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Avoiding sausage fests

1…6781012

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  • #272
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Venus In Furs wrote: »
    It's good that you recognise this concern and want to do something about it.

    Thanks, well its more about self interest tbh. Carrying on bitter and angry just means less enjoyment of life, and we only get one of them.


  • #273
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    lufties wrote: »
    admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

    These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.
    Fair play (genuinely) on being able to openly admit it as a problem, and to get help for it - more than a few who would not be able to - good luck with the therapy.


  • #274
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    Fair play (genuinely) on being able to openly admit it as a problem, and to get help for it - more than a few who would not be able to - good luck with the therapy.

    Yea im off to the far east on hols soon and will be catching up with some russian girls I know, so don't want to be anything less than positive around them.:pac:


  • #275
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Mister Vain wrote: »
    Yeah fair enough, but you need to work on yourself, not try to emulate the success of others. Trying to "learn" how to approach women from other men sounds more like PUA.

    Its probably a combination of things but the core stuff needs to be sorted first.
    If you believe that women in general are cold, manipulating, stupid, self absorbed, entitled etc. Then there's no way that learning how to stand and deepen your voice around women is gonna improve one's love life.


  • #276
    Iwasfrozen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,250 ✭✭✭✭Iwasfrozen


    God I hate pua ****e, op just be yourself and you'll be grand.


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  • #277
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Iwasfrozen wrote: »
    God I hate pua ****e, op just be yourself and you'll be grand.

    i always be myself...maybe a bit too much though :D


  • #278
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Venus In Furs wrote: »
    It's worth considering too, that most men don't feel the same way about women as you do - and contrary to what can get said at times: these are NOT just men who are adonises/rich. :) These are *most* men.
    So why is it that you feel that way? I reckon it could be that the women whom you notice the most are the bitchy ones. I know full well the type of women you're talking about - they're not a myth, but there are all the really nice, kind, easygoing, non issue/drama courting ones. There really are - I count many of them as my friends. They wouldn't dream of behaving towards men - or anyone - the way women you encounter do
    They are not unattractive either. Are you drawn mostly to really amazing looking women or would you be interested in women who nice-looking but not breathtaking?

    I don't know why I have this outlook, but talking about it and getting to the bottom of it will be exciting. Of course I don't limit myself to chasing breathtaking women.


  • #279
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    lufties wrote: »
    Thanks, hopefully my next thread won't be 'is therapy just a load of bollocks' :D

    I don't think it's a load of bollocks at all and I think everyone could do with a few sessions at some stage in their lives - some more than others, obviously.

    Good luck with it anyway and you've done a lot of the groundwork already by identifying your issue and identifying there is an issue.


  • #280
    Gustav_Holst
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 11 ✭Gustav_Holst


    lufties wrote: »
    i always be myself...maybe a bit too much though :D

    Never apologise for your views. Should you go to Counselling because you hate Roma Gypsies? Of course not. Your views are just as valid as a feminist telling you to seek urgent help because you think some Women have disappeared up their own Anal cavity. You just haven't met the right Woman. Try dating foreign Women - they're smarter, prettier, more feminine that your average Irish woman.

    banned


  • #281
    Hoop66
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,777 ✭✭✭Hoop66


    lufties wrote: »
    It was actually a joke..

    Hilarious.

    If this is the sort of patter you've got, I'm not surprised women are avoiding you in their droves.

    My advice? Stop being an arsehole, it might work.


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  • #282
    Leeleather
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 38 ✭Leeleather


    Hoop66 wrote: »
    Hilarious.

    If this is the sort of patter you've got, I'm not surprised women are avoiding you in their droves.

    My advice? Stop being an arsehole, it might work.

    My advice, don't call people areholes when giving advice, the recipient will become defensive and not take the advice.


  • #283
    Hoop66
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,777 ✭✭✭Hoop66


    Well, if I'm 100% honest with myself, and the class, I don't give a monkeys whether OP takes my advice or not.

    From the content of his posts he comes across as an unpleasant person.


  • #284
    nxbyveromdwjpg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,402 ✭✭✭nxbyveromdwjpg


    Iwasfrozen wrote: »
    God I hate pua ****e, op just be yourself and you'll be grand.

    Vanilla, meaningless default advice.

    I'm sure he's been himself his whole life, its clearly not working, something needs to change.


  • #285
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Gustav_Holst wrote: »
    Never apologise for your views. Should you go to Counselling because you hate Roma Gypsies? Of course not. Your views are just as valid as a feminist telling you to seek urgent help because you think some Women have disappeared up their own Anal cavity. You just haven't met the right Woman. Try dating foreign Women - they're smarter, prettier, more feminine that your average Irish woman.

    banned

    I haven't dated an irish woman in years, simply because I haven't lived in ireland. All I seem to hear from lads is eastern european women are the bees knees. Honestly I think its hogwash. A gf of mine who's Russian tells me that the ratio of women to men in russia is 3 to 1, from that point of view its supply and demand. Men can afford to be pickier. I firmly believe this is a big factor.

    When I lived in the far east as an expat for a brief time. My fellow expats had filipina wives and were saying that western women were awful in comparison, always thought there was something pathetic about lads that spouted that kinda stuff. Anyway, to sum up, I have dated foreign women and none of them were perfect or even close.


  • #286
    the_monkey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,556 ✭✭✭the_monkey


    Originally Posted by lufties viewpost.gif
    Well yes, I'm starting it this week. I did a test on a site online with 10 misogynist beliefs/views, I scored (for want of a better word), 8 out of ten. Who knows, it might have been rubbish but it rang alarm bells nonetheless.
    I'd love to try that test can you link it ?




  • #287
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    the_monkey wrote: »
    Originally Posted by lufties viewpost.gif
    Well yes, I'm starting it this week. I did a test on a site online with 10 misogynist beliefs/views, I scored (for want of a better word), 8 out of ten. Who knows, it might have been rubbish but it rang alarm bells nonetheless.
    I'd love to try that test can you link it ?




    cant link it


  • #288
    Iwasfrozen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,250 ✭✭✭✭Iwasfrozen


    nm wrote: »
    Vanilla, meaningless default advice.

    I'm sure he's been himself his whole life, its clearly not working, something needs to change.
    It's not meaningless advice. Be yourself means to be confident, self assured and don't go chasing a relationship if it's ment to be it will happen.


  • #289
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    Iwasfrozen wrote: »
    It's not meaningless advice. Be yourself means to be confident, self assured and don't go chasing a relationship if it's ment to be it will happen.

    How do you know if he has those traits?


  • #290
    Iwasfrozen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,250 ✭✭✭✭Iwasfrozen


    DoYouEvenLift wrote: »
    How do you know if he has those traits?

    Everyone has those traits, they just need to be acted upon.


  • #291
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    lufties wrote: »
    I haven't dated an irish woman in years, simply because I haven't lived in ireland. All I seem to hear from lads is eastern european women are the bees knees. Honestly I think its hogwash. A gf of mine who's Russian tells me that the ratio of women to men in russia is 3 to 1, from that point of view its supply and demand. Men can afford to be pickier. I firmly believe this is a big factor.

    When I lived in the far east as an expat for a brief time. My fellow expats had filipina wives and were saying that western women were awful in comparison, always thought there was something pathetic about lads that spouted that kinda stuff. Anyway, to sum up, I have dated foreign women and none of them were perfect or even close.

    You're a nicer person when you think before you type. I don't think you're a misogynist tbh, I think you're extremely frustrated with your situation. I can imagine getting burned repeatedly can do that to you and when you explain yourself, you make more sense and I start to see your POV. I genuinely hope you work it out. I think when you're happier with yourself and your lot, many things will fall into place for you.


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  • #292
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,313 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    lufties wrote: »
    A gf of mine who's Russian tells me that the ratio of women to men in russia is 3 to 1,
    *note to self, book ticket with Aeroflot*
    Anyway, to sum up, I have dated foreign women and none of them were perfect or even close.
    +1000. You get cool people and gobshítes everywhere. Now some cultures can be different and can exaggerate the gobshítes but there are still more cool folks about.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #293
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    You're a nicer person when you think before you type. I don't think you're a misogynist tbh, I think you're extremely frustrated with your situation. I can imagine getting burned repeatedly can do that to you and when you explain yourself, you make more sense and I start to see your POV. I genuinely hope you work it out. I think when you're happier with yourself and your lot, many things will fall into place for you.

    Thanks, yea my life has been all over the place the last 5-6 years. I'm somewhat settled and wiser now. I enroled in an msc starting jan so hopefully that will take my career in the direction I want it to go. Being unhappy in your job can count for a lot.


  • #294
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Wibbs wrote: »
    *note to self, book ticket with Aeroflot*

    +1000. You get cool people and gobshítes everywhere. Now some cultures can be different and can exaggerate the gobshítes but there are still more cool folks about.

    I'd love to meer them, most of the time if I meet a cool chick, I can't attract her. Guess I could be called an inbetweener to a degree :(


  • #295
    H3llR4iser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,028 ✭✭✭H3llR4iser


    lufties wrote: »
    admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

    These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

    I for one, don't think you are really a misogynist; I think that instead of your observation driving your frustration, it's the other way around: you get more and more frustrated, and it kicks in the derogatory views.
    Venus In Furs wrote: »

    [CUT]
    So why is it that you feel that way? I reckon it could be that the women whom you notice the most are the bitchy ones.
    [CUT]

    Venus nailed it here. I too think this is a big chunk of what is happening. In a nutshell, you might be falling in the same trap women who chase after "cool jocks" or "bad guys" and then complain about all men being pricks fall.

    There is indeed a marked possibility that you are attracted the most to a certain type of women, who turn out to be the "less than nice" ones. It doesn't necessarily have everything to do with appearance, with them being breathtaking or head turners; Attraction is a complex phenomena deeply rooted in a series of perceptions, those that some call "vibes".

    This might very well be the most difficult thing to change around, as you can't really train yourself about what you like and what you don't. What you can do, however, is to try and be less affected by rudeness and offensive attitudes; In the end, these are probably the women you don't really want to get involved with.

    Aurum wrote: »
    I don't think women are particularly hostile. Most people spend the average working day feeling a combination of thoughtful, preoccupied and perhaps stressed, tired and worried. This probably won't result in an expression that radiates happiness and approachability.

    Different topic here but...I actually often find it's the other way around. In normal, day-to-day, not necessarily social situations good manners and a positive attitude seem to do wonders in my experience. Most of the really rude, offensive, somewhat self-entitled and derogatory behaviours I have actually encountered in bars, pubs and nightclubs - places where one would expect people to be "open to socialize". Mind you, I suspect excessive alcohol consumption has a part in this.


  • #296
    Fizman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    lufties wrote: »
    I live in london.

    You are out of luck on Tinder, while living in London?

    I'm afraid your case is more serious than I first thought!



    All jokes aside, starting different classes / hobbies would be the way to go probably. Co-ed sports like tag rugby etc are pretty big in London so there's an angle for ya! :)


  • #297
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    H3llR4iser wrote: »
    I for one, don't think you are really a misogynist; I think that instead of your observation driving your frustration, it's the other way around: you get more and more frustrated, and it kicks in the derogatory views.



    Venus nailed it here. I too think this is a big chunk of what is happening. In a nutshell, you might be falling in the same trap women who chase after "cool jocks" or "bad guys" and then complain about all men being pricks fall.

    There is indeed a marked possibility that you are attracted the most to a certain type of women, who turn out to be the "less than nice" ones. It doesn't necessarily have everything to do with appearance, with them being breathtaking or head turners; Attraction is a complex phenomena deeply rooted in a series of perceptions, those that some call "vibes".

    This might very well be the most difficult thing to change around, as you can't really train yourself about what you like and what you don't. What you can do, however, is to try and be less affected by rudeness and offensive attitudes; In the end, these are probably the women you don't really want to get involved with.




    Different topic here but...I actually often find it's the other way around. In normal, day-to-day, not necessarily social situations good manners and a positive attitude seem to do wonders in my experience. Most of the really rude, offensive, somewhat self-entitled and derogatory behaviours I have actually encountered in bars, pubs and nightclubs - places where one would expect people to be "open to socialize". Mind you, I suspect excessive alcohol consumption has a part in this.


    I'm pretty much done with pubs tbh. Have done a few single nights but they tend to be very male heavy here in london. As a person im quietly confident and good natured, I guess im finding it very difficult to meet soneone who is of similar persona. People in a metropolis like london tend to be gaurded, closed off with big egos and a front of coldness.


  • #298
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Fizman wrote: »
    You are out of luck on Tinder, while living in London?

    I'm afraid your case is more serious than I first thought!



    All jokes aside, starting different classes / hobbies would be the way to go probably. Co-ed sports like tag rugby etc are pretty big in London so there's an angle for ya! :)

    This is what baffles me, I've always been told that I'm very attractive looking but tinder has been an epic fail.


  • #299
    Tilly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,987 ✭✭✭Tilly


    lufties wrote: »
    This is what baffles me, I've always been told that I'm very attractive looking but tinder has been an epic fail.
    Family dont count, Buddy.


  • #300
    lufties
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Tilly wrote: »
    Family dont count, Buddy.

    Haha, honestly, it seems to be inconsistent though.


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  • #301
    Fizman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    lufties wrote: »
    This is what baffles me, I've always been told that I'm very attractive looking but tinder has been an epic fail.

    Really? This strikes me as odd given it's largely based around looks, at least initially.

    Maybe you're taking it too seriously. London is arguably the biggest catchment area in terms of cities to be in for an app like that, so you must be doing something wrong if you can't manage at least a few dates out of it.


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