't even have a working kettle. Sounds like a very meagre existence he has going on over there

Well Sally , I hope he comes back to answer all our questions . I'll take your 20 quid bet aswell , might donate my winnings to getting Andreas a plumber !

Roger Hassenforder · 30-08-2019 9:55pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

They will be after being prepared in that sink!

Public Health and HACCP THREAD >>>

westgolf · 30-08-2019 10:01pm

Senators, Congress men and midden minders,faecal strategy exponents, arise and celebrate our passage through 2700 prolific posts.

Roger Hassenforder · 30-08-2019 10:12pm

westgolf wrote: »

Senators, Congress men and midden minders,faecal strategy exponents, arise and celebrate our passage through 2700 prolific posts.

Passed by easily enough

What's the etiquette here??

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