Ghosted after a few good dates

Johnnytractors · 26-04-2021 11:18am #1

So, I recently matched with the one on tinder who was very cute, charming a funny. Within a few weeks we exchanged numbers and started chatting on WhatsApp. After a while we agreed to meet up in person and we clicked like a house on fire. We met the following week again and had a ball of time together. The following two weeks were Easter Sunday and the following Sunday I was tied the following Sunday helping a friend. We stayed in contact every day and night and shared messages and Snap chatting each other every day. Met her last Sunday and we had a brilliant time together. We chatted Sunday night when I got home and I fell asleep then. Monday morning I texted her and I got the following message back “ You're fine, sooo tired this morning getting up for work how's you? xx “ this is the last message I have got as I have been blocked on WhatsApp and on Snapchat. I’m still a match on tinder with her and friends on Instagram with her. I have reached out to her and asked her what is going on but I have been ghosted!!! To be honest I didn’t think she was like this and if she was to message me again later in life I would accept her back into my life.

How do people cope when someone ghosts you? To be honest I’m a nervous wreck, not sleeping properly, not eating much and can’t focus at work. I’m stressed out and I would love to hear from her is all

Leg End Reject · 26-04-2021 11:30am

It sounds like she got back with an ex, or was seeing others at the same time and opted for one of them.

Don't let her back into your life if she makes contact later, it's very disrespectful not to send a text or call to let you know where you stand.

Ubbquittious · 26-04-2021 11:34am

I've had some bad experiences but that bates all out. What a bee-yatch!

26-04-2021 11:36am

You should have put out.

biko · 26-04-2021 11:37am

Leg End Reject wrote: »

It sounds like she got back with an ex, or was seeing others at the same time and opted for one of them.

Yeah, this is what springs to my mind also.
And she's too chicken to break cleanly.

handlemaster · 26-04-2021 11:37am

Perhaps. It was someone else who blocked you on her phone . Or as above she had her fun.

murpho999 · 26-04-2021 3:59pm

I feel for you OP but I think you just have to cut your losses on this one and be thankful that you did not discover this behaviour at a later stage in the relationship and you could have a lot more at stake and also be more emotionally committed.

At the moment it hurts but that will ease and you can put it down to experience and learn from it.

I really don't think you should accept her back unless he has a really genuine reason for ignoring you which I doubt.

FFVII · 26-04-2021 4:08pm

Leg End Reject wrote: »

It sounds like she got back with an ex, or was seeing others at the same time and opted for one of them.

Don't let her back into your life if she makes contact later, it's very disrespectful not to send a text or call to let you know where you stand.

Yup. This.

She was writing to 5 and went with one of them but she'll still be writing to 5 still and youll see her on tinder "recently active" soon again.

They're all at the same thing.

Putting pandemic to one side. Theirs something wrong with the vast majority of people on tinder etc. Especially those into the late 30s.

26-04-2021 4:10pm

The joys of online dating. Move on.

Jequ0n · 26-04-2021 4:12pm

A few weeks of chatting before meeting up?
I think the longer you wait to meet in person the lower your chances. Get in there early next time (literally)

Best of luck

Feisar · 26-04-2021 4:18pm

It's all in the game.

Surreptitious · 26-04-2021 4:28pm

Feisar wrote: »

It's all in the game.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

yourdeadwright · 26-04-2021 4:30pm

Why do this to yourself,
There's literally nothing you can do about it so why worry about it ?
If you see here just be nice and don't ask ,

Any number of things could have happened here's a short sections ,
1, She got the ick ,
2. She figured out she know an ex
3. Someone told her something about you
4, She seen you where still on tinder,
5, She got another offer she couldn't refuse,

Happened to me once years ago much like yourself it seemed to be going really well , I played it cooled and never said anything i'm glad I did because we still bump into each other from time to time and are both nice to each other ,

I have never asked what happened nor will I cause whats the point ,She made up her mind for whatever reason so why would I want to convince someone to like me , You should take the same road ,

raclle · 26-04-2021 4:37pm

Unfortunately this is all too common nowadays. Its hard enough for men having to make the first move. Women seem to have all the power when it comes to dating. Not all men have the confidence to ask someone out let alone get turned down or ghosted. I wish there wasn't some unspoken rule about dating where women are the majority

badabing106 · 26-04-2021 4:41pm

Have a few beers on weekend and then start sending messages to see if you can rekindle anything

super_furry · 26-04-2021 4:43pm

Sounds like she's been kidnapped by Ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to go save her?

Dtp1979 · 26-04-2021 4:44pm

Why in the name of Jaysus did you post this on after hours OP?

Feisar · 26-04-2021 4:47pm

super_furry wrote: »

Sounds like she's been kidnapped by Ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to go save her?

Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it."

YellowLead · 26-04-2021 4:47pm

OP I have no idea why you would let her back into your life if she reached out in future!!!!

She’s an awful coward, a mean person. All she had to do was say - thanks for your time but I don’t see this going any further. Job done. Ghosting is so cowardly and disrespectful. However it’s super common so you have to be prepared.

As other have said this is all par for the course with online dating. Most people will be chatting with a few so as not to put their eggs in one basket. They click more with one and go with them.

So what you need to do is not get emotionally invested too soon, which sounds like what happened here. You should be a bit miffed at her, not totally thrown off kilter.

Chatting for ages before meeting is also a recipe for disaster as some people are prone to getting attached even from that (madness in my opinion) - one person sees it as a bit of fun, a way to pass the time, ego boosting, while the other (you) might see it as building intimacy.

Thick skin is needed with online dating when crap like this happens you just need to be able to roll with it and on to the next one. Otherwise online dating isn’t for you.

Normal One · 26-04-2021 4:48pm

Maybe she's dead.

yourdeadwright · 26-04-2021 4:55pm

raclle wrote: »

Unfortunately this is all too common nowadays. Its hard enough for men having to make the first move. Women seem to have all the power when it comes to dating. Not all men have the confidence to ask someone out let alone get turned down or ghosted. I wish there wasn't some unspoken rule about dating where women are the majority

What kind of nonsense is this ? all the power ?

The right to decide not to date anymore surely that everyone's right ?

Men and Women ghost ,

Leg End Reject · 26-04-2021 4:58pm

Normal One wrote: »

Maybe she's dead.

A ghost ghoster.

Spooky.

Hector Savage · 26-04-2021 4:58pm

Question OP, you say you had a great time with her before ?
were you intimate or were you too much of a 'gentleman' and nothing happened ?

Sometimes people lose patience if there is no action - sorry to be so blunt...

The DayDream · 26-04-2021 5:02pm

FFVII wrote: »

Putting pandemic to one side. Theirs something wrong with the vast majority of people on tinder etc. Especially those into the late 30s.

That's not true I'm just a rough diamond that's needs a little polishing, that's all.

Bobblehats · 26-04-2021 5:04pm

I only ever ghost someone on eBay, when I fail to pay up having pressed the commit. My avatar’s a cowboy with his gun dipped just walking away?!

Fuzzyduzzy · 26-04-2021 5:07pm

She hasn't forgotten to text. Someone else didn't block you on her phone. Guys have a lot of competition in the online dating scene these days, as ones who would never have used it now do due to no bars etc. Guys usually date down on it (in attractiveness) and girls date up as they can afford to. Good looking girls get treated like celebrities on those apps and if guys got the same treatment plenty would be ghosting too with all the options they'd have.

I know it's hard right now but in a few weeks you'll be relieved. If someone showcases this aspect of their personality imagine what other horrible things would surface if you got stuck with her.

Feisar · 26-04-2021 5:08pm

All joking aside, at the end of the day she didn't/doesn't owe you anything. Manners are nice but not an obligation.

Wallet Inspector · 26-04-2021 5:11pm

It's awful OP - you're not alone. I've been there too (I'm female, been ghosted by men) - many of us have. You wrack your brains trying to figure it out - especially when things were going so well. How could there be such a sudden turnaround? Unfortunately there just can be - their circumstances have changed. With guys it can be because you put out or didn't put out. With women it might be that too - or they're suddenly freaked out by things seemingly moving fast. You have to try not to continue analysing it further though - you're only tormenting yourself. This is the only way to stop it getting to you.

raclle wrote: »

Unfortunately this is all too common nowadays. Its hard enough for men having to make the first move. Women seem to have all the power when it comes to dating. Not all men have the confidence to ask someone out let alone get turned down or ghosted. I wish there wasn't some unspoken rule about dating where women are the majority

Ghosting really is not just a woman thing.

hellyeah · 26-04-2021 5:18pm

Get a cat.

Mrs OBumble · 26-04-2021 5:22pm

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Why in the name of Jaysus did you post this on after hours OP?

I cannot think of a better place for the OP to have posted. This is the only forum where people can respond freely instead of oozing faux Compassion.

26-04-2021 5:25pm

Hey OP,

I'd suggest not spending more than a few days or maybe a week chatting before trying to arrange a meetup. That way you won't be too emotionally invested if it happens again. The most honest response I ever had online was along the lines of "Can we just meet up? I don't want to faff about for two weeks and then find out I don't fancy you?"

She didn't:-)

Anyway, best of luck.

YellowLead · 26-04-2021 5:27pm

Fuzzyduzzy wrote: »

She hasn't forgotten to text. Someone else didn't block you on her phone. Guys have a lot of competition in the online dating scene these days, as ones who would never have used it now do due to no bars etc. Guys usually date down on it (in attractiveness) and girls date up as they can afford to. Good looking girls get treated like celebrities on those apps and if guys got the same treatment plenty would be ghosting too with all the options they'd have.

I know it's hard right now but in a few weeks you'll be relieved. If someone showcases this aspect of their personality imagine what other horrible things would surface if you got stuck with her.

Maybe you should go with the average looking girls with interesting personalities rather than bitching that the good looking ones can pick who they like - that’s life.
You see so many smelly dirty boring lazy men complaining that super models arent chasing them, turning their noses down at pretty or average looking!

forgottenhills · 26-04-2021 5:28pm

Feisar wrote: »

It's all in the game.

Many a tear has to fall..

https://youtu.be/5dEvMcsFKFI

Fuzzyduzzy · 26-04-2021 5:39pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Maybe you should go with the average looking girls with interesting personalities rather than bitching that the good looking ones can pick who they like - that’s life.
You see so many smelly dirty boring lazy men complaining that super models arent chasing them, turning their noses down at pretty or average looking!

It's a fact that girls can punch above their own weight in online dating a lot more than guys can. That might not fit with your worldly view of equality but it is what it is.

MyPeopleDrankTheSoup · 26-04-2021 5:39pm

Feisar wrote: »

It's all in the game.

this is pretty much it. women have all the power in online dating (but still they're never happy, what's up with that?).

just move on to the next one, you don't want to become one of those bitter jokes overthinking stuff with a women that you don't even know that well.

Ronaldinho · 26-04-2021 5:44pm

@OP

How intimate did ye get over those 3 dates? Because if you didn't make a move on her that's probably the best explanation.

Sounds like you fell for her. In future, don't put girls up on a pedestal - no good will come of it. Falling for someone elicits the same physiological response as heroin. Which is grand, if it lasts. In a few weeks the stress/thinking about her will pass.

You said ye were texting night and day. Have you nothing better to be doing than texting someone you just met? Job/hobbies etc.
Don't make yourself so available.

Delete her number and don't try to make contact again.

YellowLead · 26-04-2021 5:44pm

That’s a bit broad to say women have all the power online! It is true if a woman wants something casual she can have her pick online. With little effort - she can have a date with a guy she finds attractive and sleep with him.

When it comes to wanting a relationship from online however - that’s a whole different ball game and in my opinion where if anyone has the advantage it’s men. Because there is a broader pool of women looking for a relationship than there is of men, so men have it easier. There are more men that are looking for hook ups but hiding it than women so women have to navigate through all of that faff if the eye are looking for a relationship.

raclle · 26-04-2021 5:46pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

What kind of nonsense is this ? all the power ?

The right to decide not to date anymore surely that everyone's right ?

Men and Women ghost ,

What I meant was men generally have to make the first move. In terms of online dating there's even more pressure to make a first impression. What I'm really trying to say is that its easier for women

Church on Tuesday · 26-04-2021 5:48pm

badabing106 wrote: »

Have a few beers on weekend and then start sending messages to see if you can rekindle anything

Do not do this.

Perhaps she figured you weren't interested if you didn't try to become intimate on some level, you don't say in your OP.

If that's not the case, if she has any interest or respect for you OP (trust me, she doesn't) she will reach out to you again, but even if she does, proceed with extreme caution. She simply isn't attracted to you enough (not your problem) but doesn't have the cop on or respect to tell you in person.

What I will say in the future, maybe don't get so invested so early on. Keep your messaging brief and spare otherwise you find out what you can about someone too soon and on the date, you have nothing to talk about or the other person gets bored endlessly messaging. Try set up dates in real life as soon as possible; I find this sorts out the messers from the genuine pretty quick.

Put it down to experience.

ShatterProof · 26-04-2021 5:51pm

hellyeah wrote: »

Get a cat.

he is looking for pussy

YFlyer · 26-04-2021 5:54pm

Neg her back.

tayto lover · 26-04-2021 5:57pm

Feel a bit sad for the OP.
Her behaviour was lousy.

Fuzzyduzzy · 26-04-2021 6:07pm

YellowLead wrote: »

That’s a bit broad to say women have all the power online! It is true if a woman wants something casual she can have her pick online. With little effort - she can have a date with a guy she finds attractive and sleep with him.

When it comes to wanting a relationship from online however - that’s a whole different ball game and in my opinion where if anyone has the advantage it’s men. Because there is a broader pool of women looking for a relationship than there is of men, so men have it easier. There are more men that are looking for hook ups but hiding it than women so women have to navigate through all of that faff if the eye are looking for a relationship.

I can see what you mean but even before online dating women have been able to be the choosers and date upwards. This has been seriously amplified in online dating and a girl gets to feel like a celebrity while the guys (especially average looking guys) are scavengers.

A female friend (attractive but not striking) recently showed me her bumble profile and every single time she said 'no' it said she missed a match and it matched for every time she said 'yes'. She even admitted herself it was ridiculous. Am I jealous of this contrasting dynamic? Of course, but wouldn't we be delighted if the tables were turned and girls who would not usually look twice at us in a bar or nightclub were all over us.

Thelonious Monk · 26-04-2021 6:08pm

Fuzzyduzzy wrote: »

It's a fact that girls can punch above their own weight in online dating a lot more than guys can. That might not fit with your worldly view of equality but it is what it is.

That's probably true if you're not attractive. I get plenty of messages but very rarely have I any interest in what I receive. I can imagine the whole thing sucks if you don't get any attention.

Surreptitious · 26-04-2021 6:09pm

YellowLead wrote: »

That’s a bit broad to say women have all the power online! It is true if a woman wants something casual she can have her pick online. With little effort - she can have a date with a guy she finds attractive and sleep with him.

When it comes to wanting a relationship from online however - that’s a whole different ball game and in my opinion where if anyone has the advantage it’s men. Because there is a broader pool of women looking for a relationship than there is of men, so men have it easier. There are more men that are looking for hook ups but hiding it than women so women have to navigate through all of that faff if the eye are looking for a relationship.

I think you are right. I have had guys negging me to try and find my weaknesses so they can intimidate me into sex. I didn't fall for it.
It is outlandish to say women can have who they want.

buried · 26-04-2021 6:09pm

Feel bad for the OP here too but what the OP should do is chalk it down as a valuable life lesson in this vapid age where a lot of people are running from one thing to another in a very short space of time with no consideration or even recollection of the last thing they were using beforehand. Never put anybody or anything else up on a pedestal or you will ultimately be disappointed somewhere down the line. Look after yourself and try get into different mindset where this craic doesn't affect you. You'll meet somebody better in person utilising this sort of mindset as it will give you better charisma in the real world, not online.

Wallet Inspector · 26-04-2021 6:10pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I cannot think of a better place for the OP to have posted. This is the only forum where people can respond freely instead of oozing faux Compassion.

Why do you automatically think the compassion is "faux"? That's a popular enough expression but without being able to read minds it doesn't really mean anything. I feel awful for the OP out of empathy, as I've been there.

MyPeopleDrankTheSoup wrote: »

women have all the power in online dating (but still they're never happy, what's up with that?).

Women do not have "all" the power in online dating.

Women aren't "never" happy.

Good bit of resentment here.

Surreptitious · 26-04-2021 6:13pm

All the freaks will start coming out of the woodwork now.
Fat women, women hate men, women don't date short guys.
Women are ugly but can have any man, pick up artist videos, negging, treat em mean keep em keen.

Then you will have the guys who are 'do you even lift bro'
These men have their pick but they aren't interested.

bucketybuck · 26-04-2021 6:17pm

Why do people keep saying this is an online thing?

He met her 3 or 4 times, sounds like the online bit did its job and was over.

26-04-2021 6:21pm

Maybe if yous weren't intimate that's why she stopped texting. Of course it could be the opposite.
Maybe she's met someone else. Of course maybe not.

There's no point in worrying. Block her, delete the number and match and just move on with your life.

MyPeopleDrankTheSoup · 26-04-2021 6:21pm

Wallet Inspector wrote: »

Women do not have "all" the power in online dating.

Women aren't "never" happy.

Good bit of resentment here.

no resentment at all, just stating facts. Maybe 'women never happy' is open to debate lol but women definitely have the power on online dating.

I met my GF of 3 years on Tinder, if you keep working at it, you'll get a result.

Ghosted after a few good dates

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