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Would you date a single mother?

24

Comments

  • #52
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,204 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Schwanz wrote: »
    It's all about you pal isn't it?

    Nice rant though.


    It’s not about me at all, it’s about your assumptions about how other people have lost out if they have dealbreakers, like finding out a woman they like has children from a previous relationship.

    That’s a dealbreaker not just for many men, but for many women too. And it’s fine, nobody has lost out because there’s no shortage in Irish society even of single people who don’t have children. It’s not something to get upset about if you like someone and find out later there’s something you don’t like about them and call it a day on that basis.


  • #53
    Strumms
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,811 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    I did about ten years ago. Kinda fell into the relationship from being slightly flirty mates first. She had two kids, really nice little people, it ultimately didn’t work out.... she could be pretty impatient with them, maybe from the workload and stress of working, being a mother of two little busy girls, keeping a house...she’d have not much patience for perceived problems with them or anyone which in the end was the major catalyst for the split.


  • #54
    DublinWriter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,559 ✭✭✭DublinWriter


    Interesting that the OP noted a 'single' mother, as opposed to a divorced or widowed woman.

    Makes you wonder about how attitudes have really changed in Ireland in 2019.


  • #55
    nthclare
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,315 ✭✭✭nthclare


    Gimme A Pound wrote: »
    If people don't want to be in a relationship with someone who has a child of children, so what? Nothing wrong with that. It's not easy.

    As said though, the older a person is when single, the less choice they have in the matter. And if you like them enough, you might give making it work a shot.

    That's true it's very hard on single mothers, I've a few friend who has an authistic kid and the very minute she says it on a date the guys loose interest.

    The bstrd of a father won't even see his own son because he's such hard work, she gets 4 hour's respite on a Saturday and that's it....

    She's very frustrated if you get my drift, but wants a relationship...

    Not into ons or fck budding want's a proper relationship, caught between a rock and a hard place...


  • #56
    Gimme A Pound
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    DublinWriter wrote: »
    Interesting that the OP noted a 'single' mother, as opposed to a divorced or widowed woman.

    Makes you wonder about how attitudes have really changed in Ireland in 2019.
    I wouldn't read that into it when it's just one person and it's something that has become a turn of phrase free of judgement much of the time.

    What i don't get is the assumption by the OP that everyone here is only attracted to women.


  • #57
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,204 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Gimme A Pound wrote: »
    I wouldn't read that into it when it's just one person and it's something that has become a turn of phrase free of judgement much of the time.

    What i don't get is the assumption by the OP that everyone here is only attracted to women.


    Much as the OP can start some head melter threads, there’s nothing in their opening post to indicate they assume everyone here is only attracted to women. You might as well take issue with the fact they didn’t make any assumptions about lesbians and people who are transgender either.

    Or you could just be fair to the guy and assume he’s straight, and it’s a fairly straightforward question that doesn’t need reading into.


  • #58
    eviltwin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    Much as the OP can start some head melter threads, there’s nothing in their opening post to indicate they assume everyone here is only attracted to women. You might as well take issue with the fact they didn’t make any assumptions about lesbians and people who are transgender either.

    Or you could just be fair to the guy and assume he’s straight, and it’s a fairly straightforward question that doesn’t need reading into.

    Maybe it's because some people have assumptions about single mothers and their characters that they don't have about single dads


  • #59
    14dMoney
    Registered Users Posts: 407 ✭✭14dMoney


    Gimme A Pound wrote: »
    I wouldn't read that into it when it's just one person and it's something that has become a turn of phrase free of judgement much of the time.

    What i don't get is the assumption by the OP that everyone here is only attracted to women.

    I'm attracted to women Ergo, the thread is about women. Go figure.


  • #60
    jaxxx
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,230 ✭✭✭jaxxx


    No, and only because I don't want kids. Literally the only reason.


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  • #61
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,204 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    eviltwin wrote: »
    Maybe it's because some people have assumptions about single mothers and their characters that they don't have about single dads


    To be fair to him the OP just cleared it up there himself -

    14dMoney wrote: »
    I'm attracted to women Ergo, the thread is about women. Go figure.


    Single fathers get a different set of assumptions about their character :D


  • #62
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    14dMoney wrote: »
    Would you date a single mother, or would you be put off by the baggage?

    Not the most eloquently worded thread in the history of Boards.ie!


  • #63
    theguzman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,081 ✭✭✭theguzman


    Never date certain Asian nationalities or single mothers, their loyalty will always only be to their families and will never stop giving them money in the asian situation and with single mothers their children will always come before you as a partner.


  • #64
    Vlthap
    Registered Users Posts: 47 ✭Vlthap


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    I’m pointing out the sheer stupidity of your assertion that someone else’s dealbreakers are their loss. It’s an incredibly arrogant assumption on someone else’s part to assume that the other person is losing out on something because they don’t share your opinion.

    Kinda reminds me of when women assume I must be gay because I don’t want to date them, my loss though, apparently :rolleyes:

    Thanks for trying to point out the obvious to this human. However, it appears stupid doesn't recognise stupid!!


  • #65
    Gimme A Pound
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    Much as the OP can start some head melter threads, there’s nothing in their opening post to indicate they assume everyone here is only attracted to women. You might as well take issue with the fact they didn’t make any assumptions about lesbians and people who are transgender either.

    Or you could just be fair to the guy and assume he’s straight, and it’s a fairly straightforward question that doesn’t need reading into.
    Ach I obviously mean he could have asked "Would you date someone with children" seeing as we aren't just into women here.
    theguzman wrote: »
    with single mothers their children will always come before you as a partner.
    And rightly so if they're a decent parent. Same with fathers.


  • #66
    Atoms for Peace
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,888 ✭✭✭Atoms for Peace


    Boom_Bap wrote: »
    I'm dating a single mother at the moment, she has 2 kids. I just happen to be the father as well.

    I'm reporting you to the welfare, fecking chancers!!!


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  • #67
    Richard Hillman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,033 ✭✭✭✭Richard Hillman


    No, I would generally consider them off limits. If things are very fraught with the father then it could become a minefield.


  • #68
    TeaBagMania
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,192 ✭✭✭TeaBagMania


    Hell No
    Single mothers are only looking for a man to foot the bill of housing, feeding, and clothing her and her little bastard


  • #69
    Yer Da sells Avon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,737 ✭✭✭Yer Da sells Avon


    Boom_Bap wrote: »
    I'm dating a single mother at the moment, she has 2 kids. I just happen to be the father as well.

    tenor.gif


  • #70
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    TeaBagMania wrote: »
    Hell No
    Single mothers are only looking for a man to foot the bill of housing, feeding, and clothing her and her little bastard



  • #71
    Gimme A Pound
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    TeaBagMania wrote: »
    Hell No
    Single mothers are only looking for a man to foot the bill of housing, feeding, and clothing her and her little bastard
    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    I'd say it depends on the single mother - crazy stuff I know.


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  • #72
    Collie D
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,400 ✭✭✭✭Collie D


    Gimme A Pound wrote: »
    I'd say it depends on the single mother - crazy stuff I know.

    In his case I’d say it’s possibly true because they’re certainly not interested in his personality or as a male role model.


  • #73
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    TeaBagMania wrote: »
    Hell No
    Single mothers are only looking for a man to foot the bill of housing, feeding, and clothing her and her little bastard
    Wait, I thought single mothers were living the life of luxury on the taxpayer's cheque, as is?

    I'm a single Dad, the baby's mum is a single mum. She's far more successful, smart and attractive than I am and the idea that she would need a man (let alone myself) to run her life is pitifully ridiculous.

    The unabashed sexism on this thread is something to behold.


  • #74
    corner of hells
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,409 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    TeaBagMania wrote: »
    Hell No
    Single mothers are only looking for a man to foot the bill of housing, feeding, and clothing her and her little bastard
    Wait, I thought single mothers were living the life of luxury on the taxpayer's cheque, as is?

    I'm a single Dad, the baby's mum is a single mum. She's far more successful, smart and attractive than I am and the idea that she would need a man (let alone myself) to run her life is pitifully ridiculous.

    The unabashed sexism on this thread is something to behold.

    God forbid, should a woman be successful.


  • #75
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    corner of hells wrote: »
    God forbid, should a woman be successful.

    If she's successful she's a bitch
    If she needs some help she's a sponger

    Cant win


  • #76
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,078 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    . She's far more successful, smart and attractive than I am and the idea that she would need a man (let alone myself) to run her life is pitifully ridiculous.

    The unabashed sexism on this thread is something to behold.

    Sexism aside, none of those qualities make her a good parent. You might actually be a better parent.


  • #77
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    most men probably wouldn't be into socks* given the choice

    harsh, but true. also the time limitations etc. probably easier when people have grown up kids or similar situation on both sides.






    *some other cnut's kids


  • #78
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Sexism aside, none of those qualities make her a good parent. You might actually be a better parent.
    True, I'm just saying the idea that single mothers are spongers is far from a common experience.

    If someone only knows single mothers who need a man to provide for them, I'd seriously question what kinds of people they have in their lives. Most people, male and female, don't operate like that.


  • #79
    Sierra 117
    Registered Users Posts: 629 ✭✭✭Sierra 117


    No. I don't want children, so a woman having a child is a deal breaker for me.


  • #80
    Outlaw Pete
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,423 ✭✭✭✭Outlaw Pete


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppPKgog66uY


  • #81
    notsoyoungwan
    Registered Users Posts: 614 ✭✭✭notsoyoungwan


    I'm a woman and I certainly wouldn’t date a single father. I’ve no interest in having children myself and don’t want someone else’s children in my life.


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  • #82
    Foweva Awone
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,740 ✭✭✭Foweva Awone


    Sierra 117 wrote: »
    No. I don't want children, so a woman having a child is a deal breaker for me.

    Why though? It's not like you're going to have to adopt the child?

    I'm a single mother, my son has a perfectly good father and doesn't need another one. If I got into a relationship, I don't expect I'd even introduce the person to my son for a very long time, and I'd certainly not expect them to become a third parent to my child.


  • #83
    m5ex9oqjawdg2i
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,221 ✭✭✭✭m5ex9oqjawdg2i


    What's your opinion OP???


  • #84
    m5ex9oqjawdg2i
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,221 ✭✭✭✭m5ex9oqjawdg2i


    TeaBagMania wrote: »
    Hell No
    Single mothers are only looking for a man to foot the bill of housing, feeding, and clothing her and her little bastard

    How ignorant...


  • #85
    sportsfan90
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 641 ✭✭✭sportsfan90


    Foweva Awone wrote: »
    Why though? It's not like you're going to have to adopt the child?

    I'm a single mother, my son has a perfectly good father and doesn't need another one. If I got into a relationship, I don't expect I'd even introduce the person to my son for a very long time, and I'd certainly not expect them to become a third parent to my child.

    Is it not very obvious why not?

    He said he doesn't want children but if he starts going out with a woman who does have children and they eventually come to a stage where they'd like to move in together, some father duties will automatically come his way. Added to that the choice of where they might like to live will be severely restricted due to proximity to schools, freedom to go on holidays with just his partner will likely be impacted, even free time at weekends will be taken up.

    Obviously this is dependent on other factors like the age of the child and if they're still living at home.


  • #86
    laoisgem
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 555 ✭✭✭laoisgem


    glasso wrote: »
    most men probably wouldn't be into socks* given the choice

    harsh, but true. also the time limitations etc. probably easier when people have grown up kids or similar situation on both sides.






    *some other cnut's kids

    Its not often that I'm shocked but calling children "socks" is diabolical :mad:


  • #87
    kikilarue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 571 ✭✭✭kikilarue2


    I would date a single dad provided he was active in the kid's life and supporting it financially. I'd consider any man who isn't doing that a bit of a scumbag so they would be ruled out.

    I'd probably want to be a solid six months into a relationship before we would consider me meeting the kid, and even then probably as "Daddy's friend" for the beginning.

    A huge factor would be how he gets on with his ex. if there's drama there I wouldn't want any involvement in that.


  • #88
    yourdeadwright
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,814 ✭✭✭✭yourdeadwright


    A lot of people will say YES of course with great intentions of being nice people, but its a tuff road to go down and without a shadow of a doubt will cause problems at some stage or another, to say it wouldn't is just lying ,

    Some people are ok with the hassle but make no mistake there will 100% be hassle,

    Unfortunately for the man but rightly so the kids will come first and that can cause hassle with simple every day things ,

    Again some guys can cope with the hassle and added pressure and fair play to them ,
    Iv got the upmost respect for men who do it and treat the children as there own its a fantastic thing to see and there are some great guys out there that do it

    Maybe I'm to selfish but if I'm honest I feel personally it would never work out for me, So I'd stay away, ( thankfully iv a missus and kids so I'm happy out as is )


  • #89
    chopperbyrne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,041 ✭✭✭✭chopperbyrne


    I married one, then we had two children.

    Never saw the eldest (three at the time) as an issue.


  • #90
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    I would and i did. It wasn't an issue.

    To be honest i wouldn't have too much time for anyone who thought differently. I wouldn't look down on them per se, each to their own and all that, but it would definitely colour my opinion of them.

    I've also never been able to understand people who simply don't want kids. The way i see it, no amount of free time or disposable income could ever come anywhere close to being as amazing as having children.


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  • #91
    sportsfan90
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 641 ✭✭✭sportsfan90


    sbsquarepants wrote: »
    I would and i did. It wasn't an issue.

    To be honest i wouldn't have too much time for anyone who thought differently. I wouldn't look down on them per se, each to their own and all that, but it would definitely colour my opinion of them.

    Come on, really? You wouldn't have much time for somebody just because they don't want to raise somebody else's children and the complications that can follow?

    It wasn't an issue for you and many others, which is fantastic. But I suggest you have a look through the thread below from a few weeks ago and it might show how many feel but can't ever voice their concerns to their loved ones and the hardship the can follow.

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057991334


  • #92
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    sportsfan90 wrote: »
    Come on, really? You wouldn't have much time for somebody just because they don't want to raise somebody else's children and the complications that can follow?

    It wasn't an issue for you and many others, which is fantastic. But I suggest you have a look through the thread below from a few weeks ago and it might show how many feel but can't ever voice their concerns to their loved ones and the hardship the can follow.
    +1. If it works for some men grand and good luck to them, but others might take a different and equally valid view. I was never pushed on having children, but at least if I were the biological father then I could work with that. I'd have absolutely zero interest in helping raise a kid that wasn't mine. Never mind the other baggage that comes with that. The biological father, the straight into a family setup minus the just the two of you together stuff. Nope.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #93
    kikilarue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 571 ✭✭✭kikilarue2


    Wibbs wrote: »
    +1. If it works for some men grand and good luck to them, but others might take a different and equally valid view. I was never pushed on having children, but at least if I were the biological father then I could work with that. I'd have absolutely zero interest in helping raise a kid that wasn't mine. Never mind the other baggage that comes with that. The biological father, the straight into a family setup minus the just the two of you together stuff. Nope.

    If you met a woman who you were incredibly attracted to and genuinely believed to be perfect for you in every other way, but she had a kid or two, do you think you would change your mind?


  • #94
    yourdeadwright
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,814 ✭✭✭✭yourdeadwright


    kikilarue2 wrote: »
    If you met a woman who you were incredibly attracted to and genuinely believed to be perfect for you in every other way, but she had a kid or two, do you think you would change your mind?

    How could she be perfect in every way if he doesn't want a women with a kid ?

    Everyone is different, he knows himself better than you know him,
    We have to just accept what his opinion is of what he wants in a relationship .


  • #95
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I seriously doubt it KikiL. Because the "kid or two" part would butt right up against the "perfect for me" part. She'd want to be near fantasy level perfect for me to bypass that and having been around the block I'd find that incredibly unlikely.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #96
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,204 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    kikilarue2 wrote: »
    If you met a woman who you were incredibly attracted to and genuinely believed to be perfect for you in every other way, but she had a kid or two, do you think you would change your mind?


    I can’t answer for Wibbs, but for me it’s a dealbreaker like any other. Of course there will be people who will pass judgment on you for it but I’ve always been ok with being judged by other people. I could never be ok with maintaining a relationship I didn’t want to be in simply because I was concerned about being judged by other people. It wouldn’t be doing myself any favours, and it wouldn’t be doing them any favours either.

    That’s why I said earlier in the thread too I can completely understand when women say they wouldn’t want to date me because I have a child. I’m his primary custodian and it’s not difficult at all for me to date, but I just don’t want to meet anyone else. That’s why when women would say it to me that they wouldn’t date me because I have a child, I’m thinking it’s probably best not to start listing things that are dealbreakers for me or we’d be there all day :pac:


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  • #97
    kikilarue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 571 ✭✭✭kikilarue2


    yourdeadwright wrote: »
    How could she be perfect in every way if he doesn't want a women with a kid ?

    Everyone is different, he knows himself better than you know him,
    We have to just accept what his opinion is of what he wants in a relationship .

    I said in every other way.

    I totally accept that Wibbs knows himself best, I was just asking the question.


  • #98
    Tell me how
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,940 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    I think that in a world where many people have fantastic relationships with their step parents, it is worth remembering that a relationship with someone who has a child does not automatically mean that it is going to be a burden.
    There's no way to know for sure what way it will work out of course but I think definitively ruling out a relationship for this reason is closing off an avenue which could potentially be very rewarding (for the non-parent).


  • #99
    kikilarue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 571 ✭✭✭kikilarue2


    By 30, everyone has baggage of some sort. I'd consider a kid from a previous relationship to be one of the more straightforward types to deal with.


  • #100
    Gael23
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,123 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    It would depend on how involved the biological dad was. If he was strongly involved then no.


  • #101
    sportsfan90
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 641 ✭✭✭sportsfan90


    kikilarue2 wrote: »
    By 30, everyone has baggage of some sort. I'd consider a kid from a previous relationship to be one of the more straightforward types to deal with.

    It really isn't.

    Maybe it would be ok later on in life when the partners kids no longer live at home and aren't as dependent.


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