Avoiding sausage fests

citytillidie

Ahh out Saturday night group of 25, 21 of which were female it was a fun night

lanos

citytillidie wrote: »

Ahh out Saturday night group of 25, 21 of which were female it was a fun night

A fun night ?
I doubt it
Unless you're gay

citytillidie

lanos wrote: »

A fun night ?
I doubt it
Unless you're gay

Nope girls were all good craic

MadsL

MistyCheese wrote: »

Synagogue. No sausages there. Mazel tov.

Common misconception, served at all decent hotdog stands...

http://www.hebrewnational.com/kosher-beef-products/kosher-beef-franks

Es gezunterheyt!

BBJBIG

citytillidie wrote: »

Nope girls were all good craic

Lotsa cracks alroight.
So ... did ya get yer leg over afterwards ... or was it a hand shandy ?

citytillidie

Yes leg over since I am courting one of them

Mister Vain

lufties wrote: »

Im not getting any younger either so hence im being proactive.

The thing about being proactive in regards to meeting someone, is that you can't really apply it in the same way as you would being proactive to get fit for example, or to improve another area of your life. I've tried it before and it didn't work; I ended up meeting someone when I wasn't looking.

Now I'm not saying taking a proactive approach can't work, but taking up some sort of hobby/activity that you have no interest in to meet someone is not a good idea IMO. You're probably better off sticking to what you enjoy and hope to meet someone that way. I hear of guys joining salsa classes to try and meet women when they have absolutely no interest in dancing. It's mad.

H3llR4iser wrote: »

There's one thing that is undoubtedly coming out of this thread: women and men enjoy, on a large scale, wildly different hobbies and activities and then complain about a lack of the opposite gender in whatever they do:D.

As for the OP, yes some of the language he used can be defined as immature at best, doesn't show much consideration and the likes; It has however to be said that every time a post about "hi ladies and gentlemen, I am struggling to meet women, what can I do?", the thread almost immediately becomes an original poster bashing fest, invariably descending into "OP couldn't get any girls if it rained them".

Most of the advice given is appalling to say the least; Joining "classes" and "courses" where women are? Do guys seriously think ladies are stupid and don't realize when somebody has zero interest in cooking/pottery/salsa dancing/painting but a lot of interest in their boobs?

I don't know you Lufties, have no way to judge your character or attitude, I can only go by what you say here; And from what I read, you might actually be trying a little too hard for your own good.
Make no mistake, it's good to be proactive; It's just that in my experience, it's really easy to overdo it - which makes a guy undesirable; "Reek of desperation", as some might say. If you join a yoga class just to meet women, that's overdoing it.

You've been at a singles party, and from what I read you actually enjoyed it except for the part where you went home alone. As simple as it is you don't win all the time. Don't let it frustrate you. I'd try again, you are in London which has plenty of opportunities. Wouldn't want to wait for a "singles event" in most Irish cities .

Last but not least, if it's true that the OP put in some derogatory comments it's just as true that there have been quite a bit of remarks along the lines of "guys that do X in/at Y are creeps!". Nobody ever bats an eyelid about it, but it's an unacceptable attitude just like the ice queens comment.

I know such attitude is largely triggered by the "join a class for x to meet women!" ideas and, while I can't possibly understand the predicament, I am aware of the fact that most women are essentially offered c0ck as a side to anything on a daily basis. I agree it is annoying.
Still, it doesn't give the right to stigmatize a guy's behaviour. The man trying to talk to a woman in the gym would probably be there exercising regardless, he's not there just to "creep", and the fact the two of you are doing the same thing points out to some quite obvious common ground. It's perfectly fine not to be interested, it isn't to label somebody because he just tried. If it was, nobody would talk to anybody in any setting.

In the end, if everyone from both sides relaxed a little bit about the whole "meeting women/men" thing, it'd be a better place.

Excellent post, particularly the parts in bold which is so typical of AH.

BBJBIG

citytillidie wrote: »

Yes leg over since I am courting one of them

Good sthuff !!!
It would be awful to have a full room of the clams baking for a bita sasage and not git yer hole :pac:

Leeleather

Mister Vain wrote: »

The thing about being proactive in regards to meeting someone, is that you can't really apply it in the same way as you would being proactive to get fit for example, or to improve another area of your life. I've tried it before and it didn't work; I ended up meeting someone when I wasn't looking.

Now I'm not saying taking a proactive approach can't work, but taking up some sort of hobby/activity that you have no interest in to meet someone is not a good idea IMO. You're probably better off sticking to what you enjoy and hope to meet someone that way. I hear of guys joining salsa classes to try and meet women when they have absolutely no interest in dancing. It's mad.



Excellent post, particularly the parts in bold which is so typical of AH.

If you want to improve at any skills you need to be proactive and expand your comfort zone. The same applies to success with women,keep practicing and learning from those who are very good at chatting up women.

lufties

Leeleather wrote: »

If you want to improve at any skills you need to be proactive and expand your comfort zone. The same applies to success with women,keep practicing and learning from those who are very good at chatting up women.

admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

lufties

lufties wrote: »

admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

Perhaps hanging on for a while until you've started therapy might be a good idea.

If you're feeling that way about women it's very likely that that is being conveyed in your interactions with them.

You would be in a much better position to find women you get along with if you can began to actually like, trust, and respect those women. You will be much happier in yourself also if you aren't trying to get into a relationship with a member of a gender which you admit to having misogynistic views of.

Mister Vain

Leeleather wrote: »

If you want to improve at any skills you need to be proactive and expand your comfort zone. The same applies to success with women,keep practicing and learning from those who are very good at chatting up women.

The first sentence I agree with. It's always good to step outside the comfort zone. However I don't think you can really learn from other people that are successful with women. It's not like learning boxing skills from a successful boxer. The guys that are successful with women could be completely different to you in terms of looks, personality, social status etc.

Leeleather

Mister Vain wrote: »

The first sentence I agree with. It's always good to step outside the comfort zone. However I don't think you can really learn from other people that are successful with women. It's not like learning boxing skills from a successful boxer. The guys that are successful with women could be completely different to you in terms of looks, personality, social status etc.

There are plenty of men who are average looking with nothing particular special about, they just have mindsets and behaviours that attract women, you can learn from them. You'lol notice that men who are good with women are relaxed around women, you can become relaxed by pushing your comfort zone and approaching lots of women.Over time they'll cease being scary monsters.

Mister Vain

Leeleather wrote: »

There are plenty of men who are average looking with nothing particular special about, they just have mindsets and behaviours that attract women, you can learn from them. You'lol notice that men who are good with women are relaxed around women, you can become relaxed by pushing your comfort zone and approaching lots of women.Over time they'll cease being scary monsters.

Yeah fair enough, but you need to work on yourself, not try to emulate the success of others. Trying to "learn" how to approach women from other men sounds more like PUA.

Leeleather

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yeah fair enough, but you need to work on yourself, not try to emulate the success of others. Trying to "learn" how to approach women from other men sounds more like PUA.

I learned myself from practicing, you learn what tends to work for most women, like don't ask too many questions for example, make statevents and forget about trying to impress, your own fun comes first, I find women are drawn to people like that.

Earthhorse

Deleted User wrote: »

You will be much happier in yourself also if you aren't trying to get into a relationship with a member of a gender which you admit to having misogynistic views of.

It's a good thing he didn't admit to having misogynistic views of the male gender or we'd be in real trouble.

Aurum

lufties wrote: »

admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

I don't think women are particularly hostile. Most people spend the average working day feeling a combination of thoughtful, preoccupied and perhaps stressed, tired and worried. This probably won't result in an expression that radiates happiness and approachability. I think the first positive step you could try is to view women as individual entities and not as one homogenous lump of humanity that thinks and acts the same way. Both genders are guilty of taking this sort of simplistic view of the opposite gender, and it's so irritating. I find that people who have friends and acquaintances of both genders are generally more successful in relationships because they are better able to view people of the opposite gender as three dimensional humans and not as a walking set of stereotypical characteristics associated with their gender.

lufties

Aurum wrote: »

I don't think women are particularly hostile. Most people spend the average working day feeling a combination of thoughtful, preoccupied and perhaps stressed, tired and worried. This probably won't result in an expression that radiates happiness and approachability. I think the first positive step you could try is to view women as individual entities and not as one homogenous lump of humanity that thinks and acts the same way. Both genders are guilty of taking this sort of simplistic view of the opposite gender, and it's so irritating. I find that people who have friends and acquaintances of both genders are generally more successful in relationships because they are better able to view people of the opposite gender as three dimensional humans and not as a walking set of stereotypical characteristics associated with their gender.

Yes, i do have female friends but don't connect with them like I do male ones. Its neediness on my part and I know that. Just hope its not too ingrained in me, and that I'll be able to change my psyche.

Earthhorse

Earthhorse wrote: »

It's a good thing he didn't admit to having misogynistic views of the male gender or we'd be in real trouble.

It's a pity that my lack of eloquence clouded what I thought was the clear sentiment of my post.

Wibbs

Leeleather wrote: »

I find women are drawn to people like that.

I find people are drawn to people like that. Put it another way, its rare enough I've known the bloke who was on the back foot with women, who wasn't equally on the back foot with men outside their social circle too.

whoopsadaisydoodles wrote:

You would be in a much better position to find women you get along with if you can began to actually like, trust, and respect those women. You will be much happier in yourself also if you aren't trying to get into a relationship with a member of a gender which you admit to having misogynistic views of.

+1. I'd also suggest that you're self selecting wagons because of this view. Humans would rather be proven right than happy I have found. We prefer to view the world of our own internal making.

Now how might this view come about? Could be a few culprits in play. First off I'd look at your very first romantic attachment back in the day. Was it reciprocal, or did ye never get it on and you were forever her frieeend? If ye did, did it end badly for you? Again IMHO and IME I've found that men in particular can get locked into a near lifetime pattern because of how that first romantic attachment goes(or the first real serious one went). If it was good, but ended as things tend to with little rancour beyond composing awful love poetry over a pint, then game ball, otherwise... I have found that women seem in general to be much better at reseting the mechanism for someone new. They've crappier emotional memories or something(no way am I saying they're more clued in). Secondly, after that first or second, early romantic engagement(s) look to see if there's a pattern to those who follow? Are you now still trying to "fix" what went wrong in that first period, in yourself or her/them, by preselecting women like her/them to see if this time I'll get it right? Fools errand oul son. It really bloody is. And if by some miracle you do fix someone like that, she will leave you. For the simple reason that you would be a constant reminder of who she used to be and she'll want a clean slate with a guy who gets her new and improved self and wasn't her "shrink". And that's before we get to the relationship with yore ma* and da which may have a bearing too.

Hell Ted, I've worn that tee shirt. My take has generally been; I'm damned good at selecting women mates. People who I know I can trust and will be there for me in the vast majority of cases**. Women lovers? I'd usually trust as far as I could throw them, or at least I'd usually keep one eye open and when I didn't I got fcuked over. Now both groups are women, so it's nada to do with gender, but very different in outcome. I long came to the common denominator that is mise. I'm clearly bad at selecting for the sound ones. And looking back if there was a crazy/narcissist/user in the room I was drawn to them and as these things go, they were drawn to me. Like abusers seek out the more vulnerable and vice versa.

The therapy stuff should hopefully narrow and nail down the mechanisms behind the worldview you have now and get you closer to the neutral point, which would be along the lines of there are cool ladies in this world and there are thundering bitches, but now you can tell the difference and more, you'll be more attracted to the former cool women.


*don't hate me.

** though I would say and obviously as a general thing, women mates need more nurturing and more contact to keep that going. Male mates may not hear from you for years, even decades and if you bump into each other, will usually take up where you left off. I have found that much less likely with women mates. But that was about the only diff.

Wibbs

Earthhorse wrote: »

It's a good thing he didn't admit to having misogynistic views of the male gender or we'd be in real trouble.

That would be misandrist views I would have thought?

lufties wrote: »

Yes, i do have female friends but don't connect with them like I do male ones. Its neediness on my part and I know that.

Because you don't see them as mates out of the gate. You're seeing them as women who are friends. Damned easy trap to fall into. TBH I've been very lucky on that score in that in my teens I bumped into women that for some reason I didn't get the raging horn for(and they didn't get the tingles for me), but I did connect with them. In two cases I could see why other me would be attracted to them, as they were and are good looking women, but I saw them as mates/sisters. That helped in a big way I have to say. Otherwise Id have never had that "control group" and would have assumed, like too many guys that "women be crazy bitches". And yet I still fell into that kinda thinking romantically. No accounting for brains or wisdom I suppose. Lead a horse to water and all that...

Just hope its not too ingrained in me, and that I'll be able to change my psyche

I reckon you can and you're on your way to will. You can see that your worldview may be arseways and that's a big effin step Lufties. Oh it will be difficult, as if you're looking for wagons, you will see them. As an ancient Persian saying goes; "the man who is a pessimist, tends to be a prophet". However if you open your head and look at the underlying reasons for how you feel, then you may see the matrix for what it is; a bunch of people, some really bad, some really good, most trying their best with their own hangups, wearing masks that serve to hide working out who they are. Just like you Ted.

Venus In Furs

lufties wrote: »

admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

It's worth considering too, that most men don't feel the same way about women as you do - and contrary to what can get said at times: these are NOT just men who are adonises/rich. These are *most* men.
So why is it that you feel that way? I reckon it could be that the women whom you notice the most are the bitchy ones. I know full well the type of women you're talking about - they're not a myth, but there are all the really nice, kind, easygoing, non issue/drama courting ones. There really are - I count many of them as my friends. They wouldn't dream of behaving towards men - or anyone - the way women you encounter do
They are not unattractive either. Are you drawn mostly to really amazing looking women or would you be interested in women who nice-looking but not breathtaking?

I think from reading your last post or two lufties, you're not a misogynist although you may have some misogynist views. You want to love a woman and you want to learn to trust women, I gather that this goes much deeper than we could possibly even touch on (nor should we want to) here on boards.

Start your therapy sooner rather than later, it may help lift a huge huge weight from your shoulders.

Earthhorse

Wibbs wrote: »

That would be misandrist views I would have thought?

Yes, that's what was amusing about it, I thought.

lufties

Wibbs wrote: »

That would be misandrist views I would have thought?

Because you don't see them as mates out of the gate. You're seeing them as women who are friends. Damned easy trap to fall into. TBH I've been very lucky on that score in that in my teens I bumped into women that for some reason I didn't get the raging horn for(and they didn't get the tingles for me), but I did connect with them. In two cases I could see why other me would be attracted to them, as they were and are good looking women, but I saw them as mates/sisters. That helped in a big way I have to say. Otherwise Id have never had that "control group" and would have assumed, like too many guys that "women be crazy bitches". And yet I still fell into that kinda thinking romantically. No accounting for brains or wisdom I suppose. Lead a horse to water and all that...

I reckon you can and you're on your way to will. You can see that your worldview may be arseways and that's a big effin step Lufties. Oh it will be difficult, as if you're looking for wagons, you will see them. As an ancient Persian saying goes; "the man who is a pessimist, tends to be a prophet". However if you open your head and look at the underlying reasons for how you feel, then you may see the matrix for what it is; a bunch of people, some really bad, some really good, most trying their best with their own hangups, wearing masks that serve to hide working out who they are. Just like you Ted.

In fairness, I don't wear a mask, am fairly reflective mostly. I've always been very hit and miss with women with regard to romantic involvement. Females is a part of my life that has always frustrated me the most, and over the years its turned to hatred and bitterness, even to a stage where I couldn't stand seeing women out having fun(I know, its fcuked up). Anyway, hopefully I can overcome this thinking. Yes indeed, I've met a lot of wagons in my time who are disrespectful and entitled.

lufties

Deleted User wrote: »

I think from reading your last post or two lufties, you're not a misogynist although you may have some misogynist views. You want to love a woman and you want to learn to trust women, I gather that this goes much deeper than we could possibly even touch on (nor should we want to) here on boards.

Start your therapy sooner rather than later, it may help lift a huge huge weight from your shoulders.

Well yes, I'm starting it this week. I did a test on a site online with 10 misogynist beliefs/views, I scored (for want of a better word), 8 out of ten. Who knows, it might have been rubbish but it rang alarm bells nonetheless.

Wibbs

OK L and I get where you're coming from, but what about those first forays into romantic attachments? My point, laboured on my part as it is, is that that may be what this started you on this road.

lufties

lufties wrote: »

Well yes, I'm starting it this week. I did a test on a site online with 10 misogynist beliefs/views, I scored (for want of a better word), 8 out of ten. Who knows, it might have been rubbish but it rang alarm bells nonetheless.

Best of luck with it

lufties

Deleted User wrote: »

Best of luck with it

Thanks, hopefully my next thread won't be 'is therapy just a load of bollocks'

Venus In Furs

It's good that you recognise this concern and want to do something about it.