Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

liz lemoncello · 14-01-2016 05:09PM

Gandalph wrote: »

Probably been mentioned before but sunglasses inside...because it's always sunny in doucheville.

I wear sunglasses all day, even if overcast because I've got eye issues. If I take them off when i pop inside a shop, I have to put them somewhere. I believe, according to this thread, I can't stick them on my head. What am I to do to remain free of accusations of wankery? (Or is it wankeressness?)

Aglomerado · 14-01-2016 05:12PM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I hope the little fúcks grow up thoroughly average :mad:

They are probably called something like Teilifís or Fuinneog... :rolleyes:

Qualitymark · 14-01-2016 05:19PM

Boasting "I learned Irish for 15 years and I can't speak a word", as if that's some kind of achievement.

NufcNavan · 14-01-2016 06:35PM

Anyone who thinks that Roddy Doyle's 'Two Pints' vignettes are a good read. Patronising drivel.

The Sun King · 14-01-2016 06:39PM

NufcNavan wrote: »

Anyone who thinks that Roddy Doyle's 'Two Pints' vignettes are a good read. Patronising drivel.

It's embarrassingly bad.

"Unreal Roddy."

"Great stuff"

"Could hear the tears in your eyes in this one Roddy."

Hear my massive ****ing groan, you bellend.

NufcNavan · 14-01-2016 06:40PM

The Sun King wrote: »

It's embarrassingly bad.

"Unreal Roddy."

"Great stuff"

"Could hear the tears in your eyes in this one Roddy."

Hear my massive ****ing groan, you bellend.

Alan Rickman was still warm when he had one up about him.

I'd say he has wet dreams about the day Paul McCartney dies.

ButtersSuki · 14-01-2016 06:46PM

Pinch Flat wrote: »

Guy, early 30s driving a Mini Cooper. Wearing a sleeveless padded gilet (probably some wankerish brand like Gant or Tommy Hilfiger), scarf and sipping from a Starbucks coffee cup while stuck in traffic. A classic wanker.

Whilst the above example is classic wankery can I just ask the panel can a man credibly drive a mini in their eyes?

My other half has one and I drive it on occasion and tbh I love driving it.

I don't and never have owned a gilet however, I don't understand them. How can you decide you need to keep your main body warm but your arms can fend for themselves?

Please note I also don't wear sunglasses on my head whilst driving or otherwise.

The Sun King · 14-01-2016 06:50PM

NufcNavan wrote: »

Alan Rickman was still warm when he had one up about him.

I'd say he has wet dreams about the day Paul McCartney dies.

Just looked at it now. I'd wager he has a filing cabinet full of these stupid yokes ready to pull out at a moments notice.

johndaman66 · 14-01-2016 06:52PM

pgj2015 wrote: »

[/B]

I will raise you = A parent doing this in lidl, but using Irish, look at me everyone I don't allow my kids sweets and I can speak fluent Irish.

The whole thing of shouting at kids in a raised tone in a public place...I will make a few points.

Child rearing is not easy, I don't have kids myself and never minded any kids for a sustained period at any one time to any great extent but I do know that rearing kids is no easy task. I do sometimes tend to get the impression that parents raise their voices to reprimand the kid in a public place as they feel it may have the effect of embarrassing the kid around strangers with the effect that they begin to behave themselves.... sometimes you will just do whatever you think might work even if it doesn't.

Was in Tesco this afternoon and this small girl of around 3-4 max picked up something she shouldn't have. What I assumed to be her mother was reprimanding her in a raised voice. The little girl kept shouting fuk you back to the woman. Shocked I was. It wasn't as if they were part of a certain community either. The raised voice didn't work here and the woman almost took off without the kid she seemed so embarrassed.

Other occasions I have seen the parent to raise their voice I would get the impression they were a bit of a tosspot alright....the adult that is.

The Sun King · 14-01-2016 06:57PM

NufcNavan wrote: »

Alan Rickman was still warm when he had one up about him.

I'd say he has wet dreams about the day Paul McCartney dies.

He's getting ripped up on Twitter

Brendan Bendar · 14-01-2016 07:06PM

Pinch Flat wrote: »

Guy, early 30s driving a Mini Cooper. Wearing a sleeveless padded gilet (probably some wankerish brand like Gant or Tommy Hilfiger), scarf and sipping from a Starbucks coffee cup while stuck in traffic. A classic wanker.

What we have here is an 'UberWanker'.

No forkkhing doubt. No doubt at all.

johndaman66 · 14-01-2016 07:27PM

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Whilst the above example is classic wankery can I just ask the panel can a man credibly drive a mini in their eyes?

I would say it depends on the model to be honest. I wouldn't necessarily call a guy driving a Mini wankery, rather dare I say it in this day and age of political correctness, it would come across as a bit gay more than anything. I knowing a bit about cars know that the Cooper or Cooper S are real drivers cars so wouldn't necessarily consider it gay if I seen a guy driving one of them. For the most part I would consider it a bit gay if I knew a guy was by choice driving a lesser model. For the most part I'm guessing your average Joe Bloggs public couldn't tell the difference between the various models so the reaction might be a bit different.

ButtersSuki · 14-01-2016 09:05PM

johndaman66 wrote: »

I would say it depends on the model to be honest. I wouldn't necessarily call a guy driving a Mini wankery, rather dare I say it in this day and age of political correctness, it would come across as a bit gay more than anything. I knowing a bit about cars know that the Cooper or Cooper S are real drivers cars so wouldn't necessarily consider it gay if I seen a guy driving one of them. For the most part I would consider it a bit gay if I knew a guy was by choice driving a lesser model. For the most part I'm guessing your average Joe Bloggs public couldn't tell the difference between the various models so the reaction might be a bit different.

I hear you. Hers is a Cooper S John Cooper Works Edition - but now I sound like a wanker saying that! That said, it's debadged (her choice). It is a beautiful drive though. Honestly I love driving it, but I know I get looks when I do so. I'm quite tall too which I guess doesn't help when people see me I get ting out of or into it.....but it is such a nice car to drive.

DrPhilG · 21-01-2016 07:15PM

People who hack boards.ie...

DrPhilG · 21-01-2016 07:16PM

People who hack boards.ie...

Brendan Bendar · 21-01-2016 08:17PM

DrPhilG wrote: »

People who hack boards.ie...

Bit of an echo in here eh?

mr.anonymous · 23-01-2016 12:51PM

People who 'like' the new friendship of a lad and girl on Facebook

BoardsMember · 23-01-2016 01:07PM

People who quote a post with a single reply below the quote: "This"

Isn't that what the thanks is for? ****. Oh, and anyone who quotes any part of this post with a reply "This"....future ****.

deaddonkey15 · 23-01-2016 06:01PM

Skinny tracksuit pants. Nothing says instant wanker to me as quickly as seeing a guy wearing those pants.

Inspector Coptoor · 23-01-2016 09:35PM

deaddonkey15 wrote: »

Skinny tracksuit pants. Nothing says instant wanker to me as quickly as seeing a guy wearing those pants.

I think they are worse than skinny jeans.

padd b1975 · 24-01-2016 10:40AM

Irish American football fans who pronounce defence as deefence.
Followed closely by basketball fans.

JohnnyChimpo · 24-01-2016 10:50AM

BoardsMember wrote: »

People who quote a post with a single reply below the quote: "This"

Isn't that what the thanks is for? ****. Oh, and anyone who quotes any part of this post with a reply "This"....future ****.

That.

:pac:

Brendan Bendar · 24-01-2016 05:09PM

padd b1975 wrote: »

Irish American football fans who pronounce defence as deefence.
Followed closely by basketball fans.

When speaking about Rome, speak as the Romans do?

Isn't that the quote

:pac:

funnights74 · 24-01-2016 05:14PM

The sad individual with the iPhone with headphones in one hand and the coffee in the other. Can usually be spotted around 9 am any weekday morning.

Yer Aul One · 24-01-2016 11:34PM

funnights74 wrote: »

The sad individual with the iPhone with headphones in one hand and the coffee in the other. Can usually be spotted around 9 am any weekday morning.

Look at yer man with the scarf...d1ck

Kev W · 25-01-2016 12:19PM

funnights74 wrote: »

The sad individual with the iPhone with headphones in one hand and the coffee in the other. Can usually be spotted around 9 am any weekday morning.

Sounds like a wanker alright, holding their headphones in their hand. They should be on their head.

Paddyfield · 25-01-2016 01:56PM

Fully grown adults who wear a football jersey most especially when they're not going to a match.

Did you ever spot a wanker in Spain wearing a Mayo jersey or a Shamrock Rovers jersey?

It's like shouting "slap me".

Salvation Tambourine · 26-01-2016 01:41PM

Paddyfield wrote: »

Fully grown adults who wear a football jersey most especially when they're not going to a match.

Did you ever spot a wanker in Spain wearing a Mayo jersey or a Shamrock Rovers jersey?

It's like shouting "slap me".

I do. Football jerseys are very comfortable.

Although I will say that they lads you see at the airport going to Liverpool/Manchester/London/Leeds that wear the full tracksuit, hat, bag, sweat bands, those lads irritate me. Superfans.

I remember this lad once, clad all over with Liverpool gear, he was waiting in the queue with the papers. Asked his son to get another one but NOT THE SUN! Here was me thinking that he was boycotting The Sun as they do in Liverpool, until he says "I've already got The Sun".

Superfan indeed.

NufcNavan · 27-01-2016 03:49PM

Double barreled surname..

27-01-2016 05:46PM

I don't know if this has been mentioned yet,but when people reply to a question putting "so" in front of their reply.its been creeping in slowly but surely with Irish people lately.cringeworthy and wankerology at its highest

Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

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