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Ghosted after a few good dates

Johnnytractors

So, I recently matched with the one on tinder who was very cute, charming a funny. Within a few weeks we exchanged numbers and started chatting on WhatsApp. After a while we agreed to meet up in person and we clicked like a house on fire. We met the following week again and had a ball of time together. The following two weeks were Easter Sunday and the following Sunday I was tied the following Sunday helping a friend. We stayed in contact every day and night and shared messages and Snap chatting each other every day. Met her last Sunday and we had a brilliant time together. We chatted Sunday night when I got home and I fell asleep then. Monday morning I texted her and I got the following message back “ You're fine, sooo tired this morning getting up for work how's you? xx “ this is the last message I have got as I have been blocked on WhatsApp and on Snapchat. I’m still a match on tinder with her and friends on Instagram with her. I have reached out to her and asked her what is going on but I have been ghosted!!! To be honest I didn’t think she was like this and if she was to message me again later in life I would accept her back into my life.

How do people cope when someone ghosts you? To be honest I’m a nervous wreck, not sleeping properly, not eating much and can’t focus at work. I’m stressed out and I would love to hear from her is all

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Fuzzyduzzy

YellowLead wrote: »

Maybe you should go with the average looking girls with interesting personalities rather than bitching that the good looking ones can pick who they like - that’s life.
You see so many smelly dirty boring lazy men complaining that super models arent chasing them, turning their noses down at pretty or average looking!

It's a fact that girls can punch above their own weight in online dating a lot more than guys can. That might not fit with your worldly view of equality but it is what it is.

forgottenhills

Feisar wrote: »

It's all in the game.

Many a tear has to fall..

https://youtu.be/5dEvMcsFKFI

YellowLead

Fuzzyduzzy wrote: »

She hasn't forgotten to text. Someone else didn't block you on her phone. Guys have a lot of competition in the online dating scene these days, as ones who would never have used it now do due to no bars etc. Guys usually date down on it (in attractiveness) and girls date up as they can afford to. Good looking girls get treated like celebrities on those apps and if guys got the same treatment plenty would be ghosting too with all the options they'd have.

I know it's hard right now but in a few weeks you'll be relieved. If someone showcases this aspect of their personality imagine what other horrible things would surface if you got stuck with her.

Maybe you should go with the average looking girls with interesting personalities rather than bitching that the good looking ones can pick who they like - that’s life.
You see so many smelly dirty boring lazy men complaining that super models arent chasing them, turning their noses down at pretty or average looking!

[Deleted User]

Hey OP,

I'd suggest not spending more than a few days or maybe a week chatting before trying to arrange a meetup. That way you won't be too emotionally invested if it happens again. The most honest response I ever had online was along the lines of "Can we just meet up? I don't want to faff about for two weeks and then find out I don't fancy you?"

She didn't:-)

Anyway, best of luck.

Mrs OBumble

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Why in the name of Jaysus did you post this on after hours OP?

I cannot think of a better place for the OP to have posted. This is the only forum where people can respond freely instead of oozing faux Compassion.

hellyeah

Get a cat.

Wallet Inspector

It's awful OP - you're not alone. I've been there too (I'm female, been ghosted by men) - many of us have. You wrack your brains trying to figure it out - especially when things were going so well. How could there be such a sudden turnaround? Unfortunately there just can be - their circumstances have changed. With guys it can be because you put out or didn't put out. With women it might be that too - or they're suddenly freaked out by things seemingly moving fast. You have to try not to continue analysing it further though - you're only tormenting yourself. This is the only way to stop it getting to you.

raclle wrote: »

Unfortunately this is all too common nowadays. Its hard enough for men having to make the first move. Women seem to have all the power when it comes to dating. Not all men have the confidence to ask someone out let alone get turned down or ghosted. I wish there wasn't some unspoken rule about dating where women are the majority

Ghosting really is not just a woman thing.

Feisar

All joking aside, at the end of the day she didn't/doesn't owe you anything. Manners are nice but not an obligation.

Fuzzyduzzy

She hasn't forgotten to text. Someone else didn't block you on her phone. Guys have a lot of competition in the online dating scene these days, as ones who would never have used it now do due to no bars etc. Guys usually date down on it (in attractiveness) and girls date up as they can afford to. Good looking girls get treated like celebrities on those apps and if guys got the same treatment plenty would be ghosting too with all the options they'd have.

I know it's hard right now but in a few weeks you'll be relieved. If someone showcases this aspect of their personality imagine what other horrible things would surface if you got stuck with her.

Bobblehats

I only ever ghost someone on eBay, when I fail to pay up having pressed the commit. My avatar’s a cowboy with his gun dipped just walking away?!

The DayDream

FFVII wrote: »

Putting pandemic to one side. Theirs something wrong with the vast majority of people on tinder etc. Especially those into the late 30s.

That's not true I'm just a rough diamond that's needs a little polishing, that's all.

Hector Savage

Question OP, you say you had a great time with her before ?
were you intimate or were you too much of a 'gentleman' and nothing happened ?

Sometimes people lose patience if there is no action - sorry to be so blunt...

Leg End Reject

Normal One wrote: »

Maybe she's dead.

A ghost ghoster.

Spooky.

yourdeadwright

raclle wrote: »

Unfortunately this is all too common nowadays. Its hard enough for men having to make the first move. Women seem to have all the power when it comes to dating. Not all men have the confidence to ask someone out let alone get turned down or ghosted. I wish there wasn't some unspoken rule about dating where women are the majority

What kind of nonsense is this ? all the power ?

The right to decide not to date anymore surely that everyone's right ?

Men and Women ghost ,

Normal One

Maybe she's dead.

YellowLead

OP I have no idea why you would let her back into your life if she reached out in future!!!!

She’s an awful coward, a mean person. All she had to do was say - thanks for your time but I don’t see this going any further. Job done. Ghosting is so cowardly and disrespectful. However it’s super common so you have to be prepared.

As other have said this is all par for the course with online dating. Most people will be chatting with a few so as not to put their eggs in one basket. They click more with one and go with them.

So what you need to do is not get emotionally invested too soon, which sounds like what happened here. You should be a bit miffed at her, not totally thrown off kilter.

Chatting for ages before meeting is also a recipe for disaster as some people are prone to getting attached even from that (madness in my opinion) - one person sees it as a bit of fun, a way to pass the time, ego boosting, while the other (you) might see it as building intimacy.

Thick skin is needed with online dating when crap like this happens you just need to be able to roll with it and on to the next one. Otherwise online dating isn’t for you.

Feisar

super_furry wrote: »

Sounds like she's been kidnapped by Ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to go save her?

Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it."

Dtp1979

Why in the name of Jaysus did you post this on after hours OP?

super_furry

Sounds like she's been kidnapped by Ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to go save her?

badabing106

Have a few beers on weekend and then start sending messages to see if you can rekindle anything

raclle

Unfortunately this is all too common nowadays. Its hard enough for men having to make the first move. Women seem to have all the power when it comes to dating. Not all men have the confidence to ask someone out let alone get turned down or ghosted. I wish there wasn't some unspoken rule about dating where women are the majority

yourdeadwright

Why do this to yourself,
There's literally nothing you can do about it so why worry about it ?
If you see here just be nice and don't ask ,

Any number of things could have happened here's a short sections ,
1, She got the ick ,
2. She figured out she know an ex
3. Someone told her something about you
4, She seen you where still on tinder,
5, She got another offer she couldn't refuse,

Happened to me once years ago much like yourself it seemed to be going really well , I played it cooled and never said anything i'm glad I did because we still bump into each other from time to time and are both nice to each other ,

I have never asked what happened nor will I cause whats the point ,She made up her mind for whatever reason so why would I want to convince someone to like me , You should take the same road ,

Surreptitious

Feisar wrote: »

It's all in the game.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Feisar

It's all in the game.

Jequ0n

A few weeks of chatting before meeting up?
I think the longer you wait to meet in person the lower your chances. Get in there early next time (literally)

Best of luck

[Deleted User]

The joys of online dating. Move on.

FFVII

Leg End Reject wrote: »

It sounds like she got back with an ex, or was seeing others at the same time and opted for one of them.

Don't let her back into your life if she makes contact later, it's very disrespectful not to send a text or call to let you know where you stand.

Yup. This.

She was writing to 5 and went with one of them but she'll still be writing to 5 still and youll see her on tinder "recently active" soon again.

They're all at the same thing.

Putting pandemic to one side. Theirs something wrong with the vast majority of people on tinder etc. Especially those into the late 30s.

murpho999

I feel for you OP but I think you just have to cut your losses on this one and be thankful that you did not discover this behaviour at a later stage in the relationship and you could have a lot more at stake and also be more emotionally committed.

At the moment it hurts but that will ease and you can put it down to experience and learn from it.

I really don't think you should accept her back unless he has a really genuine reason for ignoring you which I doubt.

handlemaster

Perhaps. It was someone else who blocked you on her phone . Or as above she had her fun.

biko

Leg End Reject wrote: »

It sounds like she got back with an ex, or was seeing others at the same time and opted for one of them.

Yeah, this is what springs to my mind also.
And she's too chicken to break cleanly.