Single life as a guy...

23-12-2015 02:48PM

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

I can only speak for myself but a lot of people out there still see a man/woman in their 30s who is single as almost an experiment and try to match them up with someone before......you die?

Yeah I never understand the compulsion in others to do that. The only time I stick my nose into trying to help a single person stop being single - is when they openly ask me to or are frequently lamenting being single. Until they actually do that however I simply acknowledge the fact they are single and move on as it has nothing at all to do with me.

But when they ask me to help out I do - including taking them out on the town to implement my entirely unpatented technique for pulling of a night out

One I have never used myself as I only came up with it after entering a relationship - but have successfully implemented vicariously through others

SarahMollie · 23-12-2015 02:51PM

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Another con: This might be envy in disguise but I'm shocked by how some of my friends got a partner, one guy in particular is an immature, overweight and spoilt brat who would from outside look like the eternal loser in love and yet he has a very nice long term girlfriend who could do a LOT better and whats worse, he has a maddening sense of entitlement about being in a relationship, he never mentions how lucky he is or how hard he had to chase her: Its as if he gives off a vibe of "Of course I'm not single, why would I be". :mad:

This made me giggle

I was single on and off for about 5 years in my mid twenties and especially at times when it was getting to me a bit, I'd see some couples out or in town or wherever, and think "what the actual fook?" if these people can find a partner and I can't!

Wanderer2010 · 23-12-2015 03:06PM

Its not so much of a con but I don find it a bit odd when people say to men or women in their 30s who are looking to hook up "Try the nightclubs". Now I know some clubs are designed for an older crowd but if I went into any nightclub in my area I would be too old by a factor of about 12 years ha ha:o

Confucius say · 23-12-2015 03:09PM

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Its not so much of a con but I don find it a bit odd when people say to men or women in their 30s who are looking to hook up "Try the nightclubs". Now I know some clubs are designed for an older crowd but if I went into any nightclub in my area I would be too old by a factor of about 12 years ha ha:o

I don't know how old you are but as a 35 year old I've been out a fair bit lately and always meet girls (women??) in their 30s. Maybe you're going to the wrong places

SarahMollie · 23-12-2015 03:16PM

Confucius say wrote: »

I don't know how old you are but as a 35 year old I've been out a fair bit lately and always meet girls (women??) in their 30s. Maybe you're going to the wrong places

Possibly the difference here is specifically "nightclubs"...I don't think I've been in a nightclub (outside of work events where we've our own section or something) in years...My friends who are 29-31 mostly tend to go to late bars rather than actual night clubs.

I mostly know Dublin but there are definitely bars with late licenses around the Camden St, Baggott St and Dawson St areas that are aiming at a late 20's/30s crowd.

SarahMollie · 23-12-2015 03:17PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

Possibly the difference here is specifically "nightclubs"...I don't think I've been in a nightclub (outside of work events where we've our own section or something) in years...My friends who are 29-31 mostly tend to go to late bars rather than actual night clubs.

I mostly know Dublin but there are definitely bars with late licenses around the Camden St, Baggott St and Dawson St areas that are aiming at a late 20's/30s crowd.

Oh and I'm not talking about that place up by the canal that I think might actually do a slow set!

Mister Vain · 23-12-2015 03:18PM

Ahh it depends on the venue alright. My local club has a young crowd on Friday nights but on Saturday nights there seems to be a lot more people in their 30's there.

SarahMollie · 23-12-2015 03:23PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Ahh it depends on the venue alright. My local club has a young crowd on Friday nights but on Saturday nights there seems to be a lot more people in their 30's there.

Are you in a rural area? Any time i've visisted friends from counrty towns and we've gone to the local club, it seems like a bit of an all ages dicso

I find in Dublin because there are many more places, all trying to find their niche, that its actually much more segregated, not only by age but also places for the hipsters, culchies, people with notions etc.... take your pick!

Confucius say · 23-12-2015 03:29PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

Are you in a rural area? Any time i've visisted friends from counrty towns and we've gone to the local club, it seems like a bit of an all ages dicso

I find in Dublin because there are many more places, all trying to find their niche, that its actually much more segregated, not only by age but also places for the hipsters, culchies, people with notions etc.... take your pick!

Where can I find a hipster culchie with notions? I want the whole shebang

Tigger99 · 23-12-2015 03:36PM

Well there hasn't been a TGC beers in a while

The Black Oil · 23-12-2015 03:44PM

notsayingmyname wrote: »

33 single, never had sex never kissed, held hands basically never spent any amount of time with a girl ever. To look at me I am not terrible looking, nor great, and have a decent job. Honestly have no idea how to change things.

There is always someone doing worse as im sure there is someone just like me without a job and/or family etc..Still bloody torture thou.

Similar here in terms of non-experience and age. Tbh, I think as you get older you start to fall into 'and zero fups were given' approach on some days. I don't mean that in a self-defeating way, just that if someone were overly inquisitive about it the comments wouldn't get under my skin as much as in the past. Tbh, I've not had active friendships for quite a few years and family don't ask me about this topic. It's not really a priority for me at the moment and I've no expectation of meeting anyone.

Mister Vain · 23-12-2015 04:00PM

Being single for a long period of time is one thing, but being single for your entire life with no intimacy at all must be very difficult.

mzungu · 23-12-2015 04:05PM

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Pros: You can keep to your own timetable you can do what you want and have casual meetings with no strings.

Cons: The amount of people who think they have the right to pry into your business "Aw still single, are we ever going to sort you out?" is an oft-repeated statement from family relatives, friends and even workmates, as If being single is a character deficit that must be filled asap. I find it incredibly rude when people feel the need to pry into your personal life. I mean, I would never ask another person to share their marital status, shame more people aren't like me.

In my own experience, a lot of this stopped (from relatives) from mid twenties onwards. Now, it is mostly strangers who seem to go all Colombo on the whole thing. I guess they mean no harm at the end of it and could just be how they like to fill the conversation. Having said that, I would prefer inane chats about the weather instead !

Pawwed Rig · 23-12-2015 04:06PM

Tigger99 wrote: »

Well there hasn't been a TGC beers in a while

If you want to organise one go right ahead

TheBiz · 23-12-2015 04:08PM

I'm 18, never had a relationship longer than 2 weeks.. I've been meeting this girl on nights out, but when she tries to get to know me other than that (going to town etc) I can't really commit to it, never felt like I want for it to encroach on my personal time...
I just like being on my own except for a little while every now and then. Some people find it weird, even the lads I know are taken aback by it...

SarahMollie · 23-12-2015 04:28PM

The Black Oil wrote: »

Similar here in terms of non-experience and age. Tbh, I think as you get older you start to fall into 'and zero fups were given' approach on some days. I don't mean that in a self-defeating way, just that if someone were overly inquisitive about it the comments wouldn't get under my skin as much as in the past. Tbh, I've not had active friendships for quite a few years and family don't ask me about this topic. It's not really a priority for me at the moment and I've no expectation of meeting anyone.

Do you mind me asking, do you think you never had the interest (ie asexual or v low desire) or its just the way things worked out?

The Black Oil · 23-12-2015 04:42PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

Do you mind me asking, do you think you never had the interest (ie asexual or v low desire) or its just the way things worked out?

The latter.

Galwayguy35 · 23-12-2015 06:26PM

TheBiz wrote: »

I'm 18, never had a relationship longer than 2 weeks.. I've been meeting this girl on nights out, but when she tries to get to know me other than that (going to town etc) I can't really commit to it, never felt like I want for it to encroach on my personal time...
I just like being on my own except for a little while every now and then. Some people find it weird, even the lads I know are taken aback by it...

In fairness I doubt too many 18 year old lads would be looking for something serious, I know I certainly wasn't at that age.

Galwayguy35 · 23-12-2015 06:34PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Being single for a long period of time is one thing, but being single for your entire life with no intimacy at all must be very difficult.

I think it's worse having experienced being intimate and everything else that going with being involved with someone and then going years without any physical contact with the opposite sex.

I don't think it would be as difficult to miss something you never experienced.

Although it's hard to believe that any person could go their whole life being single but maybe it does happen.

Mister Vain · 23-12-2015 06:44PM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I think it's worse having experienced being intimate and everything else that going with being involved with someone and then going years without any physical contact with the opposite sex.

I don't think it would be as difficult to miss something you never experienced.

Although it's hard to believe that any person could go their whole life being single but maybe it does happen.

Well if I had a choice I'd pick the former. Better to have loved and lost as they say. I'm sure there are people that go their whole life without any intimacy.

Galwayguy35 · 23-12-2015 06:53PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Well if I had a choice I'd pick the former. Better to have loved and lost as they say. I'm sure there are people that go their whole life without any intimacy.

I guess, but personally I found the first year being single difficult because it's a bit of a shock to the system going from having regular sex to basically having none at all.

Mister Vain · 23-12-2015 06:58PM

If its just sex you're looking for you can always use an escort. I know its not the same but I miss going for romantic walks and rolling around in the hay.

raze_them_all_ · 23-12-2015 07:00PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

If its just sex you're looking for you can always use an escort. I know its not the same but I miss going for romantic walks and rolling around in the hay.

Why would I pay for sex?? Weird thing is women like casual sex, no need to pay for it

Galwayguy35 · 23-12-2015 07:02PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

If its just sex you're looking for you can always use an escort. I know its not the same but I miss going for romantic walks and rolling around in the hay.

Not my scene, was never into one nighters either.

Mister Vain · 23-12-2015 07:08PM

raze_them_all_ wrote: »

Why would I pay for sex?? Weird thing is women like casual sex, no need to pay for it

I never said you should. I'm saying its an option.

GFT · 23-12-2015 07:31PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

If its just sex you're looking for you can always use an escort. I know its not the same but I miss going for romantic walks and rolling around in the hay.

I don't have anything against people that use Escorts. It's not for me though. Mutual attraction is the greatest thing ever and makes Sex magic.

Fukuyama · 23-12-2015 07:54PM

I'm a hypocrite when it comes to escorts, strip clubs and lap dances etc.... I'm all for legal adult entertainment and a safe prostitution industry.

However, I don't think I could ever look at myself in the mirror if I forked over half a weeks wages just to have mechanical sex with some random woman. If anything it'd probably make me crave actual intimacy even more.

I'm probably a panzy in that regard. It seems like escorts are becoming quite normal among even young lads.

ancapailldorcha · 23-12-2015 08:32PM

Fukuyama wrote: »

I'm a hypocrite when it comes to escorts, strip clubs and lap dances etc.... I'm all for legal adult entertainment and a safe prostitution industry.

However, I don't think I could ever look at myself in the mirror if I forked over half a weeks wages just to have mechanical sex with some random woman. If anything it'd probably make me crave actual intimacy even more.

I'm probably a panzy in that regard. It seems like escorts are becoming quite normal among even young lads.

I'm exactly the same. A lot of my friends have gone down this road but I don't think I ever would. However, I don't think it's hypocritical to make it legal as it will increase safety for consumers and sex workers while providing a taxable revenue stream for the government. In addition, the internet is already making things safer via reviews, warnings, fora and such.

The Economist has written more extensively about the subject here.

zephyro · 23-12-2015 08:38PM

raze_them_all_ wrote: »

Why would I pay for sex?? Weird thing is women like casual sex, no need to pay for it

A minority do, with a horde of guys chasing them. There's a price (not just monetary) no matter how you get it, try working out what a typical relationship costs the average guy.

raze_them_all_ · 23-12-2015 08:49PM

zephyro wrote: »

A minority do, with a horde of guys chasing them. There's a price (not just monetary) no matter how you get it, try working out what a typical relationship costs the average guy.

casual sex != relationship

Single life as a guy...

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