How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

jimjangles · 31-05-2019 2:54pm #1

I've tried online dating sites and they're absolutely useless.
I'm not ugly but it would seem by my terrible lack of popularity that I don't have the looks for online dating.
Whatever they're looking for online it's not me.
Also I have no kind of a social life anymore.
Also I'm 37 and I'm a man.
So if online dating doesn't work and I have no social life and I live in the midlands seems things aren't really going to work out too good for me for finding someone ever.
I should probably just forget about it.

BENDYBINN · 31-05-2019 2:56pm

Lissdoonvarna is the place for you!

Autosport · 31-05-2019 2:57pm

Boards is a good place to meet someone and even a few have a stalker

jimjangles · 31-05-2019 2:57pm

BENDYBINN wrote: »

Lissdoonvarna is the place for you!

Nope.

GBX · 31-05-2019 2:58pm

Have ya frontage.. the wimmen love that in the country

Deebles McBeebles · 31-05-2019 2:58pm

Are you me a year from now? Freaky.

bigpink · 31-05-2019 2:58pm

Try foreign women chatting with my male friends and colleagues last few years

BENDYBINN · 31-05-2019 2:59pm

jimjangles wrote: »

Nope.

That’s it your too fussy....

branie2 · 31-05-2019 2:59pm

The pub

Allinall · 31-05-2019 2:59pm

Take one night out of your busy life and head to Coppers.

You'll be sorted, like.

Rodin · 31-05-2019 2:59pm

jimjangles wrote: »

I've tried online dating sites and they're absolutely useless.
I'm not ugly but it would seem by my terrible lack of popularity that I don't have the looks for online dating.
Whatever they're looking for online it's not me.
Also I have no kind of a social life anymore.
Also I'm 37 and I'm a man.
So if online dating doesn't work and I have no social life and I live in the midlands seems things aren't really going to work out too good for me for finding someone ever.
I should probably just forget about it.

You could try stopping your whinging.
Women hate a yap.

Go take up some sports/activities/walking/hiking/cycling. You'll already know the people you meet have similar interests to you.

amcalester · 31-05-2019 3:00pm

How much road frontage have you?

It’s all about frontage.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 31-05-2019 3:00pm

Thailand..and bring some money.

Your Face · 31-05-2019 3:01pm

All I can say is to go outside of your comfort zone.
Head to a pub and see if you can get chatting to any women.
I know - that's easier said than done

The Rape of Lucretia · 31-05-2019 3:02pm

Rodin wrote: »

You could try stopping your whinging.
Women hate a yap.

True. They hate having competition on that front.

Ted_YNWA · 31-05-2019 3:02pm

Autosport wrote: »

Boards is a good place to meet someone and even a few have a stalker

I can attest to this.

amcalester · 31-05-2019 3:03pm

Your Face wrote: »

All I can say is to go outside of your comfort zone

Get a boyfriend, can’t get much more outside your comfort zone than that.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 31-05-2019 3:04pm

You have to make a social life for yourself, you won't meet anybody sitting at home.

Take up a hobby of some sort and join a club. You'll meet loads of new faces.

.Charlo · 31-05-2019 3:04pm

Outside your house, anywhere. Give up that online dating shìte, I've seen friends turned into weirdos over that craic.

El_Bee · 31-05-2019 3:06pm

jimjangles wrote: »

I've tried online dating sites and they're absolutely useless.
I'm not ugly but it would seem by my terrible lack of popularity that I don't have the looks for online dating.
Whatever they're looking for online it's not me.
Also I have no kind of a social life anymore.
Also I'm 37 and I'm a man.
So if online dating doesn't work and I have no social life and I live in the midlands seems things aren't really going to work out too good for me for finding someone ever.
I should probably just forget about it.

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swarlb · 31-05-2019 3:08pm

I found one in the 20th century... trust me, you're better off without.... but then again, youth is wasted on the young... and the young don't listen.

CrankyHaus · 31-05-2019 3:10pm

37 is probably one of the stages in a man's life where it's easiest to pull, so no need to give up for another 13 years at least.

Just put some thought and effort in and you'll be flying.
Obviously a picture on Tinder with "hey" only works for a particularly attractive minority. Women will spot half assing and moaning a mile away, so avoid that.

If you have no social life change that by engaging in groups of whatever activity, hobby or topic you're into. It will keep your social skills and confidence up while putting you on touch with potential partners.

weldoninhio · 31-05-2019 3:16pm

jimjangles wrote: »

I've tried online dating sites and they're absolutely useless.
I'm not ugly but it would seem by my terrible lack of popularity that I don't have the looks for online dating.
Whatever they're looking for online it's not me.
Also I have no kind of a social life anymore.
Also I'm 37 and I'm a man.
So if online dating doesn't work and I have no social life and I live in the midlands seems things aren't really going to work out too good for me for finding someone ever.
I should probably just forget about it.

I'm the same, although I have a great social life. But after becoming recently single it's near impossible to get a reply on online dating sites. I think a lot of profiles must be unused, but kept up to make the site look popular. Before I got my last girlfriend about a year ago I would always be chatting to a few girls online.

Tell me how · 31-05-2019 3:18pm

jimjangles wrote: »

I've tried online dating sites and they're absolutely useless.
I'm not ugly but it would seem by my terrible lack of popularity that I don't have the looks for online dating.
Whatever they're looking for online it's not me.
Also I have no kind of a social life anymore.
Also I'm 37 and I'm a man.
So if online dating doesn't work and I have no social life and I live in the midlands seems things aren't really going to work out too good for me for finding someone ever.
I should probably just forget about it.

Have you tried to initiate conversations with potential dates?
Have you had someone review your profile?
Have you had any dates which you could take some feedback from?
Have you friends or siblings who you could let know you are interested in meeting someone and see if they suggest anyone?
Could they give you feedback on your style/demeanour? (Try to take this as constructive criticism)

Have you hobbies or interests which you could engage in even if on your own?
At 37 few people are still going out on the town every week, a social life could be one night drinks and a couple nights cinema or dinner a month. Could you ask friends/work colleagues if they are up for something in the next month or so, (not that that is what is needed to meet someone and if anything, if you turn a night out with friends in to you trying to meet someone, they might not be so quick to come out the next night).

Blitzkrieger · 31-05-2019 3:20pm

jimjangles wrote: »

I should probably just forget about it.

Yeah, sort of.

They say women can smell desperation, so trying to get out and socialise and try to do hobbies and activities that include women is the best way to go. The goal is to get out and have fun and meet people rather than focusing too much on dating. It's all about increasing the pool size - if you meet and get to know more women, you might meet one that you click with.

Don't give up on the online dating. It is hard, but again it's about increasing the pool size. You've at least the opportunity to interact with a lot more single women online than you'll meet in the real world. Psychologists increasing talk about the dangers to mental health from online dating, especially apps like tinder, so try not to get too invested in it. For some people it ends up like an addiction. But again, the bottom line is it's an opportunity to meet more women.

Lastly, there is the more off the wall things. I'm not sure how many speed dating events or the like there is in the midlands, but (broken record time) it's all about increasing your opportunities to meet women. Maybe travel to a nearby city for singles events. I also saw an ad for a company offering singles holidays, ones specifically targeted at people who are trying to meet someone, rather than the usual People Alone Traveling Together. Could be fun - even if you don't meet someone at least you've had a holiday.

I'll end with a disclaimer - I'm in the same boat myself OP so my advice is what I've gleaned from experts in the area (sociology and online dating) rather than anything that has actually worked for me.

Walter Bishop · 31-05-2019 3:21pm

What did you put in your profile on the sites? Chances are it's terrible tbh.

mistress_gi · 31-05-2019 3:29pm

I'm a lady and in the same situation
"wink wink"

weldoninhio · 31-05-2019 3:30pm

mistress_gi wrote: »

I'm a lady and in the same situation
"wink wink"

How you doin'?

victor8600 · 31-05-2019 3:57pm

Walter Bishop wrote: »

What did you put in your profile on the sites? Chances are it's terrible tbh.

Yes, OP should post the description here. The collective AH mind may come up with something more attractive.

Also, anybody should get at least a 50% response rate if the message is crafty enough. Nothing repels a potential date faster that a moany ill-formed message.

Do you have a nice pic in the profile OP? A blury cutout from a selfie with your mates in a pub is not generally attractive. Put on a suit and take a pic somewhere nice.

wakka12 · 31-05-2019 4:01pm

victor8600 wrote: »

Yes, OP should post the description here. The collective AH mind may come up with something more attractive.

Also, anybody should get at least a 50% response rate if the message is crafty enough. Nothing repels a potential date faster that a moany ill-formed message.

Do you have a nice pic in the profile OP? A blury cutout from a selfie with your mates in a pub is not generally attractive. Put on a suit and take a pic somewhere nice.

An ugly face does

mcmoustache · 31-05-2019 4:03pm

jimjangles wrote: »

I've tried online dating sites and they're absolutely useless.
I'm not ugly but it would seem by my terrible lack of popularity that I don't have the looks for online dating.
Whatever they're looking for online it's not me.
Also I have no kind of a social life anymore.
Also I'm 37 and I'm a man.
So if online dating doesn't work and I have no social life and I live in the midlands seems things aren't really going to work out too good for me for finding someone ever.
I should probably just forget about it.

You'll need to get your social life fixed. Ideally in such a way that you get to meet women. For example, walking groups, amateur dramatics troupes, church groups, youth groups, sports groups etc.

That way you'll get to meet women in shared activities and sooner or later, you'll meet someone that you could hit it off with. I don't know what's available in your area but there's no way around putting yourself out there in the real world.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 31-05-2019 4:27pm

I normally use binoculars. Working well so far.

victor8600 · 31-05-2019 4:28pm

wakka12 wrote: »

An ugly face does

For a man? Not really. Put a monkey into a nice suit, angle correctly and he would be attractive enough in a photo

vargoo · 31-05-2019 5:09pm

Women have to much choice on Tinder etc. They mess everyone around.

Dunno about match.com, fairly expensive, maybe people there are better, more genuine.

suicide_circus · 31-05-2019 5:13pm

If Buck Rogers could do it in the 25th Century, you can do it in the 21st

c.p.w.g.w · 31-05-2019 5:20pm

Men are in a precious position.

If you are too forward and persistent you are sexually harnessing them.
If you are cautious and stop at the first sign a women isn't immediately saying yes to a drink you are shy and meek.

We hear that women want a real man, but the characteristics of these "Real" men are in contrast with whats happening socially.

Just my observation, its why the nightclub scene din't work for me, and found my partner(5 years together) online

seamus · 31-05-2019 5:27pm

I've never used online dating, but from seeing conversations on reddit and such about it, it seems like one of the main issues is the conversation opener.

In that 99% of men start it with "Hey" or equivalent, or some smutty/cheesy remark. Fact is that women have their pick on these sites, so you're one of twenty guys messaging her today. If you start with "Hi" or "Hey", there's a good chance that she's bored right away. Because "Hi" doesn't start a conversation. What do you say to "Hi"? Nothing, you say "Hi" back. You've instantly pushed responsibility for starting a conversation onto her, and chances are she's not going to bother.

And naturally you can whinge about equality all you like, but it still remains a perennial fact that you're clinging onto this one woman as your sole hope of a shag this week, while she has fifty options on the table. Most of them not good options, but still options.

So you need to be the better option. Open with a conversation starter. A funny, perhaps quirky question, not one that requires her to give up personal information about herself, or engage in idle chatter. "How are you today?" or "What kind of man are you looking for?", are not conversation starters. Something like, "Do you think dogs have their own names that they use for people", or "Do you think Bert and Ernie sharing a bed made dating difficult for them".

It doesn't really matter so long as as it's different and easy. Not bland and personal.

Boom_Bap · 31-05-2019 5:27pm

Just hold out til the 22nd Century, that's when it's all going to turn around for man.

Das Reich · 31-05-2019 5:28pm

You have to try a foreign woman better if is from Asia.

Boom_Bap · 31-05-2019 5:31pm

Das Reich wrote: »

You have to try a foreign woman better if is from Asia.

There are loads of hot Russians within 1 mile of me.

31-05-2019 5:32pm

Just resign yourself to being alone..

major bill · 31-05-2019 5:38pm

stay off the online dating, unless you are a witty and extremely good looking man you won't get anywhere, Tinder has ruined womens expectations, even the chunkers think they are gorgeous and have over the top expectations due to every random horny ****er swiping right, as for POF , me other half re-activated her account when we first started dating to show me the level of crap women receive and its no wonder a decent bloke gets no reply cos the pervs are spamming the inbox.

Just head out to a pub or late bar and let nature take its course , it will happen.

Zorya · 31-05-2019 5:41pm

I don't know much about this but I do know that they are not delivered to you.

If all fails spend a fortune and go do some crappy 6 week intensive Yoga teacher training course in a tropical paradise. Then come back and set up your business.

ChikiChiki · 31-05-2019 5:41pm

Go out and just enjoy yourself. Opportunities will come. I agree that online dating is pants. Having the same ****ty conversation over and over. Waste of time.

Thelonious Monk · 31-05-2019 5:44pm

I find it easy to get dates in Dublin from dating apps these days. It helps to be tall and good looking and to have your sh*t together. I'm 38 too. My problem is I always think there's a better more attractive one out there on these stupid apps so I'd much rather meet someone in person. McGowan's later on maybe!

FTA69 · 31-05-2019 5:48pm

I think people actively chasing partners develop a “smell of want” that puts people off, especially women. And in the end of it all a fella’s confidence is shot and it become a sh*tty enough cycle.

Personally I’d recommend focusing on one’s self-development and feeling better in themselves. Learn a new language, travel abroad if possible, go to the gym, look at buying some new clothes or adopting a new style, get fit, take up a hobby, reconnect with friends. Get busy essentially; and one you’re doing the above and being happy about it you’ll meet people.

_blaaz · 31-05-2019 5:51pm

Guess just get on with your life.....hardly end of world stuff not meeting someone anyway??

(Theres always incest,AFAIK its socially acceptable in the midlands?)

wakka12 · 31-05-2019 5:55pm

I think everyone is over thinking this really. If youre a decent looking guy some women will message you or at least reply to you. Lets be real its probably little to do with what you wrote , its how you look. If you look bad, youll have better luck in real life, for sure

BeerWolf · 31-05-2019 5:55pm

Hug a bear instead, you might like it...

Kauto0709 · 31-05-2019 5:57pm

Never mind that......How is a woman suppose to find a man in the 21st century who isn't just looking for a "a bit of fun"?

31-05-2019 6:34pm

Just logged in to my inactive pof thing there..

Like, even the whole suggested strategy that we're told will work for men..

Pretty much carpet bomb every half decent looking woman within 100 km with a message and hopefully a couple will message you back..

Like, Jesus..is that not the most bleak symptom of how awful the whole thing is?..

You really would wonder what the world will be like in 30 years time..

How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

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