Things Cat Trialvilly Annoy You (part whatever) *MOD WARNING IN OP*

Introduction

This was written after the prelude, and main body of text, not because I like to do things arseways , but because the 'save as draft' option is not available or is hidden.

This one's pretty rambling, and if it's half as decent as I hoped it would be before commencement, then it'll do. I'm dead beat right now, so cognitive functions not being the best I'll just finish typing this introduction up, and hit send. Besides, it's close to midnight, and am assuming anyone still up reading these light-hearted type treads might have nowt better to do but read any old guff.

Prelude

NB Discretion advised, but it's after the watershed. That's my justification
#pacmanicon :cool: No worries, it gets lamer.. I promise...


A controversial TA that I've been toying with posting in one iteration or another
for a while now, and while it's last happening has been a while, the memory lingers.

Saw "Pans" mentioned earlier, so full pelt now :pac:

There's another thread where it might be perceived (although I think not) to be more suited to, but, regardless it might not be the right "calibre" of post for that particular thread.

Main Body of text

Anyhoo so I've got my heavy duty pan (cast iron I believe they are) , and not them Mickey Mouse flimsy ones, rolls of white and black pudding, an eight pack of bangers , a 4-8 pack of rashers (rashers are more difficult to select for reasons too boring to go into here), a tin of beans (which are not relevant, and are only mentioned to "set the scene") and a knife and plate. All good - yep a fryup is in the offing.

Some might be wondering why there's no boxty, or potato bread, but I'm not hungry now, so I'll leave them out of the equation.

Step 1 Turn on hob to full (pan doesn't go on yet)
Step 2 Cut up about a third each of the black and whites, and place on plate.
Step 3 Take 3-4 rashers out of pack which also go on plate.

About 5 minutes has elapsed at this stage. Time to wash the hands (probably for the third or fourth time so far)

Step 4 Put pan on by now very hot hob, and leave - no olive, or cheap vegetable oil put on yet as pan's not hot enough. We've all got our own ways and protocols, and for me the pan's alright on its own for a couple of mins.

Step 5 Put remaining Puddings and Rashers back into fridge after they're wrapped up, amid more hand washing, and a soaking kitchen towel to wipe off outside of rasher pack - hygiene is paramount folks when it comes to certain foodstuffs - as one doesn't want any traces, or as little as possible of said rashers to touch fridge shelves/surfaces.

*Bloody 'ell - I didn't think it would take this long to set the scene, but shall persist, if it was good enough for the most famous Icelandic born Scotsman (Not going to deny it, y'all know I looked that one up - I would have pegged him for a Swede, or summit ) :pac: ,what ever lived, then it's good enough for me.

Step 6 Vegetable oil will do, as I just so happen to be out of Don Carlos, and a few tablespoons are drizzled onto the by now hot pan, and extractor fan is opened.

Step 7 Onto the sausages, or bangers. Cut off about 4 or thereabouts. By now I can get the not unpleasant smell of hot oil and smoke. Place sossies on plate. So about 10 mins or so have elapsed since the beginning of step one (and about twice that long to type this amount ) More handwashing and again with another well damp, or soaking kitchen towel for similar reasons as step 5. Things are beginning to take a proper shape. More handwashing

Step 8 Turn heat down a notch or two.

Step 9 Open can of beans and place into saucepan, and leave aside for now.

So all's well at this stage. Anyone who's reading may have already chucked the sausages or puddings on the pan, as they take slightly longer to cook than the rashers, but that's just too much messing about for me - A methodical approach not unlike how I imagine Lee Van Cleef's character in "A Few Dollars More" would have went about things; had he been around in modern times - have one's sh1t together (oops, almost spilled the beans there :pac: , thankfully the beans are fine) so to speak, before commencement of step 11.

By now the smell of hot oil, and smoke have filled the room, and am thankful that the smoke alarm hasn't gone off. A "minor victory" , and not willing to tempt fate a window (the only one, but better than none) is opened.

Step 10 Bring plate over and leave on counter beside cooker, and source one of them flat metal flipping instruments (with holes, for drainage I suppose). I can't think of their name, and I've already looked up stuff so suffice to say they are tilted upwards about 30 degrees from the usually mainly wooden handle, are flat and have holes. The preferred tool of many a "grillman" shortly after leaving the "Pen".

Step 11 By now its time to place sausages and puddings onto pan, and give it a shake. Nearly there - in the home stretch. All is good.

Then - disaster strikes :eek:

With almost double the speed and urgency of the combined "motivational" effects of smoking a cigarette, drinking a coffee, and reading the horoscopes in one of them weekend glossy magazines one gets with red tops - Chic magazine from Saturday's edition of 'The Star' springs to mind - the urge arrives.

The close proximity to the smoke, oil, and cooking foodstuffs is indeed a heady concoction, and one which I assume the Native American is more than familiar with - I reckon they know a thing or two of the way the world really works, and that's why they were 'civilised' . But, that's not for this thread, and I'm really rambling now... avent got a Scooby. "Ranks Raggy mmmmmmm mmmmm mmm" . Another TA there - they took the original "Scooby Doo" off air, and replaced it with sub-par muck. As I write I now know there's a 'hidden hand' in operation, and has been for millennia shaping destiny to the point we're at now.

Back on topic:
Won't upset posters by going into details, but it involves a trip to the dunny.:eek:

A quick calculation is done, and in this instance discretion being the better part of valour the unwanted, but necessary moving of the pan to the hob diagonally opposite, and to the back is swiftly carried out, and this grillman only hopes that the latent heat on pan is enough to prevent a trip to A & E in the coming 24 hrs. 4-6 minutes is the hopeful outside estimate before "congealing" occurs, and a hearty breakfast is still on the horizon.

One then does the needful, and has to come to terms with the fact that after the "pressing business" is taken care of, that the customary 10 minutes of "downtime" after the job is completed will unfortunately have to be foregone in this instance.

It's all about priorities. Such is life. That well known aphorism "to fq one's s#%t up" had to have real world origins. Not unlike "time and tide". We're all governed by Mother Nature after all.

I might incorporate some of that into any future manifesto I come up with. I mean, after all modern life, if one were to look at it from a particular point of view serves only to do what was mentioned a few lines above.

Want to make God laugh - tell him you're about to make yourself a fry.... in the AM.

Also, somewhat TA'd that atm logistically speaking I don't have all the elements to try this out again. I shall sleep on it tonight, and try to solve the Shi-Fry problem. It's what Shackleton would have done on his trip to the South Pole, with a lot more problems and variables to contend with.

Am tired now - a long day. No doubt when I read this back tomorrow, or whenever I'll be disappointed at the quality, and overly long passage. On the flip side though, perhaps a long passage is better than remaining stagnant. Right about now another lame joke invoking some philosopher would perhaps be apt, but I nothing of those learned thinkers.

But I know what Jordan Peterson would do; after his stint in various rehab centres in Europe he would clean his room, and come back better and stronger.

Bed beckons; some clarity on the topics might come by first light.

Night all,

_______________________________________________________
Actually no, I won't post this yet. I'll revisit tomorrow when cognitive senses are less impaired.

EDIT Like I said above, no 'save draft' option, and besides it's after midnight, so while it would have been tomorrow when I began yesterday, it's today now.